What I believe to be, by far, the hardest thing about cold approaches

[Oatmeal31]

It isn't summoning the courage to go up to that girl you find attractive in mere seconds. That can be learned out of habit by approaching again and again and again.

The hardest thing about cold approaching is developing the skill to initiate and carry a conversation from the moment you go up to her, all the way to the point where you can get her to open up. The way things are, the onus is on us to lead and maintain the conversation from the very start.

What makes this so difficult is being able to materialize conversation and bounce from point to point without the luxury of having more time. It can be largely improvisational with a very limited window and not much time to think. You might run out of things to say if you're not getting much to work with, and the dreaded awkward silence will come up—which she'll probably fault you for. Then you go for the number a bit too early, and she declines.

Unfortunately, since women aren’t used to this kind of interaction in a store or street environment, they’re often withdrawn and don’t actively contribute. It’s like dealing with a shy person. They’re reserved and don’t talk much until you warm them up and make them feel comfortable enough to open up.

Think about any time you've had a pleasant conversation with someone that seemed to flow naturally. The person you were talking to was also actively contributing to the conversation and probably asking questions as well. There was smooth back-and-forth, even if they were a stranger.

Now think about any time you had a conversation that felt forced and unnatural. Someone isn’t used to this or they’re not actively reciprocating to the degree that you are.

There are yes and no girls, but there are also maybe girls. Yes girls are ideal, but they’re much more uncommon. You hardly have to run game on them.

With girls on the fence—which is most common, I'd say—you can sway things in your favor if you develop the skill to consistently create good, lengthy interactions. You’ll get more numbers, fewer flakes, and fewer rejections.

This is why I think it's best to have backup questions on retainer. Also, think about what makes a person open up more—something that has to do with them. Observational comments create an opportunity for them to talk about themselves and lead to a more robust conversation.

After developing the ability to consistently have longer interactions, then practice tossing in some flirting for solid numbers. Boom.

All of this has been especially important for me in a big city, where people may get approached by odd fellas or someone trying to get something from them.

Also, sometimes they’re just plain unreceptive and won’t bother opening up. If that’s the case, move on if it’s going nowhere and hit on some other girl.

Girls in bar settings are likely to make for easier conversation because they expect to—or are seeking to—get hit on. They’re ready for social interaction with men, although they might still have their guard up for other reasons.

Insights are welcome. I'm still learning and this is what I've got to share

 

[Oatmeal31]

Going to add to this and mention another essential ingredient to cold approaches.

Tonality. You need to hook a girl with you first approach her. This is especially important, I've learned, in a big, populated city. In a big city, there are likely crowds, tons of cars, buildings, noises, lights, people that are trying to sell you something, or take something, lots of things that can distract and stimulate someone.

You have to stand out with your tonality on approach. One day, at a very low point (pretty recent actually), I had very little sleep the night before and just pulled a 10 hour shift. The blowouts and rejections I had gotten since moving to this big city sat in my mind, tormenting me. I've always looked good, athletic and buff, and my interactions have gotten longer, but on some days I often get blown out before I can even get to that point. How can I put in good practice if I get cut off so early? I had enough.

I got out of work, said **** it, and decided to throw a hail mary. I would get home, change, and then rush back out to hit on girls to say anything on my mind, no matter how outlandish, bold, or random. And it worked. To my surprise, it worked better than anything I had done before.

Instead of spouting scripted approach lines that work sometimes, I came up with random, bold, some even stupid things that I wanted to say. What this did was elevate my tonality, making it sound fun and engaging, instead of boring (out of repitition), or even timid, meek.

I realized that my hook was fairly weak because my tonality wasn't engaging enough. When you approach hundreds of times, with the same old catchphrases, you'll feel worn out, and your first impression will carry much less spirit and spice. So if you're struggling with mustering the energy to embolden your tonality, just say random sh!t to girls. Try something new. Silly as it is, Cassady Campbell was an inspiration. Guy plays gag characters, and I found it hilarious

I started going up to girls, blantantly saying you're hot/sexy, or referencing a song, or just saying something corny. They'll laugh, and stop, or walk with me and give me their attention. Hell, this is why pickup lines work, although I prefer to use my own words. They are good at hooking a girl because they're unique, bold, lighthearted, and humorous.

Your tonality will make or break the interaction. It will hook the girl, and you can carry it from there. You could talk about incredibly boring topics, and your tonality can make it fun and engaging regardless.

Tonality and having lengthy interactions, are your main ingredients for consistent success with cold approach. Everything else is nuanced, and can be added in. You want a girl to think back on the interaction and replay it in her head, to let it marinate. Her interest will go up and you'll be even more likely to pull

So if you find your tonality is lacking, and you're getting blown out a lot before you even get to have a conversation, work on that. Tonality helps make your first impression, gets your foot in the door.

The beats matter more than the lyrics.

 

[SW15]

The most difficult thing about approaching strangers in public is their receptivity to the approach.

A lot of women aren't receptive to approaches because they aren't seeking new penis. Some are also socially awkward, which is an increasingly bad problem with both Gen Y/Millennials and Gen Z.

 

[Oatmeal31]

The most difficult thing about approaching strangers in public is their receptivity to the approach.

A lot of women aren't receptive to approaches because they aren't seeking new penis. Some are also socially awkward, which is an increasingly bad problem with both Gen Y/Millennials and Gen Z.

Yes, and that often leads to blowouts. Some areas are better than others. For example, I hardly experienced dismissiveness in a smaller city, but heavily encountered it in a large bustling city. I had to adjust, and that's where tonality comes in. It helps lower their guard immensely. You come across as someone bold, not someone that they can act is a "creep", all because of inflection in your voice. Then, after you hook them you have conversation from there, to warm them up to the idea of going out with you, a man that came up to them on the street.

We all have rollercoasters or we're so used to approaching with the same old lines, so having good tonality can be challenging in that way. That's where you mix it up, say whatever comes to mind, even if it's corny, random, stupid. I found myself with much better tonality, saying and trying new things. It no longer becomes a chore and it's fun for the both of you.

You'll still get turned down, name of the game. If she's not receptive to the hook, which still often happens, she'll at least be more polite with this kind of approach and softly turn you down. Or you'll get someone that's socially ret@rted and acts rude. If anything, says more about them

 

[SW15]

that often leads to blowouts. Some areas are better than others. For example, I hardly experienced dismissiveness in a smaller city, but heavily encountered it in a large bustling city.

I'm in a big city. I've experienced more fizzled conversations than actual blowouts or even harsh blowouts.

Tonality. You need to hook a girl with you first approach her. This is especially important, I've learned, in a big, populated city. In a big city, there are likely crowds, tons of cars, buildings, noises, lights, people that are trying to sell you something, or take something, lots of things that can distract and stimulate someone.

Yes. This is relevant in all venues.

Or you'll get someone that's socially ret@rted and acts rude. If anything, says more about them

True

 

[Oatmeal31]

I'm in a big city. I've experienced more fizzled conversations than actual blowouts or even harsh blowouts.

Good. That gives more room to practice. You are probably good enough at hooking in some way and/or the area is better in regards to this

 

[SW15]

You are probably good enough at hooking in some way and/or the area is better in regards to this

I am good looking but I am not Top 10%.

I'm in a tough big city environment.

 

[Oatmeal31]

I am good looking but I am not Top 10%.

I'm in a tough big city environment.

Which city and what makes it tough?

 

[SW15]

It's Dallas.

Here are some basic reasons....

There are so many transplants, social circles here are weaker. Much of the mating scene surrounds swipe apps and stranger approaches

Dallas women have abundance and are extremely demanding

There's a culture of superficiality and pretention among college educated White women

Not much foot traffic due to being an car-centered Sun Belt city

There's a great thread on Dallas' mating scene.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

Based on @Jesse Pinkman's write ups of New York City, Miami, and large state universities, I thought it would be worthwhile to write up Dallas, the city I call home. The Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area (DFW) is the 4th most populated metropolitan area in the United States. Dallas and Fort...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Oatmeal31]

It's Dallas.

Here are some basic reasons....

There are so many transplants, social circles here are weaker. Much of the mating scene surrounds swipe apps and stranger approaches

Dallas women have abundance and are extremely demanding

There's a culture of superficiality and pretention among college educated White women

Not much foot traffic due to being an car-centered Sun Belt city

There's a great thread on Dallas' mating scene.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

Based on @Jesse Pinkman's write ups of New York City, Miami, and large state universities, I thought it would be worthwhile to write up Dallas, the city I call home. The Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area (DFW) is the 4th most populated metropolitan area in the United States. Dallas and Fort...

www.sosuave.net

I've actually thought about moving to Texas. Southern hospitality is common no?

Tennessee and Colorado are on my list too, but I have to visit any of them to get an idea of what they're like. I heard things about Houston and Dallas, with Austin being the most desirable apparently

I find that women in Chicago have a lot of abundance too. Some transplants here too. Transplants do seem easier to get with no?

 

[SW15]

Transplants do seem easier to get with no?

Yes for the top tier, no for everyone else

Southern hospitality is common no?

Dallas does not offer Southern hospitality. Some smaller towns in East Texas might offer that.

Chicago

Chicago is a tough place, especially since you used to be in Gainesville, FL. That's a big adjustment.

 

[corrector]

Just be chad.

 

[BadBoy89]

Cold approaches don't work unless the woman is isolated in some environment. Bank teller / elevator / Starbucks barista. Then a man can flirt and get things doing. But to coldly approach an attractive woman on the street and expect her to respond? Nope.

If man was walking in the street, and the hottest, sexiest young woman came up to him, he would think something is up. And he's a man! Now imagine a woman being in that position.

 

[Oatmeal31]

Cold approaches don't work unless the woman is isolated in some environment. Bank teller / elevator / Starbucks barista. Then a man can flirt and get things doing. But to coldly approach an attractive woman on the street and expect her to respond? Nope.

If man was walking in the street, and the hottest, sexiest young woman came up to him, he would think something is up. And he's a man! Now imagine a woman being in that position.

They don't work? Maybe not for you, but I've seen results and so have others in this community

 

[Isildur1]

Cold approaches don't work unless the woman is isolated in some environment. Bank teller / elevator / Starbucks barista. Then a man can flirt and get things doing. But to coldly approach an attractive woman on the street and expect her to respond? Nope.

If man was walking in the street, and the hottest, sexiest young woman came up to him, he would think something is up. And he's a man! Now imagine a woman being in that position.

As someone who met his girlfriend through cold approach this post is absolute garbage .

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

As someone who met his girlfriend through cold approach this post is absolute garbage .

Can you say how you met your girlfriend?

I think my concept of cold approach is more just being smooth and friendly, mostly just to chat with an attractive woman in my vicinity when she’s in no hurry and with no expectations of picking her up, just to softly flirt for the fun it

but other guys must “cold approach” in a way like they are working the streets, like walking up to women who are already walking and they’re actually doing errands and these guys are jogging up and down the block high on coffee and pestering women who mostly show zero interest

In my opinion if flirting isn’t fun and easy you’re doing it wrong

 

[SW15]

But to coldly approach an attractive woman on the street and expect her to respond? Nope.

The street is only one non-bar venue.

In 2012, Roosh called street approaching the most difficult approach venue.

How To Pick Up Girls On The Street

Pure street game is very difficult. New York City and Miami are two of the few cities in the USA where street game is possible. In most larger US cities, street game isn't very viable. Most US cities will have better outdoor game options on paths/in parks.

Outdoor game as a whole is difficult with women wearing earbuds/headphones more frequently. Dallas isn't good for pure street game. The parks and urban walking paths have the majority of women wearing earbuds/headphones to discourage approaches.

You are going to take a lot of soft no's as an outdoor approacher and even some hard no's as an outdoor approacher. Some of the no's will be harsh.

Going back to street approaching, European cities are better for it.

For non-bar approaching in the USA, odds are often better indoors than outdoors in many cases. The non-bar venue where I have gotten the most dates is the grocery store.

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

That cold approach thing is a goner today. It used to be how I met women before smart phones. Basically chatting up any babe I found attractive. It was the greatest way.

Man go do an activity like meetup dot com those women go there looking for men. Why are you trying to buck the system?

When I think of cold approaching I think your ass is standing at a busy plaza where women are walking by and you’re this desperate creepshow approaching women walking by. I mean it can be done but cmon the women can see you a mile away: why the hell do you think wear giant headphones and sunglasses and ear loop masks and stuff?

I used to sit at a table outside of the exit door of a Whole Foods eating lunch and say hello to women as they exit and get chats. But at least I was doing something, lunch you know on my lunch break. You guys are just setting a block of time with nothing to do but creep out women passing by.

man get with the program

 

[CornbreadFed]

As someone who met his girlfriend through cold approach this post is absolute garbage .

I met mine through OLD, and I do not automatically dismiss the complaints I hear about it. This rhetoric does nothing for men.

 

[SW15]

That cold approach thing is a goner today. It used to be how I met women before smart phones. Basically chatting up any babe I found attractive.

There has been less of a culture of approaching strangers in the 2010s-2020s than there was in the late 1990s-2000s when both of us were younger.

I can notice a difference in 2024-2025 as compared to 2011-2012 on approaching. 2011-2012 was a few years after the smartphone got to market.

Approaching women in non-bar venues takes on a variety of forms. It can be done in gyms/fitness classes, indoor retail venues (grocery stores, malls, bookstores), or outdoors.

I used to sit at a table outside of the exit door of a Whole Foods eating lunch and say hello to women as they exit and get chats. But at least I was doing something, lunch you know on my lunch break. You guys are just setting a block of time with nothing to do but creep out women passing by.

Plenty of guys do something like what you did at Whole Foods. Guys will linger around grocery store while they are grocery shopping themselves seeking approaches.

Grocery store approaching is low percentage as well.

the women can see you a mile away: why the hell do you think wear giant headphones and sunglasses and ear loop masks and stuff?

In Dallas (a city with limited pedestrian foot traffic), women are well known for using headphones/earbuds to discourage approaching outdoors. While Dallas has limited foot traffic, it has some parks and recreational walking paths. Women use headphones/earbuds at those places.

Additionally, women use headphones/earbuds at their gyms to discourage approaches as well.

This has gotten more commonplace over time.

When I was in college (2001-2005), the iPod was new. The iPod was released in Fall 2001, in my freshman year of college. In roughly 2003 (the mid-point of me being in college), I could go to my college's on campus gym and only the hottest 10-20% of women would be wearing headphones/earbuds at the gym. By the early 2010s, that percentage was over 80% of women at gyms catering to working age people.