what to do?!? my f**ckin parents... HELP

[upcomingDJ]

for the past month my parents have held me back in many social situations... (ie: wouldn't let me go to a friend's party because i had to help my dad around the house and sh*t).. anyways not only do they hold me back on that kind of thing, they won't let me be independent (can't even cook for myself, wtf?!, mom won't let me do my laundry myself, basically treating me like a little kid or something).. i never did anything to piss them off or anything, i dunno why they are like this, i swear i am about to explode or something, they're taking their own insecurites out on me (because my mom's parents neglected her, and my stepdad doesn't even talk to his biological kids)


anyways there's this huge family/friend party where i will be seeing relatives along with old friends and what not and i just realized there will be a lot of HB's (friends of the family), and i feel im gonna be ****blocked by my parents and sh*t, wtf do i do? my parents suck

 

[DJDamage]

If you want the HB's at the party, you need to isolate them and take them far away from your parents sight.

As for your situation as long as you live with them and under their roof your ass belongs to them. Look into going out of state college and moving out once you graduate and live under your own terms.

 

[groundzero]

2nd get a job, or join a club at your school that has HB's...You're still young so you can't really say anything. Enjoy life!

 

[aftershock]

Guy above me has got it right. Get a job, even if its only 4 hours a week. You'll get out of the school syndrome and realise what the world is like. And if you are earning your parents sholdn't say anything.

 

[backbreaker]

first of all, as long as you are living with your parents, adbide by their rules willingly out of respect. my mom was the same way, but she never had the problems out of me that most parents did because even though I thought she was a prick, she was a prick putting food on the table and keeping the lights on. may not seem like much now, but once you are my age you appricate things like that.


trust me when I say you aren't missing out on much. most young girls don't know crap about sex. Relationships at that age don't last, etc.

 

[libre]

Dear young man

You are a good kid and wise for your age.

You have good parents and they are doing what they think is best for you and as parents. However, as some other parents do, they are smothering you.

Tell your parents that if they do not let you do your own things (cooking, laundry, ...), that when you will leave the house you will be looking for a «surrogate mother» as a spouse. That is a «mother» that will do your laundry, your cooking, ..., and look after you as if you are her little boy. You will enter a relationship not on an equal basis, but as a subordinate to a woman.

If you want to be a man and enter a relationship as an adult, you need to act as an adult.

Parents that are overbearing and controlling of their children are transmitting their own insecurities to their children. They are in fact telling their children that they are incapable to take care of their own problems. Their children will adopt that way of thinking and will get to think that they are not able to fare on their own.

As for your father making you work around the house, I congratulate him. He is giving you life skills (work ethics, abilities, self confidence, ...) that you will need to fare well in life.

I suggest that you «negotiate» with your parents for breathing space, responsibilites, time out for activites, ... Life should not be all labor. Here should be time for labor, but there must be time for fun and leisure.

Have a good life young man.

 

[upcomingDJ]

update: hey thanks for all of your advice and all...actually, i do have a job (9 hr/week), and i have to depend on my parents to drop me off and pick me up from work, which is lame.

anyways, i just got back from the party (it's formal, so we had arranged seats and stuff), ummm... had to sit next to parents and during the party, couple of girls came by to say "hi" and stuff and i could tell my mom was pissed.. actually more irritated... god wtf is wrong with her?!? anyways i felt bad cuz i didn't really socialize with everyone and uh kinda became a party pooper... so the party kinda sucked... i cannot be a DJ as long as my parents are around, and i cannot wait to get my license so i could get the hell out of my house and hook up/meet new people and hang out with old buddies

i just want to get everyone's take on my situtation.. see if anyone had to go a similar thing.. aite thanks

 

[Julian]

When i was 16 i did whatever the hell i wanted. I was gone 18 hours out of the day usually. They couldnt stop me or control me even though they tried. I never did anything to get in trouble with the cops so they really couldnt do sh1t.

my advice would be to rebel but you seem too nerdy to do that which isnt really a bad thing.

 

[upcomingDJ]

Originally posted by Julian
When i was 16 i did whatever the hell i wanted. I was gone 18 hours out of the day usually. They couldnt stop me or control me even though they tried. I never did anything to get in trouble with the cops so they really couldnt do sh1t.

my advice would be to rebel but you seem too nerdy to do that which isnt really a bad thing.

ur funny, i write differently than i talk, if i were to say it verbally (ooh big word...(for u, lol)):

yea, so ur 19 rite?, wussup with u now? hows life treatin u man, u got a job, education, wussup? cuz i dont think rebelling is the answer, cuz some of my homeboys did that, and well... they got kicked out of school (do drugs, getting into fights, and all that sh*t), so no...

 

[iHatePants]

Ask your parents why they don't trust you. Be serious about it. It sounds as if your parents don't take you serious enough.

It's time to be a man. No more crying or whining.

You don't have to rebel but you might have to force yourself away from your parents to go to parties and social events. We've all said "NO" to our parents before. Your gonna have to do it too.

If I was you I would of stood up for myself and said "tough s**t" to ym parents if they didn't like me being away from them.

 

[JonJack]

Parents do the things they do because they think it best for you. Of course you may have a totaly different opinion on what's best for you, and your opinion usually always count towards your happiness. That's why parents seem to be very good at making their kids unhappy. But that's just the way things are in a family.

Now it's up to you to decide whether you wanna piss them off or appease them. There's no point in staying in the middle really. It'll only make things difficult for you. Decide on this as long as you are living under their roof and live by it. If you respect your parents and do not want to annoy them, then forego all those things that you want to do but your parents would disallow. If you wanna show your parents that you are your own man and that you should be able to do whatever it is you want to do, then do it but expect to be yelled at and probably kicked out of the house.

Do not choose the middle ground of wanting to do all those things but choosing not to because of your parents and then complaining about them. Choose it, feel bad about it but accept it as part of living under their roof. Don't expect your parents to be what they are not. And then again, don't become what your parents expect you to be if you don't want it.

 

[libre]

Nope

It sure doesn't have to be an all or nothing scenario. You do not have to rebel or create an issue with them. Just negociate with your parents an acceptable arrangement for you both. That is the mature way to handle it. Be persuasive and consistent with your demands.

Your parents will have to give you leeway if you are persistent, do not back away and do not flare up like if you are not able to handle yourself and your emotions. Life is a game of give and take. You are getting a life lesson on how to handle this.

Start by negociating and gaining some leeway; with time you can and will gain more. Your parents aren't dunce, they know that you are growing up. They know that they will have to let go progressively and that it is futile to try to tie you down. Accept that this is a progressive process.

Try it.

 

[Black_Italian]

**** your parents what did they ever do for you besides giving you life, raising you, educating you, feeding you and putting a roof over your head. You shouldnt listen to them they obviously dont care about you i mean what kind of a evil sadistic person would do your laundry and cook for you. I realy do feel for you i say you move out because living at home is defitnely ruining your life.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by upcomingDJ
update: hey thanks for all of your advice and all...actually, i do have a job (9 hr/week), and i have to depend on my parents to drop me off and pick me up from work, which is lame.

What is lame is that you are working only 9 hrs a week and using your parents for a lift both ways and calling it "lame" are you mad at your parents or yourself?

If you want to start being a man, get a job that gets you buzy at least 24 hrs+ a week and get there and get back home by yourself. If you got to take your bike then do it. If you got to take a bus then do it as well. Stop asking for favours, take some initiatives and show your parents (instead of telling them) that you are growing up and you are not depended on them.

 

[backbreaker]

like I said, I lived with my mother, and she was pretty much the same way when I was groing up. However, even when I was 15-16, i thought it was stupid to "rebel" against the person giving me free room, food and board. I told myself the day I turned 18 I would get out of the house, and I did.

Just respect your parents, do good in school, and soak up as much knowlege as you can on this forum, so when the day comes that you are 18, the world won't know what hit em

 

[spider_007]

sit your parents down and say; you eather give me some independence or I'll make your lives a living hell.

 

[h2o]

imo, there will always be times you will be frustrated with your parents. however, you should have respect for what they do for you.

i have had similar discussions with my parents, about why they never "kicked me out" and let me make it up like they once did...but in the end, you will be appreciative of what they've done.

your parents cook for you and do your laundry, and you're complaining? i do my own laundry, and am fortunate to have my grandmother around to cook some of the most delicious foods.

i'm 21, still living with my parents. i feel that i'm very fortunate. i plan on living with them until i am 24-25, and can buy my own house when i move out.

sure, if they kicked me out and told me to learn on my own i could have learned a lot of things, but why not appreciate what you are given?

and at the same time...it is very possible i would have not made it, why take a risk when you don't have to?

in otherwords, the very fact that you want to do these chores yourself goes to show that you do not take them for granted...that's good...so now, just sit back and appreciate it
_________________

for your situation, i gotta say, you probably have plenty of opportunities as it is to expand your social skills...you're probably not taking them and blame your parents. what kind of work do you do? i'm sure you come into contact with people. dj skils are not just meeting hbs. you can always be improving your social skills...what about at school? i know it's summer know, but when school starts up in a few months, i doubt your parents will be supervising what you do at school. you can pick up girls there.

like most of the guys here said, spend less time at home. work more or just make excuses to be outside...for example, get involved with volunteering or community work...you'll meet plenty of girls, and i doubt your parents will not let you go volunteer to help the less unfortunate or to better the community.

just try to get involved in such activities that will allow you to meet more people (and girls), that are simultaneously very appealing reasons to not be at home. studying, at the library, is another example. you don't necessarily have to go to parties, clubs, malls to pick-up girls. that was a misconception i used to have too.

 

[upcomingDJ]

Originally posted by h2o
imo, there will always be times you will be frustrated with your parents. however, you should have respect for what they do for you.

i have had similar discussions with my parents, about why they never "kicked me out" and let me make it up like they once did...but in the end, you will be appreciative of what they've done.

your parents cook for you and do your laundry, and you're complaining? i do my own laundry, and am fortunate to have my grandmother around to cook some of the most delicious foods.

i'm 21, still living with my parents. i feel that i'm very fortunate. i plan on living with them until i am 24-25, and can buy my own house when i move out.

sure, if they kicked me out and told me to learn on my own i could have learned a lot of things, but why not appreciate what you are given?

and at the same time...it is very possible i would have not made it, why take a risk when you don't have to?

in otherwords, the very fact that you want to do these chores yourself goes to show that you do not take them for granted...that's good...so now, just sit back and appreciate it
_________________

for your situation, i gotta say, you probably have plenty of opportunities as it is to expand your social skills...you're probably not taking them and blame your parents. what kind of work do you do? i'm sure you come into contact with people. dj skils are not just meeting hbs. you can always be improving your social skills...what about at school? i know it's summer know, but when school starts up in a few months, i doubt your parents will be supervising what you do at school. you can pick up girls there.

like most of the guys here said, spend less time at home. work more or just make excuses to be outside...for example, get involved with volunteering or community work...you'll meet plenty of girls, and i doubt your parents will not let you go volunteer to help the less unfortunate or to better the community.

just try to get involved in such activities that will allow you to meet more people (and girls), that are simultaneously very appealing reasons to not be at home. studying, at the library, is another example. you don't necessarily have to go to parties, clubs, malls to pick-up girls. that was a misconception i used to have too.

u r by the far the most understanding... yes i do appreciate them as hell and i dont take them for granted... it is just that they baby my f*ckin ass too much... my balls are getting cut off with the mothering...

my work involves people by the way and i appreciate that job since not only does that provide me with social interaction, money, but also free food (which is definitely a plus)...

i have been spending less time at home.. going out and what not.. i just went out today and last night with my buddies (but they're AFC's (though thats another story) ).. my parents DO LET ME GO OUT however they get TOO curious to the point where they are not concern but want to know what i've done in detail (of course i lie, i am a good liar)

and yes sh*t, i cannot wait to go back to school but before that i cant wait till i get my f*ckin LICENSE (one week).. its the key to my independence... go out whenever i want... i thought ahead and been saving money for gas and what not and i am f*ckin proud of it... we'll see if this hard work will pay cuz i think persistance is what makes one succeed in anything as well as learning from failures

i'll take this situation with my parents as a learning experience.. but i am f*ckin pissed with this overprotection (they are like this cuz their own parents didnt give a flying f*ck about them)

 

[themanwithnoname]

man your situation sucks, it's so similar in mines that because of how i grew up and turned me into afc, g'luck bro.

 

[upcomingDJ]

update: hey wussup everyone... well things have been a bit better now and i have learned to adjust with my parents strict ass rules... anyways i've been saving money for material things i could buy myself instead of them buying me stuff (other than food)... ever since i was a little kid i was very spoiled and dependent, and since im growing up and wanting freedom, independence, and all that, it is hard for them, especially my mom that i am becoming an individual but more importantly a man

my advice for those in my position or younger than i am: DO appreciate your parents for what they've done for you BUT do not let them be the ones to control YOUR DESTINY... take little steps to gain independence (ex: job, start driving, pay for ur own stuff, help around the house, clean your own clothes, dishes, room, etc.) and hopefully they will see you as grown up young man