Tonight was my school's homecoming dance, I went to the game friday and had a good time with some friends. Anyways, I went with a group of about 12 people. 3 of my buddies had dates, and the rest of us went alone. Now this year, I've changed a lot. I've gotten a lot more popular, I've made a lot more friends, and I've just become more comfortable in myself, but tonight was a total set back. I just realized how much of an AFC i actually am. I'm just not a very sexual person, and it' just so blatantly obvious. I'm just so damn conservative. I'm a funny person, and that's about it, but even my close friends have told me that I use humor as a shield from things like that. I saw all these people dancing, and I was unable to do it myself. I'm just not comfortable with it, and I don't know why. I mean, these kids were grinding and stuff, and the first thing i thought was, "I can't do this." 3 girls wanted to dance with me, and I just couldn't do it. It's just not who I am. It's never been who i am. I'm ****y and funny, and that's about it. What really gets me is that I wanted to do it. I really did. I just was uncomfortable with it. The entire idea of it. I just feel so stupid for not getting out of my comfort zone.
Another thing that I think is really ironic is about what my mom said to me earlier today. I got into an argument with my mom earlier today, and she practically told me that even though I don't make mistakes and follow the rules, I end up not living life because I'm afraid to take chances. I was too stupid to not get a date to homecoming, i was too stupid to not dance with one of the 3 girls who actually asked me, and it's all because I don't know how to take chances. I get in my comfort zone where I know i'll do well, and I never leave it. People tell me that I'm brilliant, but I just can't solve the simplest problems, and it just kills me.
Yeah, I'm a lot better off than i was, but I've realized that I'm not where i want to be yet. Thanks for reading this.
Another thing that I think is really ironic is about what my mom said to me earlier today. I got into an argument with my mom earlier today, and she practically told me that even though I don't make mistakes and follow the rules, I end up not living life because I'm afraid to take chances. I was too stupid to not get a date to homecoming, i was too stupid to not dance with one of the 3 girls who actually asked me, and it's all because I don't know how to take chances. I get in my comfort zone where I know i'll do well, and I never leave it. People tell me that I'm brilliant, but I just can't solve the simplest problems, and it just kills me.
Yeah, I'm a lot better off than i was, but I've realized that I'm not where i want to be yet. Thanks for reading this.
