What makes you think you DESERVE her?

[Sting]

The vast majority of posters on this site encourage you to adopt the mindset that you are the prize, and that women should be grateful to spend time with you. Guess what -- they’re wrong – and you’re even more wrong if you do.

Yes, you read correctly. Adopting the “I’m the prize” mindset with nothing to back it up is pure, unadulterated arrogance. What makes you think that a beautiful woman – no, make than any woman – should be honored to spend time with you? Put another way, what is it that you’ve accomplished that gives you the right to believe that you deserve the love and attention of a woman? The answer is probably nothing. And yet you’re trying to pretend you’re the prize in a vain attempt to attract women.

A mindset can't be adopted without some anchor in reality. The “I’m the prize” mindset is the result of having recently achieved something beyond your comfort zone – often beyond the comfort zone of most people. Those men who act as if they are the prize have, in fact, recently achieved something only others can dream about, and as a result are a source of awe and admiration. They are truly the “prize” because of the perceptions of others – not because of their own arrogant and egotistical views of themselves.

Therefore, if you want women to have a desire to spend time with you, it is up to you to achieve something in your life that gives you pride in yourself. True pride in your accomplishments can’t be faked, and if you try, you’ll be perceived by women as merely arrogant. Arrogance is ugly and unattractive.

 

[mahon83050]

I see your point, but I do not think it does anybody any good. Give us some examples of accomplishments of being the prize? professional athlete, model, musician entrepeneur....what are you talking about. If you are referring to things things most of us do not apply. Why can't people just think they are a good catch for simple things like speaking two languages, being good-hearted, martial arts expert etc.

 

[Sting]

Originally posted by mahon83050
I see your point, but I do not think it does anybody any good. Give us some examples of accomplishments of being the prize? professional athlete, model, musician entrepeneur....what are you talking about. If you are referring to things things most of us do not apply. Why can't people just think they are a good catch for simple things like speaking two languages, being good-hearted, martial arts expert etc.

You've given good examples in your own post. For example -- you speak two languages. Congratulations. Now, what do you do with your knowledge of those languages? Remember, knowledge is useless without action. You must use your knowledge of those languages in such a way that you accomplish something that you can be proud of -- which will give you the mindset that you're the prize.

Likewise, being a martial arts master is quite an accomplishment. Do you take pride in your martial arts skill? I'll assume that you do -- but what have you done with your knowledge of martial arts that gives you such a feeling of pride? Have you won any tournaments lately, or do you simply consider yourself a "master" in your own mind?

Human relationships are based on perceptions, and such perceptions are stronger when based in tangible reality. Knowledge is not power -- actions are power -- and visible actions are the most powerful of all.

 

[DJ Girevik]

WRONG!!!

What's better, thinking of yourself as the prize, or thinking of THE GIRL as the prize? As bad as the first may be, the second is worse. The logic is meant for newbies not to look at the girl as the prize to be won, but your post might get some newbies' AFC tendencies going again. I think of myself as the prize, because I have multiple options girl-wise, and I will pick the best one. I don't need a reason to do it, I do it because I'm me and that's all I need to be know and be proud of. It's not arrogance, it's CONFIDENCE. Confidence is knowing that you're the prize; arrogance is making sure everyone else knows it too.

 

[Oxide]

hey. let me give u a head's up on this


AFC BEHAVIOR BULLSH!T

 

[Lord_Galth]

Amen Oxide...

Sting: Here's my take on what you're saying, and let me know if I'm giving it too much credit.

I can see this post applying to guys who have taken the "prize" mentality too far, and who are now simply immoral arrogant @$$holes. However, THE VAST MAJORITY OF GUYS WHO NEED THIS SITE ARE NO WHERE NEAR THAT PLACE. One of the FIRST steps towards GETTING those things "beyond your comfort zone" is confidence, and what you wrote will SHATTER some guys attempts to get confidence. Instead of giving the power back to the women, why don't we take it for ourselves? AFC's, indeed a lot of men, fail to get women because they lack masculinity. The Prize mentality helps men become men. It can be checked later on, but normally by the time a guy reaches that stage he won't be on this board anymore because he'll be too busy with all the women he's getting.

Seriously. Go to girlproblems.com if you want to put the girl on a pedastal above yourself. As for me, I'll regard women as potential equals, if they can prove themselves to be my equals. I don't put them down, but I don't give them the benefit of the doubt, just like anyone else I meet. And certainly, given all that God has chosen to give me a passion for, I think I'm a great catch. I didn't before coming here, and that new confidence (not PRIDE, but CONFIDENCE) has been a tremendous help for me in turning my life mentality around.

I have to say that you are dead wrong. Serioulsy dead wrong.

-LG

 

[Ofus]

The whole point of believing that you are the prize instead of her is, to give yourself value.

Value is key to seduction. Why would anyone want to "seduce" someone without value?

When you believe your own value, it comes through and she will pick up on it. This will make her want to "seduce" you.

It is my opinion that this is seduction in it's entirety. In all of the SS stuff, and even in SexPDX's Juggler post, the point of the whole thing is to get the woman to see you as valuable. To get her to want you, and to get her to want to seduce you.

So if you act like you're not the prize, well, there goes your whole "seduction" attempt right out the window.

 

[Nine Breaker]

I think that many of you have misinterpreted what Sting is trying to say here…

While many of you acknowledge that it is far more preferable to put yourself upon that pedestal instead of a woman (and rightly so!), the point you have apparantly missed is that putting yourself upon the pedestal – believing that YOU are a rare and precious treasure to be sought and fought over – is going to completely disintegrate on you if you don’t have what it takes to back up your own words and thoughts.

Ever heard the old phrase ”You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?”

This phrase is a simplified version of Sting’s original point. How can you expect to make women believe that YOU are the “great” catch she is hungering for, if you will not be able to back up your words with the accomplishments and the abilities that real men are made of?

You will all find that there are (or were) several of the older DJ’s who would shout aloud in the forums that you need to work on yourself, and become a REAL man, before you can show this accomplishment to the world (and women) around you.

Another way of putting this is as follows:
Imagine that I am claiming to be a boxer. An opponent challenges me to a fight in the ring. There are 3 things I can do about this:
1/ Say that the opponent is a better boxer than me, and probably get horribly beaten in the ring as a result of my own fears and lack of self-esteem. This is the same as putting a woman on the pedestal.
2/ Say that I am a great boxer, and I’m gonna kick some bootie. Then when the fight comes, I get horribly beaten because I did not have the skills to back up my ****y attitude. This is like thinking that I am the great prize, when I have nothing to prove it with.
3/ Say that I accept the fight, because I have trained long and hard for it, and stand a good chance of walking away from the fight as the winner. This is what we mean by “being the prize”. It isn’t about hollow confidence in something we aren’t ready for, but faith in what we know we are capable of. In the above example, I might have lost the fight, or might have won it. This is the same for the whole “DJ game”. There are no 100% guarantees of getting any one woman, but ways of increasing our chances of a favourable outcome.

Take it easy.

 

[Slashco]

I understand what you're trying to say. The 'prize' mentality should be achieved through hard work and actually having success in life. If you don't do the work and skip straight to artificially having this mentality, you'll only end up an arrogant loser who's all talk and no action. If you're a fat messy slob who's broke and unemployed, all the confidence in the world won't make you attractive.

Someone else posted a similar thread a while back, the essence of which was that it's not enough to think you are a DJ, you have to actually BE a DJ. Word.

 

[Charisma]

Originally posted by Sting
The vast majority of posters on this site encourage you to adopt the mindset that you are the prize, and that women should be grateful to spend time with you. Guess what -- they’re wrong – and you’re even more wrong if you do.

Yes, you read correctly. Adopting the “I’m the prize” mindset with nothing to back it up is pure, unadulterated arrogance. What makes you think that a beautiful woman – no, make than any woman – should be honored to spend time with you? Put another way, what is it that you’ve accomplished that gives you the right to believe that you deserve the love and attention of a woman? The answer is probably nothing. And yet you’re trying to pretend you’re the prize in a vain attempt to attract women.

A mindset can't be adopted without some anchor in reality. The “I’m the prize” mindset is the result of having recently achieved something beyond your comfort zone – often beyond the comfort zone of most people. Those men who act as if they are the prize have, in fact, recently achieved something only others can dream about, and as a result are a source of awe and admiration. They are truly the “prize” because of the perceptions of others – not because of their own arrogant and egotistical views of themselves.

Therefore, if you want women to have a desire to spend time with you, it is up to you to achieve something in your life that gives you pride in yourself. True pride in your accomplishments can’t be faked, and if you try, you’ll be perceived by women as merely arrogant. Arrogance is ugly and unattractive.

So all of this is based on the fact that you believe that 'Nobody on this board has something to be proud of' ? I am a prize, women miss out some of the best experiences in life when they cancel a date with me, and if they mess up a LTR, that's just a fact, and that's a good mindset. You are probably a really dull person and are in fact NOT a prize, but a lot of men ARE.

 

[geneticperfection]

Disagree wholeheartedly with this post.
When I was a fat slob, I felt I was ugly as hell. It stayed with me, till someone told me I had nice eyes and a sweet smile. I started believing I had nice eyes and a nice smile. Lo and behold, I started acting like I had attractive features. And that caused me to build up on my weaknesses, got a better body, and eventually got me quite a lot of what I wanted.
To give a distant example. 2 identical twins. 2 different attitudes. Ones a total AFC, the other is a hardcore DJ. They are identical and the AFC actually works out more than the DJ, so has a better body. Yet the DJ gets all the gorgeous ladies while the AFC is still pining away on this ****-eyed skinny thing he dated 2 years back, and rarely gets any. one believed he was all that. He had the prize attitude. It got him prizes. The other didnt feel the same way. He's alone and looks damned miserable everytime I see him.
Attitude makes the diff. Even if you're a dead hot dude, go out one day with an opposite attitude. Slouched shoulders, unhappy expression. See if you land any good looking ladies that night. It aint gonna happen. I know my averages on nights when I'm feeling good and believe in me, and when I'm down and out. Believe you're the prize, make sure you're improving (thats what I'll take away from this post) and becoming a much better catch than you were before - if thats possible ;-) and the ladies will come flocking

 

[Ofus]

Originally posted by Nine Breaker
I think that many of you have misinterpreted what Sting is trying to say here…

While many of you acknowledge that it is far more preferable to put yourself upon that pedestal instead of a woman (and rightly so!), the point you have apparantly missed is that putting yourself upon the pedestal – believing that YOU are a rare and precious treasure to be sought and fought over – is going to completely disintegrate on you if you don’t have what it takes to back up your own words and thoughts.

This is a good point. I understand what you're saying and I agree completely.

When you truly see yourself as a prince/the price/the one/etc, chicks will pick up on this and they will notice it. However, like you say, if you believe you are "the prize" and you don't act on it by improving yourself and making yourself more desirable, women won't be fooled.

 

[Ofus]

Good post Sting.

 

[Slashco]

Originally posted by geneticperfection
Disagree wholeheartedly with this post.
When I was a fat slob, I felt I was ugly as hell. It stayed with me, till someone told me I had nice eyes and a sweet smile. I started believing I had nice eyes and a nice smile. Lo and behold, I started acting like I had attractive features. And that caused me to build up on my weaknesses, got a better body, and eventually got me quite a lot of what I wanted.
To give a distant example. 2 identical twins. 2 different attitudes. Ones a total AFC, the other is a hardcore DJ. They are identical and the AFC actually works out more than the DJ, so has a better body. Yet the DJ gets all the gorgeous ladies while the AFC is still pining away on this ****-eyed skinny thing he dated 2 years back, and rarely gets any. one believed he was all that. He had the prize attitude. It got him prizes. The other didnt feel the same way. He's alone and looks damned miserable everytime I see him.
Attitude makes the diff. Even if you're a dead hot dude, go out one day with an opposite attitude. Slouched shoulders, unhappy expression. See if you land any good looking ladies that night. It aint gonna happen. I know my averages on nights when I'm feeling good and believe in me, and when I'm down and out. Believe you're the prize, make sure you're improving (thats what I'll take away from this post) and becoming a much better catch than you were before - if thats possible ;-) and the ladies will come flocking

Agreed, but you still need both looks and attitude. The AFC in your example seemed to have low self-esteem and was unhappy, which is of course a turnoff. But it's also true that a good personality alone will not get you far if you don't have a good image. Anyway, I think the original post was directed more at those people who think they're 'all that', but without any successes to back up the attitude.

 

[Bungo Pony]

I agree with the post, but there are a few things missing....

To actually achieve the mindset of "The Great Catch", there are a lot of things that have to back it up. Accomplishments help, but self-realization on your positive aspects will be a major part of creating this "value" that people are trying to portray. Sure, you can think you're valuable, but if you let that zit on your nose stop you from being successful, you're not going to get far.

What we must do is take all the negative aspects that we've focused on for so long, put them aside, and start focusing on the positive aspects of ourselves. This is the root of building one's self-esteem. When our self-esteem raises, we start holding our head up, we're able to look people in the eyes, we're able to speak up when we feel it is necessary, negative comments others throw at us will slide right off our back - and people WILL take notice.

For people who are quite positive, thinking "I am the great catch" will bring on continuous success. For people who are generally negative, thinking "I am a great catch" will result in initial success followed by ultimate failure.

 

[icepick]

What makes you think that she needs to BE deserved?

You go after her if you want her. If she rejects you, that reflects on you. (In whatever "way" you want to take it: game/looks/confidence/whatever.) Asking why she didn't "see it" in you, and if she should have accepted you, and if you did or didn't "deserve" her, etc. is just a waste of your time.

It is good to think that you ARE the catch when you first start as a Don Juan because many guys are so used to thinking that they are "undeserving" somehow. This will snap them back into a confident outlook on life. Women are not the judges of anything. How many times do you hear someone complaining about a guy getting a girl that he does not deserve?

Forget about if you "deserve" her or not. WHO CARES! I know that she does not care, and if she does, you do not have her lust. (Which is the entire point here, you can always go buy a hot prostitute if you want a woman that will have sex with you for other reasons then lust.)

Female lust is not deserved, it just happens.

Strive to become worthy and it will "happen" more often.

 

[bust.it]

Re: Re: What makes you think you DESERVE her?

Originally posted by icepick
Forget about if you "deserve" her or not. WHO CARES!

That says it all .

 

[El brujo]

I don't think we should feel ourself as a Great Catch. your charisma would send out arrogant waves. You shouldn't worry about such things. I think, the true meaning about being a DJ is just being yourself, and you don't have to think about how you'll be feeling today. You should have integrated DJ'ing completely in your life, till it's become one with your person. Just feel like you feel, and feel happy, feel like a good person. Feel selfsecure. Don't go out walking on the streets and give every women the "I am the man" look, but just give them your manlike, seductive smile. Arrogance is a big turnoff for women and most of the times arrogance equals jerkish behavior. sorry bout the spelling.

Question: Do jerks really get so many girls or is all the stuff that I read about jerks exagerated?

Greetz and go with the flow

 

[Slashco]

Think of it this way. When you see a macho, posturing 'tough guy' trying to impress everyone with how cool he is, do you think "Gee, that guy is great! I wish I were with him/like him!". Neither do women...

 

[REDblueOI]

This is sad. Any man who doesn't strive to be a prize was given a penis and testicals by mistake. For he would be content with a vagina... and a life yearning for domination.

If you can't handle being arrogant, than how do you expect a woman to handle it? I'm so arrogant, I'm arrogant about being arrogant. But I am in control of the person I depict to the world. I flaunt my looks/brains/yadyada, but I have fun with it. Because I have fun, women have fun. Mood/tone is contageous.

Being arrogant isn't about proclaiming your sexyness at the top of your lungs... Its about assuming everyone will be wispering about your sexyness when they first lay eyes on you.

And if everyone's wispering, you know your the object of their desire... guess what sting... your the prize, and they love it.