What exactly is it that you are scared of when it comes to women?

[wt_firefighter]

My biggest fear isn't the rejection itself, but the idea of seeing that person again if I do get refected. The school I go to only has about 14, 000 students, so the possibility of seeing her is pretty high actually. And when I go to the bars, it seems that I always see the same people there.

I also agree with slashco, I am kinda scared she might say yes. And right now I have a pretty good life and I don't know if I want to mess that up just to have a girlfriend or not

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm afraid of approaching the wrong girl and being confronted by some big belligerant drunk guy. I'm only 5'10" 173# and never been in a fight. At my age, I don't want to deal with that.

I'm a decent looking guy who looks young except for the balding spot at the top/crown of my head. I'm not ready to shave it all yet. But I do fear the hair loss will be my downfall game-wise.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Getting played. Too many times, it's been the same process:

1.) I meet girl and get to know her
2.) We exchange numbers
3.) I call her, we talk for a few minutes and then make plans to meet up
4.) Mere hours before, she'll text to cancel
5A.) I never hear from her again; if I run into her, she tries to get away
5B.) She'll string me along to use for attention, but won't care the second I leave for good

The effect of this is that I simply can't trust girls. Every time it looks like things are going somewhere, I fear the girl is going to pull some bs and bail at the last second - because it's happened before. Everyone (guys, both my friends and you all here) feel I overthink little things before dates and things like that...well this is why.

 

[Duffdog]

I fear the girl is going to pull some bs and bail at the last second

That is entirely a legitimate fear. What you are describing happens to every average guy all the time. The girls do it because they know that they can get away with it and there will always be a never ending stream of average guys who will continue the cycle for her until her looks fade and she has to do something else.

I have that fear as well. I don't even want to call girls anymore for any reason because they ARE GOING TO FLAKE somehow...they will find some way to bail at the last second on me. Whether they slash their OWN tires so that they can't drive or make up some extremely intricate lie and get 5 people to back it up, they will still do it. And it was all because I became a responsible, average person with a corporate job. In other words, I became replaceable. There are a billion guys like me now. When I was unique and stood out in a crowd, it never EVER happened and I laughed when girls I was fvcking would do that to other guys. Little did I know that one day it would happen to me.

The only solution to this is to not be an average person. Words can't describe how much I miss just standing somewhere and having hot girls come up to me and nervously introduce themselves in hopes that they would get to have sex with me.

I have probably met 50 chics this year, yet I still don't have anything close to a girlfriend. I guess one could say its not all bad, as its pretty easy to sleep with a girl, but getting her to call me and hang out is nigh impossible.

 

[Rhoto]

You don't have to post it..but the question is do you really know what you are afraid of? Until you actually know what you are afraid of you can't fix the problem. Take some time and figure out what exactly you are afraid of and then get to work on getting over it.

Originally:

Rejection
Judgment
Poor Impression
Not knowing what to say
Not being able to be "attractive" or "interesting"
Making a jacka$$ of myself
Creeping her / people out
Am I doing all the "DJ" or "PuA" things I need to be doing?

Now:

Is she being honest?
Is she an attention vacuum?
Is she insane? Am I?
Is what I'm giving up to be here, worth giving up?

Fear is always present. The goal is to master your fear. Own it.

Good thread, Warrior.

 

[fertileTurtle]

Looking like a creep. Crossing lines of decorum without knowledge that I'm crossing them. Not knowing what not to say.

I have in the past been concerned about success and what to do with it (taking love too seriously).

Not knowing what to say. Looking like a fool or wuss.

Looking old with my bald spot, but I'm going to try and color it. Not being hip enough with younger women.

Coming across as a mean arsehole toward a nice girl.

Wasting my time. Is she worth it?

 

[Groovy]

Nr.1 My body languege- My posture feels wierd!!!!!!!!!! Lol. But I'm getting around that preety well, if you feel good your aura is different....

So I gotta say when the girl has a boyfriend.... What do you do in those situations? If she seems to be interrested and you get along preety good, BUT she has a boyfriend, what now!? Should you just wait for her to dump him or something?

 

[Warrior74]

I don't really know how to fix that. I have a nice guy look that I can do nothing about. Believe me I've tried to change my look. I look like a nerdy gay guy no matter how I change it.

I don't believe you. Hit the gym, bulk up, get some decent clothing, work on your posture and vocal tone.

"Scared" isn't the right word, but I do have some concerns when it comes to women, I notice they mostly relate to myself:

1) I'm concerned that I am getting close to the age where I will no longer be considered attractive/hot/dateable by attractive young women.

2) I get worn out working all the time. I'm concerned that my energy level will not be what I want it to be when I need to put out a fun vibe.

3) I'm concerned I may run out of interesting conversation. This relates directly to #2, if I'm tired I may not feel like talking or may not be as sharp coming up with things to talk about. If I'm feeling energetic it's not usually a problem.

What is it with girls anyway? Are they lousy conversationalists or what? They come into my office and just sit there and don't say anything. So I have to come up with stuff to talk about to keep the conversation going. Being a man means bearing a lot of burdens.

I understand about the age thing. I can't even imagine talking to a 19 year old...besides a hot body they just come off as kids to me now. I try to stay in the 26 and up range.

I'm not sure what your energy levels should be at your age, but I will advise as usual, stay in the gym! Get your testosterone levels checked. Try some ZMA and working out, that usually gets my energy levels up after a few days.

I think silence is golden, if I can be comfortably silent with a girl that's a big plus. I love to talk, but sometimes I just want to enjoy the silence. Sometimes I go silent just to create tension. I always see how long it will take for her to say something. It's a fun little game to play sometimes. When in doubt, talk about her, ask her questions, or better yet, go do something, get up and do an activity...even if it's just going outside to look at the star. When the convo runs out, take action.

I always find that smart girls and fat girls always seem to have the best convos. The hotter the girl the lamer the conversation it seems. It's just I'm usually not attracted to the smart and fat girls.

I'm afraid of approaching the wrong girl and being confronted by some big belligerant drunk guy. I'm only 5'10" 173# and never been in a fight. At my age, I don't want to deal with that.

Dude, I'm 5'8. That has never happened to me. Ever. Has it happened to you before? Is this fear justified?

 

[Igetit!]

My fear is being the guy that they use for attention instead of being the guy they put out to.

This one is really is easy to fix.


First of all,you need to understand WHY women choose some guys to get involved with sexually,and WHY they choose other guys to use just for attention.



And really whether you realize it or not,it's the way you approach a girl that helps determine which way she'll lean.




If your approach is weak,then sexually,she won't be interested in you,but that doesn't mean she wants NOTHING to do with you.



You're still a guy. It still makes her feel good that a guy desires her and wants her. She's just not attracted to you.




If you have a car and she's walking,and she knows you like her,she'll use YOUR ATTRACTION FOR HER to benefit HER.



To avoid being used,all you have to do is be DIRECT with you're interest.



It's like this...


Attraction is "I" based.

Attention/AW is "you" based.




When you approach a girl,whatever you say to try and gain her interest should be laced with statements that elevate YOURSELF,like,"I want to see you" or "I'm going to such and such place and I want you to come with me" or "If you don't belong to anyone,then I think you should hang with ME".



When she sees you thinking highly of yourself,then it'll arouse curiosity,and thus,attraction.




If you do like most guys,saying,"You're hot",or "Would you like to go out?' or "Would you like to do this or that",it puts the focus on her,like you're seeking her approval.


Basically it puts her on a pedistal,like she's a queen,and you're a peasant bowing down before her beauty.


In that scenario,attraction is killed,but hey,attention is attention.


So she'll take it.



All you have to do is approach her right,then you won't have to worry being used solely for attention.

 

[ssj4halo]

thinking that I am not good at that many things to AMOG guys and that I don't have that much experience in terms of social dynamics.

Of course, I am looking at the AMOG thing in materialistic terms. If I can attain that inner confidence and **** I will be well off. And my other problem...just need more time.

 

[zekko]

I understand about the age thing. I can't even imagine talking to a 19 year old...besides a hot body they just come off as kids to me now. I try to stay in the 26 and up range.

I'm not sure what your energy levels should be at your age, but I will advise as usual, stay in the gym! Get your testosterone levels checked. Try some ZMA and working out, that usually gets my energy levels up after a few days.

Yeah, 19 is too young, that would be a child basically. Mainly I feel anyone 30 or up is fair game for me, but I wouldn't rule anything out based solely on age, because you never know. I'm not on the market now anyway, as I have been in a LTR for several years now, she's in her early thirties.

As for energy levels, mine vary. I work out regularly, but I have never tried ZMA, and I'm not particularly familiar with it. I'll have to look into it. Anything about it I should know?

 

[Warrior74]

Yeah, 19 is too young, that would be a child basically. Mainly I feel anyone 30 or up is fair game for me, but I wouldn't rule anything out based solely on age, because you never know. I'm not on the market now anyway, as I have been in a LTR for several years now, she's in her early thirties.

As for energy levels, mine vary. I work out regularly, but I have never tried ZMA, and I'm not particularly familiar with it. I'll have to look into it. Anything about it I should know?

ZMA is a zinc magnesium supplement. Some people say it works for them, some say it does nothing. I tend to get a boost from it when I work out. Scientific evidence is leaning towards a placebo effect. Or a pre existing natural deficiet in zinc and magnesium in the body thus creating an effect.But again, I feel it works for me as my diet is usually spotty. A good multivitamin can probably substitute.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ZMA_(supplement)

 

[Demystify]

This one is really is easy to fix.


First of all,you need to understand WHY women choose some guys to get involved with sexually,and WHY they choose other guys to use just for attention.



And really whether you realize it or not,it's the way you approach a girl that helps determine which way she'll lean.




If your approach is weak,then sexually,she won't be interested in you,but that doesn't mean she wants NOTHING to do with you.



You're still a guy. It still makes her feel good that a guy desires her and wants her. She's just not attracted to you.




If you have a car and she's walking,and she knows you like her,she'll use YOUR ATTRACTION FOR HER to benefit HER.



To avoid being used,all you have to do is be DIRECT with you're interest.



It's like this...


Attraction is "I" based.

Attention/AW is "you" based.




When you approach a girl,whatever you say to try and gain her interest should be laced with statements that elevate YOURSELF,like,"I want to see you" or "I'm going to such and such place and I want you to come with me" or "If you don't belong to anyone,then I think you should hang with ME".



When she sees you thinking highly of yourself,then it'll arouse curiosity,and thus,attraction.




If you do like most guys,saying,"You're hot",or "Would you like to go out?' or "Would you like to do this or that",it puts the focus on her,like you're seeking her approval.


Basically it puts her on a pedistal,like she's a queen,and you're a peasant bowing down before her beauty.


In that scenario,attraction is killed,but hey,attention is attention.


So she'll take it.



All you have to do is approach her right,then you won't have to worry being used solely for attention.

Thanks for the helpful advice. It's refreshing to hear advice that isn't "hit the gym" or "change your clothing style." Where in Texas are you from?

 

[Igetit!]

Thanks for the helpful advice. It's refreshing to hear advice that isn't "hit the gym" or "change your clothing style." Where in Texas are you from?

Well,I'm from a small town in Oklahoma,but I just recently moved here to Texas about 3 years ago. It's a small suburb north of Dallas near the Texas/Oklahoma border.

 

[Mike32ct]

Dude, I'm 5'8. That has never happened to me. Ever. Has it happened to you before? Is this fear justified?

It happened once. I went to this club and saw this cute girl with a group of her (female) friends on the dance floor. I started dancing with her. Then some really big guy glared at me and yelled, "That's my girl." I just said "Sorry man" and walked away. Nothing bad came of it, but it did make me nervous. It was several years ago. In retrospect, it was a trashy club that I wouldn't go back to. I now focus on nicer, more upscale venues and have not had a problem since.

So is this fear justified? No, not any more. Anyway, good thread Warrior.

 

[Kal0051]

Getting played. Too many times, it's been the same process:

1.) I meet girl and get to know her
2.) We exchange numbers
3.) I call her, we talk for a few minutes and then make plans to meet up
4.) Mere hours before, she'll text to cancel
5A.) I never hear from her again; if I run into her, she tries to get away
5B.) She'll string me along to use for attention, but won't care the second I leave for good

The effect of this is that I simply can't trust girls. Every time it looks like things are going somewhere, I fear the girl is going to pull some bs and bail at the last second - because it's happened before. Everyone (guys, both my friends and you all here) feel I overthink little things before dates and things like that...well this is why.

this is exactly what happens with me and I don't know how to fix it. I can count on one hand how many girls didn't do this but they eventually lost interest and stopped talking to me.