What is love? Baby don't hurt me lol

[steviecruiser]

This is mature man's forum so I want some mature opinions.

Is Love real? The pious say that it is the point of life and the message of God. The Hallmark company, enterainment and music industries profit from this notion to no end...

This forum as well as most guy advice on dating forums promote a realist view which polarize allowing yourself to figuratively fall head over heels for someone.

All I can say is this. I have a girlfriend and I play the field. When I'm with my girl I don't need anything else but because of everything I have been through in this game I make myself enjoy the temptation of other women only to end up escalating sexually with them.

I almost feel like Darth Vader when he finally removes his mask for Luke at the end of Star Wars.

What is the real path?

 

[Trader]

Of course love exists but it has been so bastardized by everyone to further their own agenda

Romantic love definitely exists but rest assured it has NOTHING to do with 'doing everything the girl says' or 'giving the girl everything she wants'

 

[ketostix]

I would say for men love is real. In this sense there's familial love and I'd considered that real. With women, I think they have two kinds of love, familial love, like they have for their child and family members, and then romantic love which is more contigent, opportunistic and temporal.

To me the path is to be able to do what you want and get what you need. That is be able to attract a girl for sex, get a LTR and if things go south to be able to quickly find a replacement. Basically the opositie of someone like George Sodini who care never acquire what they want or really anything with women.

 

[STR8UP]

Of course love exists but it has been so bastardized by everyone to further their own agenda

Romantic love definitely exists....

So what you are saying is that "love" is some magical, mystical spell that people fall under that makes life better?

"Love" is nothing more than a chemical reaction in your brain that allows you to stay with a woman (or more often her stay with YOU) long enough to bear and raise a child.

A lot of what is wrong with society today can be traced back to people having unrealistic expectations about "romantic love", and how it is supposed to "conquer all". If you get married expecting "love" to make it all better, you are asking to get kicked in the head.

 

[iqqi]

So what you are saying is that "love" is some magical, mystical spell that people fall under that makes life better?

"Love" is nothing more than a chemical reaction in your brain that allows you to stay with a woman (or more often her stay with YOU) long enough to bear and raise a child.

A lot of what is wrong with society today can be traced back to people having unrealistic expectations about "romantic love", and how it is supposed to "conquer all". If you get married expecting "love" to make it all better, you are asking to get kicked in the head.

So you do not love your mother? Your father? Some of your friends?

Of course love is real. All emotions are real, including fear, anger, jealousy, ect.

Romantic love just adds in a few other elements, and yes it can be fleeting. It can also be lasting.

Some people are just so upset that not all love is lasting, or because they mistakenly thought another emotion was love, or were decieved regarding love, so they say it does not exist at all.

There are two great posts by VU and Mikeyikes on nextlevel right now that deal with these ideas, that some of you should check out.

Love is one of the best experiences of life.

 

[STR8UP]

Familial love is real. You have a vested interest in ensuring your genes are passed into the next generation.

Romantic love is a bunch of smoke and mirrors. You don't "fall out of love" with your mom and dad, but it often happens with a lover. Even when you don't "officially" fall out of love with your partner, the chemical high that you received early in the relationship is most often replaced with more of a "bonding" type of love.

What it comes down to is that "love" is the most hackneyed, beat-up, misconstrued, misused word in the english language when it comes to the mating game.

 

[Aenigma]

So what you are saying is that "love" is some magical, mystical spell that people fall under that makes life better?

"Love" is nothing more than a chemical reaction in your brain that allows you to stay with a woman (or more often her stay with YOU) long enough to bear and raise a child.

A lot of what is wrong with society today can be traced back to people having unrealistic expectations about "romantic love", and how it is supposed to "conquer all". If you get married expecting "love" to make it all better, you are asking to get kicked in the head.

I think that familes and partners were alot happier when they thought of their signifigant other as more of a long term business partner and friend who was with you to help bring up a family and be your one trusted ally in the world then the paradigm we have now; namely that your partner is suppose to be the one who is suppose to bring you endless endo-chemical bliss in the form of "love" and "happiness".

 

[speed dawg]

I think that familes and partners were alot happier when they thought of their signifigant other as more of a long term business partner and friend who was with you to help bring up a family and be your one trusted ally in the world then the paradigm we have now; namely that your partner is suppose to be the one who is suppose to bring you endless endo-chemical bliss in the form of "love" and "happiness".

No doubt about it. Good post. I particularly dislike the manufactured mandatory 'date nights' and 'keeping it fresh' that we are "supposed" to do.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Stevie,
An interesting topic,for once I think a lot that Iqqi said was on the ball,love is important but without something else gradually loses its appeal,and someone new looks good to you.....I dote on German,orange flavoured black chocolate,it never loses its appeal,but sure as the Sun will rise tomorrow I know if I sat in a house and was surrounded with the stuff,I would grow to loathe it,same with the Ladies...Unless there is something else,that pulls you together....for the young it is usually children and building a nest together,that will last till the kids grow up and your Woman becomes Post Menopausal...Your Passion can be anything I have an acquaintence who has devoted his life to Model Trains,incredible as it seems he and his wife have turned their home into a Mini Railway system,trains go through the skirting boards from room to room and there at the nerve centre,with Railway hats on they sit night after night and run the 5.30 from Somerset to Glasgow...crazy?...Sure but it keeps them together...Me?....for years I drifted from Relationship to relationship the period of my interest between Women,grew shorter and shorter.....I started to become interested in Dancing,mainly because it was the easiest way to pick up new talent,and it certainly does,but like any passion the means can often become the end,so I became quite obsessive about it,then I met a Chinese Girl equally enamoured of dance,but a light year in front of me,she also introduced me to Argentine Tango,and I will never leave this girl.If I did I know I couldn't find another...Sex?easy to find,a remarkable Dancer?like Rocking Horse Shvit....Many Bridge players are in a similar situation...Should I ever be tempted, I reflect that I am not getting younger,I have warning signs in my Spine and hips and one day I will need someone to look after me....A high Class Chinese will do just that,Ones Kids or a Western Lover?well maybe.

 

[iqqi]

Wow, someone has some anger issues with NLG.

:crazy:

I wasn't really trying to get involved in any kind of arguments about that but your points are all so off the mark. For one, NLG was never "made public", it is close knit. Registration is not even open. A lot of the better members that left here and post there post irregularly because they are living lives, not resident KBJ's of any forum.

Anyways, I am definitely not trying to recruit people from here. There are maybe 4 posters I'd like to see come over. However, the threads I spoke of are by two highly esteemed members of both communities, and the topics were relative.

I mean, the two places are just different.

I guess you could compare threads.

Recent SS thread titles in the "mature" section:

Whats better: a wealthy, successful "7" or a regular "10"?
What is love? Baby don't hurt me...
Do chumps realize they are mocked by women?
Whats your batting percentage for ONS?
First date with girl. She wanted to have sex? Dropped her off instead. UPDATE!!!!!!
Are single women using a sperm donor the same as a man using a prostitute?

Recent thread titles at NLG's "deeper" aka mature section:

To all of you who think change is an impossibility, please read:
What's your reality?
Polarization
Women are to "dreams" as Men are to "goals"?
does god hate women?
Tap into your natural curiosity
The Noble Eightfold Path

See the difference.

Not to mention we have a private journal section with some amazing journals from the more amazing posters of BOTH ss and nlg.

 

[Mr. Me]

The ancient Greeks had different words to describe different types of love, whereas we English speaking people only have one, and that's part of the problem with understanding what love is because without those definitions the concept of love doesn't make sense when attributes of one kind are misapplied to another kind, which is why you can't compare love for your family with love for a relationship partner or why the "love" that is said in scripture to "conquer all" is not talking at all about romantic love. There's sensual love (Eros), there's love for family/brotherhood (Philia), there's the "love your neighbor as yourself" type of love, which is principled love (Agape), etc. When you're talking about men and women loving each other, you're talking about Eros, basically.

But when it comes to this romantic, passionate type of love, lots of people have quite the incorrect ideas about it. Mostly, they confuse their measure of neediness or loneliness with how much they "love" their partner which makes them cling to a person, some mistake their infatuation for being feelings of love, some mistake they're need to control others as the measure of how much they love, some are "in love with love", or have an unrealistic fantasy version of it in their heads they think must be achieved which only derails any real possibilities of getting love, some are addicted to the rush of PEA brain chemicals because they enjoy the high of "new love" and cycle through relationships, and some avoid it at any cost rather then risk getting hurt again. None of this is real love. "Love" is an overused, misapplied, not so meaningful word nowadays.

 

[jophil28]

No doubt about it. Good post. I particularly dislike the manufactured mandatory 'date nights' and 'keeping it fresh' that we are "supposed" to do.

I agree. In regard to a marriage , those fabricated tactics to "keep it fresh" and "going away for a hot weekend" are pieces of advice born from a desperate and parlous state of mind.
"Keeping her on her toes" or creating " abandonment anxiety" in her are another two awful pieces of advice which have the very real potential to explode in your face..
IF you married that woman, then she deserves your trust, loyalty and commitment , not idiotic manipulative mindgames.
Rather that keeping her 'sharp', these tactics will likely create an undercurrent of fear, mistrust and resentment.
Then, one possibile result, is that she either has an affair, or secretly begins the search for a new, and more stable branch.

 

[STR8UP]

"Keeping her on her toes" or creating " abandonment anxiety" in her are another two awful pieces of advice which have the very real potential to explode in your face.
IF you married that woman, then she deserves your trust, loyalty and commitment , not idiotic manipulative mindgames.
Rather that keeping her 'sharp', these tactics will likely create an undercurrent of fear, mistrust and resentment.
Then, one possibile result, is that she either has an affair, or secretly begins the search for a new, and more stable branch.

This is everything that is wrong with marriage today, and the reason why so many fail, because men think that when they marry it's time to let your guard down because now she loves you "unconditionally".

A woman is MORE likely to have an affair if she thinks you are 100% faithful than if she harbors doubt. If you believe otherwise I feel sorry for you and you deserve to be cheated on.

"Keeping her sharp" is usually the only thing that keeps you from becoming a cuckold.

How many more posts do I have to go? I might not even make it to 7000 at this rate.

 

[speed dawg]

This is everything that is wrong with marriage today, and the reason why so many fail, because men think that when they marry it's time to let your guard down because now she loves you "unconditionally".

A woman is MORE likely to have an affair if she thinks you are 100% faithful than if she harbors doubt. If you believe otherwise I feel sorry for you and you deserve to be cheated on.

"Keeping her sharp" is usually the only thing that keeps you from becoming a cuckold.

How many more posts do I have to go? I might not even make it to 7000 at this rate.

I agree and disagree. If being 100% faithful is going to get me cheated on, then I will lose faith in the world I live in, and I don't want to do that just yet. That part I disagree with. I mean, there are all types of crazy women out there, but there are some upstanding loyal ones. It's up to the man to choose one that will stay that way.

Back to the point, EVERY point I (and probably Jophil) make about marriage is coming from the assumption that the man is positively masculine and women is positively feminine. "Good marriage" as Rollo T would call it. Keep that in mind, maybe you will look at my points a little differently. Take away that part, and I agree with you about most of your beliefs.

I agree that nothing is conditional in a marriage. Humans are humans, and have temptations. You cannot relax once married, but the funny thing is, I am relaxed in my own way because the life I live is DJ anyway, so I don't have to worry about a date night to break the monotony. We are actually on a Dave Ramsey plan right now and we don't do much of sh1t, much less stuff to "keep it fresh".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Here's how I look at love. As MR ME pointed out, a lot of people feel compelled for one reason or another that they have to classify and categorize the different types of love. A lot of people would like you to believe there are differing kinds of love like Agape, Erotic, Fraternal, Parental, etc., this is nonsense. Love is universal, and all these types and descriptions and qualifications are really only referring how this love is expressed. They are differing behaviors with the same motivator.

For instance, I love my daughter, my mother, my best friend, and my wife, but I only ƒuck my wife. I express love in many different ways to those I do love, but the motive is the same. In the converse, in my past, I have had sex with women that I never loved. That's a behavior separate from a motive.

 

[ketostix]

Well I still think romantic love, or stated another way the love between a non-related male and female that has a sexual component to it is more temporal and contigent, especially for females, compared to familial love. I think what might be happening is this is really infatuation being mislabeled as love. That might be the explanation right there. I think women can spend a lot of time in infatuation phase and never actually be in love with a guy.

I was just wondering, why was steviecruiser banned?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

multiple accounts

 

[STR8UP]

I agree and disagree. If being 100% faithful is going to get me cheated on, then I will lose faith in the world I live in, and I don't want to do that just yet.

It's not about being unfaithful, it's about your woman being aware that you have options.

That part I disagree with. I mean, there are all types of crazy women out there, but there are some upstanding loyal ones. It's up to the man to choose one that will stay that way.

This is where the moralists/absolutists shoot themselves in the foot.

"Qualifying" women is great and everyone should be doing so.

But at the end of the day, "people are people" and "women are women" and there is no such thing as a woman who is incapable of this or that, and it is up to you as a man to LEAD them down the path of your choosing, to remain a masculine force that she has no choice but to remain faithful to. Due to continued competition anxiety she does not lose the fire that burns inside of her that makes her so desperately want you. As long as she feels that she must remain vigilant, she is unlikely to do anything to jeopardize her relationship with you.

Back to the point, EVERY point I (and probably Jophil) make about marriage is coming from the assumption that the man is positively masculine and women is positively feminine.

This is where things fall apart. The moralist camp would have you believe that qualifying is the end all be all, but in reality, the only person you have control over is yourself. You can find a woman who grew up in a good home, who treats you well, etc, but we live in a toxic society. You can't keep her locked away. She is subject to outside influences and changes that she goes through as she progresses through life.

You can never assume a woman's positive femininity. They are great actresses, and although you can tell a lot about a person if you know how to read them, EVERYONE has flaws. The most you can do is choose well and retain your masculine frame, and if it works out it works out. If not, it was nice knowin' ya.

I agree that nothing is conditional in a marriage. Humans are humans, and have temptations.

This is exactly the message that men need to understand.

 

[iqqi]

It's not about being unfaithful, it's about your woman being aware that you have options.

Anyone feeling a need to make this clear throughout their relationship is going to have an unhealthy relationship.

That is a game basically and is opposite of security.

 

[STR8UP]

Anyone feeling a need to make this clear throughout their relationship is going to have an unhealthy relationship.

That is a game basically and is opposite of security.

Security abates attraction.

I have had women who were head over heels for me, and as soon as I allowed complacency to set in, attraction waned.

Women have a need for "quality over quantity". They must constantly question whether or not a man is the "real deal" or a fraud. Cons must be exposed, expelled, and replaced.

People have developed "shortcuts" for determining the course of their actions. One such shortcut that women have developed is the use of social proof for determining the value of a mate or potential mate.

"If others desire him, he must be worthy of desire".

Complacent in a relationship (especially for a man) is a death warrant. As soon as a woman realizes that she indeed "has" you, she will no longer want you. She derives much of HER value from the value of her man, and if her man is demonstrating low value through failure to maintain at least a minimal amount of competition anxiety, she will begin to look elsewhere.

This isn't about "playing games". This is about maintaining your desirability. The more desirable you are to other women, the more desirable you are to your wife.