Well firstly I am 18 and never had a girlfriend which is incredibly sad I know. I am really into this girl I met at uni, I've only known her a couple of weeks but we get on great so I decided to ask her out. At first I asked for dinner and a movie etc and she said yes but it looked like she thought I meant only casually, so I clarified as "on a date" and she told me she sorta has a boyfriend. I have no idea whether she has a boyfriend or not, for all I know it could be true, should I bring it up?
What the hell does sorta mean?
- Thread starter rippa32
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socalrunner
Don Juan
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not that sad, i got my first gf at age 18 too. i don't feel like i have missed anything, still have plenty of time.
it might actually be good, you and i both saved a bunch of time and money.
and i reccomend you don't spend money on her, she was hesitant in her response, and may not actually have a boyfriend. girls with low interest level may pull that line out, as a way of rejection.
but on the safe side, she might be seeing someone.
try to find out more information about her first
it might actually be good, you and i both saved a bunch of time and money.
and i reccomend you don't spend money on her, she was hesitant in her response, and may not actually have a boyfriend. girls with low interest level may pull that line out, as a way of rejection.
but on the safe side, she might be seeing someone.
try to find out more information about her first
aight bro heres the advice. Forget this bytch. She does not exist in your world. I had this hoe tell me "im kinda seeing someone" and another "im sorta dating someone". Translation: "im a bytch, and a liar, I'm not dating anyone, but I think that you are not good enough because u are either 3 inches shorter of my expectations or wearing wrong shoes. So I'm too good for you". thats the translation. I fvcken hate women who say that. She is leading u on, and u have to forget about her. U think im being harsh but im just tryin to save people from the emotional damage i suffered from the same situation
I know what you are saying, but the thing is we got along really well as friends and even though it's only been a couple of weeks I really don't think she is like what you are saying, she might not have a boyfriend but I don't think she would as superficial as you say. What im saying is she isn't your typical teeny bopper or "preppy" as you guys say in America. At first I really believed she did have a boyfriend, like the way she said it was she was close to someone but not official, It didn't actually occur to me she could have been lying until I saw a similair thread in this forum. But I'm still not sure. Would it be a bad idea to bring the boyfriend up in conversation?
I'm Joe Dirt
Master Don Juan
"sorta seeing someone" or "sorta have a boyfriend" means she has a guy in mind that she may be either screwing or hanging out with on a semi-regular basis in a platonic way but will cover for her if she introduces him as the boyfriend.
It basically means she isn't interested, and while she doesn't have a real solid boyfriend or relationship she is trying to play up whatever she has going on with someone else so that you back off and assume she is taken.
Forget her, as hard as that may be in your situation, I know; believe me. Try not to converse with her as much if its too painful for you. On the other hand, if she has some friends you may be interested in you can always use her to get introduced and find someone else that way.
Definitley do not b1tch her out or be a total d1ck. Its not cool to burn bridges, especially early on in a university, as you never know who she will talk to or who she will meet in the future.
You may some day need a favor or she may one day talk to someone who might be interested in you and the last thing you want is for her to screw either of those scenarios up for you because you were a total jerk to her after she rejected you.
It basically means she isn't interested, and while she doesn't have a real solid boyfriend or relationship she is trying to play up whatever she has going on with someone else so that you back off and assume she is taken.
Forget her, as hard as that may be in your situation, I know; believe me. Try not to converse with her as much if its too painful for you. On the other hand, if she has some friends you may be interested in you can always use her to get introduced and find someone else that way.
Definitley do not b1tch her out or be a total d1ck. Its not cool to burn bridges, especially early on in a university, as you never know who she will talk to or who she will meet in the future.
You may some day need a favor or she may one day talk to someone who might be interested in you and the last thing you want is for her to screw either of those scenarios up for you because you were a total jerk to her after she rejected you.
Men frequently err by talking too much. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're impressing the women when, in reality, they're depressing the women.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Forget her, man. Low interest level. Just find someone else.
And read this series before you start moping around about one low-interest girl.
And for the record, "sorta" can easily mean just a polite way of saying "certainly." I sorta have a boyfriend = I have a boyfriend (with certainty). On the other hand, she could be lying. Either way, you have no chance of getting into a productive relationship with her.
And read this series before you start moping around about one low-interest girl.
And for the record, "sorta" can easily mean just a polite way of saying "certainly." I sorta have a boyfriend = I have a boyfriend (with certainty). On the other hand, she could be lying. Either way, you have no chance of getting into a productive relationship with her.
~attrACTION~
Banned
To be honest...when you ask a girl out and mention the word "date" it automatically puts her on the defensive. You're much better off asking a girl to "hang out" and just casually go for a drink. Then when you're getting to know her, you can see if she's that interested or not...
Just from my experience, I never ask girls on a "date" ...I just say let's go hang out...makes them a lot more comfortable. The word "date" just puts her on the spotlight. Then she's going to be thinking of not being slutty or whatever, because it's a "date" etc.
Just from my experience, I never ask girls on a "date" ...I just say let's go hang out...makes them a lot more comfortable. The word "date" just puts her on the spotlight. Then she's going to be thinking of not being slutty or whatever, because it's a "date" etc.
I'm Joe Dirt
Master Don Juan
That's a wise choice rippa, as long as you don't pine for her and actually do move onto other females. I am glad I could help.
Attraction, you are right on the money. Date conjures up images of fancy dinners, movies/shows, and formalities. Nobody needs that. You can build a relationship without ever going out on a formal "date", you just hang out, make out, do whatever, etc. Let things flow naturally and unscripted. It will help you get around expectations and give you control over how things go (i.e. you are not bound to a schedule where certain things have to happen at certain times).
Attraction, you are right on the money. Date conjures up images of fancy dinners, movies/shows, and formalities. Nobody needs that. You can build a relationship without ever going out on a formal "date", you just hang out, make out, do whatever, etc. Let things flow naturally and unscripted. It will help you get around expectations and give you control over how things go (i.e. you are not bound to a schedule where certain things have to happen at certain times).
that's true, but if the girl explicitly asked him whether it was a date or told him she thought it was a just-friends thing...I think he's better off setting the record straight and not wasting time as "friends"
I'm Joe Dirt
Master Don Juan
Well that depends on how you frame the event. If you act platonic and innocent and not make any moves or hit on her or be flirty with her, then yes, she will assume the gathering was a "just friends" thing.
If you act in a romantic way from the start (i.e. kino escalation such as hand holding, arm around shoulders, and maybe even kissing) then the fact it was a "date" will be implied yet unspoken. And if your "hangouts" lead to more serious things like sex or sexual things then there is no way she would think the hangouts are just friend things.
And that's really common sense. If you really think about it, even a proper "date" (labelled as such in advance of the event) in which you act platonic will also in time, retroactivley, be considered a "just friends" thing, perhaps leading to the dreaded "let's just be friends" line down the road once a move is taken (too late).
It's all in how you act, not how you label.
Labelling a gathering a romantic date in advance so that you feel more comfortable making moves or whatever seems like a crutch or training wheel. If she asks straight up what it is, just say it is what it is, though usually she won't ask that in advance (i've never had that come up that I remember).
ex.
Girl: is this a date? or what is this?
Guy: It is what it is. or its whatever we make it or its going to be a fun night.
And when she is analyzing it after the fact, she will judge it to be a date or non-date based on how you acted on it, not how it was labelled to her. If you make out with her or something, I don't think she will think "gee, I think it was a friends thing". If you acted like a tool and made no advances or progress then it shouldn't be a suprise if she thought of it as a just friends outing.
If you act in a romantic way from the start (i.e. kino escalation such as hand holding, arm around shoulders, and maybe even kissing) then the fact it was a "date" will be implied yet unspoken. And if your "hangouts" lead to more serious things like sex or sexual things then there is no way she would think the hangouts are just friend things.
And that's really common sense. If you really think about it, even a proper "date" (labelled as such in advance of the event) in which you act platonic will also in time, retroactivley, be considered a "just friends" thing, perhaps leading to the dreaded "let's just be friends" line down the road once a move is taken (too late).
It's all in how you act, not how you label.
Labelling a gathering a romantic date in advance so that you feel more comfortable making moves or whatever seems like a crutch or training wheel. If she asks straight up what it is, just say it is what it is, though usually she won't ask that in advance (i've never had that come up that I remember).
ex.
Girl: is this a date? or what is this?
Guy: It is what it is. or its whatever we make it or its going to be a fun night.
And when she is analyzing it after the fact, she will judge it to be a date or non-date based on how you acted on it, not how it was labelled to her. If you make out with her or something, I don't think she will think "gee, I think it was a friends thing". If you acted like a tool and made no advances or progress then it shouldn't be a suprise if she thought of it as a just friends outing.
Well the reason I clarified date (I could really tell she thought I meant otherwise) was because I didn't want to make any moves (even small ones like holding hands etc) and feel like a **** because she thought it was really casual.
I'm Joe Dirt
Master Don Juan
That is why you gauge her interest and such while you are out and don't make any moves you don't think you can get away with. (ex: if she isn't laughing at your best jokes, don't try to make out with her or grope her tits. If she leans her head on your shoulder, go ahead and put your arm around her. This isn't rocket surgery.)
Basically calibrate with the situation. Looking for signs that things are going well and she may be receptive to some kino is better than announcing its a date.
I understand your point of view that saying its a date won't make you seem like a creep if you try something but look at it from the flip side:
Saying its a date tips her off that you ARE going to try something.
That lifts her guard up more and may result in what happened here - not getting the date to begin with.
One thing I learned from sales and marketing is that sometimes people are willing to buy something expensive if you sell them on it and tell them the price at the end of the sales process (once they are convinced they want it), though they would have probably said no and not even heard your presentation if you opened by stating the price.
I am not sure if that's a clear analogy, but what I am saying here is that you could make moves, ESPECIALLY small ones, without announcing its a date. If you calibrate to the situation you can make it work. If she rejects them, well at least you got to try. That's better than not getting the chance to try to begin with.
An added benefit of an unclear "date" is that she will be thinking about YOU and the "date" wondering what it meant and what things you do on it meant. That will keep her interested and guessing. It also lets you play hard to get and gives her a chance to try to win you over. If you ask for a "date" or make it clear you want a "date" you gave all your cards away - she knows you are interested and now she has the ball in her court.
My original advice still stands even given the possible circumstance you mentioned.
Basically calibrate with the situation. Looking for signs that things are going well and she may be receptive to some kino is better than announcing its a date.
I understand your point of view that saying its a date won't make you seem like a creep if you try something but look at it from the flip side:
Saying its a date tips her off that you ARE going to try something.
That lifts her guard up more and may result in what happened here - not getting the date to begin with.
One thing I learned from sales and marketing is that sometimes people are willing to buy something expensive if you sell them on it and tell them the price at the end of the sales process (once they are convinced they want it), though they would have probably said no and not even heard your presentation if you opened by stating the price.
I am not sure if that's a clear analogy, but what I am saying here is that you could make moves, ESPECIALLY small ones, without announcing its a date. If you calibrate to the situation you can make it work. If she rejects them, well at least you got to try. That's better than not getting the chance to try to begin with.
An added benefit of an unclear "date" is that she will be thinking about YOU and the "date" wondering what it meant and what things you do on it meant. That will keep her interested and guessing. It also lets you play hard to get and gives her a chance to try to win you over. If you ask for a "date" or make it clear you want a "date" you gave all your cards away - she knows you are interested and now she has the ball in her court.
My original advice still stands even given the possible circumstance you mentioned.
I'm Joe Dirt
Master Don Juan
Don't get down on yourself. Every experience is a chance to learn something. And as long as you learned something, it wasn't a total waste and definitley not a failure. Next time, you'll do better.
Well, the reason it's not a great analogy is that you don't want to find a girl who just barely accepts your asking price. You want to find a high-interest woman if you're looking for something serious in the long-term. That means if she asks, "Is it a date?" then you consider bailing on her right then. Her even asking the question implies that she thinks of you as a friend, or at least isn't very sure about you.
typical
Master Don Juan
Yep its a bad idea, saying its a date brings in unexpected expectations these days unless the girl is 120% into you then saying its a date normally ends up with a flake or some crap line they pull out like she done to you.
Now whether she has a bf or not doesnt matter, taking that you've never had a gf I'd say leave her alone for a few weeks just be your friendly self for a while and go after other girls and if this bird turns and wants to "hang out" then say sweet and go from there.
Chicks these days want to be swept of their feet so that when they go sit with all their girls they can say OMG this guy I know from uni asked me to lunch one day and we ended up making out in the park afterwards hes so romantic ......... blah blah blah ........ boring crap. But she doesnt want the whole yea so jimbo asked me out to dinner this saturday and we had dinner and he kissed me at the end of it. No excitment there ya see.
You get the idea, trust me uni girls = easy and I mean very easy
Now whether she has a bf or not doesnt matter, taking that you've never had a gf I'd say leave her alone for a few weeks just be your friendly self for a while and go after other girls and if this bird turns and wants to "hang out" then say sweet and go from there.
Chicks these days want to be swept of their feet so that when they go sit with all their girls they can say OMG this guy I know from uni asked me to lunch one day and we ended up making out in the park afterwards hes so romantic ......... blah blah blah ........ boring crap. But she doesnt want the whole yea so jimbo asked me out to dinner this saturday and we had dinner and he kissed me at the end of it. No excitment there ya see.
You get the idea, trust me uni girls = easy and I mean very easy
Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.