We have two winners here: Bradd80 and Backbraker.
Breadd80 for the most comprehensive, logical analysis (as we have come to always expect from him) and Backbreaker for his recognition of the chess game and his brilliant tying in of Pook's treatise on patience. THat was a perfect adjunct to the thread.
Johnny, why don't you tell them what they've won?....
The answer is "C". Here's a reminder of the choices. Analysis in-line:
A)
Text her today and tell her what great time I had
Very bad thing to do. Shows over-eagerness, desperation, excessive focus on her, and completely kills the challenge for her. Game over if you choose this option.
B) Call her and tell her she's a great dancer and we should do this more often
Too early. Depending on the girl, you should either bust on her for her weird dance moves (if she's on a self-made pedastal) or if she's sensitive like this one is, then an eventual nod about her dancing is in order. You've got to watch that C&F. It will only hurt you with a sensitive girl. Many of us tend to lay it on too thick. Item B is too direct a communication. It's a beta statement. The same thing can be said by couching it in wit.
You could say it looked like she was stomping on ****roaches and ask her if she thinks she got them all. If she's a little more on the sensitive side you could say she busted some good moves out there. We MIGHT want to do this more often because it's good for the spirit, don't you agree, "Name"?
Do you see what I implanted into her? I gave her a mild pat on the back, indicated that I would
consider doing it again, used the word, "want" in order to get her to feel that she wants to do it more often with me (what girl doesn't want to dance?), and gets her to mentally assent that dancing with
me specifically is good for the spirit. I've asked her if she agrees, using her name, and of course she will answer yes internally.
Those are just some options. It depends on the temperament of the girl.
C) Disappear for several days to allow her time to talk herself into craving and falling in love with me in my absense
This is the best all-around answer (and what I am doing). You have to gauge how long to wait by the temperament of the girl. The more secure the girl is, the more time to wait, up to 3 days. This particular girl requires 2 days. It will be enough time for her to start to feel a vague tension (anxiety) about whether I really did have a good time and whether I thought she was a good dancer or not. It makes her wonder if she measured up to my standards.
She has had time to relate the story to her friends and this serves to anchor the whole experience as her memory and relating of the narrative will automatically clean up and idealize it. The good becomes better and the hiccups get cast to the side.
The point I really wanted to drive home in all of this is that women do not fall in love with you while they are with you. They fall in love with you when you are apart, when she is talking to herself and processing the whole thing in her mind. This is where the seeds you planted are irrigated and harvested.
Never forget that it is always when a women is away from you that she cements in her infatuation and "love" for you. Therefore you need to use words and jokes that she will later internally process favorably.
Some examples: When you're with her, make it seem like you and she are uniquely members of your own little "club". Have some kind of inside joke, something that binds you both together, apart from the surrounding people. It's the "You and I are cut from the same cloth" strategy.
Verbally indicate your ambition in a roundabout way.
Touch.
Move around and lead her around with confidence. She will follow you and she will love being led.
When you're dancing, don't look around at other men dancing because you're self conscious and trying to compare yourself. Instead, IMMERSE yourself, twirl her around, do all sorts of crazy sh!z. It is only you and her in the world.
Did you know that women create relationships, and men create WORLDS? Meditate on that.
Don't be outcome dependent. Give yourself a pat on the back for the good things you did and learn from the things you could have done better. Have you ever seen a baby become pissed off at himself for falling while learning to walk? No, he just keeps on getting back up. He has an inner knowing that he will someday walk.
All of life is a school. There is no arrival at a certain destination. The joy should come from the learning, from being in the game and correcting course as you go. This is called learning Mastery.
Remember that a woman's illusion is the putty and paint she puts on her face. It is false facade. A man's illusion is the exaggerated world of swirling colors that he creates for himself and invites her to join. A woman is a shapeshifter. A man must be a magician.
When you convey that you have more intrinsic value that she, and remain a mystery to her, you have her, hook, line & sinker. A woman cannot thrive with a man who she does not perceive to have more value than she. That's why most women today are miserable in their marriages. The man has failed to continue being a magician.
D) Invite her out to another get-together immediately in order to keep up the momentum and lock her in
This comes after the initial few days of NC. The "immediately" is what makes this answer incorrect. Let a little time pass and make her pine away for another time of partying, dancing, whatever. It's amazing how things can become stale, even things that are normally exciting.
OK, that's about all you guys are going to get from me out of this cyber fortune-cookie. These are general principles and your mileage may vary, but I think there's some good meat to chew on here. When I first came here to SS I found I needed to cull together all these tips and tricks scattered about into something that works with my own personality. That's why no one can write the Rosetta Stone of game. Each man is different and he must synthesize all of the information here on SS into a mindset that works for him.
Almost always, inherent in that is having lots of experiences that don't work (what the beta would call "failures").
I'm starting to look at life as a painting by a master painter. Only I can pick up the brush and bring the colors together in a way that works for me. Each color and each brush stroke supports the others. Women are only one color in your masterpiece. Use that color only where it belongs, and in a way that supports the entire painting. Don't just toss a bucket of that color on the canvas. Master the brush and use that color with nuance and finesse, and use it to support your own intent.
Now you kids get the heck off my lawn!
