What exactly is " Making a move "

[Faddy]

Been lurking on this site for awhile and I've learned many valuable things which not only significantly improve my interactions with women but also more importantly opening up a whole new perspective in life. But one thing that I often ponder on is what exactly define "making a move"?

It's safe to say that the majority here agrees that "Kino" and "Going in for a kiss" is the answer but although I do agree it's essential but it's only a fraction of the work required. Also what baffles me even more is that I've seen many of my friends(mostly average looking) landing a girlfriend without all these techniques ie kino. In fact that most of them did it by confessing their feelings and asking the girl if they would be their girlfriend after several hangouts. From what I've learned is that this contradicted with the teaching that was taught here.

So what exactly makes it official? Is it a mutual agreement or by one party simply asking for exclusivity? Are emotional bonds far more important than physical intimacy in terms of getting a girlfriend? Maybe I'm just being over analytical or maybe It's just the inexperience in the dating field taking it's toll but I still don't understand the process of taking it to the next level. So what exactly is "making a move"?

 

[Lexington]

You don't make a move out of the blue. It is the culmination of a lot of things that preceded it. If you're getting along with with a girl, and she's receptive to you touching her (or actively leaning into you etc.) this is a pretty strong indicator that she wants to be kissed.

Regarding your friends, I would have to assume that they had lots of strong indications of interest before they "professed their feelings." Professing your feelings will get you nothing and will probably creep a girl out if she's not attracted to you. But if you're George Clooney and you tell most women that you want to make them your girlfriend, they'd probably be ecstatic.

I would have to assume that your friends were interacting with these girls under a boyfriend/lover/dating frame rather than a friend frame. Those girls interpreted those "hangouts" as romantic interactions as opposed to platonic activities. Attraction was either built or was already there to begin with.

Once you've kissed/made out, there is a pretty strong indication of taking it to the "next level." The only question is whether this is a hookup/friends-with-benefits sort of thing or a committed relationship. If you're regularly hanging out and doing date-like things (going to the movies, eating out etc.) it's a relationship. If you're just fvcking, it's simply hooking up.

I would advise letting the girl initiate "the talk." By initiating the talk as a guy, you are ceding control of the frame to her. Basically, you are the one asking for the relationship and implying that you want it more than her. If she's the one initiating that conversation, the implication is that you are the catch.

The way to avoid being desperate is to constantly be spinning plates. That way, you will never be needy because you have lots of options. Then, if one of your plates asks for a committed relationship, you can always end things with the other plates (if that's what you want to do).

 

[AAAgent]

in middle school you can make a girl your girlfriend without making a move and just confessing. I've done it.

In highschool you need to atleast kino/flirt. I'd even push for kissing as being required to secure a girlfriend.

College, you have to atleast have kissed and had sexual relations if not sex.

after college....if you haven't had sex, she's not going to be your girlfriend.

not sure how old you are but this is coming from my life experience.

 

[bigneil]

Making a move = taking a risk = risking rejection.

 

[Iceberg]

It's safe to say that the majority here agrees that "Kino" and "Going in for a kiss" is the answer but although I do agree it's essential but it's only a fraction of the work required.

Making a move is seeing the girl you want, and doing SOMETHING.

Sometimes it's seeing the cute girl at the coffee stand, and just talking to her. Not asking for the number. Not flirting. Just building comfort so that you can ask her out in the future.

Sometimes it's going on a date, and knowing that this girl wants to kiss you, and actually kissing her.

Sometimes it's walking through a loud, crowded nightclub and grabbing a girl by the arm to make her dance with you.

Also what baffles me even more is that I've seen many of my friends(mostly average looking) landing a girlfriend without all these techniques ie kino. In fact that most of them did it by confessing their feelings and asking the girl if they would be their girlfriend after several hangouts. From what I've learned is that this contradicted with the teaching that was taught here.

Me too, man. I have the same type of friends.

But if all you want is "a girlfriend" then you can probably get one by being exactly how you were before you read any of this stuff. I didn't want "a girlfriend"...I wanted options.

My friends with these girlfriends all had maybe 5 sexual partners their whole lives. And I'm not saying that banging lots of girls makes you more of a man, but I definitely believe that a lot of guys force themselves into relationships because that's all they think they're capable of. Basically, they force themselves into relationships because they're afraid of being single.

And I don't want to say that these guys are unhappy. They seem perfectly content. But it just seems like they happened to "fall in love" with the lowest hanging fruit. And think about "love" for a second. This powerful, intense, magical emotion that's so rare and precious.....and these guys "found" it from a girl who grew up in the same town, went to the same high school/college, and had the same social circle. You'd think that love, in the true sense, involves a worldwide search. A journey of self discovery. But looking at my friends, it just seems that they took whatever was closest and most convenient. If I ever find a woman who I'll spend my life with, she'll be worth it...because I worked for it. I could have "a girlfriend" if I wanted. That's not an accomplishment. The accomplishment is getting exactly what you want...not whatever happens to be single, and close by.

So your friends (or my friends, since I don't know your friends) can land girlfriends. But so can ugly people, fat people, and just downright awful people. That's not special. What's special is challenging yourself to be who you want to be, and then one day finding exactly who you want to find.

Maybe I'm just being over analytical

Hah. Yes, you are.

 

[Barracuda]

After being with a few girls, you develop makeout intuition.

In other words you start to sense the moment, and you just go to autopilot and bust a move.

For example:

The other night I was out with my buddy and one of his co-workers joins our table. We chat for like 20 mins.. I'm not really flirting or anything, just chatting it up.. maybe making a few jokes. I definitely wouldn't call it gaming by any means. I wasn't particularly interested in her.

Anyway, the rest of the night we dont really talk that much, we're all out in a big group and we're all just having a laugh.

The end of the night comes and I'm ready to go home. We're all saying goodbye, it was nice meeting you etc..

I get round to her for the standard kiss on the cheek stuff, except as I say goodnight to her I suddenly get that spidey sense and go straight in for the makeout.. this all happens in about 2 seconds.. next thing I know we're making out in front of everybody (who are like 'where did THAT come from??')

All I can put it down to is after a certain amount of regular experience, you start to pick up on subtle non-verbal cues.. maybe you unconsciously detect that she's thinking about you kissing her.. who knows, but it becomes pretty much automatic.

 

[alpha.beta.ice]

They seem perfectly content. But it just seems like they happened to "fall in love" with the lowest hanging fruit. And think about "love" for a second. This powerful, intense, magical emotion that's so rare and precious.....and these guys "found" it from a girl who grew up in the same town, went to the same high school/college, and had the same social circle. You'd think that love, in the true sense, involves a worldwide search. A journey of self discovery. But looking at my friends, it just seems that they took whatever was closest and most convenient. If I ever find a woman who I'll spend my life with, she'll be worth it...because I worked for it. I could have "a girlfriend" if I wanted. That's not an accomplishment. The accomplishment is getting exactly what you want...not whatever happens to be single, and close by.

So your friends (or my friends, since I don't know your friends) can land girlfriends. But so can ugly people, fat people, and just downright awful people. That's not special. What's special is challenging yourself to be who you want to be, and then one day finding exactly who you want to find.

I have to applaud you for this one! I think I felt epic emotions there for a second. Oh god... nearly every married person I know just lazily bumped into his or her spouse. No exciting stories of having traveled the world to leave no stone unturned.

If I ever find "the one," great! But until and unless I do, it's good to love women (plural).

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Making a move = taking a risk = risking rejection.

Exactly!

Making a move, means moving forward, at anytime, from beggining to the end, advancing, thus putting yourself out there in the face of rejection.

Examples: From first interaction to getting number, from getting number to calling, from phone call to setting up a meeting, meeting up to initiating contact/confort/kiss, escalating physically, etc. You are always moving forward, it is your job as a man. So feel free to pick it up from whatever stage you are at, and proceed.