what is the CORRECT thing to do here?

[The Comeback Kid]

What's up guys...I have an inner conflict of sorts that you can hopefully help me sort out.

A few weeks ago, a girl came over to a house I commonly hang out at. She is stunningly attractive. The problem...the friend that told her to come over REALLY likes her (I learned this after I told him she was pretty cute). At the time, he was simply speculating about it and even promoted a "competition" between us - our other friends were interested to see how this would play out. He's known her for three years, and I have an impressive physique that drew her attention (I think?). I also think we have more in common (basically we dress similarly and she also works out). I had written a post about this girl a couple weeks back, you all thought he has no chance because he's knwon her for three years and hasn't done anything......

......any you are correct! Tonight, she came over for about ten minutes. My friend at this point is head over heels for her. I told him that if he is really into her, I won't get in the way. I've been on the reverse end of this before, and I was at ease that my friends were not hitting on the girl I liked. However, he conceded that he's 95% sure she is not into him, and is even giving in to the fact my physique alone gives me a better chance! Now I've talked to this girl for a good 30 seconds between the two meetings, so all we've really done is met.

Now my question - how do I go about things? I gave my friend my truthful advice, and that's to make a move before things get to be too much, come hell or high water. Figuring this girl says LJBF to my friend, what do I do? This friend is the only one who can contact her, but if she's single, I'd like to give it a shot . How would this actually work, if it's even possible? I've met her twice, but haven't really had a chance to talk to her much. If I was to add her on Facebook (I know her full name), I could come off as a creep, and that doesn't help. However, I could add her and encourage her to hang out at the house we are at more, thus helping my friend AND myself.

FYI, I may actually have ok odds here, provided I get the chance. For whatever reason, when I saw her tonight, she wanted to know "my life story" lol. That got interrupted by some other friends wanting me to show everyone (there were a few other girls there) my muscles . The first time I met her a few weeks back, I was the only guy (aside from the one that knows and likes her) that she talked to.

 

[ketostix]

I would hold tight and be patient until she comes around again and then get her number at least. She knows where to find you and she'll be back around especially if she's interested in you.

 

[Lexie]

Add her on facebook. The fact that she even initiated a conversation with you means she may have some interest.

But please, make sure your friend is truly "done" with her first. Don't turn it into a competition because if she finds out, you'll both be out of the running.

 

[Huffman]

How good of a friend is he to you?
It will definitely drive a little wedge between you two, been in a similar situation once.
He virtually surrendered before you... not a basis for a good friendship.

Consider this when you make your move.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

You've all raised some good points and provided some good questions. Here is my gameplan, feel free to add on or provide your own insight:

-I am siding with Lexie and adding her. Ketostix's plan isn't "wrong" - if I see her around there again, it definitely can't be a bad thing. However, if I've learned one thing recently, it's to take action. Nothing ever happens (for guys atleast) if you sit around and do nothing.

-We get along just fine, but we're not close friends by any means. He is a friend, but not a "buddy." He's generally a respectful person, so I like that about him. I only see him in the company of the other people (I'd say I only have a few close friends and then everyone else I'd see at this place on a weekend night...he's in the "everyone else" group).

-I never actually took his "competition" idea seriously. Sure, it would be fun if we both didn't really care of the outcome, but he really likes her and I only find her attractive and nice at this point lol. If it helps, I gave him a little pep talk and then urged him to make a move because it'll become a distraction if he doesn't (that has nothing to do with me...I'd advise that with anyone because it's true).

That's all the "clues" I have to offer at the moment. He's basically considering his chances with her as moot, he felt down on his luck after she left. Huffman, why is his "surrendering before me" not a good basis for a friendship (and what am I considering before I make a move)? I stayed out of his way when he was with this girl and all she would have noticed is my physique.

P.S. If/When she does add me, I'll probably send a very short wall post/note saying it was cool seeing her again, she should stop by more often (something like that).

 

[Huffman]

Depends on your friend. If he was really serious about her and if he's feeling really down, it would be like an arrogant slap in the face for him. It's like you spelling out very clearly for him that he was a loser.

This is of course an extreme example - I would too go for it if the two of you aren't that close. But I would probably skip her if he was my best buddy.

Your situation just reminded me of something that once occurred to me

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Depends on your friend. If he was really serious about her and if he's feeling really down, it would be like an arrogant slap in the face for him. It's like you spelling out very clearly for him that he was a loser.

This is of course an extreme example - I would too go for it if the two of you aren't that close. But I would probably skip her if he was my best buddy.

Your situation just reminded me of something that once occurred to me

Gotcha. I know what you're saying too. In no way would I be saying he's a loser lol, since I don't feel he is (yes I know that was the extreme part)...we get along just fine. The advice I gave him was legit and honest. If she's on his mind so much, the best thing he can do is "go for it" and see what happens (even if I know she'll probably say LJBF). From my own experiences, waiting too long never works...you build it up in your mind too much and the "spark" may be gone.

We're friends, but not real close friends at all. I see him on weekends and I knew him from last year, but if you asked me to list my close friends, he's not on that list.

With that in mind, I can start subtly working my way towards getting to know this girl better, if we of course see each other. Normally (with my new mindset), I'd get things going quickly, but since this guy is gonna be around, I can't really do that - not yet atleast. I'll go with the flow and take things one step at a time.