what r the rules if she cancels?

[Tao of Steve]

i ran a search on this, there 2 general trains of thought. 1 says a) if she has high intrest level, she won't cancel. next any girl that cancels. b) says, if she makes a specific counter offer, give her another chance - things really do come up.

now i met a 20 YO online (im 31), set up a date. she leaves a message just over an hour b4 we r to meet: 'i dont want to stand u up but i cant make it today. i'm wondering if u'd like to re sched? when i see u online, i will give u my # and that sort of thing. i hope to meet you soon'.

now when i set the date, she wouldnt give me her #, but wanted mine. now as some girls are wary about giving the number online, and she lives with parents, i thought it was legit, so i gave her mine (thus, in retrospect, giving her control).

i wont email her, but if she contacts me, and asks to get together, whats the consensus giving the details here? she did not make a specific counter, and still didnt leave her number.

 

[Hubris]

Do nothing, she'll give you a clear sign.

 

[iqqi]

there are no rules.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT!!!!

1. Why did she just leave you a message? Why didn't she call you?
2. Why didn't she give you a specific counter offer?
3. Why did she tell you that she would give you her number online instead of giving it you you right then and there?
Do I need to continue?

Stop dealing with online women who aren't serious. Serious women do not play games and will either give you their # OR meet with you first if she is actually interested.

There's your rules...

 

[SeldomSeen]

RE:

Take it how you want. I had a girl cancel on me with no message or anything. Didn't even return my phone call back. Now I could've said NEXT but I wanted to use a different tactic because this is the second time she ditched a date. So I used my bag of tactics or whatever you want to call em and now I not only got a date last night but a BJ to follow last night and one this morning when I woke up. LOL!
I did to turn the situation around after she cancelled I didn't *****, I didn't wine I didnt tell her she wasn't worth my time etc I just used my sense of humor and sent her a humorous email saying "see now you missed out on an awesome date with handsome man and I had to take some other fine girl out to enjoy my time, lol" She did email me back and say she was sorry etc but I never answered her back. After that she started emailing me some more and after 2 emails from her I replied and said "hey you're going to have to try harder than that for my attention, you're in the back of the line..LOL" I always showed a little sense of humor. Finally she agreed to meet me at Starbucks last Sunday. We had a great time and she said she is so sorry she didnt go out with me earlier but she was going through some sh** with an Ex. Anyway last night we had a dinner date followed by going back to my apartment and having a little fun. Use your book and bag of tactics before you through em away.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT!!!!

1. Why did she just leave you a message? Why didn't she call you?
2. Why didn't she give you a specific counter offer?
3. Why did she tell you that she would give you her number online instead of giving it you you right then and there?
Do I need to continue?

BULL**** BULL**** BULL**** BULL****... You need to get your head out of the stupidrules book and into real life k thx.

 

[Rondavu]

BULL**** BULL**** BULL**** BULL****... You need to get your head out of the stupidrules book and into real life k thx.

Ironically, this is exactly what it is attempting to describe something else as. It's Bull5hit. Anconia came up with 3 legitimate points to consider. She left a message without a number and a general let's reschedule at my mercy and convenience. This is most likely a blowoff. I would take it that way and play it like that. This way you don't set yourself up for dissapointment. If she makes an effort towards setting up another date then great. If she doesn't then reel it in and recast. Life's too short to be at the mercy of someone who has already blown you off once. The balls are on her chin now. It's her move. Until then proceed as normal. She has no right to expect an ounce of obligation from you since she purposely put you in a powerless position. If anyone had their head in a rule book it was the girl in question. Come on now. Leave a message? Make a general rescheduling? Only get his number? Sounds like a Womens Magazine advice article to me. Does it not? The sad part for her is she doesn't realize the guy she's trying to play with her periodical tactics made a checkmate style move. He asked our advice.

 

[OddTech]

It could be a whole sorts of reason. I say you give her ONE more chance. You play along with the whole instant messenger crap and try to set up for another date. Try to get the phone number, and say, "can you leave me your # so I can confirm or in case of an emergency?"

Watch out for any red flag, e.g., she refuse to give you her #, etc... I'll say it again, give her ONE more chance just for the benefit of the doubt. If she screws up and wanted to "re-schedule" again. Tell her, "No need."

 

[Rondavu]

You gotta love "No Need". So short and pointily. I can feel her heart dropping already from the guilt.

 

[MVPlaya]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
BULL**** BULL**** BULL**** BULL****... You need to get your head out of the stupidrules book and into real life k thx.

Nah, KC

Its not about rules, Francisco d'Anconia (FDA) "the greeaaat Don Juan verrom Spain" made some good observations. If she was interested in going out with him again she would have taken the initiative to hint at another date or set one up, her response, instead, signalled that she has little interest in our man and, therefore, FDA regulations stipulate that it is time to next.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by OddTech
It could be a whole sorts of reason. I say you give her ONE more chance. You play along with the whole instant messenger crap and try to set up for another date. Try to get the phone number, and say, "can you leave me your # so I can confirm or in case of an emergency?"

Watch out for any red flag, e.g., she refuse to give you her #, etc... I'll say it again, give her ONE more chance just for the benefit of the doubt. If she screws up and wanted to "re-schedule" again. Tell her, "No need."

yes, give her another chance to meet a don juan and lets see what you got... she said she was going to give you her number next time online - right? Then call her bluff and work for something tangible instead of cyber-kissing

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
BULL**** BULL**** BULL**** BULL****... You need to get your head out of the stupidrules book and into real life k thx.

It's guys with this attitude that will sit by the phone waiting for a woman to call back just to find out that he is either her second or even third choice if her first choice doesn't pull through. Once you meet a woman who IS actually interested, you will find out that she will do whatever she can to let you know when she is available to meet you AND she won't stand you up.

Guys that know how to qualify a woman by accurately determining her interest level do not have this problem. They also circulate enough to have their own other options if a woman can not make time for him. These guys circulate and do not have one-itis. Since they have other options, they don't have time to sit by the phone waiting in vain for a certain woman to call.

Some guys get it and some guys don't, then there are those who never will.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by MVPlaya
Nah, KC

Its not about rules, Francisco d'Anconia (FDA) "the greeaaat Don Juan verrom Spain" made some good observations. If she was interested in going out with him again she would have taken the initiative to hint at another date or set one up, her response, instead, signalled that she has little interest in our man and, therefore, FDA regulations stipulate that it is time to next.

I'm glad to see that people understand that the best judge of a woman's IL is what she does and not what she says. This instance was a typical high school blow off and she probably does it because she is constantly allowed to.

I don't want to categorize but I also have noticed that this is usually something that younger women do. This girl is 20 years old and you can only imagine that she has done many times before and she has yet to grow out of it.

How many of YOU would cancel a date an hour before you meet without it being an emergency? That is rude and juvenile. Even if you had to do it, wouldn't you call the person and leave a message explaining the situation and opening the door for another get together? Wouldn't you feel even a little bit sorry?

Alright, how many of you guys would wait around for a call back from a woman like this? Is it really worth your time to wait?

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

You are reading way too much into things. Lack of counteroffers or simular does not mean low IL, it MAY yes but not necessarily. There are MANY reasons that might make a girl sound uninterested in that way.

Besides people are WAY WAY WAY too fast to next people. Why not have her as a side project... There is NO problem having sideprojects like this while juggling lots of other girls and dates.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
It's guys with this attitude that will sit by the phone waiting for a woman to call back just to find out that he is either her second or even third choice if her first choice doesn't pull through. Once you meet a woman who IS actually interested, you will find out that she will do whatever she can to let you know when she is available to meet you AND she won't stand you up.

Guys that know how to qualify a woman by accurately determining her interest level do not have this problem. They also circulate enough to have their own other options if a woman can not make time for him. These guys circulate and do not have one-itis. Since they have other options, they don't have time to sit by the phone waiting in vain for a certain woman to call.

Some guys get it and some guys don't, then there are those who never will.

Yep! just like in sales, you've got cold leads, warm ones, and hot ones. prequal your leads, otherwise you'll be chasing the cold ones and wasting time. in a sense she already prequal'd herself. you may have thought she was warm or hot, but she is obviously on the colder side--at least for now.

sounds like she's a colder lead. don't next her. just lay back, keep the lines of communication open, and see if she cometh.

also in sales, always have something (hopefully a lot) in the sales pipeline. if you always have at least three in the pipe, this particular chick will be easily forgotten, if it comes to it.

i very rarely get blown out. when they do and there's a legit and specific counter AND they do it before the date, i will re-counter with a date that is about two weeks in advance.

if i get blown out without a prior call (and all the rest) and i'm sitting at the location like a jerk, and they later call or email me with the, "oh, i'm sooooo sorry i couldn't make it" bs, i will ignore her first two contact attempts. if i don't get a third attempt, i will wait it out for a week or two and respond to there's and take it from there.

also, if i get blown out in any way, i EXPECT THEM to pay for the evening, because afterall, they are now asking me out. i will also tell them this up front in a DJish way.

the key to all of this is that she knows you're a busy man and don't have time to bs around with her. if she knows you are not very busy and you do what i do, it will probably come off with undesireable results.

to sum, blowing someone out is the rudest most inconsiderate thing, man or woman. doesn't matter how old they are. the ball is now in her court. don't next her, but also don't spend much time on her, don't initiate anything and certainly DON'T ask HER out!

she had her chance, right?

 

[Charisma]

That fransisco dude is right imo. When you get a great job offer, but your car breaks down and you can't make it... will you just leave a message saying 'Sorry I missed it, blabla' You're going to try your hardest to make it clear you want the friggin job and you deserve it. That's the same way a girl would act if she's interested in you, not how a guy reacts, but a girl. So he has a point. I wouldn't give a **** what happened to her from the moment she cancelled by saying 'I can't make it sorry'. That's disrespectful for you and your time wasted.. as if you have nothing better to do then stand around waiting for a cyberdate

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
Yep! just like in sales, you've got cold leads, warm ones, and hot ones. prequal your leads, otherwise you'll be chasing the cold ones and wasting time. in a sense she already prequal'd herself. you may have thought she was warm or hot, but she is obviously on the colder side--at least for now.

EXACTLY! Good analogy. Here's another, when betting on a horse race people tend to focus on horses with the highest odds of winning. True the payoff isn't as much but those are the ones that have the best chance of winning. Why put forth a ton of effort on someone who isn't showing a lot of interest.

I can go along with the idea of not breaking off all communications with a flaky woman, however the ball will be in her court as for making the next step and I am certainly NOT going to wait around for it. If she calls and makes an offer AND I'm not busy, there's a possibility that I will take her up on it.

But again, chance of me being available would be slim because another I'd probably be out with another woman that is shows a a more defined interest level.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Charisma
I wouldn't give a **** what happened to her from the moment she cancelled by saying 'I can't make it sorry'. That's disrespectful for you and your time wasted.. as if you have nothing better to do then stand around waiting for a cyberdate

Good point, I don't understand why some guys put up with putting forth an extra effort to spend time with a disrespectful woman. Things come up I agree but come on, this guy was blown off. In one hand you have a woman that has a definite high IL and in the other you have one that has blown you off. Which would you choose?

 

[DankNuggs]

Example for you:

Just before the new year I had gotten in touch with this girl that was busy and said we could hang out after new years, I give a call the week after the 1st. We set up a date for a few days later...

I call her after work to confirm everything/get directions and she claims she is out shopping with friends, I don't think much of it as she's on break from school......She tells me she'll call back after shopping


She calls back later on to tell me "shopping ran late" and she had to take care of some dogsitting, and felt bad she'd be leaving the dogs....Also said she hadn't showered/changed/blah blah blah...She counters saying we could go out the next week....

My perspective:

She knew we were going out before she set up this shopping spree with friends, so she had complete control of her day. Due to the fact she went shopping, she had left her dog stuff unattended, so she pretty much intentionally scheduled something to conflict with our evening....Not a big deal, but at the same time she obviously wasn't real excited about the evening...

From her tone I got the feeling she wasn't very hyped up either, and the counter offer sounded cheesey, she mentioned her and her friends were going out the next weekend....

Conclusion:

So I told her it was no problem, I understood she had responsibilities she had to take care of, and I told her to have a nice night...I didn't counter or make mention that I'd call her...In my mind, it was on her to set something up as it was the second time I've made the effort....

I never called her back, and she never tried to call me....My advice would be to take an honest assessment of her interest. I'm not going to make a huge effort to go out with someone that isn't excited...

If I had to cancel on a girl, I'd make it very apparent one way or another that the cancellation wasn't indicative of my interest level...I expect the same. Otherwise forget it....