what the f*c happened

[DavenJuan]

When they say women are illogical, unpredictable, and men will never understand them, i am starting to believe the hype!


i met my EX girlfriend in high school (junior yr). we were dating for 3yrs and then i decided to break it off with her because we didnt really trust one another. Atleast thats what i told her. i really wanted to just see what else was out there, and i have had plenty of fun since then. Its been 2 yrs since me and my ex has broken up and we have talked every day since then. Hell, we even lived together for an entire year since we have been seperated.

Basically, the only difference is that we arent "labeled" as bf and gf. Which was fine with me because then i could meet other people. My ex had a problem with us not being together and always would complain about us not being together (though basically we were)

WEll, its ben 5yrs that we have been together/not together and now she has found some guy that i think she really likes. WE both have been talking to other people, but i think that this guy she really like because she told me that she couldnt talk to me anymore. and that i had my chance and im the one that dumped her. , though we arent together i really do care about her and dont want to lose her to some other guy. what the hell should i do?

I havent talked to her in almost two weeks and im use to talking to her everyday. i dont want t settle down with her again "Yet", but i also dont want t lose her in the process. any similiar situations that may help me are welcome.

 

[iqqi]

hahahhahahahahhahhahaha

 

[iqqi]

sorry...

 

[ChevyLover]

You put her in the friendzone yourself buddy, thats what happened. It's gonna be pretty hard to get her back out when there is this other guy that she is diggin...unless they have a fight or something.

If it was me I would just pursue other women and forget about her. If still living with her, I'd move out. Cut contact with her.

When one door closes, another 1000 open up.


CL

 

[Grey Fox]

If I may,

You choose your path as a DJ. You wanted the life and you got it, and now you have second thoughts after all this time. You stand on the brink in this situation. This is a test of whether or not you truely are a DJ or an AFC.(I think we all get that test at one time or another.) The best you can do is walk away, if she is serious about some other guy, like the last post said, you let her go. If not she may come calling on you again. But you burned that bridge and you burned it good, tell "Good Bye" if you haven't. You just have to accept the fact that she was apart of your AFC life, and you wanted to play the DJ from then on. You must put away the things of your AFC life as a child puts away his toys as he becomes a man, or in this case a DJ. I'm sorry that you have to do this but it must be done, you have little choice or recourse in this matter. Good Luck.

-Grey Fox

 

[DavenJuan]

reply

we arent still living together but we live like 2 streets away from each other. and i really didnt put her in the friendzone, we still were having sex on a daily basis (almost) and she was stayin' over my place all the time and vice versa. trust me there was no mistaken' the friends thing. I have been talking to other people, but none i would be serious with. You cant go from f*ckin all the time and spendin' tim together...to just NEXT (especially an EX of 5yrs) the QUESTION IS ....

DO I PURSUE MY EX , or just let her be?? and if soo...how!! cuz i do care about her (hell, love her even its been 5yrs)

 

[lerxst]

Um, you officially lost her two weeks ago. Can you get her back? Maybe, you got history on your side, but man, your game would have to be on, and you'd have to offer her something more than your set up you had before. You'd have to play for keeps. You don't want to settle down, but it looks like she's tired of waiting for you. You'd prolly be better off following ChevyLover's advice, and move on. She did.

 

[iqqi]

you expect her to settle for just sleeping with you? been there done that? if you loved her you'd let her be with a man that could actually make her happy, and was decent enough to claim her, and his love for her. you are just selfish.

let her find happiness, or step up to the plate. FOR REAL.

 

[TesuqueRed]

It sounds like you really didn't think this thru, did you?

Leave her be. You're experiencing what happens when you get next'd--a sense of rejection, loss, of suddenly being the needy one...

She all of a sudden turned the tables and demonstrated she has more value than you, and now you want her (the more valuable one)--whereas before you had it.

This is why it is often better to not be the dumped one since---unless you're prepared for it and practiced against it---it gives an unguarded shot straght into your ego's balls and can leave you feeling instantly crippled.

It doesn't matter that you ended it two years ago. You did end it then, and she would've been better off staying away instead of hanging around for 2 years. It would've been better for you, too. Because it wasn't ended---who cares what you called it, what the rules were, what the arrangements were--you were still involved.

And now she's ended it.

Pursue her and you seriously risk becoming pathetic (forget all those weepy hollywood movies with this story line!)

___________
Some random notes:

You two met in highschool. You're 22. You're still (forgive this if it sounds patronizing) KIDS. You haven't fully formed into who you're going to be and won't for a number of years left. Most romantic relationships formed that early (regardless of what your grandparents or parents did) won't really survive thru young adulthood--you're still growing, changing, experimenting, etc. Don't fight that by seeing her as "the one"--use it to realize where you are at the moment.

Her new guy got her to cut off contact with you? I was about to say he was being smart. On reflection, I would say that he should see her relationship with you as a MAJOR red flag. Here's a chick that takes on fvck-buddy status or a friends-with-benefits roll for 2 years as a down-grade from being the official GF--WTF??? 'Loser' springs to mind. 'Hung up' and 'has issues' also comes to mind.

So she agreed to cut contact with you, a supposed close and good friend (leaving aside consideration of you delegating her to a sexual pinch-hitter when you couldn't do better that night...) This is a friend with spine???

All the same, I'd say relax. She'll probably come back after awhile. Don't chase her, you muffed this one up (you both did, but whatever...)

IMO, you both would've and should've been moving on long ago. It's for the best, actually. Just don't repeat it.

Oh, and iqqi---you bytch! LOL

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed

You two met in highschool. You're 22. You're still (forgive this if it sounds patronizing) KIDS. You haven't fully formed into who you're going to be and won't for a number of years left. Most romantic relationships formed that early (regardless of what your grandparents or parents did) won't really survive thru young adulthood--you're still growing, changing, experimenting, etc. Don't fight that by seeing her as "the one"--use it to realize where you are at the moment.

Her new guy got her to cut off contact with you? I was about to say he was being smart. On reflection, I would say that he should see her relationship with you as a MAJOR red flag. Here's a chick that takes on fvck-buddy status or a friends-with-benefits roll for 2 years as a down-grade from being the official GF--WTF??? 'Loser' springs to mind. 'Hung up' and 'has issues' also comes to mind.

This is excellent, excellent advice. Listen to it.

 

[DavenJuan]

reply 2

i agree with tesuquered too (as always)...but i find it hard to believe that im the only person that has been torn in a since between 2 factors within themselves.

What i mean is, i enjoy going out and hangin' out with da fellas hittin' on females, thats what friday nights are for......but at the same time i love my ex-girlfriend. (not to sound soft or anything). Shes the one that wipes the grimey sh*t out my eyes when i cant see, or wipes my aZZ when mamas not around to do it. (not to be taken literally) Shes the one that makes me dinner and washes my clothes when i wanna be a lazy aZZ.

Understand what im saying? I can have something great with my EX...but there is also something great with goin' out and checkin' out the other girls.

These "other girls" mean nothing to me, more so a game then anything. But my ex is a different story, shes been around awhile, she knows me and his a huge part of my life. When time comes to settle down and have kids, it would definitley be with her, but right now i wanna hold of on that and enjoy goin' out with the fellas and flirtin' it up. How do you explain that to a female and her not walk?

 

[htemorp]

You guys are gonna get married 5 years down the road...

 

[stuartSan]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
It sounds like you really didn't think this thru, did you?

Leave her be. You're experiencing what happens when you get next'd--a sense of rejection, loss, of suddenly being the needy one...

She all of a sudden turned the tables and demonstrated she has more value than you, and now you want her (the more valuable one)--whereas before you had it.

This is why it is often better to not be the dumped one since---unless you're prepared for it and practiced against it---it gives an unguarded shot straght into your ego's balls and can leave you feeling instantly crippled.

That statement is so money. I still feel the sting of being nexted by a GF of 1 1/2 years for my good friend until now.

 

[comote]

DavenJuan, I understand what you are going through, well sort of. I was with a girl and she and I had something great but I just still missed the game, going out and having fun.
Now I have nothing against playing women most of the time. But this girl was such a sweet girl she did not deserve to be played like that. She understood what I was going through and broke up with me for it. I could have kept it alive and I knew it but something she said prevented me from doing this.
She told me
"Comote, I am falling for you, and the more I fall for you the more it hurts me that you are not falling for me in the same way.
I just think that it is better off if we stop seeing each other."
I knew it was true, if I were to keep trying to keep her around fully knowing that I was not ready for a serious relationship it would be selfish of me and she deserved better than that. So we broke it off and have stayed friends.
Basically what I am telling you is that if you are not ready to give up the game then I would let her go and hope that she is happy. Tell her you understand and that if she ever needs you, you will be there for her as a freind.
Oh yeah, and go out and meet other women and have fun.

 

[Paul Owen]

Very interesting.

Am going through similar thing. Have found a girl who is falling for me, more and more. But I'm not. However I know that I will miss her like crazy when I or she ends it. Its like we want to have our cake and eat it. We want that reassuring, comforting presence of knowing there is someone who loves us to come home to (figuratively not literally). But we also desire other women and don't want to be tied down. What's the answer? I don't know....... but I guess there is no point being in a relationship if you are even asking these types of question.

 

[DavenJuan]

reply 3

well...i decided to give my ex of 6yrs a call today. I actually did a little bit more than that. I took some sticky notes on my way home from work and placed them on her mailbox each individual sticky reading each word "i will always love you" as she flips through them (kinda queer, but sweet). Then i called her and told her that i was ready to commit to her completely (???). Now this is what i dont understand. I have known this girl for a very very long time and i can honestly say that i love her and want her to be happy. so why is it that, i know that i really am not ready to completely settle down with her yet, but knowing that i may lose her completely, im willing to compromise???

Well, i guess it blew up in my face completely. She told me that she was begging me for the last 2yrs that we should get back togehter exclusively and i didnt listen. NOw its to late. (really hard to hear from the same girl that would do absolutely anything for me)

I am not really sure what to think. Is this somewhat of a test to see if i will just let her walk? Or even if she isnt playing any games, do i let MYSELF let her walk away and get away with the other guy? isnt something you want bad enough worth fighting for?

Paul owen said it best....

I enjoy going out and flirting with other women and having a good time...but there is this part of me that loves the fact of knowing she is there beside/behind me when i get home.

 

[Dee-Zy]

WTH? I have more trouble understand'N u then women right now.

What did u say? U don't want her but you want her??? huh? what? Who? Where? When???

 

[lerxst]

Why do you think iqqi was laughing at you? Many of us saw what you could not from many miles away. You were so wrapped up in you, you forgot and took her for granted that she would always be there. Yes, she had been giving you hints/signs/warnings/whatever for the past two years. You were completely clueless and uninterested. She moved on a long time ago before two weeks ago. Two weeks was your offical end. Face it. It is over. The test was the past two years. You failed them completely.

Then, you ask us what you should do, we give you our recommendations and you do the exact opposite, cause you know better. And then you come here wondering why it didn't work. No kidding it didn't work. You went complete AFC. You know, I don't know what tell you. Read the DJ Bible ? You're gonna need it. It looks like you're gonna need to find a new Mommy now. That girl is gone, she was a long time ago and you didn't even know it. Take this whole thing as a humbling learning lesson. You can't have your cake and eat it to forever.

 

[dontmindme]

When they say women are illogical, unpredictable, and men will never understand them, i am starting to believe the hype!

How were you any more logical?

 

[STR8UP]

It's called "having your cake and eating it too", and the world doesn't work that way.