What I Discovered Being The Monkey Branch

[jamesfromhouston]

I have been recently seeing a girl who has been going through a painful break up and I became her monkey branch.

This experience gave me a personal perspective into how girls move on and how monkey branching works for them.

The monkey branching really helped her numb her break up. There is no doubt about it. Initially she was really caught up with the guy but after meeting me/hanging out with me/****ing me, she has all but forgotten about the guy.

From a first hand experience, girls can move on so ruthlessly quick! It was really shocking to see her transformation from someone who was so emotionally distraught to someone who doesn't give a **** about her ex. Its almost as if like everything they had together counts for nothing.

What was even more revealing was, after a period of no contact, the ex actually tried to come back (as we all do, we romanticize what we had) but she would not have him back. She would find 1000 reasons to downgrade her perception of her ex and as many reasons extrapolated from her experience with me, which is ridiculous because everyone is different.

And it is at this point that I can see how futile it is to get a girl back after things have ended. The guy started love bombing her, sending her gifts, sending her money, doing all sorts of romantic gestures (I witnessed these things first hand and in a way it was really sad and pathetic) and the girl would tell me how disgusting it was to see this behavior from him (all the while, laughing about it while we were having sex. One time, she was giving me a sloppy bj and suddenly her phone, buzzes and she actually said: "He's messaging me now! What a loser! **** him. *** in my mouth." It felt ****ed up.) I've never met the guy but I felt bad for the guy because I have been that guy. And at times, I am still that guy! He doesn't realize the futility and the humiliation that he is experiencing from this ruthless reality. If I could advise him, I would say "Bro, really.. just walk away. It's over and it looks bad now to keep trying. This girl does not see things the way you do. She forgot about you so quickly."

Perhaps the most inconvenient truth was, through it all, there were clear personal issues that caused this girl's break up but she never addressed them or spent time on self improvement or self discovery. She has been monkey branching. It didn't even cross her mind how many of her problems in life and dating are caused not by the terrible men she kept complaining to me about but really, by her!

Ironically, this girl tells me she is an Aries and a hopeless romantic. She's into new age healing and goes on and on about Chakras. What I see is just ruthless, irresponsible, immature, lost girl who is definitely not romantic. At this point, I genuinely believe that guys are the more romantic sex. We dwell on break ups so differently. Ofcourse not girls are like this but again, much of what is talked about on SS seems to ring true with many.

 

[BPH]

I don't think guys are more romantic, I just think we generally suck more...

I have been with enough women that I hear all the stupid things guys do - either with them or their girlfriends;

Multiple texting over long periods of time with no response...
Sending gifts or trying to win her back over with dates...
Extreme insecurity and lack of trust (a plate's roommate was upstairs drunk, puking, and the boyfriend was so concerned that she might be cheating that the roommate had to answer the phone and explain why she couldn't answer)...
Making themselves out to the one who ended the relationship publicly, but begging to reconcile in private...

I think I'm good-looking and all but I think the primary reason I do as well as I do is because I'm simply not weird. A lot of guys are weird, clingy, can't read social cues, etc.

To be fair, your monkey branch girl might be putting on that "tough girl" act in front of you, but the moment you're gone she may be entertaining the idea of giving him another chance. I believe physically moving on and MOVING ON are very different stages.

 

[Crown]

I have been recently seeing a girl who has been going through a painful break up and I became her monkey branch.

This experience gave me a personal perspective into how girls move on and how monkey branching works for them.

The monkey branching really helped her numb her break up. There is no doubt about it. Initially she was really caught up with the guy but after meeting me/hanging out with me/****ing me, she has all but forgotten about the guy.

From a first hand experience, girls can move on so ruthlessly quick! It was really shocking to see her transformation from someone who was so emotionally distraught to someone who doesn't give a **** about her ex. Its almost as if like everything they had together counts for nothing.

What was even more revealing was, after a period of no contact, the ex actually tried to come back (as we all do, we romanticize what we had) but she would not have him back. She would find 1000 reasons to downgrade her perception of her ex and as many reasons extrapolated from her experience with me, which is ridiculous because everyone is different.

And it is at this point that I can see how futile it is to get a girl back after things have ended. The guy started love bombing her, sending her gifts, sending her money, doing all sorts of romantic gestures (I witnessed these things first hand and in a way it was really sad and pathetic) and the girl would tell me how disgusting it was to see this behavior from him (all the while, laughing about it while we were having sex. One time, she was giving me a sloppy bj and suddenly her phone, buzzes and she actually said: "He's messaging me now! What a loser! **** him. *** in my mouth." It felt ****ed up.) I've never met the guy but I felt bad for the guy because I have been that guy. And at times, I am still that guy! He doesn't realize the futility and the humiliation that he is experiencing from this ruthless reality. If I could advise him, I would say "Bro, really.. just walk away. It's over and it looks bad now to keep trying. This girl does not see things the way you do. She forgot about you so quickly."

Perhaps the most inconvenient truth was, through it all, there were clear personal issues that caused this girl's break up but she never addressed them or spent time on self improvement or self discovery. She has been monkey branching. It didn't even cross her mind how many of her problems in life and dating are caused not by the terrible men she kept complaining to me about but really, by her!

Ironically, this girl tells me she is an Aries and a hopeless romantic. She's into new age healing and goes on and on about Chakras. What I see is just ruthless, irresponsible, immature, lost girl who is definitely not romantic. At this point, I genuinely believe that guys are the more romantic sex. We dwell on break ups so differently. Ofcourse not girls are like this but again, much of what is talked about on SS seems to ring true with many.

Bro, in what world do you imply that women are like and not men aswell? Like have you never monkey branch yourself ?

Nothing personnal, but it kinda tickles my nerves that people like you hint that women are so bad in their nature, it feels like you're elevating yourself to superior state of existence because you're not affected by this futile and irrationnal behaviour.

From a objectif point of you, the girl you're with just wants to be happy and have a fufilling life, it doesn't matter how and with who she does it.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Good post! Great analysis.

It all becomes crystal clear when you are on the other side.

Good thing it happened to you. It is always an eye opener experience.

 

[Bokanovsky]

At this point, I genuinely believe that guys are the more romantic sex. We dwell on break ups so differently.

100% true.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She had already broken up with him emotionally months ago in her mind, you helped her physically break up with him.

 

[BaronOfHair]

At this point, I genuinely believe that guys are the more romantic sex. We dwell on break ups so differently. Ofcourse not girls are like this but again, much of what is talked about on SS seems to ring true with many.

Far too many of us CHOOSE to be maudlin, by believing everything we see and read about love and sex in fiction. Frankly though, this extends to many other areas of life, and doesn't just affect men.

Exs. A large percentage of folks still think torturing POWs is swell way to elicit the maximum amount of intel from captives, just because they've seen it done on screen a few million times. Relatively few have asked "Is there any basis for this in fact? What have successful interrogators done in real life? https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2005/06/truth-extraction/303973/


The less said about all the things most of us blindly believe about guns and shootouts, based upon what we've seen on TV and in cinema

The better

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Bro, in what world do you imply that women are like and not men aswell? Like have you never monkey branch yourself ?

Nothing personnal, but it kinda tickles my nerves that people like you hint that women are so bad in their nature, it feels like you're elevating yourself to superior state of existence because you're not affected by this futile and irrationnal behaviour.

From a objectif point of you, the girl you're with just wants to be happy and have a fufilling life, it doesn't matter how and with who she does it.

I think you are making assumptions about me bro. I am not hinting women are bad. I certainly do not think I am superior. You are welcome to read my own NC Journey where I went through the motions of break up with my own misconceptions of it.

And I am certainly not suggesting that all men absolutely do not process breakups in such a way.

After all one of the often repeated advice from our community for dealing with a break up is to spin plates and meet people. You could say that is our form of monkey branching.

But from my own anecdotal evidence from what I have seen through the years and my own experience, there is quite a difference between men and women in our approach after a break up:

It seems to me, men find it harder to move on than women, even with attempts at spinning plates (or monkey branch if you will call it). Often a man's journey of moving on from a break up involves a lot of personal and self development.

Whereas women will just drown themselves out with a lot of monkey branches until they find their next LTR and by then, the same things might repeat for her again (perhaps even for her entire life). She does not work on herself as much.

This could easily come down to gender difference that that women have much more suitors than men do, they have an easy access to dates than we do. We have to actively pursue. Whereas women always have endless suitors lined up as long as they're not bad looking. I mean, a girl who is a 5 has access to more dates than a guy who is a 5. It's an undeniable fact. They do not have to do as much to "spin plates". They just swing from one to the next of available branches ahead of their path. This could explain why with so much distractions, they don't work on themselves.

Again these are not absolutes, it is a generalization based on what I've seen.

But here's the MOST important thing:

My entire thread is really a reflection and reality adjustment on how often we men suffer from the break up. Often because we are too attached to an unrealistic ideal. We have this fictionalized Disney-idea that our ex gf's are incredibly romantic, girls are so pure, pulling petals off a flower and thinking of us. No, like most DJs suggest, she's busy taking **** from someone else. Dissing you behind your back. Humiliating you behind your back. I thought it was just unfair to assume this when I first encountered such a narrative but seriously, I've experienced and seen this first hand.

Another recent example: aside from this girl, there was another girl that I saw not long ago. Funnily enough she was in the process of getting dumped by her LTR when we met. She shared a home with her bf but the bf had temporarily moved out as they were in the process of settling the separation. I literally met her the 2nd day after her bf said he wanted an end to the relationship and moved to his parents place for a day. Although freshly separated, everything was not fully concluded yet. On our 2nd date, she invited me to her home in a nice suburban neighborhood and we smashed all over the place. Their pictures were still in the home. She looked like she really enjoyed our **** session. A lot of unrepeatable dirty talk that was very hot but also a bit weird considering the place and context. Then immediately after sex, she started intensely crying and wanted me to hug her. And when I asked her why she is crying, she tells me she is a victim. She is very sad not because she misses the guy or what she lost but because the guy sucks and she feels by breaking up with her she is mistreated. Which I think is unfair assessment. Girls will never blame themselves for anything, it's always the guy. A few days later, she calls me and tells me her bf kicked her out and threw her stuff out suddenly out of the blue while she was visiting relatives. She said: "How could he be so cruel! Is he so heartless?" I personally assume he found out, probably through some camera, maybe at the door or somewhere. Again they had only begun the separation & break up and immediately she banged. To me that is even more heartless. I don't think I could do this personally if I were the girl. But again, this really dispels the Disney idea that "Oh wow....she's so pure and angelic. We men are the horny beasts."

The difference is modern culture tends to cast our gender out to be vile and ruthless and celebrate women. We men are also convinced of this and this is the reality adjustment that I am personally experiencing now.

Yeah everybody wants a fulfilling life. I agree. But without self development and personal development, spinning plates or monkey branching will not get you there. And for women they are immediately bombarded with access to branches. They often just drown in that rather than the hard path we men have to take because we men have to work for it. We have to work for everything.

After a break up, we are usually at our lowest points. A lot of times, we may have let ourselves go. Even to spin plates takes time to start. And in all that down time, without plates available, we work on ourselves. Ironically, that is the most important thing that can help us recover.

I personally feel and know for myself, this reality adjustment, is necessary to minimize the pain I feel when I lose a girl. Because at least I won't be dwelling on it unrealistically.

 

[Crown]

I think you are making assumptions about me bro. I am not hinting women are bad. I certainly do not think I am superior. You are welcome to read my own NC Journey where I went through the motions of break up with my own misconceptions of it.

And I am certainly not suggesting that all men absolutely do not process breakups in such a way.

After all one of the often repeated advice from our community for dealing with a break up is to spin plates and meet people. You could say that is our form of monkey branching.

But from my own anecdotal evidence from what I have seen through the years and my own experience, there is quite a difference between men and women in our approach after a break up:

It seems to me, men find it harder to move on than women, even with attempts at spinning plates (or monkey branch if you will call it). Often a man's journey of moving on from a break up involves a lot of personal and self development.

Whereas women will just drown themselves out with a lot of monkey branches until they find their next LTR and by then, the same things might repeat for her again (perhaps even for her entire life). She does not work on herself as much.

This could easily come down to gender difference that that women have much more suitors than men do, they have an easy access to dates than we do. We have to actively pursue. Whereas women always have endless suitors lined up as long as they're not bad looking. I mean, a girl who is a 5 has access to more dates than a guy who is a 5. It's an undeniable fact. They do not have to do as much to "spin plates". They just swing from one to the next of available branches ahead of their path. This could explain why with so much distractions, they don't work on themselves.

Again these are not absolutes, it is a generalization based on what I've seen.

But here's the MOST important thing:

My entire thread is really a reflection and reality adjustment on how often we men suffer from the break up. Often because we are too attached to an unrealistic ideal. We have this fictionalized Disney-idea that our ex gf's are incredibly romantic, girls are so pure, pulling petals off a flower and thinking of us. No, like most DJs suggest, she's busy taking **** from someone else. Dissing you behind your back. Humiliating you behind your back. I thought it was just unfair to assume this when I first encountered such a narrative but seriously, I've experienced and seen this first hand.

Another recent example: aside from this girl, there was another girl that I saw not long ago. Funnily enough she was in the process of getting dumped by her LTR when we met. She shared a home with her bf but the bf had temporarily moved out as they were in the process of settling the separation. I literally met her the 2nd day after her bf said he wanted an end to the relationship and moved to his parents place for a day. Although freshly separated, everything was not fully concluded yet. On our 2nd date, she invited me to her home in a nice suburban neighborhood and we smashed all over the place. Their pictures were still in the home. She looked like she really enjoyed our **** session. A lot of unrepeatable dirty talk that was very hot but also a bit weird considering the place and context. Then immediately after sex, she started intensely crying and wanted me to hug her. And when I asked her why she is crying, she tells me she is a victim. She is very sad not because she misses the guy or what she lost but because the guy sucks and she feels by breaking up with her she is mistreated. Which I think is unfair assessment. Girls will never blame themselves for anything, it's always the guy. A few days later, she calls me and tells me her bf kicked her out and threw her stuff out suddenly out of the blue while she was visiting relatives. She said: "How could he be so cruel! Is he so heartless?" I personally assume he found out, probably through some camera, maybe at the door or somewhere. Again they had only begun the separation & break up and immediately she banged. To me that is even more heartless. I don't think I could do this personally if I were the girl. But again, this really dispels the Disney idea that "Oh wow....she's so pure and angelic. We men are the horny beasts."

The difference is modern culture tends to cast our gender out to be vile and ruthless and celebrate women. We men are also convinced of this and this is the reality adjustment that I am personally experiencing now.

Yeah everybody wants a fulfilling life. I agree. But without self development and personal development, spinning plates or monkey branching will not get you there. And for women they are immediately bombarded with access to branches. They often just drown in that rather than the hard path we men have to take because we men have to work for it. We have to work for everything.

After a break up, we are usually at our lowest points. A lot of times, we may have let ourselves go. Even to spin plates takes time to start. And in all that down time, without plates available, we work on ourselves. Ironically, that is the most important thing that can help us recover.

I personally feel and know for myself, this reality adjustment, is necessary to minimize the pain I feel when I lose a girl. Because at least I won't be dwelling on it unrealistically.

I ain't reading this

 

[Lotus Effect]

I ain't reading this

Shame. Because OP is spot on

 

[Lotus Effect]

By the way OP, spot on!

No, like most DJs suggest, she's busy taking **** from someone else. Dissing you behind your back. Humiliating you behind your back. I thought it was just unfair to assume this when I first encountered such a narrative but seriously, I've experienced and seen this first hand.

To sum it up:
This!

Anyone who thinks anything other than that, is not living in real life.

I’ve been on both sides to testify.

Pumping one while she was on the phone, just to tell me what a loser he was afterwards.

And by another one being badmouthed to a lot of our common friends behind my back.

---

Both ways, absolutely no reason for spite or anything like that. It's in their nature.

You can't be mad at a dog if it eats the steak you left on the table. It is in it's nature.

 

[Hoodie]

It's also an important lesson in maintaining relationships and yourself.

The better you were, the more it will sting for her to leave you.