What to do when ur GF takes her emotions out on you?

[MKS82]

My gf is emotional no question about it. Things will be fine but shell come home from work all p1ssed or upset about something so small. So I just sit there and listen and really dont give her advice just let her talk. But sometimes well be hanging out and I know shell be stresed about soemthing she has anxiety it usually is no big deal. Ill be watching tv and shell just look for something to pick at at me. Almost like she wants me to feel how she feels. Ill be happy but shell want company (her emotions). Seems like when shes down shell be super snappy and just wanna start an argument for no reason. How do you handle this? Theres been times where ive been just sitting there, shell just start say something so out of the blue that looks like she wants a reaction. I defuse it by being calm but in my head Im like she says something fvcked up im putting on my sh1t and walking out the door at that moment. But i dont cause I know it will get her more p1ssed if I do that.

Last night I was watching family guy and she laughs at it all the time etc. She was stressed cause she had to travel today. So im just enjoying the show and all the sudden she says well from now on you gotta watch that stuff at your house. I said wtf are you talking about blah blah. Thought she was going to get into the well i need space convo despite shes the one who initiates a lot of phone calls and having me sleep over. I sleep over everynight we bascially live together. SHe said I havent lived with anyone for a while Im just used to a ritual when I get home from work (watching a movie or reading) im like well what do you want me to do? what are you trying to say (i was trying to get things out of her just in case) she said I just dont like watching that show. I said just tell me next time and ill turn it off if u really dont like it. Then I said "you turn me off when you just say stupid stuff out of the blue its gross to me, i sit there in a good mood then you say something ridiculous you seriously turn me off acting like that" ~ mystery. She then immediatley said sorry and got into a better mood.

This morning she went to vegas for a week so we are getting a break from each other but fvck its so annoying when I sit there not doing a dam thing and she just says sh1t to start a fight. its not news to me that shes like this. she is an emotional rollercoaster but what ch1ck isnt.

 

[wjh]

I can't stand this kind of behavior.

I just wouldn't be able to deal with it.

My advice would be to find someone else who isn't as rash. But I doubt you want to hear that.

 

[Mr. Me]

I defuse it by being calm but in my head Im like she says something fvcked up im putting on my sh1t and walking out the door at that moment. But I dont cause I know it will get her more p1ssed if I do that.

Yeah for the moment, but, she'll also respect you. She'll understand that you're not going to stand idly by and take abuse.

The listening to her vent stuff without offering advice is a good thing to do with women in relationships, but her trying to pick fights goes beyond that.

I have to wonder if she's picking fights to try and get you to break up. Wondering if maybe there's someone else. Maybe that's why she doesn't want you around as much anymore? Maybe she's meeting that someone else in Vegas while she's there. Just a thought. Anything else about her behavior lately that's different?

Even if it's not that, I think you ought to make yourself more scarce rather then make here casa your casa and see her every night. Cut back contact with her. Sounds like familiarity is breeding contempt.

she is an emotional rollercoaster but what ch1ck isnt.

Lots of them aren't. Emotional, yes. Rollercoasters, no. Unless they're Drama Queen histrionic types.

 

[MKS82]

lol she didnt even call me when she arrived. fvck that its so simple "hey I got here." how hard is that. Im seriously thinking that i might shut off my phone for the whole weekened. Ill give her till tomorrow. If no call phone is off for a couple of days. shell either respect me more or get really p1ssed. If she asks Ill just say well i thought you wanted some space so I gave it to ya u happy now?

 

[squirrels]

Sh!t, man...if you can't sit there in the living room and watch a cartoon show NOW, when you're NOT officially living together, how's it gonna be when you're married/living together and DON'T have anywhere else to go?

And just WAIT until she hits menopause. Which reminds me...do these outbursts happen at random, or do they tend to follow a "monthly cycle", if you know what I mean?

There are certain times when a man just needs to disappear. It's good of you to offer a shoulder, but if she seems intent on starting a fight, you are ABSOLUTELY right to "put on your sh!t and walk out the door". Don't make a big show of it, don't get angry...just kiss her goodnight and leave.

WHY do guys put themselves in these situations where they're up a woman's ass all the time and not married/thinking about marriage?? It's a formula for failure.

Vegas, huh?

 

[jophil28]

lol she didnt even call me when she arrived. fvck that its so simple "hey I got here." how hard is that. Im seriously thinking that i might shut off my phone for the whole weekened. Ill give her till tomorrow. If no call phone is off for a couple of days. shell either respect me more or get really p1ssed. If she asks Ill just say well i thought you wanted some space so I gave it to ya u happy now?

Women are horrible at problem solving and even worse at managing their emotions when they well up because of daily circumstances...
Your "woman" is riddled with anxiety and has a low tolerance for frustration. Her nagging and "picking" at you are some kind of wacko stress reliever. However, she is mitigating her anxiety at the expense of her relationship with you.
What to do ? Forget verbal "communication" , it is ineffective with most women .
Try this .. the next time she starts in at you with her whining and her provocations, just stand up , smile at her and start walking out the front door. Turn and say," Hope you feel better tomorrow" ( Close the door gently behind you and drive home. )

She may get MORE pissed ..So what. Then again she may realise that you are not going to sit still for these antics anymore. It is likely she will call you and either berate you for being cold and heartless ( the ole shaming tactics) or she will go all sweet and girly. Who knows.

At the moment you are rewarding her crap behavior by "engaging" her.
Stop that - it guarantees more of the same crap.

 

[Vulpine]

I have been using the "cut them off with a question" method of shutting women down.

"That's too bad, but, are you at work now?" "No? Then save it for your boss."
"Stop. Did I have anything to do with it?" "No? Then leave me out of it."
"Hold on. Do you need freak out at me about this?"
"Wait. Isn't there a more appropriate person for you to have a b¡tchfest with? Like, so-and-so or whatsherface that you work with?"

You aren't a chick's counselor or therapist, nor are you a whipping post. Let her call her girl friends to rant and rave. Often, I find myself trumping their current state by switching over mid-sentence and shifting my emotional state from happy, to MORE angry, perhaps even MORE angry still, and back to happy again, while I ask them something like:

"How do you think you'd feel if I were to unload on YOU whenever I had things that were bothering me? I have TONS of crap irritating me at any given moment: there is no :cuss: shortage of garbage to freak out on you about. But, it does neither of us any good to dwell on that sort of negativity. So, why don't you come sit down here and relax?"

If she, at that point, offers an apology, I sometimes lighten the mood with an offer:

"If it would help take your mind off of things, I'd be willing to let you suck my d¡ck for a while... you know, as a 'pleasant distraction' sort of thing."

This method has been working well for me since it takes them out of their state, puts them on a little roller coaster (a little empathy, a little scariness, then a little hope or comfort), then directs them towards sexual thoughts instead.

 

[Sinistar]

If someone isn't bringing you up, they're bringing you down.
Infection is contagious.
A good woman [for you] will want to compliment your life.
"Emotional Rollercoaster" is often a AFC rationalization.
Women will never truly respect you once they've lost respect for you.

I'll go deep here. Your post is not about a rare outburst - it is now frequent. You know (right now) that you can not possibly stand this behavior for the rest of your life. You also know (right now) that she is the way she is and most likely will always will be this way. You know (right now) that her behavior is less than respectful and this matters to you (to all guys actually). And (we all know) she is aware of your feelings about this because women are fantastic at reading people before they even say a word. But has she done anything about it? Now I'll make my leap - she knows you're about to pull the plug and she's just pressing more and more buttons so that you'll ultimately be responsible (in her wacked mind) and she won't have to feel guilty. Women play this game naturally. Add in her abnormal behaviour and well...

So if I'm right, knowing it will never change or at best you'll have to do all the rescuin' / savin' / conditionin' - should you?

Is that really why you posted?

If you were a best friend and this was going down the way you described I'd tell him to end it. I'd do her one final favor - tell her calmly and exactly why you did end it so that for once in her life she can understand how her current behaviors are derailing her life. Then let her decide to see a shrink. And let the shrink rescue and save her for $200/hr. Maybe she'll take the hard path and come out of this finding a great relationship with a good guy [for her]. Most likely she won't. You probably know this wasn't meant to be. An AFC would spend years of his life doubting himself, taking it and then letting her take you back, etc. A MAN would realize he has one life to live and he's better off alone and seeking new relationships than being stuck on the so called "Emotional Rollercoaster" for the rest of his life. Guys always forget one thing about the so called emotional rollercoaster - you can get off.

 

[MKS82]

Yea the only time she lashes out in some way is when she is streesed about something. Other than that she's cool. She gets pretty irrational deep down I wanna walk out and tell her to grow the fvck up but I don't. I do show a little frustration when she acts up I don't yell but im like geezus what is wrong with u with a frustrated tone. After a fvcked up day of work according to her, shell be like "I feel fat, I hate my job, blah blah etc." Those days she gets distant other days she's fine. I don't know she told me that with her ex there would be days when they wouldn't talk because he left her alone when she wanted to be. Think its one of those times. She's in vegas for 6 days so I for sure am not going to call her. Still don't know why she didn't let me know she arrived. Shell call sooner or later I aint going to say anything to her if she waits like 5 days. Im just going to act indifferent. Im proud of myself cause before I had no patience for anything or control and would've probably called or texted and been like wtf. lol.

There's been a couple times when she's stressed and she brings up hints about getting space she doesn't say it directly but I sense it. Then shell be lovey dovey. Seems like she wants to see me frustrated with something to nake herself feel better. I know if I ever snap she's going to say its over.

I know deep down inside she has her guard up but being in a relationship. She mentions things that show she's scared and worried about things getting complicated. The other day she was like I haven't lived with a bf for a while. We see each other everday and I sleep over there. She calls me everyday after work and we hang but if I tell her no shell get p1ssed and she might get me back in soe way because she will feel like I rejected her in some way espicially if she is in a senstive state.

I can even see the I need to find myself speech coming when she gets back. If I start hearing that im going to say im going to cut her off Ok that's fine go find urself see ya when I see ya around and walk away or hang up. Shell call within days after I ignore her and apologize blah blah. I think my best option is to just act calm and really not say anything when I suspect her scting up just say yea cool and just act normal.

 

[MKS82]

By the way she is in meds for anti anxiety maybe depression but not sure anout the depression

 

[squirrels]

If she gets pissy, give her a hug and make some semblance of "feeling her pain"...even if you don't. Then try to do something to snap her out of it. You don't want to become part of her "problem experience".

If she doesn't feel better within a couple minutes, if she insists on being whiny, or if she makes personal attacks on you, kiss her good night and get the hell out. Go to the bar and chat with some other cuties...you don't have to hook up with them and cheat, but be aware of what options are out there.

You don't want to be around your girl when she's miserable and you can't snap her out of it quickly.

Again...do these "bad nights" happen about once a month? It might by physiological.

Either way, if you and her can't get past this, then you might want to start exploring other options. I'm not saying dump her...I'm just saying see what's out there. You don't want to get stuck in a bad relationship.

 

[Janez]

Is she taking any BPD pills? Oh, forgot, no pills for BPD

 

[NewMan]

The good thing is, you don't live with her.

My GF did this to me on Saturday - something simular.

What you need to do, is call her on her *****1ness - don't just brush it under the carpet, because it doesn't solve the issue.

After my GF got all b1tchy with me, I left and went home. You don't reward bad behaviour - just go home if you are at her house, or ask her to leave if she's at your place.

She'll get the message real fast. Your not someone who she can use in order to take out her stress on.

 

[MKS82]

Yea it isn't constant like once every other week. I think it boils down too she feels better with herself by saying stupid sh1t and seeing me worked up but im not going to give it to her. She needs me and better check her attitude otherwise she's going to find herself in a lonely place. She's pretty dependent on me. Right now she can do something else(hang out in vegas) but when she gets back even if she gets distant shell realize. Im her freakin social life she has like two friends around here that barely go out. when we go out she knows I know a lot of people around the city. She's a party girl and told me she didn't go out for a while cause she calmed down but its because she doesn't know anyone around here. She wants to be alone shell really be alone until she finds some chump to be with just for the sake of it. She knows im better than a lot of the guys she's dated and says I treat her well and have my life together which is true. I know everyone says it but im the best she's ever had. Im not worried about other options cause I get stared and ioiswhen I go out.

 

[sodbuster]

Just tell her,"I'm not here to listen to you ***** all night. If you want to complain, call your mother. You don't hear me *****ing about everything in my job do you? Thats because I don't share"

 

[MKS82]

How do I address the issue of her not calling me when she got into vegas?lesve it alone or say something?

 

[MKS82]

How do I address the issue of her not calling me when she got into vegas?lesve it alone or say something? Should I call her if she doesn't call in 2days?

 

[MKS82]

So if she calls in 4 days just act like nothing happened right?

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

There's 2 aspects to this.

First, what Tucker Max said:

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=13438

Second, men who can't take a woman's emotions, won't have many in their life. It's one thing to have boundaries, it's another to assume she will be as logical and composed as a man. What's important to women is vastly different than what's important to men. What effects women, doesn't effect men. Etc.

I believe this is where maturity and wisdom comes in, because you can discern when she's having a bad day and is crying out for love, and when she actually needs space or is egging you into breaking up.

Most often, the best solution isn't talking, it's walking up, hugging her, giving her a kiss, sitting her down, and taking her OUT of that state into a state of love and care. That's the strength of man. If you notice, you are her rock giving her what she lacked in her day.

Some women, who exhibit consistent patterns are Emotional Manipulators, Controllers, or AW's, but only you know that over the course of your relationship with her, so don't expect that men here can draw a straw judgement if this was the first time or one of only a few times she has done this.

There's a fine line between boundaries/nexting and actually being a man to your woman.

Think about what you WANT/EXPECT/DESIRE of a woman. Do you think she recognizes that in her head? Do think she came wired with precisely what makes you happy or what you need after a bad day?

Probably not. Only over time of knowing each other and personally growing can you come into wisdom over what's needed when. I'm a person when he's frustrated or upset that I don't worry about it, I move on, do something else, and enter a different state. Women like to need and almost barf all that built up emotion onto you. Remember you are banging her, so it isn't like you're being her "nice AFC friend," you're being everything...BF, FRIEND, LOVER, ROCK, etc.

Most times, it's women crying out for love, period. Because all most women need are you, the family, and some sense of self. I've found most female friends to not be worth their weight in gold and most male friends of females inevitably want to bang them, so they don't always keep solid relationships built on values, honesty, and trust. Many women will backstab friends in a minute and if the time is right, hot girls will find them pounced on by single male friends who were just waiting in the wings.

But, take my advice for what it's worth.

I know that if acting this way doesn't solve things with HER, it will with other women.

A-Unit

 

[Vulpine]

If you notice, you are her rock giving her what she lacked in her day.

Strength, stability, and the wherewithal to change the frame...

A-Unit, you're a pimp. Thanks for narrowing it down to the specific. I've been struggling with exactly what TM is/was struggling with. Thank you for the link: it was a great read.

Good to see you posting!:rockon: