What is your weakness?

[oldmanofthesea]

At this point in my life, with the experiences I have had, I am not sure I can attach anymore, so that hasn't been a problem for me lately. Part of it is that I can see all a girl's red flags and then based on past experience, see exactly how the relationship would play out into the future, so this prevents me from attaching. The other part is that, because of that, and because I have a busy life and don't have a hard time meeting women (well, this year has svcked until very recently due to mask mandates where I am), it's just easier for me to stay detached. I think if I met an 8 or 9 who seemed well adjusted, I'd probably get attached. Thing is, I just never meet them. And it gets worse the older you get because it's like Ross or Home Goods - one of those places that buys all the sh*t the good stores can't sell.... that's what you are picking through when you are dating single women in their 30's. I date women in their early 20's but don't find them to be interesting enough to be relationship material.

My "type" weakness is petite, slender blonds and red-heads. Under 110lbs. Preferably under 5'6".

In dating, my weakness is attracting women with NPD and BPD and just general nut jobs, and also not ejecting quick enough (though I am good at setting boundaries and enforcing them, I let them beg me back which is 100% on me). I think it's because I like hot women and hot women are the craziest. Combine that with the fact that all the moderately sane hot women already being taken and, well, there you go.

The girl I've been seeing for a month now is crazy hot, 35 (old for me but not by much), and has the exact body type I like (blond, weighs 105 lbs and is 5'6" with crazy long legs and a huge thigh gap). I've done a good job and she's bought-in hook line and sinker. Would do anything for me and is great in bed. Cooks for me etc. But she doesn't have many friends and complains about the ones she does, as well as a lot of other "annoyances" she is always venting about - pretty negative overall, plus the usual anxiety issues nearly every woman seems to have. Her venting/complaining is never about me though - but experience has shown me that I will become the target in due-time. The pattern is: Love bomb / you're my savior -> idolize -> realization -> demonization - > attack / crazy. This time, I will not let a girl beg me back. She gets ONE chance (which is probably too many) because I believe a woman needs that in order to understand you mean business in enforcing your boundaries, but I need to leave it at one and that's it.

3 years ago I failed to pull back hard enough on a girl and got dumped. That was the last time I've been dumped. I thought setting a date once a week (and not initiating contact) was about as far of a pull-back as was needed as long as she always agreed to the date and showed up for it (which she did), but there are some women who you have to pull back even harder on and get to the point where they are asking to see you instead of you asking to see them. There is a popular phrase in the manosphere that says, "You need to give women the time and space to miss you" and sometimes the amount of space some women need is greater than you would imagine.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Can you elaborate on the "just be yourself" part being a bad idea? I find that being your genuine self is a great way to vet out all low interest woman from the get-go.

I think a lot of guys believe that "just be yourself" means "I can act however I want and they will all still want me". which is the male equivalent of "Big is beautiful".

If yourself is charming and pulls women do that. If yourself has several errors and incorrect boundaries fix that sh1t.

 

[xplt]

1. I forgive too fast.

2. I think too much.

3. I want to solve everything on my own.

4. I have too much interests and burn myself out fast if I'm not careful.

5. Beer. Pilsener to be precisely.

Can you elaborate on the "just be yourself" part being a bad idea? I find that being your genuine self is a great way to vet out all low interest woman from the get-go.

I'm totally with you. I'm not comfortable playing a role nor am I a fan of the "fake it till you make it" attitude. People like you or they don't.

 

[powersize]

1. Put the girl as a prize instead of myself
2. Care too much
3. Do not check the girls

Probably fixed 1st point so far.

 

[Stuffnu]

i spent too many of my younger years caring for what she thinks or says and not judging on her actions.
With experience and some help from my brethren, I flipped the switch.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Having too many expectations. Working on it.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

Can you elaborate on the "just be yourself" part being a bad idea? I find that being your genuine self is a great way to vet out all low interest woman from the get-go.

I think a lot of guys believe that "just be yourself" means "I can act however I want and they will all still want me". which is the male equivalent of "Big is beautiful".

You just answered your own question.

 

[Fruitbat]

My junk is too big.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

My junk is too big.

Same

 

[Glassguy]

All good responses so far. I think the first thing to improving and being more successful with women is realizing what we need to become better at.

Good stuff guys.

 

[Fruitbat]

As Prince Andrew said “if anything it’s my tendency to be too honourable”

 

[RangerMIke]

What kind of effort?

I'm not sure, but I suppose it depends on the chick. It used to be that you would ask out a woman, she would say yes, you would hit it off, you'd ask her out again, she would say yes... then this kept going until she started reaching out to you first. This is what was normal. You expressed interest by asking her out: she would express interest by continuing to accept, until you got to a point where you are putting in equal effort to keep things going. Then at some point as things are moving along, she would pull back a little to see what you would do, if you don't over react, well... then you would be good for some time more. Older women 40s and 50s, still do this. Younger women not so much.

Now.... well a significant minority of women will pull back almost right away... if I was dating 15 years ago I would take this to mean she isn't interested and just move the fvck on. I'm too old to change and really I don't have the time or energy for this. But I've had several women in the last five years that would flake and make things hard, then later would actually tell me they thought I wasn't interested because they didn't think I put in enough effort. To me... my effort is asking them out... but with younger chicks, apparently that isn't enough.

I suspect this has more to do with the illusion of abundance created by social media, dating apps and the over supply of pvssy worshiping jack@ss simps. Man I could tell you stories, but I know one chick that suffers from depression severe enough to requires ketamine therapy, is neck dee in debt, in her late 30s about to hit the wall hard, and she has a boyfriend that pays for island excursions, trips to NYC, flying her first class all over the place, he is emptying his wallet to be with her. If he didn't do this, there would be another dude willing... When you see them together it's just sickening, she has this little dog that he takes care of like a butler and takes pictures of her having fun on his dime that she posts on social media. Any normal man that cares about himself and future wouldn't want anything to do this this chick.

Anyway before she hits the wall at full speed, she'll marry this fool and ruin his life completely. I know a lot of women like this.

 

[Glassguy]

It used to be that you would ask out a woman, she would say yes, you would hit it off, you'd ask her out again, she would say yes... then this kept going until she started reaching out to you first. This is what was normal. You expressed interest by asking her out: she would express interest by continuing to accept, until you got to a point where you are putting in equal effort to keep things going. Then at some point as things are moving along, she would pull back a little to see what you would do, if you don't over react, well... then you would be good for some time more. Older women 40s and 50s, still do this. Younger women not so much.

Now.... well a significant minority of women will pull back almost right away... if I was dating 15 years ago I would take this to mean she isn't interested and just move the fvck on. I'm too old to change and really I don't have the time or energy for this. But I've had several women in the last five years that would flake and make things hard, then later would actually tell me they thought I wasn't interested because they didn't think I put in enough effort. To me... my effort is asking them out... but with younger chicks, apparently that isn't enough.

Spot on.

Most simps will lose their mind when the chick pulls back. And eliminate themselves from her dating pool.

I make the move to ask her out, she accepts. If she makes things hard, I eject.

Dating was MUCH easier 15-20 years ago. As long as the high interest was mutual, things were super easy. 2-3 "dates" and then she was coming over to watch a movie, cook dinner, etc. Women today just drag stuff out and I think the reason they do is because they THINK they have all of these other options. When in actuality they do not.

So they dont want to commit right away (Yes women used to commit very early on if they had high interest in the man) because they want to see what is the best option.

Anymore I just bounce and go the other direction. If she was pulling back to see how I would handle it, she better hurry the fvck up and catch back up to me or I am gone.

I have had a few women tell me that I "act differently" than most guys. And they say its because I dont blow their phone up, I dont act all beta and I really do my own thing. Busy life.

Its funny because the new chick I went out with last Friday and banged (even without the sex it was one of the better dates Ive had in a while) we talked about how things should go when dating. You go out, if you have a good time you agree to go out again. Wash rinse and repeat.

Things were all good. Sending me pics of her @ss in panties Saturday morning and then started acting a little distant. No worries, I start going the other way. She catches up or I am gone.

Too much overthinking and game playing in today's dating world IMO. High interest sets the tone for how any relationship starts and how it goes through the duration of it. If there isnt crazy high interest or she thinks she can do better, its not going to be a good investment of a man's time into her.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Not so much a "weakness" but more of an epiphany over the last 1-2 years.

First, let me state I'm over 45, been single for about 5 years, and have dated 70-80 women in that time. I've come to a disheartening conclusion in that time: That considering the amount of time I would have to put in on apps, IRL, venues, etc., etc. just to find one or two decent women to ask out, that will likely fizzle after 2-3 dates...

The effort I would need to commit to dating in 2021 -- at the expense of the my hobbies, health goals, money goals, interests, free time, my business, and my friends -- is just not worth the TIME I need to invest to do it properly.

What I'm saying is the ROI in modern dating is a fool's errand.​

Sex? I have apps and w*ores for that.

Companionship? Maybe. But, I've had my fair share of LTR's and to get that "companionship" you need to deal with a lot of female BS -- some psychological, some biological. Plus, I have a loyal Doberman.

I think Ranger Mike said dating was MUCH easier 15-20 years ago. I agree 100x. On many, many levels.

Thankfully, I'm the kind of guy that is perfectly fine "dating myself" and hanging solo or with friends. I don't get all anxious and nervous about being "alone." As a matter of fact, I much prefer it compared to the stress, passive/aggressive BS, tension and mostly the time suck of being in a LTR.

Not trying to be negative, and I really wish it was different, but it's not.

So I'm kind of like Mike Ditka (Google him if you're under 40). Legendary Hall of Fame Tight End as an NFL player and revered Super Bowl winning Head Coach in the NFL. So for now, I'm focused on coaching not playing.

Ciao.

~Dash

 

[GT40]

Petite women.
Stiletto heels.
legs.

 

[Robert28]

Women tend to come at me fast. Everything moves at light speed for the first month, they’re constantly texting, constantly asking you questions, wanting to see you. It’s VERY hard not to let it get out of hand but they basically force you too, the relationship feels rushed instead of progressing naturally like I’m used to in the past. Then as fast as their interest peaked, it falls just as rapidly. It comes out of nowhere and I usually hear “you don’t text first enough, you don’t seem that interested in me, blah blah blah”. Then it’s over just as fast as it began and they’re gone. When they pull back, they’re pulling back for good. I never chase them but I can get them to string out the fade for a couple of weeks but suddenly it’s hard to make dates with them when just last week it was easy, I was having to shoo off a b!tch because I wanted some me time. I dunno, I’m not cut out for dating this day and age. I was good back in the day and things progressed at my comfort level and if you got 3 dates you basically knew you would end up in a long term relationship. Now? They’ll dump you coldly after 4-5 dates and you’ve met their friends and parents and sh!t.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

tall slender redheads

 

[BadBoy89]

I know one chick that suffers from depression severe enough to requires ketamine therapy, is neck dee in debt, in her late 30s about to hit the wall hard, and she has a boyfriend that pays for island excursions, trips to NYC, flying her first class all over the place, he is emptying his wallet to be with her. If he didn't do this, there would be another dude willing... When you see them together it's just sickening, she has this little dog that he takes care of like a butler and takes pictures of her having fun on his dime that she posts on social media. Any normal man that cares about himself and future wouldn't want anything to do this this chick.

Anyway before she hits the wall at full speed, she'll marry this fool and ruin his life completely. I know a lot of women like this.

The thing is he may be a fool but really, who teaches men on how to act with women?

They say the East brainwashes to keep control; North Korea, China, Iran, etc. Well the West brainwashes just as much if not more: Women should be worshiped, men are useless, women can do no wrong, if you don’t have a girlfriend you are a loser, if you don’t serve women you are a loser, if the sex is bad with women you are a loser, if she not happy you are a loser, if you are not married you are a loser, if you don’t have a child you are a loser, if she decides she wants out and you don’t give her half your stuff you are loser.

How can any man compete with this type of brainwashing? Add in the fact that some men have had some really bad experiences with women and are ridiculed by everyone by not having a woman, I can see a man doing that.

Not that I agree with it, but I can see the reasons behind it.

 

[RangerMIke]

The thing is he may be a fool but really, who teaches men on how to act with women?

They say the East brainwashes to keep control; North Korea, China, Iran, etc. Well the West brainwashes just as much if not more: Women should be worshiped, men are useless, women can do no wrong, if you don’t have a girlfriend you are a loser, if you don’t serve women you are a loser, if the sex is bad with women you are a loser, if she not happy you are a loser, if you are not married you are a loser, if you don’t have a child you are a loser, if she decides she wants out and you don’t give her half your stuff you are loser.

How can any man compete with this type of brainwashing? Add in the fact that some men have had some really bad experiences with women and are ridiculed by everyone by not having a woman, I can see a man doing that.

Not that I agree with it, but I can see the reasons behind it.

While I agree, it is too simplistic to just say this is all the fault of media and culture. As an engineer I always look to root causes of problems, then evaluate if the root causes can be addressed without creating un-intended side effects.

Why are we here and how did we get here?

We started to pander to women in western culture after WWII when we transitioned from a war based economy to peace time. To maintain the economy growth we encouraged commercialism, advertising was focused on creating the illusion of need with stuff we really didn't need. You had to own a car... you had to own a vacuum cleaner, dishwasher, a big house, a TV, telephone... since women are more susceptible to emotion based decision making (prioritizing want over need) advertising focused on them... product development focused on them. Instead of making tanks and selling them to the government, we transition to making cars and selling them to the average citizen. Then industry convinced Americans that assuming debt was a 'good thing'... this hasn't stopped, we continue to do this to the point where the Average American has $90k in debt, and our public debt is over $25 Trillion, with a "T" so every American born today already owes the government $70k.

We have been conditioned to believe need and want are the same things. 100 years ago, it would have been impossible to convince most Americans that taking on debt for cr@p you really didn't need was a good thing. In the 50s... you started seeing commercials on TV... and the TV shows sponsors supported all created the illusion that spending was a key component to happiness... a show that didn't do this, could not get sponsors. Likely the best and funniest TV show in the 1950s, which is STILL popular today, was "The Honeymooners"... but did you know that that show only lasted ONE SEASON. Why? Well it did not encourage consumerism, Ralph had a two room apartment, all he had was a TABLE, no TV... no telephone... and whenever his wife wanted to buy something, he flew into a rage. That show could not get ANY sponsors so it went off the air. Besides sketch comedy shows, westerns, which were popular... when you look at the sit-coms that garnered profitable sponsorship, "Father Knows Best", "I Love Lucy", "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet", "Leave it to Beaver"... all portrayed the American family living a lifestyle that would be IMMPOSSIBLE on the single income families the father was working. A recurring theme in ALL these shows was the wife and kids, emotionally manipulating their husband/fathers into buying things that was not needed.

Without women, our economy would collapse, so it is only natural that that society and culture encourages female worship. Anyway, if we changed the way we value women, and focused more on need rather than want, or economy would collapse... and the Great Depression would look like prosperity. I'll tell when exactly this reality hit me in the face. I was a brand new 2nd Lieutenant assigned to my first unit in the late 80s... my roommate and I lived in a great apartment right on the beach. We literally had two lawn chairs and a TV in our living room, my bedroom furniture was a mattress on the floor... I think he had a real bed, but that was it. Then when we got girlfriends, and suddenly furniture because a necessity. Well... yeah... you have to have furniture, but the point is that we really didn't NEED it. We were fine, we didn't spend a lot of time in the apartment anyway. When I got home I would grab my scuba gear or surf board and hit the water. we played golf, and went to clubs at night. The apartment was a place to crash, but we didn't 'live' there.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I can’t stay with one woman. Even in LTR my eyes wander