I think we need to be clear on what narcissism is in clinical, pathological terms. It isn’t being vain for ones appearance on its own. This is normal behaviour, especially for women.
I am not a psychologist but I have read extensively, having come up against them in business and it tends to follow 3 types:
Grandiose - excessive need for admiration. Thinks they are special and therefore they treat others like supporting actors and put their needs above others.
vulnerable -this is close to BPD. They feel they are hard done by and the world owes them something. Their challenges are harder than others and the world has to pay. It’s still entirely self centric in its world view.
Covert - these are the really dangerous ones. They can be identified by their open altruistic persona. They have carefully created sheep’s clothing to allow them to mistreat others.
The covert ones are the ones to really worry about, as no one would believe you if they expose them and they are EXPERT in mistreating you and using your reactions to show the world you are the one with the problem.
The way to deal with them:
avoid
Never divulge personal information
Let them subtlely know you’re on to them when you spot them. Don’t confront but give them the hint you know what’s up.
Always be careful if they ask questions or engage you. They are masters in induced speech. Eg they may spin a rumour you are negative about X and then ask you a questions seemingly innocent like “what’s your opinion on the bad points of x”, to which you will answer honestly but you were set up before hand.
if you’ve never met people like this, you haven’t met a narcissist.
if you have dated one, you would know, if she’s just a bit vain and self centred, she isn’t a narcissist. With a real one, youKNOW. You would have already lost assets, self esteem, they are vultures. You wouldn’t be questioning it.