What to do if a plate is dating another guy

[Lover_boy]

I've been dating this girl for about 5-6 months now, her job requires her to travel over seas as well as mines so we see each other once or twice every month or so. We havent made anything official but the chemistry, and the sex/connection is unreal. We both enjoy our non-committed dating situation but unfortunately, I have caught feelings for the girl which I can tell she has also. However, she recently came back into town a couple weeks ago and Ive been away. She went to a concert this past weekend and I cant help but to feel that she went with some dude. I dont mind if she dates out of town but in our town, I do mind. I dont want to come off as needy but I do want to set some boundaries. I wouldnt like it if she sleeps with other dudes or hooks up with other dudes if everytime we see each other is very romantic.

I am also dating other chicks but everyone here knows its not the same. I feel like asking her when I got back in town who she went to the concert with. Thoughts on this?

 

[SargeMaximus]

I always assume any woman I’m seeing is seeing other guys. It helps me not give a fvck and just enjoy the sex as it comes

 

[SW15]

It is understood that plates are dating other men. Plating somewhat resembles an open relationship. There is no expectation of monogamy. In a casual sex situationship, there's not much that can be called a relationship.

 

[RazorRambo24]

I've been dating this girl for about 5-6 months now, her job requires her to travel over seas as well as mines so we see each other once or twice every month or so. We havent made anything official but the chemistry, and the sex/connection is unreal. We both enjoy our non-committed dating situation but unfortunately, I have caught feelings for the girl which I can tell she has also. However, she recently came back into town a couple weeks ago and Ive been away. She went to a concert this past weekend and I cant help but to feel that she went with some dude. I dont mind if she dates out of town but in our town, I do mind. I dont want to come off as needy but I do want to set some boundaries. I wouldnt like it if she sleeps with other dudes or hooks up with other dudes if everytime we see each other is very romantic.

I am also dating other chicks but everyone here knows its not the same. I feel like asking her when I got back in town who she went to the concert with. Thoughts on this?

The truth and reality of women who are sexually primed aka have enjoyed sex quite a bit is that they don't think twice to go around sleeping with other guys.. whihc makes sense. everyone loves sex and sexual variety is more fun. The thing is, especially in FWB situations where a girl likes a guy alot, prob 50% of women wil feel more comfortable in that relationship if they have other guys to sleep with..

Women arent much diff than men afterall. Its just that society made some things shameful for them in the past.. now its not as much the case.

The only way to win is to not allow yourself to emotionally invest.. and keep it strictly sex for the first 6 months or so or however long you can.. and slowly start giving more of your time, more nuanced hangouts and doing things that make her invest time and energy and sometimes money into you--which will make her feel more attached.

For men to win in the tug of war of emotions -- the scale of desires should always weigh heavier on the woman side.

 

[Lover_boy]

The truth and reality of women who are sexually primed aka have enjoyed sex quite a bit is that they don't think twice to go around sleeping with other guys.. whihc makes sense. everyone loves sex and sexual variety is more fun. The thing is, especially in FWB situations where a girl likes a guy alot, prob 50% of women wil feel more comfortable in that relationship if they have other guys to sleep with..

Women arent much diff than men afterall. Its just that society made some things shameful for them in the past.. now its not as much the case.

The only way to win is to not allow yourself to emotionally invest.. and keep it strictly sex for the first 6 months or so or however long you can.. and slowly start giving more of your time, more nuanced hangouts and doing things that make her invest time and energy and sometimes money into you--which will make her feel more attached.

For men to win in the tug of war of emotions -- the scale of desires should always weigh heavier on the woman side.

So the game I should be playing is to basically not give a fvck and just keep seeing her as a FWB, no setting boundaries or anything of that matter. Ignore my emotions and just let her get emotianally invested.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

What consequences does she have for doing this, if there are rationally none, why wouldn't she, if there are, how risk adverse is she.

Between those without major consequence and the risk adverse I would say a majority of women are sleeping around today.

 

[obelisk]

You are setting covert contracts with her. You're also making assumptions about her feelings for you. Keep it casual and don't get emotionally invested.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

All of the above.

OR...

If you are willing to go monogamous, it's time to have the DTR (define the relationship) discussion.

 

[RazorRambo24]

So the game I should be playing is to basically not give a fvck and just keep seeing her as a FWB, no setting boundaries or anything of that matter. Ignore my emotions and just let her get emotianally invested.

I think that you are already pretty invested emotionally so whatever you do will come off as needy/insecure and make things worse for you / give her more leverage and if she really is seeing other dudes, they get one step up the ladderto being her main priority.

Regardless, she travels and you only see her 1 or 2 times a month. This chick is likely to be dating around because that is impractical on many levels to just stay loyal to you when you guys dont really have any strings attached.

The thing is you can't change who you are overnight. NO matter what, eventually it will come to a point where the anger and jealousy gets too much, you lash out and she dips (leaves your life).

The biggest mistake you are making is thinking this girl thinks your special or that she sees you exclusively or as "the one"... when you don't really know that. If you did, why would you even suspect her of doing something funny when going to a concert?

 

[characternote]

never forget, if you have plates, you are also a plate lol.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I dont mind if she dates out of town but in our town, I do mind.

So its cool if she cucks you out of town but if she cucks you with a local its a big no-no? Just kidding bro, "Cuck" might not be the right word because you are not married, but its fun "calling out" other members for being "cucked".

I dont want to come off as needy but I do want to set some boundaries.

Not the exact words but maybe you can tell her something along the lines of:
- I imagine you went to the concert with Chad and Tyrone. I dont care about your out of town indiscretions but If we are going to continue seeing each other I want "local exclusivity". That´s my boundary and if you cant deal with that we should stop seeing each other.

 

[CornbreadFed]

've been dating this girl for about 5-6 months now, her job requires her to travel over seas as well as mines so we see each other once or twice every month or so.

If a girl finds a guy that she likes, she will go exclusive with that guy within a month. She clearly doesn't see you as her first option and you are basically Mr. Backup at this point. In addition, you have also admitted to catching feelings for this girl which puts you in the loser's seat of this relationship because she does not feel the same way about you. Your turn on this wagon is over, tell her that you are going to have to end things to focus on yourself or something and move on to a different pony.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She is a plate, you shouldn't care unless you are trying to take it to the next level. Just wrap it up in case the other dude has something

 

[Lover_boy]

She

I think we need some clarification and commonality for terms like "FWB", "Plate", and "dating".

B*tch Management Guide



If they do not respect your boundaries - they get demoted.

She's a FWB

 

[parabellum]

If a girl finds a guy that she likes, she will go exclusive with that guy within a month. She clearly doesn't see you as her first option and you are basically Mr. Backup at this point. In addition, you have also admitted to catching feelings for this girl which puts you in the loser's seat of this relationship because she does not feel the same way about you. Your turn on this wagon is over, tell her that you are going to have to end things to focus on yourself or something and move on to a different pony.

I second this. He lost the battle already. Can’t catch feelings first.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I wonder if OP isn't confusing her "emotional" investment as romantic bonding instead of sexual bonding. Women view these two things different, but will still seem like she "caught feelings" when she really is enjoying the sexual bonding. No romantic emotions involved.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, it seems you're having a misconception about the concept of "plate."

A plate is anything BUT your girlfriend/significant other/wife/LTR... so she has the RIGHT to fvck/date anyone she wants (and so do you).

However, if you're certain the guy she's dating is a LTR/hubbie-material, I suggest you must be very careful with the logistics in terms of fvcking her, because there's a logical risk that guy turning jealous and murder both of you while she's sitting on you before killing himself too. Yeah perhaps I've watched too many movies but the risk is real.