What the hell do you want?!

[Oxide]

I'll be the first one to admit it, i have very little idea what the hell im looking for....

For me, starting from early ages, my wants went as follows:
Age 10: I just wanted to hang out with a girl-friend
Age 12: I just wanted a girlfriend i could make out with.
Then it went something like this:
"I just want to have sex"...
and BOOM! eight years later im still wondering why im having trouble choosing girls.

Now, we all have standards. Mine are set, so first of i choose her based on her physical appearance.

But then... then something wierd happens.

First of all, sometimes when i get the girl interested in me, i suddenly lose attraction in her. I dont want her as much anymore..if at all (the chase is over? but i didnt even have sex with her yet!

Or, i would slowly find things i dont find attractive about her. Now i can live with most of them, but if suddenly i realize she isnt as good looking as i first thought.. the interest goes straight down..

One little line that helped establish where i stood with a girl invloved me looking at the girl im interested in and asking myself:
"Do i want her for anything but sex?"


I might sound shallow. Hell, i probably am. Some might call me stupid for passing up women just becuase i didnt find them physically attractive.

The thing is, for the last 8 years i didnt need a woman for anything but sex. Honestly guys, i didnt see ANY advantage to having a girlfriend besides sex. (Thinking girls take up too much time.... which is still true)



The thing that makes it even worse is mastrubation. Say you are out in a club. You approach a girl and get shut down..again, and again.... Now at this point you might simply think "Well, im sh1t out of luck here...hey! I can always go home and rub one out thinking about this girl next to me".... If you use mastrubation to let your sexual energy out..you are killing yourself. You are making it easier to fail. I suggest stopping for 2 weeks. You will notice a lot of difference. (For one every single girl wont give you a hard on).


Let's continue...

Now i am trying to slowly open my eyes and move away from "women are just for sex" syndrome that affects over 99% of male population.

So how the fukk are we suppose to do this, when nature tells us "REPRODUCE" and girls say "I DONT DO IT ON THE FIRST DATE"...

I dont like sluts, i dont like mindgames. I am trying to find something more than sex that will justify me approaching the next girl...

The goal for me now is to walk up to a girl i like and say "Hey, i would really like to get to know you better" WHILE ACTUALLY MEANING IT!

I dont want to have SOB syndrome untill i die, how the hell do i start to find women useful for more than sex!?

 

[squirrels]

I hear you, man. But honestly, I don't even know if I DO want anything from women any more. I've got girls calling me wanting to get together and I'm lukewarm to the whole thing because it means I would have to set aside a block of my time to hang out with them when there's other **** I could be doing.

I mean, what is that, when you actually feel like you're SACRIFICING things that you want to do to set aside time for a girl??

In about two years I've gone from the AFC wanting love and hugs and kisses and passionate sex and constant affection and love and bunnies and kitties and candy baloon hearts...

...to a point where I just would like to find a woman who I could hang out with and not have to worry about keeping her pleased to keep her around. Someone who I could maybe live with and talk to and yes, have sex with when I'm horny, or take out when I want to go somewhere and do something not-by-myself...but otherwise just lets me be me.

Between my job and all my "extracurricular" activity, women really just get in the way. I tell myself to hang in it for the sex, but I'm really not buying it. I don't even know if I'm down with the sex any more. I don't know if I find the idea of going down on a beautiful woman as appealing as I used to.

I guess I'm jaded...in the same way that women say "men aren't good for ANYTHING," I'm now also saying, "women aren't good for anything..." and then adding "...except SEX" as a contrived afterthought.

Because that's what I'm supposed to think, isn't it?

I dunno where my motivation went. I'm hoping when spring rolls around my hormones will start gearing up again.

 

[Now What]

Originally posted by squirrels
I hear you, man. But honestly, I don't even know if I DO want anything from women any more. I've got girls calling me wanting to get together and I'm lukewarm to the whole thing because it means I would have to set aside a block of my time to hang out with them when there's other **** I could be doing.

I mean, what is that, when you actually feel like you're SACRIFICING things that you want to do to set aside time for a girl??

I think I am more or less experiencing the same thing as you. I've got other things to do, other things on my mind, to just be spending time on average girls, or any girl that is clearly not a LTR prospect.

That said, I think, rather I know, that there are girls out there that can turn me on. I saw one the other day, we talked briefly, but I got the impression she was a bit older, and married, and not looking. And this was after a typical day of flirting with the attractive single mothers at my work in their 20s and 30s, and a few other attractive girls at work, single and married. The girls at work are cute, but I think I can do better. And seeing that one girl further reinforced to me that such girls do exist, though it may take some time and effort to find them.

I think I have a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for in a girl - and as they say, that's half the battle, right?

 

[TonyTheTigerOI]

Oxide... thats what happens when you make too many approaches to girls who, themselves, dont have any game. About a week ago I made my 165th approach in 5 weeks, took a look at the 20 #s in my phone, called a few:

I wasnt interested in 18 of them. They were all ****able (thus, developingrapport constituted as an approach)... but only two had GAME and made me WANT them.

I falked on 2 dates last weekend, opting to hang out with the guys and go dance and have fun.

And then on sunday, day of the St. Patties day parade in my hometown, the two girls I was genuinely interested in called! My desire for female attention was revivified to say the least - I met one of the girls at starbucks 20 minutes before close, and ended up cruising and making out in her VW till the wee hours of the morning.

All I can tell you... is approach hotter girls who strike you as socially capable. You, and Id imagine the two guys who replied, have been here for a while and are GOOD with average women. Find girls who make you lose your tongue, get a lil nervous, fumble your words, make your palms sweat, and keep you on your toes. Many GREAT women will FIND ways to keep you interested, even after they have let you know that you have them, and that should solve your whole problem.

Good luck finding a girl worth it, it can be tough.

 

[arq-dj1]

u guys had a lot of women
so ur ego is filled


now stop, and think why u wanna meet women?


i want to stay wih my girl bc i appreciate the presence of a women in my life, all the minors and different things that comes with that


you have to appreciate them, just that

 

[Oxide]

arq-dj1, fill me in here what are these " all the minors and different things that comes with that" are?

I've had flings in my life. Some lasted as long as a couple of months. Sure, me and the girl were having fun.. and it is like when the moment is really romantic, i can turn my romantic senses on...but at the same time if i lost that girl the next moment i wouldnt give a damn.... I think some of it is my attitude that "There are always other women".. which backfires and makes me care less about the girl im with.
For example: with one girl we were on a secluded cliff overlooking a vast river valley... she told me she always wanted to bring someone special there.. so i turned her around and we started making out.. a week later i just stopped it cold, said it was over. I felt very little for her.. when we met 6 months later she confessed that she was having a wonderful time with me, asking if i admit that we "had something" ... in the back of my mind i was thinking "yeah, we had a fling.. so what?"

Tony, i am currently working on doing just that.. i go after women i am Really attracted to (beautiful) this way what i go after is what i get. Last night i told my friend about a girl i might be hanging out with tonight..and he asks "Well, is she good looking?" ...

That whole line sounded ridiculous to me! Of course she is good looking!! There is no other way!

The girl above actually does have intelligence, which i love, so i do want to meet with her. On the other hand there is another girl who looks better but seems lacking in brains, i am not so eager to meet with her this weekend.

 

[dearsappho]

165 approaches in 5 weeks!!!

No wonder youre bored with the whole affair my friend.

Think about what would happen if you had 165 shots of anything else in 5 weeks...your soul would surely die!!!

Live life in moderation for gawds sake! haha!

 

[Royal Elite]

Oxide maybe you are at a point in your life where you need to focus on or think about marriage. That what marriage really is, and the thought of marriage material. It's the fact that a man want more out of life then sex, and a girl who means more then him then just sex.

99% of the male population don't think of woman as "just good" for sex (S.O.B. syndrome). That is "a" purpose they are good for, but the only ones who think they are "only" good for sex are those who marriage is unimportant to them at this time in their life. Men looking for wives have a different mind state. But if you aren't looking for the support, and companionship that a wife brings, what else do you think you can think of a wife.

Its a proven fact that men and women brains think different in relations to marriage as opposed to boy friend/girl friend. As long as your biggest goal is just boy friend girl friend, a girl will never mean more then you then just sex, because that is what a girl friend is for, whereas a "wife" has a whole different purpose in your life.

 

[TonyTheTigerOI]

Originally posted by dearsappho
165 approaches in 5 weeks!!!

No wonder youre bored with the whole affair my friend.

Think about what would happen if you had 165 shots of anything else in 5 weeks...your soul would surely die!!!

Live life in moderation for gawds sake! haha!

I dont know what youre talking about... the more approaches I make... the more I want to make. I just get bored with the way some girls react to my approaches.

 

[arq-dj1]

i think ur bored
u dated 150chicks so fast, and none of them really striked you

i mean, cmon, ur mind is thinking "they were nice and etc, but just that, nothing else"
you need to find someone who is above normal, average.. not in a linear sense (bigger boobs, butt, smarter etc)

u haven't found someone interesting enough... maybe u should slow down, and start looking for something more them a fling... try to connect with just one


the minors things is how women act, see and do things.. i find it funny and pleasent, appreciate the minors things, because all of them can and will be ****ed
few will connect with u when the bad/good times come...


if i were u, i would stop trying to score that much... keep the radar on and wait

 

[Oxide]

Royal, are you serious bro? Im 20 years old, there is at least 10 more years ahead of me without a wife.
I think i will just give girls a chance and see if they will make me look at life at a different angle (when im in a realtionship)..


arq-dj1, Tony IS trying to find a great girl.. havent you ever heard that it is a number game? Of course there is a thing such as pushing it too far.. when you meet this many women Tony, i doubt you think "well, us two could have a great relationship" .. you are probably thinking something like "well, us two can have a great time in bed"..

****, that is exactly what i thought before.. it would be like this:

Wednesday: meet lisa, possibly have sex. Thursday: meet calsey, possibly fukk. friday: meet shannon, get it on.


It is sort of like speading your "realtionship material" over 10 girls instead of one. On one hand you have a lot of girls to choose from, on the other you dont feel jack for any of them becuase you have more options...

Anyone feel different?

 

[TonyTheTigerOI]

I am not thinking about sex when i meet them... i am just meeting them. I am TRYING to find great girls... and out of the 172 ive found three or four worth dating, but things didnt work out during the approach. Mass approaching serves two purposes - it sets you up to meet GREAT women and it lets you practice for when you find them.