Let's make this as much of a positive thread as possible. I'd like to show what i've improved on the last month since I found this site. Mind you this isn't much, but I am making progress. As long as I am going forwards and not backwards, I am happy with my situation.
I'd like you guys to share how you've improved your overall social ability since you found this site as well, and also share what you need to work on. Also share what traits or qualities which you have which you are proud to have, or confident about.
It's not about giant leaps. For me to say I need to work on 'going up to any chick any getting laid within the hour' would be ridiculous. Maybe for someone who is a lot further than me, this might be a viable goal...but not for me.
It's all about baby steps. Working on improving something JUST out your reach, but you know that you are almost there so it is a realistic feet. It's a challenging game. It's about personal growth. It doesn't matter what it is, when you overcome your fears and accomplish something....you become a better person (in your eyes).
Before I came to this site, i was a shy AFC (I hate saying I am an AFC
). I've always been a fairly nice guy, very easy going, but I have never been very confident when it comes to being outgoing and approaching strangers.
Now, since I've learned a few things I'm very happy with my improvement. When school started, I always say hi to the person next to me and introduce my self Normally I would just sit there and say nothing, and wait for THEM to initiate first contact. I used to walk usually with my head down...sulking. Now I walk very tall and confident, and make sure to keep my head up to see the people around me. I've taken up weight lifting (tho before I found the site) and i've a few people have noticed alrdy in a few short months.
Just in general, I am a lot more social and fun than before. I always try to have a smile on my face, and try to stay in a good mood as much as possible. Receiving tidbits of psychology knowledge from a friend of mine (who is a psychology major) about people in general has helped me become more understanding of society. I don't let things bother me nearly as much, and this results in my mood being a lot more positive than before.
Before when I would get on a bus, I would just walk on usually with my head slanted down, and then sit and not even think of talking to anybody. Now, I get on, very confident looking and I gaze around. I'm not afraid of anybody. I'll make eye contact with any hot girls in the bus (or in other situations too) and not feel super scared. Previously, if I happened to be checking out a girl, and she if caught my eye...I would look away right away, real scared. Now if they look back, I just hold my glare right there and 'stand my ground' if you will. This gives me a sense of confidence realizing i'm not afraid to look into a girls eyes and not look away. I finally had a conversation with a stranger hot girl who was sitting next to me, and I had her smiling most the time (as was I). I would never even CONSIDER talking to strangers, let alone girls I didn't know, but now it's becoming more of a a reality. Every single one of my female friendships came about because they made the first contact of saying 'hi' or getting to know me. When I look at it that way, i realize I need to become a lot less shy and open to people. I know this all sounds kinda weak...but I have made a lot of progress (in my eyes) since i came here.
I am happy with my ability to keep a conversation with a stranger (girls). No i'm not the BEST conversationalist, but I can keep a fairly interesting convo going while keeping the girl smiling and interested. This is a good thing in my books, because conversation (in general) is hard to improve upon...it just comes from natural experience and environment. I consider one of my better qualities being easy going. I think not 'being a hassle' to be around is a good thing. That can only go so far mind you, but I think it can only hope in being more social towards strangers. You may not LIKE me...but I don't think there are many people that would actively DISLIKE me.
What I plan to work on? I really need to work on smiling when making eye contact. I don't find it odd to smile while talking to a girl, but if I'm making EC it feels unusual. It took me a while to make eye contact with hot girls, but I guess I am focusing on that too much and I forget to smile. Smiling is a good test to see if she is interested, cuz if she smiles back then she is open to being approached. This will lessen my fears of rejection, cuz if she's smiling the lesser chance she'll reject. I haven't made any COLD approaches before, but I'd like to start doing so. First I gotta learn to smile while making EC, so I can help to better gauge interest level.
Just today I really messed up in my opinion. I can't really blame it entirely on not smiling during EC...but it didn't help.
There was this hot brown girl sitting down on the bus. I have to admit she didn't seem overly 'friendly' judging from her body langauge. I was checkin her out, and she kinda turned her head a bit and we made EC. When I saw her face from the front....I thought "hmm....she's decent looking i guess." I was sort of 2nd guessing whether I should look back at her, but I sort of talked myself out of it because I thought she wasn't hot enough. About 5 minutes later, I sort of changed my mind and wished I had done something about the situation. Unfortunately...the 'moment' if you will, had passed so it didn't really seem right.
I just gotta improve on taking charge of the situation and quit thinking about it so much. Like....hmmm...is she hot enough...? she looks alright I guess....? what if she isn't interested in talking if I approach her..? Just little things like that can hinder the growing process, and I need to learn to try to 'just do it' and ease my doubts as best as possible. It was this situation today that lead me to making this post.
ANYWAYS...to recap. Share your improvement, share your positive qualities, share what you need to work on. Remember, this is meant to be a positive thread, so keep your head up, and smile
I'd like you guys to share how you've improved your overall social ability since you found this site as well, and also share what you need to work on. Also share what traits or qualities which you have which you are proud to have, or confident about.
It's not about giant leaps. For me to say I need to work on 'going up to any chick any getting laid within the hour' would be ridiculous. Maybe for someone who is a lot further than me, this might be a viable goal...but not for me.
It's all about baby steps. Working on improving something JUST out your reach, but you know that you are almost there so it is a realistic feet. It's a challenging game. It's about personal growth. It doesn't matter what it is, when you overcome your fears and accomplish something....you become a better person (in your eyes).
Before I came to this site, i was a shy AFC (I hate saying I am an AFC
). I've always been a fairly nice guy, very easy going, but I have never been very confident when it comes to being outgoing and approaching strangers. Now, since I've learned a few things I'm very happy with my improvement. When school started, I always say hi to the person next to me and introduce my self Normally I would just sit there and say nothing, and wait for THEM to initiate first contact. I used to walk usually with my head down...sulking. Now I walk very tall and confident, and make sure to keep my head up to see the people around me. I've taken up weight lifting (tho before I found the site) and i've a few people have noticed alrdy in a few short months.
Just in general, I am a lot more social and fun than before. I always try to have a smile on my face, and try to stay in a good mood as much as possible. Receiving tidbits of psychology knowledge from a friend of mine (who is a psychology major) about people in general has helped me become more understanding of society. I don't let things bother me nearly as much, and this results in my mood being a lot more positive than before.
Before when I would get on a bus, I would just walk on usually with my head slanted down, and then sit and not even think of talking to anybody. Now, I get on, very confident looking and I gaze around. I'm not afraid of anybody. I'll make eye contact with any hot girls in the bus (or in other situations too) and not feel super scared. Previously, if I happened to be checking out a girl, and she if caught my eye...I would look away right away, real scared. Now if they look back, I just hold my glare right there and 'stand my ground' if you will. This gives me a sense of confidence realizing i'm not afraid to look into a girls eyes and not look away. I finally had a conversation with a stranger hot girl who was sitting next to me, and I had her smiling most the time (as was I). I would never even CONSIDER talking to strangers, let alone girls I didn't know, but now it's becoming more of a a reality. Every single one of my female friendships came about because they made the first contact of saying 'hi' or getting to know me. When I look at it that way, i realize I need to become a lot less shy and open to people. I know this all sounds kinda weak...but I have made a lot of progress (in my eyes) since i came here.
I am happy with my ability to keep a conversation with a stranger (girls). No i'm not the BEST conversationalist, but I can keep a fairly interesting convo going while keeping the girl smiling and interested. This is a good thing in my books, because conversation (in general) is hard to improve upon...it just comes from natural experience and environment. I consider one of my better qualities being easy going. I think not 'being a hassle' to be around is a good thing. That can only go so far mind you, but I think it can only hope in being more social towards strangers. You may not LIKE me...but I don't think there are many people that would actively DISLIKE me.
What I plan to work on? I really need to work on smiling when making eye contact. I don't find it odd to smile while talking to a girl, but if I'm making EC it feels unusual. It took me a while to make eye contact with hot girls, but I guess I am focusing on that too much and I forget to smile. Smiling is a good test to see if she is interested, cuz if she smiles back then she is open to being approached. This will lessen my fears of rejection, cuz if she's smiling the lesser chance she'll reject. I haven't made any COLD approaches before, but I'd like to start doing so. First I gotta learn to smile while making EC, so I can help to better gauge interest level.
Just today I really messed up in my opinion. I can't really blame it entirely on not smiling during EC...but it didn't help.
There was this hot brown girl sitting down on the bus. I have to admit she didn't seem overly 'friendly' judging from her body langauge. I was checkin her out, and she kinda turned her head a bit and we made EC. When I saw her face from the front....I thought "hmm....she's decent looking i guess." I was sort of 2nd guessing whether I should look back at her, but I sort of talked myself out of it because I thought she wasn't hot enough. About 5 minutes later, I sort of changed my mind and wished I had done something about the situation. Unfortunately...the 'moment' if you will, had passed so it didn't really seem right.
I just gotta improve on taking charge of the situation and quit thinking about it so much. Like....hmmm...is she hot enough...? she looks alright I guess....? what if she isn't interested in talking if I approach her..? Just little things like that can hinder the growing process, and I need to learn to try to 'just do it' and ease my doubts as best as possible. It was this situation today that lead me to making this post.
ANYWAYS...to recap. Share your improvement, share your positive qualities, share what you need to work on. Remember, this is meant to be a positive thread, so keep your head up, and smile