What is my next move???

[mojojojo]

Hello there,

Here's my story,

Background:
I've been good friends with this HB 7 for the last 4 months. I met her in class. She has an amazing personality. In fact, that was what attracted me to her. I wasn't attracted to her until I talked to her one day. We have been showing interest to each other for a while now, however I kind of ****ed up... We had gone through a bit of drama in the form of me being an AFC to her.

Currently:
Spring classes started a few weeks ago. We had a nice break from each other after Winter session. We are in the same class together in Spring. We started really clicking again and I could really tell the attraction was back. I asked her out last Friday and she immediately agreed to it.

Our conversation last Friday:

Me:Hey so I was wondering if you wanted to go out to the movies with me next week?
Her: Oh totally, it just has to be after my exam (Wednesday)
Me: Ok, I'm free Thursday night and maybe Friday night if it's later on.
Her: We will talk next week.


So this week I talked to her on Tuesday.

Me: Hey so are we still on for the movies?
Her: It depends on the day because my brothers bday has been rescheduled and he isn't sure of the day it's going to be on yet.
Me: Ok, well Thursday night is free with me. Or Friday if it's later on.
Her: Ok, I will get back to you on that.
Me: Could you let me know by Wednesday night?
Her: Yup

Now, she has soccer Wednesday nights with her brother so I figured she would know by then.

So anyways... She didn't get back to me.

I feel strait up disrespected. At least have the decency to call me and cancel.

I'm not to sure what my next move should be. Should I call her out on her BS? Ignore her?? Act like nothing happened?? Be indifferent (ganji games)??

The problem is I have class with her. It's a small class too, so I can't hide. I realize she probably has little/no interest in me and I have accepted this. I just don't think I can't put up with her BS.

Thanks,

Mojo

 

[PDubb75]

I feel strait up disrespected. At least have the decency to call me and cancel.

What should she be calling to cancel? You didn't make set plans. The problem here is that, exactly. You were so vague, and completely put the ball in her court. With no set day, and her in charge of when it will be, why would she call to cancel?

Next time, ask the girl out for a specific time. If she can't do it, give her one more time that works for you. If she can't do that, stop trying. But never leave it up to her choice, especially when it requires her to "get back to you" about when it works for her.

If I were you, I would NOT call her out on it. As I stated before, you have nothing to call her out on. She "flaked" on plans that were never set. I would not bring it up, and wait and see if she mentions it. If she does you can try to work out a time, but make sure you take charge here. If she doesn't mention it, I think you may be dealing with low interest on her part.

A good idea here may be to let her know about something you are doing with a group of people (that is already set) and tell her she can come along. If she does, that's when you can try to escalate with kino, maybe some C&F, etc.

 

[Iceberg]

Stop expecting girls to have decency. They are flaky by nature.

As PDubb said, calling her out does no good. It just makes you look emotional and hurt. You sound like how I was in college. A girl would piss me off, and I'd lose my temper and yell. Take it from me - it does no good.

Treat her how you normally would. Show that her flakiness means nothing to you. Brush it off.

 

[mojojojo]

Thanks Pdubb,

You are right. Plans were never set. I felt disrespected because she didn't get back to me when she said she would. I couldn't really make set plans because of her brothers supposed birthday reschedule.

I see what you are saying though.

 

[The_411]

It happens and I'm with you that it is disrespectful but guess what that could be a filter for your to next her. Problem is most girls are flakes so the ebst advice is a) set firm plans b) follow the two strike rule and you'll save yourself lots of time.

 

[Biggie]

Her: It depends on the day because my brothers bday has been rescheduled and he isn't sure of the day it's going to be on yet.

This is the only part that matters. She made up an excuse, and told you she didn't know which day it was, MEANING whatever day you choose, is going to be the day that her brother's party was supposedly rescheduled to. Trust me, it happens all the time. She basically said she didn't know which day it was so she would have more time to decide whether or not to go on a date with you. You really think her family wasn't sure what day they were gonna have the party on? What, were they just gonna keep all the guests posted? People don't do that.

 

[mojojojo]

Biggie you are so right. What a waste

 

[mahoney]

Biggie you are so right. What a waste

actually i think its you that is at fault, not her - because you were too vague in your original plans, so it wasn't that she flaked - she didn't have anything concrete enough to flake on (and subconsciously its like, well if this dude hasn't tried to arrange something specific its not a big priority for me to accept when there is nothing concrete to get back to him about anyway)

whats interesting is that when this was pointed out to you by someoe upthread you realized and agreed - but when someone else said it was her fault and not yours, you switched again and agreed with them instead, with their opposite viewpoint!

I know we like to be told its not our fault and its kind of reassuring if its another person that is to blame, but you should still try and look at where you could have improved more than just blaming her - because this scenario will surely arise again

 

[YoExGirlzN199@]

Don't ask her anything. Next time you see her in class act like you don't even know her. Don't say one word to her. Avoid her, and she will come running to you, wondering why you don't talk to her anymore.

If you act like a ****ty *******, *****es will be attracted to you like flies on ****!!! Lol

YoExGirlzN199@

 

[mojojojo]

Mahoney,

That's kind of funny. I didn't even think about it. Emotions are overshadowing my judgement. If things don't work out I need to learn from this experience so I appreciate your advice.

Do you guys think she might have legitimately forgot about getting back to me? Hence, low interest?

 

[mahoney]

i don't think its that she forgot, i think its that the plans were just a bit on the vague side - and vague plans don't necessarily REQUIRE a response, whereas concrete plans (a specific time/date) really kind of do! I know that, personally speaking, if something 'might' be happening one night next week (not a date specifically, any kind of thing) I am much more likely to put it on backburner and do something else - you know, if its in my diary in pencil instead of pen its a lot less likely to happen...so well maybe i guess you could look at it like she forgot...but only because it wasn't really enough of "an actual thing" to remember

The kind of slightly weird thing is, you made rather tentative and vague plans but then sort of demanded an answer when you wanted her to let you know by wednesday. you wanted a solid answer to a vague question!

I don't think any of the above is terrible or anything, and she may well be to blame as well i really have no idea, can only go on what you have written. But if you are looking for things to assess about your own approach then i'd certainly at least consider some of the above. vague plans are never a good look! I don't think you should be telling the girl a time or anything like that, by all means include them in the process, but make solid suggestions and then ask them - kind of like "im thinking friday at like 7 is a good idea, what do you think?" doesnt matter the exact words but, with this, there's a solid actual suggestion but you are also being totally flexible about it.

as for whether she has low interest or not - look, at this stage i think dudes are all too caught up in what level of interest the girl has. its highly variable at this stage - and too many dudes get caught up with thinking like "well if she won't do 8.45 on a thursday and doesn't text back within 6 minutes and doesn't text me first and doesn't drop all her existing plans for me at the drop of a hat and still has a picture of an ex on her facebook then her IL must be low" - about some girl they just met and probably hasn't even formulated an opinion on them yet, this is why so many dudes mess up so early on, when they really didn't need to

 

[mojojojo]

Mahoney,

Sure interest is highly variable, but do you think this is still true since we've known each other for about 4 months now?

Nonetheless, I will just be the cool guy that I always have been and see what happens

 

[Ace_Magnamus]

Our conversation last Friday:

Me:Hey so I was wondering if you wanted to go out to the movies with me next week?
Her: Oh totally, it just has to be after my exam (Wednesday)
Me: Ok, I'm free Thursday night and maybe Friday night if it's later on.
Her: We will talk next week.


So this week I talked to her on Tuesday.

Me: Hey so are we still on for the movies?
Her: It depends on the day because my brothers bday has been rescheduled and he isn't sure of the day it's going to be on yet.
Me: Ok, well Thursday night is free with me. Or Friday if it's later on.
Her: Ok, I will get back to you on that.
Me: Could you let me know by Wednesday night?
Her: Yup


Looks like your next move will be with another chick....not with this one

She flaked on you calling you back for the date

You were being flakey setting up the date

2 flakes sounds like a good match

she flaked in the first convo when she said "we will talk next week"

if she wanted to really go she would of suggested a day.

then being flakey with the b day excuse in the 2nd convo

you were asking her and letting her decide your date. look at the convo.

she was unsure of what day she could hang out or so she says. you shouldnt ask her to get back to you. you should of up set the date anyway. it made you look like a flake.

doesn't sound like she was interested to me in both convos. normally if a chick cant go on a day she would suggest another day.

the first convo....we will talk next week

the second convo....I will get back to you on that

she never did in any of those. she put it off in both of them.



here is what you should of said in the first convo:

you: Hey HB got a great movie we can go see. lets go on friday night
her: ok (or whatever she would of said)

see how easy that is instead of being unsure?

could of avoided all that flakeyness

dont worry about it. have her see you talking to other chicks in the class. she could of been busy and forgot since you never made solid plans with her.

but i dont think she was that interested. she flaked three times on you. twice setting a day then not letting you know.

maybe you will get another shot to go with her.

next time set it up yoursself. pick a def day and time.

dont be flakey.

 

[mojojojo]

Thanks for all the insight guys.

I really appreciate the help.

If it doesn't work out, I at the very least learned something.