What lessons have you learned from online dating?

[AriannaNation]

I was thinking to myself the other day of all the "hard" lessons I've had to learn since I've become single - and its been a lot unfortunately.

I was married for nearly 20 years (straight out of high school) so I never really dated until I separated and later divorced a few yrs ago. Married my very first boyfriend -- so everything I've learned has come later in life. Stuff that most people knew from dating in their early teens and 20's I was just learning in my late 30's and 40's! I felt really stupid for a while, got pretty badly hurt and banged up in my dating life.

I guess people that have spent most of their lives single can't relate to what I'm saying. When I read on these forums the hateful comments about how a woman shouldn't have "put out" done this or done that with a guy I feel bad for the person. I don't think anyone deserves to be manipulated, ignored, dismissed just because the other person thinks they don't owe him/her anything! Whatever happened to human decency and treating people they way you would wish to be treated?!!

But anway -- but back to the original question: What lessons have you learned from online dating or dating in general?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Your name is hilarious. Unless you're really a skinhead. Then it's just sad.

I don't know how to sum up what I've learned about dating in one post. But I'll just say have standards. You're a little older than many of us, so let's just say, you probably don't want to spend a lot of time playing around. If some guy is giving you signs that he's not open to a future with you, drop him. If he has habits that you disagree with. Drop him. I'm 28 and I don't waste time trying to change girls. So I'm sure you don't want to mess around with "fixing" people.

You were married for 20 years, so obviously being alone is an adjustment for you. Learn to like it. You have time to learn some new skills, pick up some hobbies, etc. Stay strong and be true to yourself. There's nothing worse than realizing you dated someone for 3-4 months just because it was convenient and you didn't want to be alone. If you didn't like that person in month 1, you probably won't like them in month 4.

I don't feel like writing a bunch of stuff. So I'll just tell you what I'd tell you if you were a man. Read the DJ Bible, develop confidence in yourself, and learn to love yourself as an individual. Accept that a relationship complements your life. It doesn't complete it.

(I don't do online dating, as I'm young (relatively), single, social, and attractive. I think of online dating as a crutch for people who don't have what it takes to develop relationships in person. Of course I understand that some of us are too busy to go out meeting people in at the gym, yoga class, or at the bar)

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

In terms of what Mantis said about learning to love yourself, taking up hobbies and self-improvement, I'm with that 100%. You cannot go back in time; yet you can learn and grow from your experiences. While you recognize the steep learning curve of being a newly single woman, you have the depth of experience in knowing what it's like to be in, and maintain a long-lasting relationship. Use that knowledge before jumping into another one. And while idealistically, we should all be treated with respect, you and I both know that the world does not operate that way. Love and respect others but keep an eye on deception.


With that said...what have I learned? A great deal. And specifically from Online Dating? Even more. Yes it can be a crutch for the socially inept. I am a prime example as I began to date via the net because I was shy and moved around a lot during my teens. I was a lame. Yet, given the year is 2010 and given that just about everyone is online, it makes no sense to ignore this medium of dating. I've had great experiences meeting hundreds of women online including some past girlfriends. I even wrote 3 guide books (2 for men, 1 for women) on the subject. Fact is, once you get that person in the flesh, HOW you two met doesn't matter.

Check out this 3-part video I filmed on New Years in NYC, talking to people about their thoughts on online dating:

http://flynesspublishing.webs.com/apps/videos/channels/show/1308582-the-flytube

This will help you gain a perspective on how people view the subject. Good luck!

 

[romanticman]

I am 41 and know how you feel. Just be true to yourself and have faith. Only advice I can give about online dating is to not invest too much time in someone before meeting them. I personally spent several months speaking to someone only to meet and find they did not look as they said .. Despite this they were attractive and then got friendzoned. I think online chemistry is not a good indicator as a meeting.
Hope this helps..take care..good luck

 

[Dedication]

I was thinking to myself the other day of all the "hard" lessons I've had to learn since I've become single - and its been a lot unfortunately.

I wish I had gone trough your experience with online dating man! I'm just starting out and learning the night game, haven't touched online or day. Care to spare some tips with real life story's??

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

I wish I had gone trough your experience with online dating man! I'm just starting out and learning the night game, haven't touched online or day. Care to spare some tips with real life story's??

I'm not sure why PUA's tend to divide "game" into "Day Game", "Night Game", "Club Game" etc. True, there are different techniques. But the "game" never stops! Never limit yourself. Instead, adapt to your environment like a chameleon

For instance, a few years back while shopping at Whole Foods in the Boston area, I noticed a RIDICULOUSLY cute woman bagging groceries. She had the "college-girl" look and I immediately got in her line. While she was bagging my groceries, I locked eyes with her, I smiled confidently, and made small talk. At the end of our exchange I said, "What you can't help me to the car with my bags?" So she did. We exchanged numbers and we "connected" many times since then. If I had solely relied on "Night Game" or "Online Game" that would never have happened.

Online dating involves more "Specialized" skill. It is not as easily compared with "live game" since you're dealing with profiles and messages, rather than eye contact and words. Yet, it is a skill. Without skill, people make themselves look dumb. Often, men send ineffective messages and brown-nose women. Also, women create ineffective profiles making themselves look hoish or boring, thus attracting the wrong men. Any attempt at a task without the proper skills is a potential disaster.

Here's an example of my attempt to date a woman I met online that was an almost-disaster. This is also documented in one of my books. I met this girl online a few years ago who was what you may call an HB10. She was absolutely beautiful to the point where I thought her profile was fake. Like most guys would do, I ignored just about every warning sign and concentrated on her beauty. I exchanged numbers with her quickly and arranged a date. Even back then I was GREAT at flirting but I did not pay any attention to the WARNING signs: her fascination with blood and gore (thoughts of death), her obsession with cartoons (immaturity/living in a fantasy world), or her blogs which detailed her dissatisfaction with life.

After meeting we literally "hit it off" physically. It was so good, I saw her about 4-5 in the first week of meeting her. Within a couple of weeks, she told me that she loved me. She began calling many times per day, just to talk about nothing...then she started calling at 3 and 4 in the morning. When I needed to get off the phone, she would get extremely agitated. I started to try to ignore her but it wouldn't work. So one day I told her that we should stop "messing around." A day or two later, I was at a family cookout and she continuously rang my phone. I wouldn't answer. Then she started leaving crazy voicemails saying that she was going to kill herself. Sometime later, her cousin called me and told me that this girl was actually a former mental patient and has attempted to kill herself in the past. Nuts right?

To my knowledge, this girl is thankfully okay now. She ended up moving a few weeks later, as did I the following year. But that's a prime example of "surfing" the web without a "board" of knowledge

 

[sodbuster]

Lets see-if they spell it colour or humour and say they are in a city near you-they are probably a Nigerian scam. If they use the where we use a-russian scam. As far as real women online.If they are from a larger city and can't find a man? They think too much of themselves-reality hasn't hit them yet.[just because I'm 6'2",240,2 kids and a Dentist and you are 5'2" 240 and are a welfare mom with 2 kids DOES NOT mean we have alot in common]
AS far as the real world. Women overestimate the power of puzzy. I'm not 15, I'm 50. I'm not giong to put up with as much sh1t as I used to for sex. If your ex-husband put up with it because he had to[in marriage],I'm free to see other women-I won't.
For those of you who have read my pizza analogy,you can skip the rest.
When I was a kid,Iloved cheese pizza,then I found pepperoni,garbage,exotics;pizza and beer-heaven! Then I bought a Pizza parlor and added 2 other stores[kids]. In order to get rid of the Pizza parlor I had to shell out 200k. But I'm still making payments on the other 2 stores.
Will I still eat pizza? yes if the price is right and I'm in the mood. Will I walk 3 miles through snow and pay $200 for a slice? not a chance in he11.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

I personally think that online dating isn't the way to go. This is mainly because people can hide behind profiles and text.

I suggest you ask some of your girlfriends or guyfriends to hook you up with guys. Social circle gaming can be very efficient because, if you have some really good friends, they'll be more capable of matching you with a guy that you'll get along with.

Hey, online dating, it's worth a shot. People have done it successfully.

I was thinking to myself the other day of all the "hard" lessons I've had to learn since I've become single - and its been a lot unfortunately.

I was married for nearly 20 years (straight out of high school) so I never really dated until I separated and later divorced a few yrs ago. Married my very first boyfriend -- so everything I've learned has come later in life. Stuff that most people knew from dating in their early teens and 20's I was just learning in my late 30's and 40's! I felt really stupid for a while, got pretty badly hurt and banged up in my dating life.

I guess people that have spent most of their lives single can't relate to what I'm saying. When I read on these forums the hateful comments about how a woman shouldn't have "put out" done this or done that with a guy I feel bad for the person. I don't think anyone deserves to be manipulated, ignored, dismissed just because the other person thinks they don't owe him/her anything! Whatever happened to human decency and treating people they way you would wish to be treated?!!

But anway -- but back to the original question: What lessons have you learned from online dating or dating in general?