what is love?

[betheman]

does it exist? is it part of mythology?

of course it does exist, what I feel for my kids cant be described any other way, however, when it comes to male and females....is that bond love? lust? fixation? infatuation? obsession?

does love play a part in the alpha lifestyle? it would appear not because love is by definition, selfless, giving, compromising, putting others before self is it not? a two way process.


as one who has been truly AFC and still harbours this version/view of love as a holy grail (ive experienced it..I believe, giving and receiving) i struggle to match apha ism with what we/some/most want which is ...dare I say it...Love and to be in love/loved?

the dreaded L word! riding shotgun with oneitis the bandit

this is a struggle of mine presently, just seeking thoughts on the subject, Im sure there is enough knowledge and experience around here to provide some interesting views.

 

[ecko280]

I don't believe in love. I believe in RESPECT and ATTRACTION.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear BeTheMan,
Yes of course there is,and it is rather like Heroin a wonderful buzz to start with,but for half its users,there are dire consequences to follow...Like Measles,we all suffer at one stage or another...Good News is,that just as a would be snake charmer,injects tiny amounts of Cobra venom into his veins,to gain an acquired immunity,then one gradually becomes hardened to its subtle charms...With a bit of luck,any moment now, the redoubtable Collossus will set us all right on the biological reasons for all this.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Genuine love grows over a period of time.

In the initial stage of any male/female relationship, it is not "I love you". It is actually, "I love myself, and I want you".

Our initial attraction is 100% about our perception of what that other person can add to our life. This applies to both men and women. But as the relationship grows a bonding occurs and I believe that true love germinates and grows. That is the kind of real love that marriage facilitates. It is a diminishing of exciting romanticism and an increase in that deep spiritual bonding that transcends all that surface stuff.

§​

 

[Colossus]

Real love is not a complicated concept, but more often than not people try to convince themselves they are in love or that they love someone, usually out of fear.

A man either knows his heart or he doesnt. If you love a woman, you dont need to convince yourself or rationalize your feelings. You just do---you know your heart. Early on in a relationship it can be tricky, because infatuation can mimic feelings of love...so you have to give it time. This is just my opinion, but most men dont "grow" to love a woman. It's not like we meet a woman we are lukewarm about and end up being in love with her. I'm a firm believer that attraction is not a choice, it's more of an amalgamation of beliefs, needs, and preferences.

Biological theories of love are largely theoretical and really depend on what camp of ideas you come from. Yes there are some neurotransmitters implicated in feelings of love and infatuation--serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin (questionable)--but there are neurotransmitters responsible for facilitating some stage of every emotion we feel. Just like a drug can produce an addictive reaction, so can emotional stimuli like lust, suspicion, or even cheating. So yeah of course people can get addicted to the highs of new love, but I think genuine love is much deeper than chemical cascades. Again, JMO.

 

[f283000]

Love is when for the first time in your life your brain stops working all over some sloot.

 

[squirrels]

http://ckjcwf.ytmnd.com/

 

[Radharc]

http://ckjcwf.ytmnd.com/

You beat me to the punch!

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

True love can only come from valuing another person for the virtues they have achieved in their character.

 

[betheman]

Real love is not a complicated concept, but more often than not people try to convince themselves they are in love or that they love someone, usually out of fear.

A man either knows his heart or he doesnt. If you love a woman, you dont need to convince yourself or rationalize your feelings. You just do---you know your heart. Early on in a relationship it can be tricky, because infatuation can mimic feelings of love...so you have to give it time. This is just my opinion, but most men dont "grow" to love a woman. It's not like we meet a woman we are lukewarm about and end up being in love with her. I'm a firm believer that attraction is not a choice, it's more of an amalgamation of beliefs, needs, and preferences.

Biological theories of love are largely theoretical and really depend on what camp of ideas you come from. Yes there are some neurotransmitters implicated in feelings of love and infatuation--serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin (questionable)--but there are neurotransmitters responsible for facilitating some stage of every emotion we feel. Just like a drug can produce an addictive reaction, so can emotional stimuli like lust, suspicion, or even cheating. So yeah of course people can get addicted to the highs of new love, but I think genuine love is much deeper than chemical cascades. Again, JMO.

very good post

 

[Wilko]

oops

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Here's how I look at love: Love is very subjective and disorderly. It creates a lot of chaos for people trying to figure love out, so like any other esoteric subject they don't quite grasp entirely, people feel compelled to classify and categorize the different types of love. A lot of people would like you to believe there are differing kinds of love like Agape, Erotic, Fraternal, Parental, etc., this is nonsense. Love is universal, and all these types and descriptions and qualifications are really only referring how this love is expressed. They are differing manifestations with the same motivator.

For instance, I love my daughter, my mother, my best friend, my brother and my wife, but I only ƒuck my wife. I express love in many different ways to those I do love, but the motive is the same. In the converse, in my past, I have had sex with women that I never loved. That's a behavior separate from a motive.

'True' mutually reciprocative love is actually far more commonplace than most people imagine, but if it's not portrayed as some rare find in life then no one gets to sell self-help books, romantic comedies or gets excused from cheating on their spouse with their mythical "one true soulmate". Love is pedestrian and ordinary. Think about how many billions of souls preceded your own who fell in and out of love over the course of history.

 

[jonnnb]

The Ancient Greeks outlined loves different hues, according to the nature of the relationship.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love#Ancient_Greek
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love




I believe, romantic love ideally should be a romantic bond between lovers that has the depth, the acceptance of the ideal familial bond eg between mother and child, father and child, siblings .
(snap samspade - i just noticed yr post as i was about to submit-post)
My observation is that romantic love infrequently reaches that level of implicit trust and devotion. So fragile is its foundations for ‘love-matches/marriages’
. Being built upon the biochemistry of lust (that Colossus beautifully outlined)




‘in love’ is just het female speak for lust. They broadly seem to have a problem the carnality of the physical, unless associated with ‘deeper cosmic significance’ or whatever guff goes on in their minds

 

[Boilermaker]

Love is pedestrian and ordinary. Think about how many billions of souls preceded your own who fell in and out of love over the course of history.

^^
So very precise.

And every shmuck who has ever fallen in love keeps thinking their love is "one of a kind" ...

This simple but powerful thought could help millions in their salvation from the dreaded "One-itis".

Rollo forever ! :rockon:

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Well...


From my vantage point, there are at least 4 misrepresentations of what love is:




1. To most people, “love” is just a four letter word that they throw around like a boomerang fully expecting to hear it back--------or otherwise they’re gonna get pissed off.

2. To other people, “love” is just a word that they blurt out as a cheap expression of momentary infatuation---------disseminated as a term of temporary endearment that will be disavowed the exact MOMENT that you fall out of their good graces for some reason-------OR, if they just simply “change their minds”.

3. Also, to other people still, “love” is only a feeling, a chemical reaction that sets their senses on fire like being hit with a wave of narcissistic napalm. And as soon as that carnal, sensual flame dies out, the “love” dies out as well.

4. And finally, let us not forget one of the most widespread “interpretations” of love is exemplified by what’s known around here as the dreaded “Oneitis”. People who fit in this category are those who confuse love with unhealthy, unbalanced, or unrequited emotional obsession with someone--------usually born out of feelings of desperation, loneliness, and lack of spiritual awareness.


In my estimation, NONE of these really define love. Some would have you think that love is “indefinable”. I do not hold to this belief. Rather, I hold to the belief that love is multifaceted and only definable up to one’s PRESENT level of awareness of it and experience of it.

In my worldview, based on my personal experience and current stage of spiritual development (which I consider to be “first-floor level”), the “foundation” of love is made up of a recognition of the value of someone else APART from what they do or don’t do-------an appreciation and a recognition of the light of “God” within another person. A recognition of their special-ness akin to YOUR OWN.

In this regard, I view love as an uplifting recognition of YOUR basic value as a human being APART from what you do or don’t do---------an appreciation and a recognition of the light of “God” within YOU. Once a man (or woman) has reached THIS point--------this point in which he or she is filled with this recognition (this “love”), THAT’S when he or she is ready and able to share what they’ve found with OTHERS.

As it has been written, we CANNOT give of that which we DON’T have. So, when we DO have it, it’s because we’re filled with it. And when we’re filled with it-----it overflows. This is why a wise man once said that it’s always best to “give” out of our OVERFLOW.

Therefore, the expression of love from one person to another then takes the form of recognizing the value of someone else, APART from what they do or don’t do-----but just because you recognize and appreciate that same “Light of God” within them that YOU have within yourself. And because of that recognition, you CHOOSE to display and HONOR that person by saying things TO them, doing things FOR them, and thinking in ways ABOUT them that is meant for THEIR good.

Now, how this applies to relationships between man and woman, or adults and children, or WHOEVER, is this:

Because love is a choice, we CHOOSE to continue or discontinue our expressions of love towards someone else based on three things:

• Our current level of spiritual maturity.
• Our willingness and/or unwillingness to commit to expressing “love” towards another human being.
• Our inner recognition of the exact point at which expressing our love to someone else crosses the line over into expressing and underlying form of "hate" for ourselves.

Example number three is crucial for us to recognize because whenever a man or woman crosses that line, that’s when love becomes warped and twisted into something that no longer strengthens and uplifts, but instead------weakens and depresses.

I’ve found that there’s a significant amount of PEACE that EXITS the experience whenever this occurs. I’ve found that THIS is when all those low-level, shortsighted, myopic examples that I listed at the start of my post BEGIN to occur. I’ve found that THIS is when benevolent self-interest, self-protection, and self-gratification transforms into something negative, something full of disregard, or even something malevolent begins to develop in the hearts of some.

The following statement really applies to both genders, but since we’re men here, I’ll frame it from our perspective to further illustrate my point:

Love ceases to “be” love the moment a man’s focus shifts from “what’s in it for me, her, or us” to “what’s in it for me ONLY. Or, what’s in it for her ONLY-----------with total disregard to myself-----but definitely to my detriment."

And why do some people “love” other people the wrong way, or “too much”, or to their own detriment?

I believe this is because a person's view of the concept of LOVE itself, and their reaction to being the recipient of a TRUE expression of it THEMSELVES, usually reveals and/or exposes just how much (or how little) of it that they have actually previously received or experienced in their own lives so far. For these people, receiving love is scary. Reciprocity is unfamiliar and/or unsettling to them most likely because they don’t believe they’re WORTHY of it.

Usually people tend to FEAR, or DISTRUST the unknown. And those who have no real knowledge of LOVE often tend to react in the ways in which I have just described.

There’s a peace and a comfortability that comes with love that sometimes can only come EASILY from having experienced it before. And to those who have NO experiential knowledge of such a thing, is it any wonder that they would have problems, or apprehensions, or disbelief when being confronted with RECEIVING something that they do not recognize?

From my experience, the pure unadulterated POWER OF LOVE often alters the perceptions of those who are struck by the sheer STARKNESS of it----it changes things------and it changes people, by altering their previously strongly held negative views of the world and the people in it.

In fact, the sudden and sometimes shocking appearance of LOVE in a person's life often cuts through the fog of their usual, everyday, horizontal-minded existence. And once it DOES, it creates a demarcation, a moment of decision, or a dividing line------separating past from PRESENT, bitterness from HOPE, and apathy from PASSION.

In my life, I have found that LOVE is indeed far from a reactive emotion, but is instead, a CONQUERING FORCE.

Once I finally recognized this, I knew that it was up to ME whether or not to accept it, benefit from it, and freely share those benefits with someone else.



VU

 

[Suvian]

What is love

Because timeless questions need timeless answers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpN60KKBAjc

 

[Boilermaker]

^

:crackup:

for some strange reason I thought the same thing when I read the thread title.

 

[Xanthus]

I know I'm late to the party, but I thought I'd share my view on this here.

A few weekends back, I was thinking of a female friend I knew back in high school. She was a very warm and comforting woman. It's been about fifteen years since I graduated, but it took that long to realize that there could have been something more than friendship between us. And I believe she would have been more than willing to see that happen.

Looking back, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to the way she acted towards me. If I had played my cards right, we would have had a good steady relationship and who knows if she could have been 'the one' for me. I felt extremely awful once I had that revelation and that it was too late to turn back.

It wasn't until recently that I finally understood what a real kind of love was about. I'm not talking about high school sweethearts BS. There was something genuine between us. It was the kind of love that a healthy family could have been built upon. But in hindsight, it's just as well. I'm glad she found someone that'll give her the love she deserves.

Now for some HoJo.. :woo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QE61Bz7IHKg

Xanthus

 

[Mr. White]

Love is merely the mating instinct. NOT mere need to ejaculate, NOT mere lust, and NOT merely getting along well with a good friend of the opposite sex. Love doesn't care a whit if she's all wrong for you in every way. She's a woman and you're a man. That's all that matters.

If you love her, you feel like you walked into a wall when you see her.

You fall in love when your body physiology demands that you mate. Whatever woman you fall in love with -- is irrelevant to your body physiology. Your brain will simply select whatever woman disturbs you (big breasts, a fatty, long hair, whatever) when it's ready to be mated. Ugly, dumb, obnoxious, none of these matter. You'll need to get closer to her, hug her, and so on and so forth, to make children emerge from the birth canal. That's how biology works.

 

[sharkbeat]

There are different types of love. However, ultimately love is to care for somebody despite of their shortcomings. This is unconditional love. It's virtually impossible to have because we ourselves also need some loving back, so we tend to give based on how much we receive.

Those "i love you" couples are saying is basically sexual attraction -- wanting each other affections.