What Should I Do? This is consuming me! :(

[Roober]

WHere you able to ever attract exgf back?

We broke up 3 weeks ago and I haven't heard a peep. Only thing is she added me on snapchat after a week, but that made it worse for me. I uninstalled it about 10 days ago because I could not resist the urge to look.

Looking at my situation, I could have righted the ship maybe 3 months ago, but eventually you get to the point of no return. When she ended it, it was with sincere conviction. Just to give you some ideas, I had 3 separate incidents of insecurity (for no reason at all), I always made my weekends available to her, told her I love you wayyyy too much, asked to be exclusive, and on and on. As the distance grew, I kept pursuing. Had I understood what I know now, we might have just grown apart or stopped talking. Instead, like a needy little bish, I kept pulling and pulling and pulling... I didn't understand the very simple concept that attractive women know they have options and will exploit that to the extreme. Fortunately for me, I am working on myself and will be better for it. She will be the same person 5 years from now...

If I am being honest with myself, I need more time to recover from my divorce, and I only realized that recently.

I read it somewhere on here which basically said that a breakup is a sign of a toxic relationship. Let me tell you though, reading it and accepting it are two completely different animals...

 

[pyros]

yeah, OP had two other girls he friendzoned, sure...

Either they are non-existent, they are fuglies, or they are ok but you would have screwed everything with them too had you gone out with any of them.

The main problem here is you OP:

You acted too desperate.
You were too much of a nice guy (you didn't try to get sexual with her)
You were too pushy.
You put her in a super high pedestal right off the bat.

Now, you cannot do anything to fix this. But you can avoid all these mistakes for future girls, if you're smart enough.

 

[Infern0]

The fact you are thinking and caring about this so much is your problem.

You are AFC with this girl, she sees you as a "nice guy"

You need to accept reality before you can change it

 

[marmel75]

She gave you 4 chances to fvck her and you chose not to even try...

 

[ModernMan1988]

I appreciate the the advice guys.

- I don't believe it's a given I could have slept with her within 3-4 dates, not every girl is quick to do that. However, I do appreciate had I approached it differently it could have very well happened. I've met girls, who i've done things very quiclly with and pushed it because i wasnt scared of the rejection with them.

- I think a big part of how I was feeling, was the rejection - I haven't had that before & I didn't know how to cope with it. The rejection definitely adds to the desire.

- I am a little disappointed to find that a lot of people in the forum are very defeatist. If we want something or someone, are we not the masters of getting it? I understand chasing will make it worse (i'm not suggesting i contact her first), but there should be a way to get back in there with confidence, elegance & skill - no one?

- Does no one have a suarve way of doing that?

 

[Teddy_Beer]

The fact that you're so obsessed over getting her has guaranteed your failure.

Trust me. I've been in the EXACT situation you are now. I once wanted a girl so badly that her interest was shot to hell. She went on to date a "jerk" (i.e: a guy who had game). You're heading towards the same path.

The posters above are not being defeatist but rather realistic. They've all been through this.

You might think perseverance is the key to getting her and while it seems like a good idea at first, the reality is...nothing could be further from the truth. Women don't think like that. To them, a man who hangs in there, even for "friendship" is a cligny man, a weak man.

And even if you DO manage to get her back, you'll be in a relationship on HER terms. SHE'LL be the boss. Is that what you want???

And no, sex within three dates is not too quick. The more you wait, the less it's worth it. In fact, I can assure you she was wondering what the hell was taking so long.

Sorry, but you lost this battle. it's time for you to move on.

 

[marmel75]

I appreciate the the advice guys.

- I am a little disappointed to find that a lot of people in the forum are very defeatist. If we want something or someone, are we not the masters of getting it? I understand chasing will make it worse (i'm not suggesting i contact her first), but there should be a way to get back in there with confidence, elegance & skill - no one?

- Does no one have a suarve way of doing that?

You just don't get it. The amount of effort that would be required compared to simply finding new women would be monumental and not worth it. And there is a high percentage chance it wouldn't work. When a woman gives you chances to fvck her and you don't take advantage of them, her respect for you AS A MAN goes to near zero....ie, she views you as a man who is afraid to go for what you want and scared to make a move...and that is an absolute attraction killer...

If a woman doesn't respect you as a man, your chance to fvck her is near zero. If you want to expend 10 times the amount of energy hoping that 3% chance you bang her happens, then go for it. This is what I talk about when I say way too many guys spend 95% of their time and energy pursuing un-interested women instead of finding new women who ARE interested.

The chances you had for your "confidence, elegance, and skill" to work were on dates 1-4...not suddenly after she goes cold because you didn't make any moves...