what is the difference between attraction and love

[BadBoyCoolMan]

You guys may have read my previous posts regarding whether one can turn a girl who has a bf into a **** buddy.

Yes. New Year's Eve I slept with the chick! It was awesome.

But now I have a different sort of question. I have 2 friends with benefits at this time but not a gf. I dont want a gf but I would like to know how it is that women decide whether to get with a guy as a friend with benefits or as a bf. I have success with the former but not the latter. What is the difference between a girl falling in love with a guy and a girl wanting to have sex with a guy?

A friend of mine told me that many girls choose their friends with benefits because they lack attention from their bf, etc. Of course, I (as the friend with benefits in all this) have no complaints. Sex is sex. But what would it take for the girl to see me as more than simply a **** buddy?

I'm not too worried about this because (as stated earlier) I do not want a gf. But I am curious about this. Any suggestions are welcome.

BTW: happy 2008 and much sexing success.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

To keep their options open, to experiment with their sexuality...

I'm not really sure. I had a few friends who always partied with this one girl. She would always come over to get fvcked up (drunked/stoned) and hang out with us and at the end of the night she was fvcking one of us. Or a couple of us at the same time. Some girls are just straight freaks and want sex just like men. Whether they, want a relationship or not.

 

[Interceptor]

Girl wanting just sex is only Attracted. A girl wanting a BF is Interested, and ideally she wil want to be sexuallly attracted to that Man as well.

A girl really wanting you as a BF and wants to sex you too and rock your world is both attracted and Interested, and eventually grow feelings of Love for you. This is what you want ideally.

A female can have sex with a guy and not be interested in anything further.
She is only working off of Attraction.


A female can be interested in a guy, and not want sex with him. This is when she looks at him as a Provisioner.
She is only interested in moving things further along for her NEEDS and WANTS, nothing to do with YOURS. She can still be with a guy she is NOT Attracted to.


A Lady will want to have sex with you , be Interested in you , and maintain YOUR interest and attraction in HER as well, please you , and be able to induce you to please HER because of who she is AND what she does for you.


Love is an action that people take when they put you into serious consideration in EVERY thing they do.

 

[Stéphane]

Love doesn't exist it something that was invented by novel writters.

 

[Interceptor]

Love doesn't exist it something that was invented by novel writters.

True. Love is not seen nor recognized by those who don't have any.

 

[Stéphane]

True. Love is not seen nor recognized by those who don't have any.

Same with UFO's uh?

 

[Skepsis]

Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.

 

[Interceptor]

Everyone IMHO should believe in UNIdentified Flying Objects, since we KNOW they are not SYNONYMOUS with Alien Life.



There are MANY things in Life we cannot explain. And sometimes, just because we don't see it, it doesn't mean it's not there.

 

[Interceptor]

Same with UFO's uh?

Come to think of it.
Strange analogy.
But..
If we lack self respect, it is unlikely that we will respect others.
I think that may help explain it a little better.

 

[Skepsis]

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.

 

[Stéphane]

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.

Please, you people need to wake up. It's a myth, none of you found love, because you wouldn't be here. Why did my aunt cheat on her 30 years husband if they were so madly in love. If love does exist, it's conditional. Unconditional love, doesn't exist, and that's certain.

 

[Skepsis]

Love can, unfortunately, be extinguished just as it can be ignited. To deny love would be to deny emotion, affection, innovation, and infinity itself. To deny love would be to deny not only our boundless potential and very humanity but physical logic itself.

You can’t cap emotions. You either have them or you don’t and they grow and diminish accordingly. If you do, you’re a functioning individual in society. If you don’t, you’re a sociopath.

How strange is it that more people kill from passion than apathy?

 

[Interceptor]

Please, you people need to wake up. It's a myth, none of you found love, because you wouldn't be here. Why did my aunt cheat on her 30 years husband if they were so madly in love. If love does exist, it's conditional. Unconditional love, doesn't exist, and that's certain.

Stephane, what is your motivation to dictate to others what they should believe?

Who are you to tell them what they should do?

And truthfully, do you have some sort of Psychic power that lets you SEE into Every Single person's Life, so you know EXACTLY what they know and have experienced for you to make this grand assumption?

No one is forcing their beliefs on you, so why are you so adamant on making others think how you think?

 

[Microphone Fiend]

I feel like I stepped into a hallmark card... :\

 

[aliasguy]

People argue about the DEFINITION of love. What does that tell us?

Chemical rush, as I see it. No magic.

 

[Stéphane]

People argue about the DEFINITION of love. What does that tell us?

Chemical rush, as I see it. No magic.

Exactly, and the chemicals die out eventualy. That's why divorces are up to 50%.

 

[Skepsis]

He obviously had some bad experiences that embittered him.

Alias, it's merely an expression. I referenced physical logic, didn't I?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

I believe love is INDEED real.

I believe that LOVE is not JUST a “magical moment” that causes a chemical reaction------but more an arresting recognition of a unique opportunity you have been given to connect with someone who MAY prove special to your life.

For only the blind, the impetuous, and the foolish “fall” in love. The “wise” realize that love is not just an emotion----BUT also a decision, an action, and a commitment. It is a BOND.

And bonds are not fallen into, they are FORGED------either consciously or subconsciously. YOU DECIDE.

Because as long as men, like SOME misguided women, continue to subscribe to the belief that LOVE is more of a “feeling” than it is an “ACTION”…then the heavy emotional losses that they suffer will go on indefinitely-----AND unabated.

 

[Interceptor]

There is certainly a problem when we are inexperienced, and immature, and don't have the tools yet.

We often look at attraction based Love in the same way as Familial/Relative based Love.
Meaning, if our limited experience of love is only from our mother and father (or closest blood relatives whom have raised us) , then we often 'logically' conclude that the Love we feel and "expect" our partner to feel is the same kind of love we felt from our Parents.


ie "Mom and Dad Still love me even when I fvck up, soooo.......my wife si going to do that too."

Naturally, you can see how we can go into each interaction expecting a relationship under these expectations, and we are surprised to see it fail and not happen the way we led ourselves to believe.

Parental Love IS more often than not UNconditional Love. If there is ANY Love at all , then from your Parents it IS unconditional. They will love you even if you crashed the car. Or got drunk. Or got some chick preggers.


But male/female attraction based Love is more often not.

She may not love you if you cheated or lied to her, and vice versa. You won't feel too 'loving" if you knew she did some action you feel was morally wrong.


And that is not a bad thing.


What does often seem to end up as an error is EXPECTING the same exact things from your Woman as what you got from your parents, namely, that unbiased, unconditional Love. Which is a bit of a strectch as you may imagine, or have actually experienced. I agree.

I will argue that it IS perhaps a bit too much to EXPECT your Woman to Love you in the SAME exact Manner as your blood relatives.
You know, when your have experiences of Love are the love from your Mom and Dad, and have very few experiences with women and most of them were NOT good or positve, I can see how males can get very bitter, angry, nihilistic (my new word! LOL!), pessimistic, and cynical about it.


Here's another thing people should consider when thinking on these issues.

What is the difference between Attraction and AFFECTION?

Think about it.






This is all confusion. And when you try desperately to seek a conclusion from something that can't really be THAT concluded, you have problems.
IMO see if you can leave it 'open ended" and not try to conclude it.
Just learnrfrom the expereince, and see if you can grow and benefit in a positive manner.

I'm done with this thread. I wish you all the best, I can see how hard it is for some of our members here.
I wish no ill on anybody, only good and positive experiences.
I mean that, guys.

 

[Interceptor]

He obviously had some bad experiences that embittered him.

Alias, it's merely an expression. I referenced physical logic, didn't I?

LOL!!!!!!

Skep, you will see that from a LOT of people in here!!!!

That is an understatement if I ever saw one.

Take care.