TarantulaHawk
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What Is True Confidence?
How to Let Go of Insecurity and Find Your True Self
By Laura Lawson Boatman, MSW, LCSW
Many people would like to feel more confident in their lives. But have you ever stopped to consider what true confidence might really feel like? I’ve spent a lot of time considering this question and as I’ve looked deeper and deeper into it, I’ve discovered some very interesting ideas.
Let’s start at the beginning. Everybody know what it feels like to not feel truly confident. In this state of mind, feelings of insecurity and self-doubt creep into your thoughts and perceptions about your life. The anxiety you feel in this state of mind can obscure any enthusiasm or inspiration you might feel for trying something new.
Why is that? Well, there’s a little negative voice inside you, that I like to call the mean old step-mother, that whispers all kinds of judgments and fears about you and your abilities into your ear. She loves to tell you why you shouldn’t try that new thing that you’ve been thinking about. Whenever a spark of inspiration comes to you, she immediately stomps it out, telling you that you’re not good enough, and who are you to think you could do that? She truly is a piece of work, that crazy old step-mother. You wish she would just be quiet for a while and let you explore your dreams and consider new possibilities for your life. But she just won’t stop. She thinks she’s doing you a favor by stopping you from doing something that would end up in disaster. She doesn’t realize that she’s keeping you from exploring and pursuing what your heart is calling you to do.
Those Negative Beliefs Are Not Really True
It’s important to realize that these negative thoughts and the feelings that go along with them are based on faulty reasoning. They are mistaken beliefs about you, your abilities, and your potential. They are based on fears that you will be destroyed if you try something and then find out that you really are “not good enough.” But here’s an important question for you: who decides who is “good enough?” Think about that for a moment. Who decides? Shouldn’t it be you? And if it is you, then don’t you have the right to define who you are yourself? Being “good enough” is just a judgment, just a thought. And you can change any thought to one that feels better. We’ll get into how to do that in the second part of this article.
Another mistaken belief that people who suffer from insecurity have is that they think they have to be experts right out of the gate at whatever they are inspired to explore. If they are not, that mean old step-mother lectures them about how this is proof that they are just not good enough, they just don’t have “what it takes” to be successful at whatever they are exploring. Now, does this seem fair and reasonable? What if each of us believed that when we were first learning to walk and we found ourselves falling over and over again? We’d all be crawling around on the ground to get where we want to go instead of walking around with our heads held high. Just the fact that we all did learn to walk, and talk, and do all the things we take for granted now is a testament to the fact that we have the innate ability and powerful motivation from within to learn new things and master new skills.
A wise person once said, “In order to do anything well, you have to be willing to do it badly.” Even the greatest masters in every field started at the beginning, stumbling along, one step at a time. They learned from their mistakes and moved ahead. And you can learn to do the same.
It's Essential To Quiet These Negative Voices
We can’t really know what true confidence is until we get that mean, judgmental, step-mother to just be quiet. If you’re like most people who don’t feel as confident as you’d like, these old feelings and thought patterns have been with you for a long time. How do you go about letting go of them?
How to Let Go of Insecurity and Find Your True Self
By Laura Lawson Boatman, MSW, LCSW
Many people would like to feel more confident in their lives. But have you ever stopped to consider what true confidence might really feel like? I’ve spent a lot of time considering this question and as I’ve looked deeper and deeper into it, I’ve discovered some very interesting ideas.
Let’s start at the beginning. Everybody know what it feels like to not feel truly confident. In this state of mind, feelings of insecurity and self-doubt creep into your thoughts and perceptions about your life. The anxiety you feel in this state of mind can obscure any enthusiasm or inspiration you might feel for trying something new.
Why is that? Well, there’s a little negative voice inside you, that I like to call the mean old step-mother, that whispers all kinds of judgments and fears about you and your abilities into your ear. She loves to tell you why you shouldn’t try that new thing that you’ve been thinking about. Whenever a spark of inspiration comes to you, she immediately stomps it out, telling you that you’re not good enough, and who are you to think you could do that? She truly is a piece of work, that crazy old step-mother. You wish she would just be quiet for a while and let you explore your dreams and consider new possibilities for your life. But she just won’t stop. She thinks she’s doing you a favor by stopping you from doing something that would end up in disaster. She doesn’t realize that she’s keeping you from exploring and pursuing what your heart is calling you to do.
Those Negative Beliefs Are Not Really True
It’s important to realize that these negative thoughts and the feelings that go along with them are based on faulty reasoning. They are mistaken beliefs about you, your abilities, and your potential. They are based on fears that you will be destroyed if you try something and then find out that you really are “not good enough.” But here’s an important question for you: who decides who is “good enough?” Think about that for a moment. Who decides? Shouldn’t it be you? And if it is you, then don’t you have the right to define who you are yourself? Being “good enough” is just a judgment, just a thought. And you can change any thought to one that feels better. We’ll get into how to do that in the second part of this article.
Another mistaken belief that people who suffer from insecurity have is that they think they have to be experts right out of the gate at whatever they are inspired to explore. If they are not, that mean old step-mother lectures them about how this is proof that they are just not good enough, they just don’t have “what it takes” to be successful at whatever they are exploring. Now, does this seem fair and reasonable? What if each of us believed that when we were first learning to walk and we found ourselves falling over and over again? We’d all be crawling around on the ground to get where we want to go instead of walking around with our heads held high. Just the fact that we all did learn to walk, and talk, and do all the things we take for granted now is a testament to the fact that we have the innate ability and powerful motivation from within to learn new things and master new skills.
A wise person once said, “In order to do anything well, you have to be willing to do it badly.” Even the greatest masters in every field started at the beginning, stumbling along, one step at a time. They learned from their mistakes and moved ahead. And you can learn to do the same.
It's Essential To Quiet These Negative Voices
We can’t really know what true confidence is until we get that mean, judgmental, step-mother to just be quiet. If you’re like most people who don’t feel as confident as you’d like, these old feelings and thought patterns have been with you for a long time. How do you go about letting go of them?
