what happened to her?

[Lgw]

history: we met 2 months ago, we worked in the same town, we dated about 3 weeks, 5 times per week. She show me high IL. Then the summer holiday began she has gone to 500 km away to parents home.( she is a teacher) Before leaving her plans were to transfer to a school where her parents live. I told her if she s gonna apply for the transfer it s over. And she didnt applied. Then our LDR started till september when she ll be back.

We talked and texted several times a day without one day off. She keeps showing high IL during this LDR time. I visited her at the weekend where i stayed at my old friends home 3 weeks ago, everything was good, she introduce me to her sister and brother at a dinner and they all transfer me to the airport.

Last weekend there was this wedding of her cousin, it s a 2 day ceremony which is on thursday and friday.

then

thursday she called me in the morning and texted several times during day, at the end of the day we talked for several minutes, then i texted her for , no reply

friday because of her not responding my text and i did not initiate contact with her , so did she. this was the first day we did not contact each other till we met

saturday i called her on 4 pm, she did not answer. normally other then sleep time she turns back to me max 1 hour time if she missed the call or not available, At 6 pm i called her again she answered, she told me she missed the call, she was tired because of the wedding. She acted very cold and distant to me. She wants to finish the conversation quickly

sunday no cantact

monday no contact

today i called her 4 hours ago, no answer

This was 4 hours ago.

I think it s over, but what i really dont get is what happened? there was no signal from her on thursday. Everything was like what it was for the whole 2 months.

 

[TheCWord]

This is not a unique situation. Almost EVERY guy who pursues women will at some point suddenly lose contact with a girl. Many of us here on SoSuave refer to it as "flaking."

You got flaked on.

It'll do you NO good whatsoever to figure out what the hell happened to her.

The best advice I can give is to KEEP FOCUSING ON OTHER WOMEN.

The more women you have to pursue, the better you'll handle flakes.

Think of an investment portfolio:

You take 50 thousand dollars and invest it in different stocks. A few grand here...10 grand there, etc. That's the best way to invest because if you lose a few grand in one particular stock, you'll be dissapointed, but it won't mean the end of the world--because you have money still remaining in other stocks. But, if you foolishly invest ALL of your money in just ONE stock, you're putting yourself at risk for losing EVERYTHING...and you'll be devasted when you lose it all.

Works the same way with women: invest in different types of women. Get out there and meet women, or go online, and invite as many as you can out on a date with you. Inviting them out will lead to phone numbers, and phone numbers will lead to dates.

It can take awhile to amass enough dates with women, but once you have, you'll notice that when one of your prospects suddenly ceases communication, you won't worry about her as much...you'll just shrug your shoulders and move on because you have other women to focus on.

This is a must-read post. Something all beginners should read and internalize.

 

[Lgw]

Espi,

You said it s not a unique sitıation and called it flake , but isn t we called flake for situations like cancelling dates last minute etc. . On flakes woman don t invest too much, you persue them, they didn t want to go out with you. (correct me if i m wrong ) In this situation she invested to the relationship with not applying to transfer his school (she ll have to wait at least one more year in my town i know it s not her favorite) , money, time etc. And it comes in the middle of nowhere without any warning.

Thank you for the advice. because of my BPD ex ( not this one) i dont go too emotional with her. It ll be a just a few days to get over it. with BPD ex there are a million signals the relationship wont work, but for this one not even one. And my bad behavior if i dont understand a situation it makes me sick.

Anyway i ll take the advice "It'll do you NO good whatsoever to figure out what the hell happened to her. "

Thanks.

 

[The_411]

"...told her if she s gonna apply for the transfer it s over. And she didnt applied."

Ultimatums never work and in this case my guess is that she a ) lost interest b) resented you because she didn't follow her plan because of this "relationship".

 

[lamobatsman]

I have a question. How does a guy win? I understand the whole invest in different stocks but say ur talking to a girl you really like and you dont want to give off the player vibe and lose her if she thinks ur seeing or talking to other girls. But then on the other hand you could lose out on other girls? Its like prisoners dilema??? How do we guys solvr this?

 

[LorenzoVonM]

I have a question. How does a guy win? I understand the whole invest in different stocks but say ur talking to a girl you really like and you dont want to give off the player vibe and lose her if she thinks ur seeing or talking to other girls. But then on the other hand you could lose out on other girls? Its like prisoners dilema??? How do we guys solvr this?

If you're worrying what a girl thinks about who you are then you have already lost.

There's no losing out on girls. That thinking just shows you have a scarcity mentality. It will not serve you in interactions with women.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

history: we met 2 months ago, we worked in the same town, we dated about 3 weeks, 5 times per week.

WOW that's a lot in a 3 week time period. Sounds like a classic summer fling bro. Tap tap dem breaks......or have the mindset that it will crash and burn FAST!

DO NOT PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET-----SPREAD EM OUT. Like what

ESPI, good stuff!

 

[Kailex]

I have a question. How does a guy win??

A guy wins when he realizes he no longer has to play the game her way. The guy wins when he realizes, he's the one who makes the rules to his game and she plays along.

 

[Lgw]

history: we met 2 months ago, we worked in the same town, we dated about 3 weeks, 5 times per week. She show me high IL. Then the summer holiday began she has gone to 500 km away to parents home.( she is a teacher) Before leaving her plans were to transfer to a school where her parents live. I told her if she s gonna apply for the transfer it s over. And she didnt applied. Then our LDR started till september when she ll be back.

We talked and texted several times a day without one day off. She keeps showing high IL during this LDR time. I visited her at the weekend where i stayed at my old friends home 3 weeks ago, everything was good, she introduce me to her sister and brother at a dinner and they all transfer me to the airport.

Last weekend there was this wedding of her cousin, it s a 2 day ceremony which is on thursday and friday.

then

thursday she called me in the morning and texted several times during day, at the end of the day we talked for several minutes, then i texted her for , no reply

friday because of her not responding my text and i did not initiate contact with her , so did she. this was the first day we did not contact each other till we met

saturday i called her on 4 pm, she did not answer. normally other then sleep time she turns back to me max 1 hour time if she missed the call or not available, At 6 pm i called her again she answered, she told me she missed the call, she was tired because of the wedding. She acted very cold and distant to me. She wants to finish the conversation quickly

sunday no cantact

monday no contact

today i called her 4 hours ago, no answer

This was 4 hours ago.

I think it s over, but what i really dont get is what happened? there was no signal from her on thursday. Everything was like what it was for the whole 2 months.

UPDATE ;

she texted today " I know i am not fair to you, i am having a hard time right now and i dont want to involve you in, that s all i can do right now"

I won t reply or initiate contact.

 

[donking]

she had wedding sex

 

[Lgw]

If it were ME...my personal opinion, I would reply, but it keep it short.

"No worries. Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. Best of luck handling whatever it is that is bothering you."

Her reaching out to you like that is rare, in my experience. So end things well. "All's well that ends well." Responding emphathetically is a win-win situation for you. Not saying you'll get the girl, but at least you can take the high road out.

thanks for the responses. After the comment of ESPI

here's what have texted

me ""No worries. Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time.(As you did not shared with me) Best of luck handling whatever it is that is bothering you."

her(replies after a minute) "please don t be sorry for me, this is not what i want, i hope i can make it"

 

[The_411]

UPDATE ;

she texted today " I know i am not fair to you, i am having a hard time right now and i dont want to involve you in, that s all i can do right now"

I won t reply or initiate contact.

Translation:
I know i am not fair to you (I don't respect you.)

I am having a hard time right now (I can't choose between the 2/3/4 guys who are screwing me)

and i dont want to involve you in, that s all i can do right now"
(I don't want to have sex with you, but I can't figure out how to keep you as an orbiter while I'm so far away and unable to use physical contact and false visual IOIs to string you along)

 

[cordoncordon]

history: we met 2 months ago, we worked in the same town, we dated about 3 weeks, 5 times per week. She show me high IL. Then the summer holiday began she has gone to 500 km away to parents home.( she is a teacher) Before leaving her plans were to transfer to a school where her parents live. I told her if she s gonna apply for the transfer it s over. And she didnt applied. Then our LDR started till september when she ll be back.

We talked and texted several times a day without one day off. She keeps showing high IL during this LDR time. I visited her at the weekend where i stayed at my old friends home 3 weeks ago, everything was good, she introduce me to her sister and brother at a dinner and they all transfer me to the airport.

Last weekend there was this wedding of her cousin, it s a 2 day ceremony which is on thursday and friday.

then

thursday she called me in the morning and texted several times during day, at the end of the day we talked for several minutes, then i texted her for , no reply

friday because of her not responding my text and i did not initiate contact with her , so did she. this was the first day we did not contact each other till we met

saturday i called her on 4 pm, she did not answer. normally other then sleep time she turns back to me max 1 hour time if she missed the call or not available, At 6 pm i called her again she answered, she told me she missed the call, she was tired because of the wedding. She acted very cold and distant to me. She wants to finish the conversation quickly

sunday no cantact

monday no contact

today i called her 4 hours ago, no answer

This was 4 hours ago.

I think it s over, but what i really dont get is what happened? there was no signal from her on thursday. Everything was like what it was for the whole 2 months.

One of two things has happened, or both.

1. She fawked/met someone else at the wedding.
2. Her family has convinced her to move back home, which was the original plan before she met you.
3. Both of the above happened.

Go no contact. This one is over. And for the love of humanity, you are 37 right? Why are you seeing a girl you just met 5 days a week? Why are you texting and calling constantly? Why are you acting like a hurt little school boy if she doesn't text you back right away? You are a grown, adult, mature man who has a ton going on and who doesn't have time for such childish behavior.

Start acting like it.

 

[cordoncordon]

thanks for the responses. After the comment of ESPI

here's what have texted

me ""No worries. Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time.(As you did not shared with me) Best of luck handling whatever it is that is bothering you."

her(replies after a minute) "please don t be sorry for me, this is not what i want, i hope i can make it"

This was a terrible reply. Just brutal. Here you have a girl that is disrespecting you bigtime (granted you brought a lot of this on yourself) and your reply is to be sorry for her?? No. Be sorry for people that respect you and your time and efforts. Spend your valuable time and efforts on people that return it in kind. Not on people that abuse it. And as she wrote back in her next reply to you, she even says you shouldn't be sorry for her, so she lost even more respect for you after that reply.

The bottom line here is, as I wrote in the last post, you were way too available, way too accommodating, way too accessible, way too everything. She thinks of you as 'that nice guy that is really into me and that will do whatever I want'. Not a man she feels unbridled passion and sexual urges for. She is as I also said either fawking another guy from her hometown, being told by her family that she should move home as originally planned, or both.

You really can't win here. Trust me, go NC and do it now.

 

[instantnoodles]

history: we met 2 months ago, we worked in the same town, we dated about 3 weeks, 5 times per week. She show me high IL. Then the summer holiday began she has gone to 500 km away to parents home.( she is a teacher) Before leaving her plans were to transfer to a school where her parents live. I told her if she s gonna apply for the transfer it s over. And she didnt applied. Then our LDR started till september when she ll be back.

We talked and texted several times a day without one day off. She keeps showing high IL during this LDR time. I visited her at the weekend where i stayed at my old friends home 3 weeks ago, everything was good, she introduce me to her sister and brother at a dinner and they all transfer me to the airport.

Last weekend there was this wedding of her cousin, it s a 2 day ceremony which is on thursday and friday.

then

thursday she called me in the morning and texted several times during day, at the end of the day we talked for several minutes, then i texted her for , no reply

friday because of her not responding my text and i did not initiate contact with her , so did she. this was the first day we did not contact each other till we met

saturday i called her on 4 pm, she did not answer. normally other then sleep time she turns back to me max 1 hour time if she missed the call or not available, At 6 pm i called her again she answered, she told me she missed the call, she was tired because of the wedding. She acted very cold and distant to me. She wants to finish the conversation quickly

sunday no cantact

monday no contact

today i called her 4 hours ago, no answer

This was 4 hours ago.

I think it s over, but what i really dont get is what happened? there was no signal from her on thursday. Everything was like what it was for the whole 2 months.

Why the HELL do you care?

Listen, it boils down to two things:

1. She has someone else in mind
2. Loss of interest. Plus 2 months is enough time for a gold fish to seek attention elsewhere :crackup:

Even if she's tired, she would've said something at least.

Move on. :yes:

 

[cordoncordon]

I respectfully disagree.

In my opinion, when a guy's getting text responses, there's no harm whatsoever in emphathizing with a chick. What does a guy have to lose by saying, "I'm sorry you're having problems"?

A horrible reply, in my opinion, would be to try to "fix" whatever problem she's going through (or claiming to go through). A lot of guys try to think up of solutions because they want to be "the man" and rescue the damsel in distress. Don't do it.

But I see nothing wrong with merely acknowledging a chick's drama. Just don't try to play psychiatrist and/or become her "savior." And I wouldn't ask her to reveal her problems, either.

I agree with you 100% and have even used what you said to girls I have dated in the past. But only only girls that are still being respectful of me and my time and not engaging in shady behavior. That is where you and I disagree. You are saying to say it regardless. This girl though imo has totally put OP here on the "I sh1t on you list" and is showing no time or consideration for him whatsoever. And her text replies that she finally sent after so many days are laughable in how transparently shady they are. Add in the fact that she is home, at a wedding, where we all know happens, knowing the OP is going to be a little antsy about the situation, and imo her behavior does not deserve any kind of decent reply.

 

[nismo-4]

Judge nismo knows what happened. This is an open and shut case.

Hell, the jury knows what I'm about to tell you.

Your princess is in another castle! She's keeping you as an orbiter (beta male/ friendzone) don't you see that? Drop her ass and spin more plates! Please! It's better for you to leave than to try to understand her.

Case closed. Get out of my court and grab a beer on the way.