what in the heck is going on in a guys head???

[hottlips]

okay, i am going out with this guy that at one point, i thought was the best thing to ever walk into my life. we had gone out once before, and he had broken up with me, but confessed that he only did it b/c he had never been in a realationship that long (only 4 months) and he didn't know what to do anymore (so i guess bailing was his main option). he told me that he was in love with me, and he would do anything to be with me again (tipical). so i told him that i still had feelings for him and we started going out again. he came over every single day to see me. he came over every day after work.. and if he didn't he would call me. he told me i was beautiful and i had the most amazing eyes he had ever seen. he was every girls *dream*. well i guess all dreams weren't ment to last.
after about a month, he just stopped. i never saw him outside school, and i was lucky to get a five minute phone call once a week. all he has time for now is his best friend (who is a really good guy and tells my boyfriend to leave and come see me half the time). he is out of a job now, so its not like he doesn't have the TIME to stop by to say hi every once in a while. its depressing me. i like this guy a lot and do not want to break up with him. but he is driving me miserable...
yes we did have sex. i started to think maybe he got what he wanted from me, and now he is bored with me. i have no clue what is going on in his mind. i just need a second opinion from a guy......

yours truely*
hottlips

okay.. a little more information on my problem guy.. he is a big hick, and a real roughneck.. if you catch what i am saying. he isn't a real *romantic* kind of guy. so no he doesn't write me poetry and send me flowers. hes the normal redneck, truck, cowboy kind of guy you find hangin around the beer tent..

 

[syncmaster]

You're simply not a challenge any more. I was having the same problem with my gf. Just become a challenge again. He has to feel that he could loose you to another guy. So tell him that you're going out w/ some friends tonight to go see a movie. Tell him about "that hot guy" that was checking you out. Even if its a lie it'll catch his attention.
Learn to be a challenge again and you'll get him back.

 

[ilyadaimpaler]

He's doing a good job of raising her IL by not seeing her, but it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I don't know if a girl could do this, but if I was in hotlips situation I would confront him as directly as possible and just go through all the stuff she put in her post.

Its real easy for you cuz ure a girl. Just call him up and say "We need to talk"

I personally know more than a few guys who have had the shyt scared outa them with that statement.

 

[SnatchJP]

Originally posted by ilyadaimpaler
if I was in hotlips situation I would confront him as directly as possible and just go through all the stuff she put in her post.

Its real easy for you cuz ure a girl. Just call him up and say "We need to talk"

I personally know more than a few guys who have had the shyt scared outa them with that statement.

True, but do you really want to scare the shyt out of him? Because that might be the only thing it does, it certainly won't get him to do the things he used to. (At least it wouldn't if I were him.)

I'm going with syncmaster on this one. Play a little hard to get for a while, see what happens.

 

[Kensiko]

good to see yah back sync.

 

[Jester]

kid sounds like a big doosh to me, lol.

yeah the guys are right, confront him b4 u dump him.

 

[sux2bu]

Originally posted by hottlips
okay, i am going out with this guy that at one point, i thought was the best thing to ever walk into my life. we had gone out once before, and he had broken up with me, but confessed that he only did it b/c he had never been in a realationship that long (only 4 months) and he didn't know what to do anymore (so i guess bailing was his main option). he told me that he was in love with me, and he would do anything to be with me again (tipical). so i told him that i still had feelings for him and we started going out again. he came over every single day to see me. he came over every day after work.. and if he didn't he would call me. he told me i was beautiful and i had the most amazing eyes he had ever seen. he was every girls *dream*. well i guess all dreams weren't ment to last.
after about a month, he just stopped. i never saw him outside school, and i was lucky to get a five minute phone call once a week. all he has time for now is his best friend (who is a really good guy and tells my boyfriend to leave and come see me half the time). he is out of a job now, so its not like he doesn't have the TIME to stop by to say hi every once in a while. its depressing me. i like this guy a lot and do not want to break up with him. but he is driving me miserable...
yes we did have sex. i started to think maybe he got what he wanted from me, and now he is bored with me. i have no clue what is going on in his mind. i just need a second opinion from a guy......

yours truely*
hottlips

Relational dependency is a dependency upon a relationship or the illusion of a relationship - (from what you described), he was absolutely confusing love with obsession.. It is this mythical illusion or emotional illusion that people who confuse love with obsession find themselves involved with. Rather than finding happiness from within, an obsessed person looks to others for happiness, thereby denying them one of the greatest gifts of all, self-love.


Our society is such that we have come to believe that the woman or man attached to our arm somehow validates us.

Visit the link below to gain knowledge of this disorder and do your best to avoid the air castle and pipe dream some guys creates for you. This will allow you to see past the bull$hit, and not buy into this fantasy. Good luck.

http://enotalone.com/article/2499.html

 

[Smooth as Anything]

Re: Re: what in the heck is going on in a guys head???

Originally posted by sux2bu
Our society is such that we have come to believe that the woman or man attached to our arm somehow validates us.

I tend to disagree with this point. It's my personal beleif that human nature is the cause to blame.

Instinct is why, not society. Part of the reason we are here is to reproduce.

 

[sux2bu]

Re: Re: Re: what in the heck is going on in a guys head???

Originally posted by Smooth as Anything
Part of the reason we are here is to reproduce.

Exactly..


Law of nature = species must reproduce and grow in numbers.

Sexual selection = women programmed to select genetically superior men to ensure strongest offspring.

Natural selection = survival of the strongest

 

[TinyDancer]

He told you that you had the most amazing eyes he'd ever seen??? Does he write poetry too? and send you flowers and candy?!?! geezus! im getting wet just thinking about this amazing studmuffin! FVck me if i'm wrong, but isnt the eye thing the oldest cliche ever? Wow, no offense but this guy really is a douche, i bet he even listens to acid jazz and hates tabasco sauce. Even if you've totally exausted your enigma/challenge quotient he's still a douche, and he'll probably always be one, don't even bother trying to regain his interest, do the smart thing and Next him.
***Ally

 

[SnatchJP]

Originally posted by hottlips
he told me that he was in love with me, and he would do anything to be with me again (tipical). so i told him that i still had feelings for him and we started going out again. he came over every single day to see me. he came over every day after work.. and if he didn't he would call me. he told me i was beautiful and i had the most amazing eyes he had ever seen. he was every girls *dream*.

Originally posted by TinyDancer
He told you that you had the most amazing eyes he'd ever seen??? Does he write poetry too? and send you flowers and candy?!?! geezus! im getting wet just thinking about this amazing studmuffin! FVck me if i'm wrong, but isnt the eye thing the oldest cliche ever? Wow, no offense but this guy really is a douche, i bet he even listens to acid jazz and hates tabasco sauce. Even if you've totally exausted your enigma/challenge quotient he's still a douche, and he'll probably always be one, don't even bother trying to regain his interest, do the smart thing and Next him.
***Ally

...yes..... this has been buggin me. This guy, according to our book has been seriously screwin things up. He is constantly availible, putting this girl on a pedestal, and making cheezy cliched comments about her eyes etc.... and she still says he's every girls *dream*!

I mean hearing girls theorize about that being their dream when it isn't makes sense.... but to actually experience it and still call it that... it's a little harder to say it isn't really what they want then...

I dunno. Maybe it's because they've been going out so long. Things do change when it comes to LTRs. That makes the most sense.

Heh, I hate to think we're living a lie here.

 

[Abcd]

Originally posted by SnatchJP
...yes..... this has been buggin me. This guy, according to our book has been seriously screwin things up. He is constantly availible, putting this girl on a pedestal, and making cheezy cliched comments about her eyes etc.... and she still says he's every girls *dream*!

I mean hearing girls theorize about that being their dream when it isn't makes sense.... but to actually experience it and still call it that... it's a little harder to say it isn't really what they want then...

I dunno. Maybe it's because they've been going out so long. Things do change when it comes to LTRs. That makes the most sense.

Heh, I hate to think we're living a lie here.

Seriously! This girl goes against everything the DJ site caters to. I hope there aren't many women like her...

 

[mrmoodypants]

dump the hick!!! p...p...please roo....he is stupid and he dont pay any attention to you. I should know! Im right there while he doesnt. Go with Dill!!!-sue

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

To Hot lips:
How long has it been since you started having sex...

How often have you been having sex...

Who initiates it...

How long has he been out of a job...

What were the circumstances that led to his unemployment...

Has he consistently displayed this type of erratic behavior...

Is there anything other incident you can think of which might have contributed to this behavior...?

And now to the DJ's:
Snatch and Abcd:
Its not what you say, its how you say it. It is more than possible to bend a woman to your will with only a well-crafted sentiment. Women are oriented towards communication, men towards action. The catch is that when you place yourself in such a position you are doomed to be unhappy. The Bible teaches you not to attempt these practices before you've acquired the Dj mindset. This is to avoid making a total @$$ of yourself and losing all your dignity. A Dj loves, and he certainly has passion, but he lusts for life, not a random piece of @$$.

A Dj can express his interest without subjecting himself to the ritualistic sacrifice of his goals and his desires...He keeps his own happiness to the forefront of his mind. Women tend to cloud the judgement of a man and distract him from his real priorities.

Also, it was an ltr (4 months just the first time) so he's probably been romantically involved with her for a while now. Oh yeah, and "we have to talk" is international dating equivalent of "Something is rotten in Denmark". At least two hours of drama is almost certain to follow...

To TinyDancer:
To say you have beautiful eyes is cliche because it lacks class. Because of this, I would never say you have beautiful eyes. But I would have a few choice sentiments I'd elicit based on what your eyes reveal to me about you... Remember, this is sosuave, not solame.

To Ilyiad:
You can't assume he's being a Dj, because, well Deuches do some of the same things, but whereas a Dj has an objective to accomplish, a Deuche is just plain being a Deuche.

To Syncmaster:
You're heading in the right direction, but there are a few things which need to be considered. He may be bored, but only if he hasn't exhibited any other errant behavior. I'd like to know what else hotlips has to say before jumping to a conclusion.

My 18c

-CyranoDeBergerac