what made you want to change?

[Luveno]

Ever have one of those girls that was completely obsessed with you, in a good way, but you blew it? I had one about 5 years ago.
She was quite possibly the most physically attractive girl I know from my region, and she had basically everything I was interested in: tall, blonde, huge blue eyes, respectful and feminine, among other traits.
However, I acted like a COMPLETE AFC and didnt do anything right.
What did I do wrong?

- I called her way too many times. I honestly can't define what made me do that. I guess I just wasn't aware of the rules of the game at that point.
- I didn't take initiative and kiss her when the time was right, becuase I was afraid I would be rejected (even though I was on like date #3 -which SHE asked ME out on).
- I didn't take chances and think of anything interesting to do, because I was afraid she wouldn't like it.
- I didn't take ANY hints from her. She was basically touching me and trying to get me alone all the time, and I just didn't cash in.

It was entirely my own fault. She gave me a ton of chances and I blew each and every one of them. Then she got sick of it and wiped me completely from her life, which is what any DJ would do to a girl when she just isn't cooperating.

Then I found sosuave and dr. love's articles ( great for beginners but there are problems), and that completely changed my life.

Today as I was walking home from university, I saw her across the busy street. It made me realize the concequences of being AFC in life, in any situation: You lose.

To everyone else, what was the defining losing moment in your life that caused you to seek out a change?

 

[spider_007]

well, some of us (me) never really had any chances, none that I recognized at the time anyway, so we decided to do something about it. Now that I think back three or four years, I was in the same position.
I had a gurl who loved to flirt with me, touch me.... but I was a total pvssy. I'm just now starting to get what she was doing, and haw I was reacting to it. Kinda makes me wish I had another chance.

 

[Drowning]

Asked a girl I had a crush on to junior-high "prom". She said yes, so I bought two tickets.

Two days before prom, she has her FRIEND tell me that she decided to get back together with her boyfriend and go with him.

I told her friend to tell her she could keep her ticket and went alone to the prom.

As I was sitting in the corner I came to the realization that I was a loser and decided to change that. Some time in early high school I found David DeAngelo's mailing list almost by mistake and became hooked. I used the list to find SoSuave and have been a member ever since. Made some progress, but there's still a lot to learn.

 

[Tazman]

Luveno, I know EXACTLY what your talking about......sad part is I didn't even get to take it slow (because it was all new to me) when I was 16 y/o because my first girlfriend was so much more experienced and "fast." I fell pretty hard after that experience, and now at 25 I have to make up for a lot of lost time. The next opportunity I get I may have to just "jump" in and say fvck it!

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

I was a total AFC and really wasted a lot of time on dead-ends with girls in college. There was one girl who was my "study buddy". We always did schoolwork to impress her. Gawd, the AFC crap I said and did to convince her to go out with me...it makes my skin crawl.

Another girl was cute and middle-eastern, but basically dumb as a board when it came to schoolwork. I'd try to help her to convince her I was a great guy. We actually did go on some "dates", but I never made a move on her. Was too afraid. Eventually, she said (in the middle of October or so), "I need more time to study, but we can hang out again at the end of the semester, in December." My response? "That's OK, you're worth waiting for." (?!?!?!?!?!?!?). Funny thing is that a couple years later, after I purged my AFCness, she emailed me a long message about her life and asked me how I was doing. I replied with two sentences: "Things are good. Hope you are well". In true DJ fashion, I spent no more time on it.

Eventually, I moved to a new area and knew NO ONE within an 800 mile radius. I did the online dating thing and had some success, probably because of my looks and general politeness more than anything else (I'm not Brad Pitt by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm decent, and I didn't come across as sex-starved like so many guys on those sites).

Anyways, I wasn't getting the satisfaction I wanted from online dating. I knew there had to be another way. I'd see movies and TV shows where guys would approach girls in supermarkets and bookstores. Surely this could happen in real life? I did some research and that's what brought me here.

 

[wjh]

I didn't have a defining moment. In fact, the ASF and DJ stuff was all material I ran into on accident (fortunately). But, it's been a great help to me when my family and friends aren't capable of explaining or helping me with relevant issues. I think I often lack a father-figure and search for items to guide me or help me become a better person. The DJ stuff has been the most important particularly because it deals with women; a subject that I've had trouble dealing with for a long time now. I hate feeling like a coward, I hate not getting what I want, and I hate not understanding what's going on within male/female social dynamics.

So, in conclusion; it fell into my lap, and I took hold of it. I decided to seriously use what was in front of me. Although, I didn't really see an alternative. I have an unquenchable thirst for improving myself and my quality of life. It was only a natural step for me to embrace this material and change for the better.

 

[Layla]

I'm the same as WJH. I found it and ASF by accident, and I was never really a total AFC. I learned a lot though, and I'm so happy that I found sosuave.

 

[penguin]

I got sick of the treatment. Being talked down to by females, and just generally ****ty treatment compared to others. Ones that got banged up more frequently than they change underwear didn't even let me touch them for a friendly hug.

So I decided I want to "step it up and be the boss" so to speak. I got so sick of feeling inferior and weak, and being taken advantage of by all females because i was "AFC" and mr. too-nice guy.

So since reading the stuff on the site, i demand more respect, and also respect myself a lot more.

Man I'd love to go to a party and see the females that disrespected me while I was really bad AFC. I'd welcome them to try again all they like No more doormat.

 

[Luveno]

How about some more stories?