What happened to me

[amazingJ]

Hello, all. I'm a girl, mid-twenties and I thought this would be the best forum to ask you guys about what happened to me with a certain guy who pursued me a little while ago. What happened is he had dated a HOT girl 2 months prior to me and he took her to a very expensive restaurant for dinner. They lasted 2 weeks and she dumped him for another guy (her ex). Anyway, then he started pursuing me. He and I had never met before and I was new to the school, so he had never seen me. He kept wanting to go out for dates where he spent no money. While this is fine, I thought it was strange that he formally asked the previous girl out to a "real" date and me nowhere. We went out for a couple of walks on the beach for 2 nights and then 3rd night he took me to a casual/cheap dinner (burritos). He never formally asked me out, but assumed we were "going out" I guess. I never kissed him after these meetings because I expected him to ask me out. Anyway, when he realized that I wanted him to ask me out, he tricked/manipulated me into thinking we were going to dinner and we ended up at a bar. He literally put 4 shots in front of me. The rest is unimportant. Here's some stuff you need to know about me:
-I am a virgin and he knew it
-I told him that a previous guy treated me like crap and was possibly only after sex and I thought it was because I'm average looking...had I been hotter maybe he'd want a relationship with me

Tell me what do you think happened?

 

[Desdinova]

I never kissed him after these meetings because I expected him to ask me out.

In other words, you're wanting him to open up his wallet to you so you can eat without paying. A date does NOT consist of the man blowing his money on you while you enjoy it. A date can consist of the following:

- go out for dates where he spent no money
- casual/cheap dinner (burritos)
- at a bar

What matters is if you're having a good time with him. If you're not, then quit leading him on hoping that he'll waste his money on you.

I've done all of the above with women and they usually have a good time. I always end up with a kiss by the end of the first date because they're having fun.

 

[tdotseoul]

In other words, you're wanting him to open up his wallet to you so you can eat without paying. A date does NOT consist of the man blowing his money on you while you enjoy it. A date can consist of the following:

- go out for dates where he spent no money
- casual/cheap dinner (burritos)
- at a bar

What matters is if you're having a good time with him. If you're not, then quit leading him on hoping that he'll waste his money on you.

I've done all of the above with women and they usually have a good time. I always end up with a kiss by the end of the first date because they're having fun.

Damn so much bitterness... it's funny how two readers can read her post so differently.

She's not mad because HE took her to burritos or beach.. if he did that with the previous girl, I'm sure this girl would have no problem with it whatsoever.

But, women compare and she is wondering why in the hell would he take a girl to expensive dinners but to her only burritos.

That is her question... LOL

Two things...

Either a) he is hurt from the previous girl and realized or learned that buying a girl expensive dinners before actually "going out" is not worth it.

or b) he just wants a quick ****.

 

[Purefilth]

Hello, all. I'm a girl, mid-twenties and I thought this would be the best forum to ask you guys about what happened to me with a certain guy who pursued me a little while ago. What happened is he had dated a HOT girl 2 months prior to me and he took her to a very expensive restaurant for dinner. They lasted 2 weeks and she dumped him for another guy (her ex). He got rejected and wanted to use you for validation. - prove he's "still got it" Anyway, then he started pursuing me. He and I had never met before and I was new to the school, so he had never seen me. He kept wanting to go out for dates where he spent no money. While this is fine,I think des missed this I thought it was strange that he formally asked the previous girl out to a "real" date and me nowhere. You claimed she's hot and youre plain - beatiful people tend to get treated a bit better by the rest of the world We went out for a couple of walks on the beach for 2 nights and then 3rd night he took me to a casual/cheap dinner (burritos). There you go - he spent some money He never formally asked me out, but assumed we were "going out" I guess. Always Assume Attraction I never kissed him after these meetings because I expected him to ask me out. Anyway, when he realized that I wanted him to ask me out, he tricked/manipulated me into thinking we were going to dinner and we ended up at a bar. EXPLAIN He literally put 4 shots in front of me. The rest is unimportant. YES IT IS. The result of the interaction can change the ENTIRE analysisHere's some stuff you need to know about me:
-I am a virgin and he knew itthey all were once
-I told him that a previous guy treated me like crap and was possibly only after sex and I thought it was because I'm average looking...had I been hotter maybe he'd want a relationship with mepossibly - but probably would still just wanna nail you.

Tell me what do you think happened?

Answers in RED

 

[Cremasta]

Anyway, when he realized that I wanted him to ask me out, he tricked/manipulated me into thinking we were going to dinner and we ended up at a bar. He literally put 4 shots in front of me.

And then?

Sorry, but I've missed something. Was this the punchline?
Did you drink the shots? Did you just go home in disgust? Did you actually go out for dinner after? Is he your boyfriend now?

Maybe he thought you were a sure thing, but thought your inhibitions needed a bit of alcohol to take the edge off.

The one thing in your post that will get you some flaming on this site is that you seem to think a "real" date involves going somewhere expensive. A lot of the thinking here is that the formal 'dinner and movie' dates are often terrible in the early stages because they can be awkward and you don't always get a chance to learn about the other person. Just saying... some might come your way :yes:

 

[zinc4]

Hello, all. I'm a girl, mid-twenties and I thought this would be the best forum to ask you guys about what happened to me with a certain guy who pursued me a little while ago. What happened is he had dated a HOT girl 2 months prior to me and he took her to a very expensive restaurant for dinner. They lasted 2 weeks and she dumped him for another guy (her ex). Anyway, then he started pursuing me. He and I had never met before and I was new to the school, so he had never seen me. He kept wanting to go out for dates where he spent no money. While this is fine, I thought it was strange that he formally asked the previous girl out to a "real" date and me nowhere. We went out for a couple of walks on the beach for 2 nights and then 3rd night he took me to a casual/cheap dinner (burritos). He never formally asked me out, but assumed we were "going out" I guess. I never kissed him after these meetings because I expected him to ask me out. Anyway, when he realized that I wanted him to ask me out, he tricked/manipulated me into thinking we were going to dinner and we ended up at a bar. He literally put 4 shots in front of me. The rest is unimportant. Here's some stuff you need to know about me:
-I am a virgin and he knew it
-I told him that a previous guy treated me like crap and was possibly only after sex and I thought it was because I'm average looking...had I been hotter maybe he'd want a relationship with me

Tell me what do you think happened?

What happened is he decided you weren't attractive enough to be taking you out with no sex involved....he took the other girl out for more fancy dates because he wanted to impress her more than he did you which was stupid on his part, because hot girl get turned off by this behavior.....did he ever try to kiss you??????

I would have dropped you as well...what is the big deal about kissing someone first date? You are too high maintenance and prudish sounding.

 

[Smok1nAce]

In other words, you're wanting him to open up his wallet to you so you can eat without paying. A date does NOT consist of the man blowing his money on you while you enjoy it. A date can consist of the following:

- go out for dates where he spent no money
- casual/cheap dinner (burritos)
- at a bar

What matters is if you're having a good time with him. If you're not, then quit leading him on hoping that he'll waste his money on you.

I've done all of the above with women and they usually have a good time. I always end up with a kiss by the end of the first date because they're having fun.

This^^ all the other stuff is crap and people are reading to much into it. He wants to get to know you, idk if taking you to a bar is a good idea but obviously thats his idea of a fun time. You sound like a nice girl, i wouldn't waste your time with someone who wants to take you to the bar. You big mistake is thinking he needs to take you out for dinner, no hes gonna make sure your worth his money and time. take things slow.

 

[TheCWord]

To the OP,

Reading your post, I doubt you are a bad person - but I think you have a set of beliefs that may be causing you to come off the wrong way.

Specifically, you seem to believe that a man needs to spend money on you in order to date you. You also feel that you should withhold physical intimacy until he starts spending money.

My guess is this is all a product of inexperience and misperceptions about dating more than being a princess. But hopefully the responses in this thread are helping you to understand that you withholding intimacy may have driven him away...

You guys were on two completely opposite wavelengths: you weren't going to kiss him until he started spending money, and he wasn't going to spend money until you kissed him.

This may not surprise you, given the forum you're on, but I've gotta side with the guy on this one. Why should he be investing all kinds of money into a relationship before he can determine if it is viable? Part of assessing viability is seeing if you two have good physical chemistry. You never gave the two of you a chance to figure that out, so he walked.

No big deal. Lesson learned for next time. On to the next one.

 

[Big Nuts]

You're average looking, therefore drop the gear (clothing)....unless you can find an AFC who can tolerate your "average-ness" and you can string him along ad nauseum.

 

[Alvafe]

im' the only one who think when I read the op, finally a guy who did learn from his past experience?

what desd says is pretty much all on it.

I say he finally learn he shouldn't spend money on the start or even better, till you both become official and for tha happen you will have to impress him, and since you came here asking it I guess he didi his part to impress you, if not why bother?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

^^^yeah, assuming the OP isn't a troll.

This is EXACTLY, what is preached here. You came to the wrong/right place, depending how you look at it.

Guy takes girl on expensive date, she leaves him.

Guy takes girl to places he was already going, where she's not sure if she's even on a date or not. Because of this she can't stop thinking about him and comes to forum to ask questions and advice.

You're a mid-20's virgen OP? I understand you have a concern of him leaving you for another girl. That's very possible. Let me ask you this, how many guys in the past have taken you on expensive dates? How many of them have you left in the dust because you were looking for something better?

I told him that a previous guy treated me like crap and was possibly only after sex

All guys are after sex. But, as long as you use it as a carrot then that's all it will ever be. Once they finally get that carrot it will be mission accomplished, and they'll go looking for something else.

Also, when that carrot is too far out of reach two things will happen. One, they'll give up and leave because they're Alpha and not going to put up with it or Two, they'll turn beta and you'll lose respect and attraction for him. Lose/lose.

EDIT about below: you've gotten good advice from some of these posters. Which advice you choose to take is up to you....1 out of 5 is going to tell you what you want to hear. Unfortunately that's usually the advice that's taken.

 

[amazingJ]

Damn so much bitterness... it's funny how two readers can read her post so differently.

She's not mad because HE took her to burritos or beach.. if he did that with the previous girl, I'm sure this girl would have no problem with it whatsoever.

But, women compare and she is wondering why in the hell would he take a girl to expensive dinners but to her only burritos.

That is her question... LOL

Two things...

Either a) he is hurt from the previous girl and realized or learned that buying a girl expensive dinners before actually "going out" is not worth it.

or b) he just wants a quick ****.

This is exactly what I am saying! Thank you. I don't see how he'd think I'm quick?

 

[amazingJ]

To the OP,

Reading your post, I doubt you are a bad person - but I think you have a set of beliefs that may be causing you to come off the wrong way.

Specifically, you seem to believe that a man needs to spend money on you in order to date you. You also feel that you should withhold physical intimacy until he starts spending money.

My guess is this is all a product of inexperience and misperceptions about dating more than being a princess. But hopefully the responses in this thread are helping you to understand that you withholding intimacy may have driven him away...

You guys were on two completely opposite wavelengths: you weren't going to kiss him until he started spending money, and he wasn't going to spend money until you kissed him.

This may not surprise you, given the forum you're on, but I've gotta side with the guy on this one. Why should he be investing all kinds of money into a relationship before he can determine if it is viable? Part of assessing viability is seeing if you two have good physical chemistry. You never gave the two of you a chance to figure that out, so he walked.

No big deal. Lesson learned for next time. On to the next one.

Another great and logical answer. I'm not a princess because I don't even know what that really entails. Lack of experience and misconceptions of the dating scene led me to believe that for him to respect me and show it would mean a dinner date. I've never dated before and he knew it. (Due to cultural reasons--he and I are of different cultures)

 

[TheCWord]

This is exactly what I am saying! Thank you. I don't see how he'd think I'm quick?

Oh, I see. You weren't actually looking for advice. You were just looking for someone to agree with you.

Carry on, then.

 

[amazingJ]

Oh, I see. You weren't actually looking for advice. You were just looking for someone to agree with you.

Carry on, then.

Not really. There are too many different opinions here and no one can be solely right. I'm only pointing out what I think might've happened

 

[amazingJ]

What happened is he decided you weren't attractive enough to be taking you out with no sex involved....he took the other girl out for more fancy dates because he wanted to impress her more than he did you which was stupid on his part, because hot girl get turned off by this behavior.....did he ever try to kiss you??????

I would have dropped you as well...what is the big deal about kissing someone first date? You are too high maintenance and prudish sounding.

Of course this is the crudest answer of all and it makes me sad that he didn't think my looks were enough. Unfortunately, I do think that this is what he was doing and thinking. I do believe he didn't think I was good looking enough to spend money.

After I drank the four shots, we went back to my place and made out. Kissing or first base. I drank the shots and stayed at the bar because I didn't have enough self esteem to say take me home. I already knew I was decently attractive and maybe this is all I deserved.

So if I'm not good looking, that means I have to settle for less even though he wants me to treat him just as well as the girl before me?

 

[TheCWord]

Of course this is the crudest answer of all and it makes me sad that he didn't think my looks were enough. Unfortunately, I do think that this is what he was doing and thinking. I do believe he didn't think I was good looking enough to spend money.

There's actually a great piece of advice in another thread right now, ironically titled almost the exact same as yours.

"It'll do you NO good whatsoever to figure out what the hell happened to her."

Flip the genders in that statement and that's really all you need. Good luck.

 

[amazingJ]

There's actually a great piece of advice in another thread right now, ironically titled almost the exact same as yours.

"It'll do you NO good whatsoever to figure out what the hell happened to her."

Flip the genders in that statement and that's really all you need. Good luck.

True it won't help me, but the guy was mentally abusive to me when I backed off after the bar incident. He wanted me to believe my lack of stunning looks was why he was punishing me. This is why I'm hung up over this. It's not him, but rather that it took me a while to see that what happened is fine and I accept that he's an as$hole. He believes plain girls should treat him well while he skimps out on them.

 

[TheCWord]

He believes plain girls should treat him well while he skimps out on them.

Again with money. Starting to think it wasn't your looks.

 

[Tiguere]

Tell us what happened after the bartender delivered the 4 shots