What if she finds out you're really a coward?

[John_B]

Hey everyone,

Awesome website! Like alot of you guys, I was a huge AFC in highschool and early college. No girls, no dates, you know how it goes.

This site has been a true revelation. I've poured over this material for the last 6-9 months and it all makes sense now. I've talked to more girls, I've done C&F, I've done kino, I understand why all of this works. I've had opportunities online to get some ONS's with women from using this material (one woman wanted to send her panties to me, and she lived 1,500 miles away). Women just eat this stuff up.

But there is only one problem.

It feels like a facade.

I hate confrontations with people. I've always been very diplomatic and I dont think of myself as some super protective guy. Physically I'm in good shape (6"2, 175 lbs), but mentally my biggest fear is going out with some cutie and being made to look like a cowering fool if some other guy disrespects me or really any kind of occurance like that with anyone.

It probably goes back to middle school and highschool when I was picked on. I can put on a pretty good outer appearance. Staring down girls and taking complete control of her when I'm alone, but #%^, when it involves others, inside me I just sink into a corner and feel like hiding.

Maybe I've blown this fear up way too much. I'm in a middle to upperclass environment. I dont plan on taking girls to sleezy bars and stuff. I'm 26, and by the time you get into your mid to late 20's, people are pretty mature and civilized.

It seems like the solution would be to learn martial arts and just get on with it. But I'm not the ******dly aggressive type. It's probably well ingrained for many other guys here.

It's sad, but this is the only thing holding me back from going out with more girls and using the DJ Bible 110%.

Maybe I should just stick with 6's or 7's and not worry about others confronting me with a 8.5 or 9. I don't know what kind of attention 8.5's or 9 draw out in public on a date.

 

[bonjove]

If you have to worry about being disrespected or looking like a coward it shows that there are some insecurities that you need to deal with.

Respect is something that is earned. You can be a bulky beefed up gorilla that no one in their right mind would physically fight alone and that doesn't mean that he earns respect if he pisses everyone off or disrespects other people all the time. If anything he would get a bunch of guys to gang up on him and kick his ass around the block regardless of his physical state.

So yeah, be strong but know where you stand and where you boundries end. Respect others other when they have earned it and respect yourself. You have to respect yourself before you can learn to truly respect others.

 

[bonjove]

On the other hand you sound as though you have some nice guy tendencies. You need to build your character into a stronger aggressive state, and then lower it down to a milder assertive state.

Women do want nice guys, but the nice part is optional to the strong/agressive which should be the default.

The long-term goal is to become assertive, so a woman can stand living with you when that time comes.

 

[chicksrock]

ADVICE:
stop being a coward, and do something about it.
And if I can do something about it, so can you.

Commit yourself...be willing to change and do everything that it takes.

Obviously you are not committed, and not willing....so you can continue to winge and complain or do something about it and become powerful.
the later option requires effort.......

I am talking in a very general sense here, but it will lead you figure out what to do,..and do the right thing in your particular case

 

[squirrels]

What if she finds out you're really a coward?

Then you're f*cked.

Stop being a coward.

 

[dietzcoi]

After years of being married to a 5.5, and dating some other 6s, I now date an HB 8 my own age. I do not consider myself "brave" but I won't take sh1t anymore, thanks to this site!!

Let me tell you dating an HB opened my eyes. She is constantly getting approached by losers and AFCs. They even make inappropriate comments in my presence! I came within microseconds of sucker punching some chump on the streets of an Austrian ski village when he came up and grabbed my GF by the arm, but I held back and realized he was just completely drunk and a fool. Dumb ass would have deserved it though.

I have faced down several others to include a group of three young guys who got all scared when I called them on it. They knew they were wrong. Most apologize if you confront them.

I am 6'3" and 200 lbs so probably most people do not want to fight me I guess. However, in truth I would rather avoid anything like this... wouldn't do my career much good if I was arrested!

Lessons here:

1. Most AFCs won't fight you, especially when they know they are wrong or have no good reason to get their ass beat. 99% of the time nothing bad will happen, even if you get punched a few times.

2. If you date an HB7+ you WILL have to deal with it.

3. It is not pleasant... in fact I try to avoid discos and other events where drunken fools will be hanging out.

4, I am not an AFC in this regard but I must admit I have seen what HBs go thru now... eye opening. And I have laughed at the AFCs who try to approach her.

Stand up for yourself but do not try to bring on violence. Just confront them, 99% don't want to fight and will back down. If you are in a place filled with people, they will break up any fight quick, so don't worry.

Hope this helps

Dietzcoi

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by squirrels
Then you're f*cked.

Stop being a coward.

What he said.

Take up boxing / martial arts and face your fears.

Originally posted by dietzcoi
in fact I try to avoid discos and other events ...

I try to avoid the '70's all together.

 

[Jvesti]

Here I will help you:

I want you to hit me in the face as hard as you can...

 

[NewMan]

I recomend you take up martial arts - not just for the fighting aspect, but because this will increase you self confidence as well.

 

[Sardaukar]

Like to be diplomatic huh?

Maybe it's better put to say that you don't like laying down the law and demanding better treatment.

Get yourself used to it. You won't be able to do it all the time - say versus a bunch of gangsters with weapons - but when you can you certainly should.

What are you afraid of anyway? Of hurting the other guy? Of getting hurt? You afraid of behaving badly if you cross a line?

 

[Anaconda]

Most fights can be avoided and should only be used as the last resort. You'd probably never fight anybody in your lifetime. Train on your confidence and it'll manifest on your appearance. Why do a nerd always get picked on in Highschool? Because their appearance tells the bullies that they're weak. If you look calm and confident, I don't think anybody would want to start a fight with you. Why pick on a potential deadly target? They'll be just as scared as you are since they don't know what you got. If you show fear, panic and look wimpy, that's when you'll get picked on. Be calm and cool in all situations, you can almost always get out of a situation without resorting to violence.
Martial art is a good way to train your confidence. Take a taekwondo or karate class. It's good exercise and you can be more confident at the same time. Avoid potentialy dangerous places. If something happens, the best thing to do is to leave. That doesn't make you a coward. If you start a fight that can be avoided and get yo ass whooped, that'll make u look stupid. If you can handle a situation without using violence, that shows you're a confident and in-control man.

I've been training in taekwondo for almost 12 years and never had to fight anybody. The closest encounter was in Highschool where I almost got in a fight with 3 black guys. I was walking home from school with a bunch of my female cousins and there were these 3 black bullies kept coming up and teasing us. We ignored them at first but they persisted. So, I calmly put down my backpack, and looked at them in their eyes with a killer look. They stopped the teasing and laughing and looking back at me. I felt some hesitations in them. I was pretty sure if I made a move, they'll kick my ass since there were all bigger than me. I guess they were confused, too, and didn't know what I got so none of them dared to make a move either. After like a 2-minute stand-off, I picked up my backpack and we all walked home. They were yelling and such but didn't follow us anymore.

If it makes you feel even better, try this http://store.yahoo.com/urdefense/stunningring.html

I carry a small super-strong pepper spray (made by Fox Labs, the same kind the police uses) with me when I go to dangerous places, too, as additional insurance.

 

[Sardaukar]

What the?? All these guys that take martial arts but never got into a fight, sound as hollow as all these 'DJs' that call themselves that but profess not having the desire to **** as many women as possible. UNPROVEN.

Don't listen to them. Martial arts confidence is about the knowledge that you can handle yourself no matter what happens, and the only way to do that is to practise no holds sparring, to TRAIN to fight. Not doing ****ing Katas.

Go to bullshido.com

 

[Anaconda]

Who said you have to get into fights when you take martial art? I did plenty of sparrings and competitions but those don't count as fights. Martial art is a sport that train you to be confident and disciplined and peaceful. The longer you're into it, the more you don't want to fight anybody. You don't take martial arts then go out and beat people up in a heartbeat. I don't know where you live but in America, there is something call "GUN." After all, we are all civilized, and civilized people don't fight. You must be the owner of savages.com.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

I dont know what you should do about it now, but when you were younger, you should of gotten into some fights...Back when I was younger, we didnt get into any legal trouble if we faught (sp?) and we were kids so we really didnt use any weapons, the worst there ever was was a rock or stick or something...Its too late to learn how to fight cause people use weapons now and you could get into legal trouble...But I dont understand why you are worried about it, if you are 26 I think most people wouldnt mess with you like that anyway...

 

[Sardaukar]

Who said you have to get into fights when you take martial art? I did plenty of sparrings and competitions but those don't count as fights. Martial art is a sport that train you to be confident and disciplined and peaceful. The longer you're into it, the more you don't want to fight anybody. You don't take martial arts then go out and beat people up in a heartbeat. I don't know where you live but in America, there is something call "GUN." After all, we are all civilized, and civilized people don't fight. You must be the owner of savages.com.

Sorry, but this is pretty AFC. If you're afraid of the gun, then get yourself one or shut the F up. That's what it's all about isn't it? The desire to stand up for yourself and your loved ones versus the inclination to run away or be fukked over.

You can train to be confident and dsiciplined and peaceful with YOGA and Zen meditation. You can do that by lifting weights, training for marathons and decathlons. Why are you training to be peaceful through a VIOLENT medium? It STINKS of hypocrisy and con artistry here. If somebody teaches me how to fight, I expect just that. I don't want to hear him tell me not to fight because if we're in te business we recognise that someday we may have to.

The sparring and competitions you mentioned. I'll respect you more immediately if you tell me that they were against other fighting styles, and with trainer weapons. If not, it's just intra-school masturbation.

 

[Anaconda]

It's attitude like this that will eventually land you in jail or get you a bullet in the head.

=================================
If somebody teaches me how to fight, I expect just that.
=================================

Like I said, you can stand up for yourself and your love one in almost all situations without having to resort to being violent. But if NEEDED, you have what it takes to handle the situation. YOGA and Zen won't do it. It's the knowing that you have something there that can be used as needed that gives you the confidence, even if you never use it. The same feeling that those who carry a gun have. I don't carry a gun because I don't want to accidentally kill some stupid thugs and land in jail.

It's the realization of the injuries that you can inflict on others that causes experienced martial art people to avoid fighting if possible. It's not because that they're scared of violence. The way you sound is as if one learns martial art, then it'll be the only resort to situations; otherwise, don't learn it. And if one has a gun they should use it to handle any confrontation. That is very childish.

=======================================
The sparring and competitions you mentioned. I'll respect you more immediately if you tell me that they were against other fighting styles, and with trainer weapons. If not, it's just intra-school masturbation.
=======================================

You have insulted the whole taekwondo community by saying the above. It's true that no-hold-barred sparring is the closest thing to a real street fight, but taekwondo sparring is not just "intra-school masturbation." I'm pretty confident that I can take on most thugs, with or without weapons, if a situation calls for.

 

[MetalFortress]

Get off the Jedi mind tricks and work on your mindset. Work on becoming a natural, masculine male.

 

[MindOverMatter]

You have insulted the whole taekwondo community by saying the above. It's true that no-hold-barred sparring is the closest thing to a real street fight, but taekwondo sparring is not just "intra-school masturbation." I'm pretty confident that I can take on most thugs, with or without weapons, if a situation calls for.

This is drifting away to a topic that should be in Anything Else, but what the hell, may as well post.

The main mistake that most people who take up martial arts make is that they start to believe that most people who would pick a fight with them in a bar or a club do not know any martial arts. I don't know where you live, but in my city, there are at least 50 dojos, and all have thriving business. I'd go as far as to make up a statistic to say that at least 1 in 5 people you fight will have martial arts training. Also, most clubs only hire bouncers that have martial art training.

Secondly, I don't mean to insult you or your school here, but Taekwondo is one of the least practical striking martial arts. It's a finesse style that looks good, but overall it doesn't have the practicality to be a competitive martial art. Can't use elbows, knees, and it totally excludes low kicks (kicks to the knee, etc). I'm not saying Taekwondo is useless (you can beat up 90% of the people on the street) but it just doesn't measure up to a martial art that was built for competitive fighting, like Muay Thai.

There is a reason most UFC/Pride/K1 fighters are either trained in Muay Thai, or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, or both.

 

[#1 P.I.M.P.]

Dude, my problem is exactly the opposite of you. The girl I'm currently datein is a 9-10 so she has lots of guys comming on to her, to make it even worse she's flirty so I know I might have to do some serious skull crushin do we deside to get serious and have a relatonship. I do get gealous and altho i try to control it, u never know what may happen if we are in a soriuos relationship. But the thing is I'm trying to be a little more spiritual religious and that might be a problem. My skull bashing days of HS are over tho I'm still a naturally agressive person so u never know what may happen. So how do I not let my girl find out I'm agressive.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

What about this?

It was claimed "do martial arts!"

So, maybe you can kick his ass,

BUT if a GIRL disrespects you? Will you fight her?

I have seen it a lot! Most of the times the girls are the ones teasing and trying to put you down!

And what about this?