What is the correct response when she tries to see if you have feelings?

[AlphaNoob]

• So this girl expressed a lot of interest and spent a lot of time with me.
• I was not able to kiss her and carry the thing forward due to a gut feeling and personal impediments which I resolved later.
• She starts spending less time.
• Her pulling away hurts me and prompts me to resolve my personal conflict. I tell her the good new that I resolved my personal conflict and make the move to kiss her.
• She backs of and says "is this not hurting you?"
• Confused I back off and assume now that she does not want to have a relationship bc that is what she says (but I am starting to think she did that bc she saw that it was not hurting me and assumed I did not have feelings for her.)
• She comes to the party I invite her to
• She flirts with another guy in front of me
• I am a pissed but do not do anything because I thought she is entitled to do whatever she wants and that she does not want to be with me bc before she said she just wants to remain friends.

Criticize me and roast me please I need to learn. I think she assumed I had no feelings for her bc I did not show that I was being hurt by what she did. I thought playing it cool and not letting her actions affect me would be the best way to go, but from this scenario it seems otherwise. When a girl does stuff like this do you actually have to show that you are committed and hurt by the things she does so that she knows you are serious about a relationship?
The setup for our interactions were all building up to something serious. When I asked her to come over to my place she got mad and said she had to go meet up with her friend.

 

[darksprezzatura]

It's funny what dating has come to these days.

A guy feels hurt due to a woman's actions and rationalises that she likes him and wants to see if he feels hurt.

In a hypothetical scenario even if she was completely in love with you, would you want her to keep testing the waters so she doesn't feel insecure?

Are you a damn masochist?

If you feel bad due to someone's actions towards you, tell them firmly and calmly. If they continue don't associate with them.

If they try to push your boundaries, smirk and brush them off. If they continue, retaliate with full force, do not avoid conflict. Conflict is inevitable anyway.

 

[AlphaNoob]

So I should have told her when she initially pulled back that it was hurting me right? I was confused what was hurting me bc the personal conflict hurt me as much if not more than her pulling back.

It's funny what dating has come to these days.

A guy feels hurt due to a woman's actions and rationalises that she likes him and wants to see if he feels hurt.

In a hypothetical scenario even if she was completely in love with you, would you want her to keep testing the waters so she doesn't feel insecure?

Are you a damn masochist?

If you feel bad due to someone's actions, tell them firmly and calmly. If they continue don't associate with them.

If they try to push your boundaries, smirk and brush them off. If they continue, retaliate with full force, do not avoid conflict. Conflict is inevitable anyway.

 

[darksprezzatura]

So I should have told her when she initially pulled back that it was hurting me right? I was confused what was hurting me bc the personal conflict hurt me as much if not more than her pulling back.

If it hurts you when a girl pulls back, I'm sure she affects your perception of yourself.
IMO, neither that action is in your control nor directed towards you.

Focusing on building your life, improving yourself and finding women who show interest in you might help. Amante is right, lesson learnt for the next one.

 

[AlphaNoob]

If it hurts you when a girl pulls back, I'm sure she affects your perception of yourself.
IMO, neither that action is in your control nor directed towards you.

Focusing on building your life, improving yourself and finding women who show interest in you might help. Amante is right, lesson learnt for the next one.

I'm still confused. So should I have told told her "it hurts me that you are doing this if you don't want to be around that's fine I have to detach myself then" or not. Afterwards I actually did tell her that I had to stop hanging as much (we were in the same classes) and her interest spiked but I still detached myself. Maybe I should of told her I am detaching bc we weren't hanging as much as before?

 

[SmooveMooves]

Sometimes I don't understand how one could have such little grasp on basic social concepts.

What the hell possible personal impediments keep you from making a move? A woman's actions should not prompt you to solve personal problems. Before taking advice on women you need to first take advice on yourself. In order to recieve the advice you ask for you must first understand basic social concepts.

From the description of your story and the way type I know you don't

Read the DJ bible
Read the Rational Male
Read the 48 Laws of Power
Read the Art of Seduction


Come back later. You are not ready.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I'm still confused. So should I have told told her "it hurts me that you are doing this if you don't want to be around that's fine I have to detach myself then" or not. Afterwards I actually did tell her that I had to stop hanging as much (we were in the same classes) and her interest spiked but I still detached myself. Maybe I should of told her I am detaching bc we weren't hanging as much as before?

I'm not a coach here, so instead of asking me step-by-step questions, give me her number.

What would telling her establish? Closure to you? Her feeling guilty and coming back?

I'm guilty of doing this sort of useless crap myself. It doesn't work. I learnt the hard way.

Women don't want to listen to your pathetic emotions. They just want to be little girls and have fun. Projecting any negative emotions like guilt, shame, problems etc always backfires.

Don't. Learn game. Lift weights. Earn money. Approach NEW women. NEXT.

 

[AlphaNoob]

What would telling her establish? Closure to you? Her feeling guilty and coming back?

I'm guilty of doing this sort of useless crap myself. It doesn't work. I learnt the hard way.

I'm not a coach here, so instead of asking me step-by-step questions, give me her number.

What would telling her establish? Closure to you? Her feeling guilty and coming back?

I'm guilty of doing this sort of useless crap myself. It doesn't work. I learnt the hard way.

Women don't want to listen to your pathetic emotions. They just want to be little girls and have fun. Projecting any negative emotions like guilt, shame, problems etc always backfires.

Don't. Learn game. Lift weights. Earn money. Approach NEW women. NEXT.

I mean what should I have done. I am trying to learn from my mistake. Should I have told her what she did was hurting me? I get now that at the party I should have grabbed her and took her some place to talk, but at the time my emotions were not clear, I did not understand them.

Sometimes I don't understand how one could have such little grasp on basic social concepts.

What the hell possible personal impediments keep you from making a move? A woman's actions should not prompt you to solve personal problems. Before taking advice on women you need to first take advice on yourself. In order to recieve the advice you ask for you must first understand basic social concepts.

From the description of your story and the way type I know you don't

Read the DJ bible
Read the Rational Male
Read the 48 Laws of Power
Read the Art of Seduction


Come back later. You are not ready.

I did not have contact with my father for over ten years. I am twenty now. That felt like it was more important to me than anything else. Bc of my interactions with this girl and eventually her suggesting that I keep trying, I did end up reaching out to my father.

 

[marmel75]

It's funny what dating has come to these days.

A guy feels hurt due to a woman's actions and rationalises that she likes him and wants to see if he feels hurt.

In a hypothetical scenario even if she was completely in love with you, would you want her to keep testing the waters so she doesn't feel insecure?

Are you a damn masochist?

If you feel bad due to someone's actions towards you, tell them firmly and calmly. If they continue don't associate with them.

If they try to push your boundaries, smirk and brush them off. If they continue, retaliate with full force, do not avoid conflict. Conflict is inevitable anyway.

This is just another example of how guys testosterone has dropped so low this type of behaviour from guys is considered NORMAL. It's normal for guys to cry, act all emotional, take on the woman's role in the relationship, etc...

It's a shame, but it's becoming more and more true every day.

 

[bigneil]

So I should have told her when she initially pulled back that it was hurting me right?

As a general rule, never tell admit you are being a pansy. Ask me how I know.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Wtf are you doing...creating some mid day Soap Opera. That crap is lame man. Women want to do all that....you want to f!uck them silly and do your hobbies, push their dramatic tantrums to the side like they are beneath the bottom of your shoe, and once in every blue moon leap year you give them an intimate moment that they long and wish so badly to take another hit of.

Keep that "personal" conflict to a close close best friend or in your writing or something.

 

[RangerMIke]

You are way too invested in a chick that has not given you any indication she likes you much less loves you.

Your assumption is inaccurate chicks always know how you really feel about them, you can not hide sh!t from them. She knew you liked her and your pretended disinterested behavior she correctly interpreted as you being weak. She know you wanted her... but you were not congruent with what you wanted. You were acting like a chick, playing games.... women like men not chicks.

Be more authentic.... make an offer, if she balks... go after other women, keep doing this. If she like you and she sees you are a man with options, she's reach out... when she does... make a date.

And for God's sake do not pursue relationships... this is what chicks do. Let her fvcking worry about if you guys should be in a 'relationship', your job as a man is to just fvck them.

 

[wifehunter]

Plates...you should be working on your ladies man game.

 

[Urbanyst]

What do you like about this woman?

 

[AlphaNoob]

Alright alright I see the real problem here. I did not know how to make a move and I was a little b1tch.
One night she hugged me for two minutes with our bellies touching. It felt like she was trying to project her feelings. That moment I asked myself if I should kiss her, some part of me answered no. Is that hesitation or my gut feeling? Who knows. I had lab the next morning and that was what I thought about and the excuse I gave her
After that I did want to make a move on her, but I was waiting for her to hug me the same way again (yea I know bad). I don't know how to make the move. I've never kissed a girl before. So what I did was ask her to come to my place. I could tell she got disappointed one time because our interaction was not set up for something casual.
I don't know how to make the move. I don't know how to take control of the situation.
Yea I admit I'm a little b1tch. It's time to change