What if it seems like she's calling the shots?

[Sanctity]

Ok, I'm in college and there's this chick I'm hitting. So we have a couple of common classes in our respective timetable. Usually, I'll ask her for a casual lunch date before one of these classes. Anyway, here's how it goes (BTW, I text her on her mobile cos' its casual....don't see the need to call):

Me: Hey going for lecture tomorrow?
Her: Yeah
Me: Wanna get lunch together then head for lecture right after that?
Her: I can't get lunch with you cos' I'm [insert a reason-that-sounds-genuine here]. I'll see you outside the lecture theater at 1130 instead. Good night!

So what does this mean? I'm trying to be the dominant one here but the way she cuts me off is kind of screwing up my plans a little. The timing that she makes is usually not unreasonable considering the timing of our classes. Yet I'm not sure here. I can detect some IL but I can't tell if its high. Seriously, my judgement of someone has never been in so much doubt before.

 

[Dukester]

i sorta have the same problem. there's a girl in my math class, HB8, and I know she has a high IL in me, but she is always "busy"

i've asked her to go out to lunch b4 class, or dinner after, and she always says she's doing something else. she text's me all the tiem to, so we talk (text) fairly often. but not everyday.

i dunno, i dont get why she has a high IL in me, but doesnt wanna do n e thing. probably just another dumb game she's playing to see if i'm interested or not.

i've actually left her alone, and have been kinda treating her like crap.

seems to be working though, so thinking i'll go for a dinner ask after class tomorrow.

good luck to u!

 

[DJBen]

If it happens a lot, maybe it's something. If it's just this once, stop over-analysing everything and just have fun.

 

[Sanctity]

No, it happens like at least 70% of the time. Before I even get a chance to suggest a time or place she'll suggest something and then cut me off with a good night or something.....

 

[The TallOne]

I have had the same experience.

This girl was all HIGH IL.. got the #, then bam "Too busy for dates"

After the second try, I dropped it.

I have been ignoring her for about three weeks, and she is now attempting to talk to me now.

The best advice I heard about this type of game that women play, is to ignore it, and wait it out. While actively searchin for other girls.

She'll either break, or she won't. But, it shouldn't matter anyway, you shouldn't be waiting around for her.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Sanctity
Good night!.

A girl who is interested would never initiate a 'good night' after a 1 line response!! Don't ask her anymore - move on!!!

 

[DJ_Dork]

You boys are going out with PSYCHO CONTROL FREAKS. Usually when a girl starts telling me what to do and where to go without my consideration, I tell her off or get in a power struggle hoping she'll turn. Control freaks never turn, they want everything to go their way. Some guys are okay with this, but some guys like me like me are not team players.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

A woman with high interest level does not consistently make up excuses to avoid you. Read all the various posts by Anti-Dump on interest level:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=18287&highlight=interest+level

For further reading on interest level, you can check out Doc Love's
archive:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/archive24.html

Maximus_Decimus

 

[iMat]

Go for a holiday or weekend. If she's too busy for that, just forget it.

Besides, why do you think she'd have all the time putting on that makeup, brushing that hair, putting on whatever, shopping, hanging out with her girlfriends and a million other womanly things to do, if she's so busy "studying", and yet have no time for you?

--iMat

 

[Sanctity]

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus
A woman with high interest level does not consistently make up excuses to avoid you.

Well she doesn't exactly avoid me......

The only problem I have here is that she seems like a bit of a control freak thats all. And I'm just wondering how to deal with it......

 

[chicksrock]

Nothing new dude, I see it happen to me all the time also.

After reading Anti-Dump's post on interest level (I have read this post a few months back) it is now finally starting to sink in what exactly he means.

I conclude that targets that give mixed signals have Low IL in you. Yes they do have an interest in you...but in the scheme of things its not high enough that they'll drop everything to be with you. That interest they have developed in you is because you are a DJ....if you weren't a DJ she would have ZERO interest in you.

MORAL: find an HB that digs you for a lot more than just your DJ skills.

 

[Sanctity]

Originally posted by chicksrock
Nothing new dude, I see it happen to me all the time also.

After reading Anti-Dump's post on interest level (I have read this post a few months back) it is now finally starting to sink in what exactly he means.

I conclude that targets that give mixed signals have Low IL in you. Yes they do have an interest in you...but in the scheme of things its not high enough that they'll drop everything to be with you. That interest they have developed in you is because you are a DJ....if you weren't a DJ she would have ZERO interest in you.

MORAL: find an HB that digs you for a lot more than just your DJ skills.

The thing is that the more I see her, the more I sense the IL is rising. I'm not too sure here though. I may be heading into the LJBF hell zone but I'm doubting that.

 

[NewMan]

Man o man this is miserable.

Questions.

* why would you want to have interaction with a control freak?

* why the fvck would you continue to knock your head against a brick wall when she obviously has little interest.


Let me ask you this - do you buy lunch for her?


You need to stop asking her to go to lunch - and move on to girls who are interested in you.

The INTERESTED IN YOU - are the three words you need to concentrate on there.

It amazes me how guys will continue to ask and ask.

This is not a case of her wanting to control the shot's - this is the case of her not wanting to see you.

NEXT.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Originally posted by Sanctity
Well she doesn't exactly avoid me......

The only problem I have here is that she seems like a bit of a control freak thats all. And I'm just wondering how to deal with it......

I don't see anything you've posted in this thread that signifies she is a control freak. All I've seen is she counter-offered your suggestion.

Counter-offers once in a blue moon are fine. However, if you have been suggesting different times to meet her and she consistently counter-offered all of them (or cancelled), that is hardly high interest level.

Read Pook's summary of interest level in Anti-Dump's machine:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39769

and

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39729

Maximus_Decimus

 

[Sanctity]

Originally posted by NewMan
Man o man this is miserable.

Questions.

* why would you want to have interaction with a control freak?

* why the fvck would you continue to knock your head against a brick wall when she obviously has little interest.


Let me ask you this - do you buy lunch for her?


You need to stop asking her to go to lunch - and move on to girls who are interested in you.

The INTERESTED IN YOU - are the three words you need to concentrate on there.

It amazes me how guys will continue to ask and ask.

This is not a case of her wanting to control the shot's - this is the case of her not wanting to see you.

NEXT.

Ok, I think there are some misunderstandings in this thread.

First of all, no, I don't buy her lunch.

Second of all, in my very first post, when she said she can't get lunch but will meet me outside the lecture theater. It means that we are going for the lecture together. Just the both of us and we would sit together alone. NOT with anyone else. So this cannot be construed as her not wanting to see me.

Third of all, most of the time she would take me up on my offer but she would just change the time or location by a bit. Maybe, we'll meet a bit later or earlier than what I suggested. Or maybe, she doesn't like the place I suggested so she decides on another place instead. THAT is the whole problem. She's the one who dominates and I'm not sure how to counter it........

 

[NewMan]

didn't you say that 70% of the time she refuses?

**
No, it happens like at least 70% of the time
**

Your no communicating the issue very well.


Besides the point though.


this is clearly a friendship. Do you think she would say no or change things around if she was interested in you.

Actions my firend.

Plus, just because she sit's in a lecture theatre with you does not mean she wants to fvck you.

For all we know you maybe a book worm.


Look - your just way to desperate about this sh#t. If you really want to cut her out of changing your sh#t then do this.

Instead of asking her - start telling her.

Example:

"Hey, I'm going to XYZ before class to grab some lunch - I'll be there at 11:30 - so see you there"


If she want's to change it around - tell her you'll just she her at class.