Greeting to all friends on the forum,
In late January 2012, I met a woman on FB(Eva 28) who was a friend of a friend. We shared common interests in music and we started exchanging music and messages.
Red Flag #1: In just our second or third time chatting, Eva mentions she has been thorough a bad experience with "confinement" by an older guy(46).
She is also quite flirty and mentions how I would love her "pale blue eyes".
In February and March we become closer and closer. We chat on Skype and FB(usually late at night). Eva is in a relationship with a guy(Ivan 27) and I am seeing somebody, plus she lives in Belgrade while I am in Athens..so, while there is an attraction, we keep it fun and light...
In mid February 2012, she explains that in June 2011 she had been raped and imprisoned in a room for 12 hours. The guy who raped her had been an acquaintance of her ex-BF...she started therapy after that and met her current BF Ivan while in therapy in October 2011.
Her friends believe it was not a good idea to start a relationship while in therapy...
Red Flag #2: At some point Eva mentions that she had a 3 year Internet "relationship" with a guy from Columbia...I ask her if her real life BF had a problem with this and she replies he was jealous but that she still did it.
Eva also reveals that her parents are divorced(something uncommon in her home country of Serbia) and she seems to have issues from childhood with both her parents.
Her mom is overbearing and authoritarian while her Dad is poet who never provided stability and was often unfaithful. She says they fought constantly and finally broke up when Eva was 25.
She seems very affected by this even now at the age of 28.
Eva lives with her mom and is financially dependent on her because she is studying to become a pharmacist. Unfortunately, she is way behind with her studies and what is normally a 5 year course is now in its 10th year and from what I understand, she will need 1-2 more years...
Red Flag #3: We have wonderful chats, although I am a bit worried about some of the things she mentions about her relationship.
It seems that she and Ivan see each other very often(maybe 4-5 times a week) but they only have sex maybe once very 2 weeks. When I comment about this being too little she says "Ivan is always tired).
Our relationship continues to grow in April and Eva seems to push all the right buttons for me...still, I see her only as a woman I can have fun chats with, and flirt a bit.
In all honesty, it is easy to notice that she loves the attention...in fact, I notice that she has other guys posting on her wall...however, as the months pass and we get closer, these posts become fewer and fewer....(he BF is not on FB btw)
In early May, we talk almost every day late at night, and Eva also sends messages during the day, even from her mobile. This is when we also speak on the phone for the first time.
A few days later, Eva announces that she has broken up with Ivan.
I think she did this because in late April we started to talk sexually and we also talked about me visiting her in Belgrade in July...
Although I did not in any way ask her to break up, it was getting to the point where , I assume, she did not feel comfortable with her BF Ivan.
So, I plan the trip from July 15-23.
I was not in love with Eva at this time, but I saw it as an opportunity to visit a new country and have some fun with this woman...and whatever happens, happens...
However, there were issues...
First, her mother did not approve of Eva talking with me because I am a foreigner and because I think she felt threatened by me.
Eva seemed to be infatuated and I think her mom was afraid she might lose her...a problem since the mom lives alone and Eva is her only child...
Keep in mind this is Serbia, people are traditional, family ties are strong, and parents)especially moms) affect daughters considerably...
The second problem was that Eva was WAY behind with her studies. In June, she failed an exam and then failed it again in early July.
She is a smart woman, but it seems her department requires the utmost concentration and devotion to study..and I was definitely a distraction...
Anyway, a few days before I arrive, there is an argument between us on the phone and I decide to cancel...
What follows is Eva calling me in tears, practically begging me to come...so I reconsider and go...
I arrive on July 15th and she is waiting at the airport. The first moment is awkward but as we were in a taxi going to the city, she lays she head against my shoulder and it seems we both like each other "in real life" too...
When we get to my hotel I invite her up, and we start kissing then have sex...
During sex, I notice Eva is VERY restrained, and seems to like it yet feel very uncomfortable. The sex was not very good, but I think it was too early and she has still had considerable trauma from her rape...
I thought maybe she was not attracted to me...but after the sex she wanted to shower together, kiss, do stuff...so I put such thoughts away.
Unfortunately, that evening, Eva get a panic attack....
Panic attacks had been an infrequent problems since her rape, and the next morning I meet her outside the clinic with her Dad. She is feeling better...
Her Dad is a nice fellow and she seems very keen on me meeting me...in fact, I had become friends with him and some close friends of hers of FB(Eva asked for this...).
However, her Mom does not agree to meet me, despite Eva's efforts...
Anyway, we have great times together, although there was no more sex....I did not push for it and I think Eva was avoiding it because she was afraid it would cause panic again...
On my last night, we go out, eat and dance and have a great time....and end up at my hotel room having sex...again, a bit awkward....
The next day Eva takes me to the airport....she cries, we kiss and I leave...she has a panic attack afterwards as she told me...
Still, we are now like a couple.
We talk daily and we plan another visit from August 15-23.
I ask Eva to come visit me in Athens but her mom won't have it...plus, Eva has financial problems as her parents are both quite poor in a poor country...
Before my second visit, I notice Eva becoming a bit distant and saying she would not have much time because she has to study for the exam she has failed twice...When I mention cancelling, she insists I come and that she will work things out with her studying and her mom(who is now freaking out and pressuring her daily about having a relationship with a foreigner)
My understanding is that she is now under pressure from her close friends who think she needs time alone and more therapy.
What I realize is that Eva is certainly under great stress and it is affecting her body...although I did not know the terms at the time...I think she is possibly suffering from some mix of PTSD and borderline disorder...although i could be way off...
Anyway, the second trip does not go well.
We have sex almost immediately again, but Eva does it very quickly as if to get it out of the way.
She likes kissing, hugging, touching...but seems to not enjoy the actual act of penetration...again...possibly trauma from her rape...
A few days before I am to leave, I tell her we must break up and she starts crying uncontrollably...then however, she says she understands and cannot ask me to wait for her...since she has an issue with sex...
The next 2 days last forever, and we are together...but apart...
We have a tearful goodbye and I return to Athens...
However, I now realize that I have strong feelings for her...When I come back I keep in touch through skype and FB and a few calls and she is with me for a while but in early September we have fights and I notice her drawing away from me...
By late September our contact is minimal...
Unfortunately, by October we are going in different directions. She is mostly avoiding me while I seem to be ever more in love...
When I speak to her, she mentions that the panic attacks caused her to retreat from me...and she is thinking of her ex...Ivan(with whom she says she did not get panic attacks)...
I plan a surprise trip in early November but Eva reacts with anger when she realizes I am Belgrade... In the end, we only meet for 4 hours during my 3 day stay there. When we meet, she says she loved me but the panic destroyed that and she has guilt about how she left her ex for me...
Still, At some point she lays against me, we hug, we kiss passionately...
and I am confused....she is saying one thing...yet doing another...
I leave for Athens the next day feeling optimistic that I may be able to make this work....she seems to still have feelings...
when I talk to a close friend of hers on FB Angie... Angie tells me Eva is confused after my trip...
Still, when I talk to Eva a few days later..it seems it is goodbye...
In late January 2012, I met a woman on FB(Eva 28) who was a friend of a friend. We shared common interests in music and we started exchanging music and messages.
Red Flag #1: In just our second or third time chatting, Eva mentions she has been thorough a bad experience with "confinement" by an older guy(46).
She is also quite flirty and mentions how I would love her "pale blue eyes".
In February and March we become closer and closer. We chat on Skype and FB(usually late at night). Eva is in a relationship with a guy(Ivan 27) and I am seeing somebody, plus she lives in Belgrade while I am in Athens..so, while there is an attraction, we keep it fun and light...
In mid February 2012, she explains that in June 2011 she had been raped and imprisoned in a room for 12 hours. The guy who raped her had been an acquaintance of her ex-BF...she started therapy after that and met her current BF Ivan while in therapy in October 2011.
Her friends believe it was not a good idea to start a relationship while in therapy...
Red Flag #2: At some point Eva mentions that she had a 3 year Internet "relationship" with a guy from Columbia...I ask her if her real life BF had a problem with this and she replies he was jealous but that she still did it.
Eva also reveals that her parents are divorced(something uncommon in her home country of Serbia) and she seems to have issues from childhood with both her parents.
Her mom is overbearing and authoritarian while her Dad is poet who never provided stability and was often unfaithful. She says they fought constantly and finally broke up when Eva was 25.
She seems very affected by this even now at the age of 28.
Eva lives with her mom and is financially dependent on her because she is studying to become a pharmacist. Unfortunately, she is way behind with her studies and what is normally a 5 year course is now in its 10th year and from what I understand, she will need 1-2 more years...
Red Flag #3: We have wonderful chats, although I am a bit worried about some of the things she mentions about her relationship.
It seems that she and Ivan see each other very often(maybe 4-5 times a week) but they only have sex maybe once very 2 weeks. When I comment about this being too little she says "Ivan is always tired).
Our relationship continues to grow in April and Eva seems to push all the right buttons for me...still, I see her only as a woman I can have fun chats with, and flirt a bit.
In all honesty, it is easy to notice that she loves the attention...in fact, I notice that she has other guys posting on her wall...however, as the months pass and we get closer, these posts become fewer and fewer....(he BF is not on FB btw)
In early May, we talk almost every day late at night, and Eva also sends messages during the day, even from her mobile. This is when we also speak on the phone for the first time.
A few days later, Eva announces that she has broken up with Ivan.
I think she did this because in late April we started to talk sexually and we also talked about me visiting her in Belgrade in July...
Although I did not in any way ask her to break up, it was getting to the point where , I assume, she did not feel comfortable with her BF Ivan.
So, I plan the trip from July 15-23.
I was not in love with Eva at this time, but I saw it as an opportunity to visit a new country and have some fun with this woman...and whatever happens, happens...
However, there were issues...
First, her mother did not approve of Eva talking with me because I am a foreigner and because I think she felt threatened by me.
Eva seemed to be infatuated and I think her mom was afraid she might lose her...a problem since the mom lives alone and Eva is her only child...
Keep in mind this is Serbia, people are traditional, family ties are strong, and parents)especially moms) affect daughters considerably...
The second problem was that Eva was WAY behind with her studies. In June, she failed an exam and then failed it again in early July.
She is a smart woman, but it seems her department requires the utmost concentration and devotion to study..and I was definitely a distraction...
Anyway, a few days before I arrive, there is an argument between us on the phone and I decide to cancel...
What follows is Eva calling me in tears, practically begging me to come...so I reconsider and go...
I arrive on July 15th and she is waiting at the airport. The first moment is awkward but as we were in a taxi going to the city, she lays she head against my shoulder and it seems we both like each other "in real life" too...
When we get to my hotel I invite her up, and we start kissing then have sex...
During sex, I notice Eva is VERY restrained, and seems to like it yet feel very uncomfortable. The sex was not very good, but I think it was too early and she has still had considerable trauma from her rape...
I thought maybe she was not attracted to me...but after the sex she wanted to shower together, kiss, do stuff...so I put such thoughts away.
Unfortunately, that evening, Eva get a panic attack....
Panic attacks had been an infrequent problems since her rape, and the next morning I meet her outside the clinic with her Dad. She is feeling better...
Her Dad is a nice fellow and she seems very keen on me meeting me...in fact, I had become friends with him and some close friends of hers of FB(Eva asked for this...).
However, her Mom does not agree to meet me, despite Eva's efforts...
Anyway, we have great times together, although there was no more sex....I did not push for it and I think Eva was avoiding it because she was afraid it would cause panic again...
On my last night, we go out, eat and dance and have a great time....and end up at my hotel room having sex...again, a bit awkward....
The next day Eva takes me to the airport....she cries, we kiss and I leave...she has a panic attack afterwards as she told me...
Still, we are now like a couple.
We talk daily and we plan another visit from August 15-23.
I ask Eva to come visit me in Athens but her mom won't have it...plus, Eva has financial problems as her parents are both quite poor in a poor country...
Before my second visit, I notice Eva becoming a bit distant and saying she would not have much time because she has to study for the exam she has failed twice...When I mention cancelling, she insists I come and that she will work things out with her studying and her mom(who is now freaking out and pressuring her daily about having a relationship with a foreigner)
My understanding is that she is now under pressure from her close friends who think she needs time alone and more therapy.
What I realize is that Eva is certainly under great stress and it is affecting her body...although I did not know the terms at the time...I think she is possibly suffering from some mix of PTSD and borderline disorder...although i could be way off...
Anyway, the second trip does not go well.
We have sex almost immediately again, but Eva does it very quickly as if to get it out of the way.
She likes kissing, hugging, touching...but seems to not enjoy the actual act of penetration...again...possibly trauma from her rape...
A few days before I am to leave, I tell her we must break up and she starts crying uncontrollably...then however, she says she understands and cannot ask me to wait for her...since she has an issue with sex...
The next 2 days last forever, and we are together...but apart...
We have a tearful goodbye and I return to Athens...
However, I now realize that I have strong feelings for her...When I come back I keep in touch through skype and FB and a few calls and she is with me for a while but in early September we have fights and I notice her drawing away from me...
By late September our contact is minimal...
Unfortunately, by October we are going in different directions. She is mostly avoiding me while I seem to be ever more in love...
When I speak to her, she mentions that the panic attacks caused her to retreat from me...and she is thinking of her ex...Ivan(with whom she says she did not get panic attacks)...
I plan a surprise trip in early November but Eva reacts with anger when she realizes I am Belgrade... In the end, we only meet for 4 hours during my 3 day stay there. When we meet, she says she loved me but the panic destroyed that and she has guilt about how she left her ex for me...
Still, At some point she lays against me, we hug, we kiss passionately...
and I am confused....she is saying one thing...yet doing another...
I leave for Athens the next day feeling optimistic that I may be able to make this work....she seems to still have feelings...
when I talk to a close friend of hers on FB Angie... Angie tells me Eva is confused after my trip...
Still, when I talk to Eva a few days later..it seems it is goodbye...