What happened to me

amazingJ

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TheCWord said:
Again with money. Starting to think it wasn't your looks.
No. This is what I've read on blogs and dating sites. Men usually say "I'll spend money on a hot girl". This isn't my opinion per se. Another thing is that another poster here (zinc4)? Said "he didn't think I was attractive e nought to take out".
 

amazingJ

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TheCWord said:
Again with money. Starting to think it wasn't your looks.
No, I've read blogs and forums where most men say a girl has to be hot for any money to be spent. Fine I'm not hot and he shouldn't take me out anywhere nice, but he's not hot either and maybe he should expect half-ass treatment from me too
 

amazingJ

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Tiguere said:
Tell us what happened after the bartender delivered the 4 shots
It's almost as if he was punishing me for not being stunning. Like he expected me to make out with him even though I felt he hadn't taken me out.
I drank them. We went home and made out, first base.
 

JoeMarron

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So if I'm not good looking, that means I have to settle for less even though he wants me to treat him just as well as the girl before me?
Tragic but yes. It doesn't mean you have to put up with disrespect but the fact is a man isn't gonna put forth as much effort in a chick that he's not that attracted to. That's why as a female if you want quality male attention you're gonna have to stay as attractive as possible (staying thin, being stylish, feminine etc.).
 

amazingJ

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JoeMarron said:
Tragic but yes. It doesn't mean you have to put up with disrespect but the fact is a man isn't gonna put forth as much effort in a chick that he's not that attracted to. That's why as a female if you want quality male attention you're gonna have to stay as attractive as possible (staying thin, being stylish, feminine etc.).
ah, then I should've treated him like sh(t because he's ugly. Too bad I don't know how!
The lesson to this story is to not let anyone think or know if you don't like something about yourself. Let them think you're happy with all parts of yourself and they can't hurt you no matter what they try.
 

Kailex

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Who gets mad about burritos?

I've been seeing a girl for months and the most expensive meal we've ever bought each other is a medium pizza... and we both make good money.

Maybe that's not the point of this... but I find it even more pointless to try to compare one relationship with the next. Maybe he realized that spending all that money on the one chick was a waste of time/money and decided that whoever comes after... he won't spend money on.

I'm sorry but there is no correlation for me between hotness and money spent, but maybe that's just me.

I'm that guy taking out a girl for coffee the first time, a park the second, the beach a third... etc, etc, etc...

And how do you know he was taking a chick to expensive restaurants? Did he tell you?

And please, tell us what happened to the 4 shots.
 

Desdinova

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tdotseoul said:
But, women compare and she is wondering why in the hell would he take a girl to expensive dinners but to her only burritos.
This is a side note... Doing something like this can be effectively used to raise her IL. She becomes jealous of the other girl receiving better treatment, so she wants to figure out how to gain that kind of treatment from him. This happened with my ex-wife when I told her that I spoiled my first fiancee. However, I highly doubt that the guy in this situation was using this as a tactic.

TheCWord said:
You guys were on two completely opposite wavelengths: you weren't going to kiss him until he started spending money, and he wasn't going to spend money until you kissed him.
This is exactly how this situation has played out. She expects better treatment to validate her as valuable and/or attractive, but he needs feedback if he's going to invest any more time, energy, and resources into this woman. The guy is interested, but he needs the green light which she refuses to give him because he's not spending cash on her like he did with the other woman. In other words, she needs to earn that kind of attention. If she's just a gold digger, she'll go and find a common AFC who's willing to open his wallet to the ends of the earth for her.

Now, back to the OP...

amazingJ said:
I'm not a princess because I don't even know what that really entails
Playing dumb doesn't mean you're not being treated like a princess by other men. If you're an average to good-looking female, you get treated like a princess at least occasionally.

Lack of experience and misconceptions of the dating scene led me to believe that for him to respect me and show it would mean a dinner date.
This is horse 5hit. You wanted to be treated in this manner because you've seen it on television, read it in books, have friends who get treated this way, etc etc. It's nice to get spoiled by ANYONE so please don't blame it on your ignorance and stupidity.

Of course this is the crudest answer of all and it makes me sad that he didn't think my looks were enough. Unfortunately, I do think that this is what he was doing and thinking. I do believe he didn't think I was good looking enough to spend money.
...and this is the blanket that got thrown over the fact that she WANTED to be spoiled. "He didn't think I was attractive enough, so he didn't spoil me."

What I think really happened here is that the guy didn't do enough to push her emotional buttons to make her feel attracted to him, so she just treated him as another AFC who would be willing to spoil her with meals, drinks, and attention.

But I digress... We have an interesting fact unveiled by the OP...

Anyway, when he realized that I wanted him to ask me out, he tricked/manipulated me into thinking we were going to dinner and we ended up at a bar. He literally put 4 shots in front of me. The rest is unimportant.
...and then...

After I drank the four shots, we went back to my place and made out.
Making out with him apparently wasn't important. She gives him the green light with the same goal in mind: to have him spoil her. Of course, it's all his fault and he's a a55hole...

the guy was mentally abusive to me when I backed off after the bar incident. He wanted me to believe my lack of stunning looks was why he was punishing me. This is why I'm hung up over this. It's not him, but rather that it took me a while to see that what happened is fine and I accept that he's an as$hole. He believes plain girls should treat him well while he skimps out on them.
then I should've treated him like sh(t because he's ugly.
Poor baby's having a temper tantrum and calling him names.

You're doing him a favor by making him out to be the villain of your high expectations. Don't worry, he WILL find someone better than you.
 

The_411

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You only get what you offer. If you offer low self-esteem you get bad behavior.
 

Gunner26

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Got to say I think Desdinova just deconstructed your arguments completely.

On another note.

Who really gives a damn about going out for a friggin meal, much less having him pay for it.

If you were interested in him, it shouldn't matter that he only got you a burrito, spending time getting to know each-other is the idea of a date, not to see how much money he will spend to make it an event. 1st dates anyway can be stressful, why waste money on a potentially awkward meal. You shouldn't have to equate the experience to how much money he spent on you, regardless of if he did it with another women. That is just shallow in my opinion.

Why did you not offer to take him out for a meal? Perhaps that would have upped his interest and you wouldn't be on here complaining. Offering dinner would have been the green light he may have needed to proceed, to then invest in you.

If you needed him to splash cash on you before you invested, this wasn't the guy for you anyway. When/if you find a guy, I bet your arse you won't mind just going for a walk on the beach/bowling or something trivial like that.

Get your **** together, it's not about the money, you two just didn't work, and you're using the excuse of him not spending cash on you to justify your lack of interest in him. Pathetic.

Gunner
 

Ronaldo7

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Stupid b1tch thinking she deserves better when she self-admittedly stated that she is ugly. If you aren't hot, please don't expect anything. In my humble opinion, i believe the guy was a nice guy taking you to eat burritos. He should've just took you to Jack in the Box drive thru.

So if I'm not good looking, that means I have to settle for less even though he wants me to treat him just as well as the girl before me?
That is correct. The hotter you are the better we will treat you. You don't get to ask for what you want when you are ugly. You conform yourself with the scraps you are given.
 

pinkfl

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amazingJ said:
So if I'm not good looking, that means I have to settle for less even though he wants me to treat him just as well as the girl before me?

You would have to settle for less than what you want from THIS PARTICULAR GUY.

Not necessarily from someone else that has stronger feelings for you.

If you want to be with him, you have to assume that the way he is treating you is as good as it's going to get. The easiest way to think about this is you cannot change an adult; they are what they are. How he treats you may never change, and if what he is bringing to the table isn't making you happy, then you simply are not compatible. He likely doesn't feel that you were "worth" more than that, OR he was too bitter about his past to go above that standard.

Every guy has had that ONE GIRL that he would buy roses for, would take out to fancy dinners, would buy jewelry for, etc. Then that ONE GIRL dumps them or uses them, and then they think "screw it! I did all that and have nothing now." And thus the cycle begins...he never finds a girl that he feels is quite "worth it" and he never acts that way again. At some point, he may lower his defenses, but once they are up, they are pretty much up for good.

In essence, you two simply aren't meant to be. Sorry.
 
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