What level of affection is normal when dating?

[justhe_justin]

Hi,


When dating new girls, the conversation goes well and I can sense sexual tension and interest, however I hesitate to initiate physical touch and thus rarely get intimate with woman with is very frustrating because I want to.

The thing holding me back is fear of being "creepy, rapey, and just overall making the girl uncomfortable in the case I overstep a boundary too early or misread her nonverbal interest. The "metoo movement" confirmed a lot of my paranoia.

In the past, I have been able to get drunk enough to muster up the courage to make an aggressive move such as going for a kiss or starting to touch women in intimate areas and I would just pray they don't accuse me of rape because I have no idea whether what I am doing is "okay" or not.

Some awareness in this area would greatly boost my confidence in knowing when and whether to escalate and will make women's time with me more enjoyable too because 90% of the time I can tell they get frustrated that I'm too scared to make a move.

If any part of my question is unclear, let me know and I will elaborate. This question pertains to the entire dating process, from the first dating leading up to sex.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Let her initiate physical contact first. Go for the kiss by the second date at the latest. If she likes you, she won’t be able to keep her hands to herself.

 

[Robert28]

Most women these days aren’t as affectionate as I prefer, or even as affectionate as they were years ago. I find that mostly older women are less affectionate than younger women, have no clue why that is.

 

[bat soup]

Hi,


When dating new girls, the conversation goes well and I can sense sexual tension and interest, however I hesitate to initiate physical touch and thus rarely get intimate with woman with is very frustrating because I want to.

The thing holding me back is fear of being "creepy, rapey, and just overall making the girl uncomfortable in the case I overstep a boundary too early or misread her nonverbal interest. The "metoo movement" confirmed a lot of my paranoia.

In the past, I have been able to get drunk enough to muster up the courage to make an aggressive move such as going for a kiss or starting to touch women in intimate areas and I would just pray they don't accuse me of rape because I have no idea whether what I am doing is "okay" or not.

Some awareness in this area would greatly boost my confidence in knowing when and whether to escalate and will make women's time with me more enjoyable too because 90% of the time I can tell they get frustrated that I'm too scared to make a move.

If any part of my question is unclear, let me know and I will elaborate. This question pertains to the entire dating process, from the first dating leading up to sex.

They won't think that you're being "creepy" if they like you. If they object to you touching or getting close then they probably were never interested in the first place.

But you shouldn't escalate suddenly like that. You have to go step by step, but not necessarily slowly. If you like you can look at some of the books that I've written that go deep into this subject.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Good Looking Loser once said: “You have to risk being creepy”

 

[Robert28]

The first 3 months you're seeing her, you treat her like a man with boobs.

You give her a scrap of affection here and there. That's it.

That’s very risky in this day and age. She will assume your interest level in her isn’t high and Abe will dump you and find someone else that will worship the ground she walks on. I’ve had it happen to me several times. I’m not the type to be aggressive and I’m a pretty quiet stoic guy, that doesn’t work with majority of women these days. They want the guy that texts the first thing in the morning after only one date, they want the guy to ask them out right away again and if you wait a week or more she will just go meet someone else. The types of guys they want these days, I’m not at all, and i can’t learn to be that way.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I go for kiss on 1st date.

 

[Robert28]

I go for kiss on 1st date.

Even that isn’t enough these days. I’ve kissed many girls on the first date and gotten rejected after the second date.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Even that isn’t enough these days. I’ve kissed many girls on the first date and gotten rejected after the second date.

That’s why I go for sex right away

 

[Robert28]

That’s why I go for sex right away

You honestly have to. Taking time to get to know someone has long gone out the window these days.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Most women these days aren’t as affectionate as I prefer, or even as affectionate as they were years ago. I find that mostly older women are less affectionate than younger women, have no clue why that is.

Older women are broken.

 

[sangheilios]

@justhe_justin

I'm going to get into some details based upon my observations and experiences, I'm hoping you can gain something from this.

What you are dealing with is in fact a very common issue with young men today, so you are not at all alone. It's not that unusual for men to be otherwise successful and relatively normal but yet struggle due to lack of social skills and dating experience. A lot of women will in fact expect you to be fully capable of reading them and not being able to do so due to inexperience is looked down upon. A woman may be into you but if you are hesitant and unsure of yourself they may see it as "creepy" and lose interest. On the flip side, they also expect you to go for what you want and take it.

While I mentioned the issues pertaining to the male side, there are most certainly some relating to the female side. From my observations, a lot of young women today seem to lack social skills and common sense. One of the terms I've seen on here is that many have terrible game and have absolutely no idea how to interact with men. I'm going to cite an example for you that illustrate this point very well, I have others but this one is very detailed.

- A few years ago I approached this girl at the gym who was making repeated eye contact. The interaction was a bit awkward but I decided to make a move, to which she said "I had a boyfriend". A totally normal response to this was "It was nice to meet you" and I walked away and went about my business. This woman went OUT of her way to approach and interact with me when I was there, was always smiling a lot, etc. I'd see her every couple weeks and this went on for a couple months and I decided to try again, to which she naturally rejected, she also never had a boyfriend. She literally had no clue why she was getting asked out, absolutely no clue lol. This woman was displaying that she had a massive issue with social skills and had absolutely no self awareness, completely incapable of knowing how to interact with a man. This is the type of woman that is very likely going to get into trouble with men in the future because of her lack of social skills.

As for concerns regarding "me too" and other nonsense, here is my input on this. Yes, this is in fact something that you see but from my observations most normal woman are not this bat **** crazy. Most of the women that get involved with all these sexual harassment cases are generally those who had encounters with celebrities, athletes, etc. because there is a tremendous amount they can gain from it, whether that be financially or simply being able to garner more attention. This really isn't something to concern yourself with.

 

[Velasco]

That one autistic girl is not representative of all girls.

This really isn't something to concern yourself with.

yea. and I also highly doubt anyone here has ran into the boogyman feminist the moansphere complains about too.

also saw this today.

the leader of all this

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

That one autistic girl is not representative of all girls.

yea. and I also highly doubt anyone here has ran into the boogyman feminist the moansphere complains about too.

also saw this today.

the leader of all this

Yea I have no idea who these "Rollo" or "Pook" characters are. But I'm experienced enough in the world to know they're probably frauds.

 

[indiff]

Older women are broken.

ive never understood the whole older woman who have had high body counts and alpha widowed until I experienced it myself: it’s like they have this empty shell and soulless vibe going on. A sharp contrast to the young, cheery, fun and adventurous chick who isn’t high mileage.

 

[Mazer]

I kiss them halfway through on the first date, Why wait until the end of the date?! I have had a 90% success rate with this method. Make sure she is enjoying your company before you go in.

 

[justhe_justin]

That’s very risky in this day and age. She will assume your interest level in her isn’t high and Abe will dump you and find someone else that will worship the ground she walks on. I’ve had it happen to me several times. I’m not the type to be aggressive and I’m a pretty quiet stoic guy, that doesn’t work with majority of women these days. They want the guy that texts the first thing in the morning after only one date, they want the guy to ask them out right away again and if you wait a week or more she will just go meet someone else. The types of guys they want these days, I’m not at all, and i can’t learn to be that way.

This post is very relatable. Furthermore, also would be helpful to get a sense for a normal dating "pace". Like, the timing how when things should be progressing.

 

[justhe_justin]

Affection. Follow the 80/20 rule and you will be fine.

How does 80/20 apply to affection?

 

[justhe_justin]

That one autistic girl is not representative of all girls.

yea. and I also highly doubt anyone here has ran into the boogyman feminist the moansphere complains about too.

also saw this today.

the leader of all this

I seem to encounter them a lot, especially on dating apps.

 

[justhe_justin]

bought it