dingmachine
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2014
- Messages
- 23
- Reaction score
- 4
With HB8 for the last 9 months. Two months ago, her dog died and she asks to stay at my place because she lives alone and was uncomfortable staying there by herself. HB8 and I essentially live together for two weeks. Exactly two weeks later, she tells me out of the blue that it's inconvenient living at two different places and she's going back to her place. Also tells me like she feels like she's overstaying her welcome. I tell her that's fine, help her pack her stuff, and that's the end of it.
Two weeks ago, logistics and our social schedules make it more convenient for her to stay at my place for two weeks straight, again. Basically, she'd ask if she could stay over for the next couple of nights for X, Y, or Z reason, all of which seemed like justifications to ask to stay the night in advance. Exactly two weeks later, last night, she again tells me it's inconvenient living at two different places and she's going back to her place. Also tells me that she doesn't want to make me feel like she's just assuming she's allowed to stay the night whenever she wants. I tell her that's fine. I was leaving work at the time, so I went home, packed her stuff, and took it to her house while she was at work (she knew I was going to do this and did not object).
She calls me after work to thank me for taking her stuff back, and tells me that she feels bad for how things went earlier. I told her that there's a lot of uncertainty around our schedules over the next couple of months, so we should go back to the way things were before her dog died and that we should only hang out twice a week like before. That way there's no inconvenience with living at two different places, and she won't have to worry about whether she's overstaying her welcome. We talk about other stuff for a brief moment, and then get off the phone.
She calls me a few hours later before she goes to bed that night to say that she's thought a lot about what we talked about, and she's grateful that I'm being attentive to her needs. She says that she's been feeling spread too thin lately and hasn't been taking care of herself. She then says that I'm the most amazing man she's ever met, and that she feels so proud to be my girl. I don't say much in response, but I thank her for her compliments. She gets off the phone, and I go to bed.
This morning, she sends a text saying pretty much the same things she said on the phone the night before, that I'm the greatest man she's ever met and she feels blessed to be my girl. I respond with, "Thank you. Keep your chin up today and please drive safely (she drives for work)." That's all so far.
I believe her complaint that it's inconvenient living at two different places and her fears that she's overstaying her welcome are frankly bullsh*t, and obscure a deeper problem. I'm particularly put off at her saying she's spread too thin lately and hasn't been taking care of herself, because that sounds to me like her hamster is detecting either beta behaviors on my part or it's squeaking because we've been spending too much time together and there's no mystery anymore. I've been trying to think of beta behaviors I've been doing, and the only one that comes to mind is that I've been too available.
We've been talking about marriage, but I don't think that's a good idea after all this. She's lived with men before, but two weeks with me is a problem? Moreover, I follow the Ryan Gosling Rule, and I don't think she'd at all complain about living at two different places if the other place she was living at was Ryan Gosling's house.
She'll probably call me tonight and ask if everything is okay because I've been distant. I've been thinking about doing one or more of the following things, and would like this Forum's communal knowledge to help me out on that:
1.) Run a variant of Heartiste's Dread Game, pretend like nothing is wrong, but slowly withdraw my time and attention. She has a lot of work and social commitments coming up over the next couple weeks, so I can easily get out of spending time with her by saying she's really busy, I'm not, and I want to take time off from work and everything to relax and spend time alone. For what it's worth, our hangouts will be less than twice a week until I feel like she's pursuing me again. I could also cut hangouts short, or start flaking. I'm particularly in favor of flaking because it's strongly associated with aloofness and indifference.
2.) Pretend like nothing is wrong and hang out with her two times a week (max), just like before, and ignore these issues because they're nothingburgers and I'm overthinking things.
3.) Confront her and tell her that I don't believe her smoke screens of being inconvenienced or feeling like she's overstaying her welcome, so she can either tell me what's really going on in her mind after we essentially live together for two weeks, or we should recognize this for the red flag that it is (given her history of living with other men) and either stop talking about marriage or end it altogether.
4.) Dump her and find someone new.
5.) None of the above, because my Game is weak.
Thank you in advance.
Two weeks ago, logistics and our social schedules make it more convenient for her to stay at my place for two weeks straight, again. Basically, she'd ask if she could stay over for the next couple of nights for X, Y, or Z reason, all of which seemed like justifications to ask to stay the night in advance. Exactly two weeks later, last night, she again tells me it's inconvenient living at two different places and she's going back to her place. Also tells me that she doesn't want to make me feel like she's just assuming she's allowed to stay the night whenever she wants. I tell her that's fine. I was leaving work at the time, so I went home, packed her stuff, and took it to her house while she was at work (she knew I was going to do this and did not object).
She calls me after work to thank me for taking her stuff back, and tells me that she feels bad for how things went earlier. I told her that there's a lot of uncertainty around our schedules over the next couple of months, so we should go back to the way things were before her dog died and that we should only hang out twice a week like before. That way there's no inconvenience with living at two different places, and she won't have to worry about whether she's overstaying her welcome. We talk about other stuff for a brief moment, and then get off the phone.
She calls me a few hours later before she goes to bed that night to say that she's thought a lot about what we talked about, and she's grateful that I'm being attentive to her needs. She says that she's been feeling spread too thin lately and hasn't been taking care of herself. She then says that I'm the most amazing man she's ever met, and that she feels so proud to be my girl. I don't say much in response, but I thank her for her compliments. She gets off the phone, and I go to bed.
This morning, she sends a text saying pretty much the same things she said on the phone the night before, that I'm the greatest man she's ever met and she feels blessed to be my girl. I respond with, "Thank you. Keep your chin up today and please drive safely (she drives for work)." That's all so far.
I believe her complaint that it's inconvenient living at two different places and her fears that she's overstaying her welcome are frankly bullsh*t, and obscure a deeper problem. I'm particularly put off at her saying she's spread too thin lately and hasn't been taking care of herself, because that sounds to me like her hamster is detecting either beta behaviors on my part or it's squeaking because we've been spending too much time together and there's no mystery anymore. I've been trying to think of beta behaviors I've been doing, and the only one that comes to mind is that I've been too available.
We've been talking about marriage, but I don't think that's a good idea after all this. She's lived with men before, but two weeks with me is a problem? Moreover, I follow the Ryan Gosling Rule, and I don't think she'd at all complain about living at two different places if the other place she was living at was Ryan Gosling's house.
She'll probably call me tonight and ask if everything is okay because I've been distant. I've been thinking about doing one or more of the following things, and would like this Forum's communal knowledge to help me out on that:
1.) Run a variant of Heartiste's Dread Game, pretend like nothing is wrong, but slowly withdraw my time and attention. She has a lot of work and social commitments coming up over the next couple weeks, so I can easily get out of spending time with her by saying she's really busy, I'm not, and I want to take time off from work and everything to relax and spend time alone. For what it's worth, our hangouts will be less than twice a week until I feel like she's pursuing me again. I could also cut hangouts short, or start flaking. I'm particularly in favor of flaking because it's strongly associated with aloofness and indifference.
2.) Pretend like nothing is wrong and hang out with her two times a week (max), just like before, and ignore these issues because they're nothingburgers and I'm overthinking things.
3.) Confront her and tell her that I don't believe her smoke screens of being inconvenienced or feeling like she's overstaying her welcome, so she can either tell me what's really going on in her mind after we essentially live together for two weeks, or we should recognize this for the red flag that it is (given her history of living with other men) and either stop talking about marriage or end it altogether.
4.) Dump her and find someone new.
5.) None of the above, because my Game is weak.
Thank you in advance.
