What does this say about her character?

[EverSure75]

I have a female friend. We've known each other for just over 10 years. She lives about a 7 hour flight away.
We met online in a music forum. We've met up when I visited her country for work. I stayed with her and her husband at the time during one trip.

She got divorced a few years ago and while the divorce was happening (pretty amicable...he shut down in the marriage and she later found out he was cheating...while she was the main breadwinner) she and I started flirting. She's very attractive and smart.

One time she actually showed me a sex tape she and her husband made. She emailed the file to me. I watched it once then deleted it. I felt bad for the dude. She had previously made jokes about his member being small. I wasn't close to him at all but it felt wrong to me that she was showing me the tape.

Anyway. Fast forward a few years and we've been talking about visiting each other and fooling around and seeing what happens. She even said if we click she'd consider moving here.

She's done pretty well for herself financially...looking to buy her second home now...no debt she says.

I started entertaining the possibility of seeing where this could go if we do connect and she decided to move here. I can't get past her showing me that tape tho. To me, it shows a certain kind of dishonor. One I feel will show itself in another relationship. What do you guys think about her character?

Of note. If she moves here it would be provided that she has a job here and her own place. I wouldn't be supporting her.

 

[Billtx49]

If she tries to make herself look better by making someone else look small is that good?

 

[EverSure75]

If she tries to make herself look better by making someone else look small is that good?

Point taken

 

[lizardking82]

She was getting divorced and flirting with you. Let me translate that for you "I am an insecure woman who cannot handle being by myself while going through a tough period. Instead of learning from this process and what I did wrong, I will just find another penis (you in this case) and will just repeat the same mistakes again in the near or far future, with this penis, not with my now ex-penis".

 

[EverSure75]

She was getting divorced and flirting with you. Let me translate that for you "I am an insecure woman who cannot handle being by myself while going through a tough period. Instead of learning from this process and what I did wrong, I will just find another penis (you in this case) and will just repeat the same mistakes again in the near or far future, with this penis, not with my now ex-penis".

Lol. Indeed, brother. Indeed

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Yuk, untrustworthy.

 

[Reykhel]

she later found out he was cheating

Cheating can fvck with the person who was cheated on's head.

To me, it shows a certain kind of dishonor.

You can't expect "honor" from anybody.
But this situation has context.......she found out he was cheating on her. She'll have been hurt and humiliated. She'll have resentment. She'll have anger. Perhaps this was her way of trying to humiliate him in return.

When reading somebody's character you need to see patterns of behavior, but you also need to consider the context.

She got divorced a few years ago and while the divorce was happening (pretty amicable...he shut down in the marriage and she later found out he was cheating...while she was the main breadwinner) she and I started flirting. She's very attractive and smart.

So he shut down in the marriage, the divorce was happening and........she's not supposed to flirt with you??

What planet are you people living on. This is normal human behavior.

What do you guys think about her character?

Nobody is a complete angel. Considering the context. I don't consider this a major red flag at all.

 

[Reykhel]

She was getting divorced and flirting with you. Let me translate that for you "I am an insecure woman who cannot handle being by myself while going through a tough period. Instead of learning from this process and what I did wrong, I will just find another penis (you in this case) and will just repeat the same mistakes again in the near or far future, with this penis, not with my now ex-penis".

No offense, but I couldn't disagree more and I believe this thought process is coming from a blue pill mentality i.e. expecting women to behave in certain ways that have nothing got to do with reality...

You conveniently left out an important factor....HER HUSBAND CHECKED OUT OF THE MARRIAGE.......

What would you do if you were going through a divorce and your wife checked out of the marriage? Would you sit at home
like a choir boy and not look or flirt with another woman? would you not fvck another woman?

Seriously, are you saying that you would sit at home and reflect and try to learn what you did "wrong"?

Gents, get real. If it's over it's over.

 

[lizardking82]

No offense, but I couldn't disagree more and I believe this thought process is coming from a blue pill mentality i.e. expecting women to behave in certain ways that have nothing got to do with reality...

You conveniently left out an important factor....HER HUSBAND CHECKED OUT OF THE MARRIAGE.......

What would you do if you were going through a divorce and your wife checked out of the marriage? Would you sit at home
like a choir boy and not look or flirt with another woman? would you not fvck another woman?

Seriously, are you saying that you would sit at home and reflect and try to learn what you did "wrong"?

Gents, get real. If it's over it's over.

I would say the same thing if this was a man. My point is somewhere else. Most people do not need to go **** someone else right after their marriage. A ****ing marriage ended and the first thing you do is go get a different penis as a woman? I would say reflection is a better choice for a while, but yeah, most people choose the easy way out.

 

[lizardking82]

Btw I was dumped a couple of months ago. Hurt like hell. I had sex with two different girls two weeks after that. Guess what? I could not even orgasm.

Took a couple of months off, feel superb now most of the time. I needed time with myself, not trynna kill my pain with other *****. You do not resolve an internal feeling with an external action. My 2 cents.

 

[El Payaso]

For all you know, she could have been the one who was cheating. Remember that you're only hearing her side of the story and not his. She may have been the one who checked out, stopped caring about him, stopped attending to his needs etc and he decided to get his rocks off elsewhere.

 

[Reykhel]

Btw I was dumped a couple of months ago. Hurt like hell. I had sex with two different girls two weeks after that. Guess what? I could not even orgasm.

I understand where you're coming from now.

You've got to recognize that your emotionally projecting your own experience onto this situation. You've viewing the situation
through the prejudice of your own subjective filters.

What was best for you in your situation is not necessarily what's best for the rest of humanity in similar situations.

People deal with breakups differently. It would be great if we could all act rationally and objectively immediately after breaking up. Immediately after being cheated on. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

When it's over for a woman. It's over. When her interest level is gone. It's gone. Why should she care, when she doesn't care.

To believe that the situation gives an accurate reading of one's character is erroneous, in my opinion.

 

[bigneil]

7 hour flight away? Meaning you are in Texas and she is in Hawaii?

 

[BeExcellent]

That she's human.

 

[lizardking82]

I understand where you're coming from now.

You've got to recognize that your emotionally projecting your own experience onto this situation. You've viewing the situation
through the prejudice of your own subjective filters.

What was best for you in your situation is not necessarily what's best for the rest of humanity in similar situations.

People deal with breakups differently. It would be great if we could all act rationally and objectively immediately after breaking up. Immediately after being cheated on. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

When it's over for a woman. It's over. When her interest level is gone. It's gone. Why should she care, when she doesn't care.

To believe that the situation gives an accurate reading of one's character is erroneous, in my opinion.

Do you agree that rebounding is not a healthy person's way of getting over a just ended relationship? I am not saying anyone who does it a bad person, but it sure shows signs of NEEDING the external to heal the internal.

 

[Reykhel]

Do you agree that rebounding

Define rebounding.

a healthy person's way of getting over a just ended relationship?

Says who? A lot of assumptions there. You're assuming that a "healthy person" needs the time to "recover" and therefor will take the time to "recover", assuming that recovering is in fact a necessary requirement.

That's one opinion.

Here's another: What if a "healthy person" has their inner game so together and is meeting all of their own needs thus is full of personal happiness and fulfillment that he can easily let a relationship go and decide......whether to let another one in.....or not. It's coming from a place of choice, not necessarily a place of need.

ended relationship?

Some would view an exclusive relationship as unhealthy to begin with.

Sure, if this was a man jumping from one exclusive relationship to another I would seriously question his sanity. However, in this case
it's a woman.................she could decide to go out and ride multiple c0cks etc

Granted yes women do have more of a need of relationships.........but how long in your opinion should one wait before
they get involved with another person? Why?

 

[Charmaine]

One time she actually showed me a sex tape she and her husband made. She emailed the file to me. I watched it once then deleted it. I felt bad for the dude. She had previously made jokes about his member being small. I wasn't close to him at all but it felt wrong to me that she was showing me the tape.

I can't get past her showing me that tape tho. To me, it shows a certain kind of dishonor. One I feel will show itself in another relationship. What do you guys think about her character?

What she could do to another man she could potentially do the same to you in the future. Negative circumstances are when you get to see people's true colors.

 

[EverSure75]

Interesting perspectives in the replies. Thank you all. Food for thought. I'll definitely tread lightly.

 

[lizardking82]

Define rebounding.


Says who? A lot of assumptions there. You're assuming that a "healthy person" needs the time to "recover" and therefor will take the time to "recover", assuming that recovering is in fact a necessary requirement.

That's one opinion.

Here's another: What if a "healthy person" has their inner game so together and is meeting all of their own needs thus is full of personal happiness and fulfillment that he can easily let a relationship go and decide......whether to let another one in.....or not. It's coming from a place of choice, not necessarily a place of need.


Some would view an exclusive relationship as unhealthy to begin with.

Sure, if this was a man jumping from one exclusive relationship to another I would seriously question his sanity. However, in this case
it's a woman.................she could decide to go out and ride multiple c0cks etc

Granted yes women do have more of a need of relationships.........but how long in your opinion should one wait before
they get involved with another person? Why?

Define rebounding? I don't think there;s a need for that, we all know what that means. I am saying, if you were in a marriage for a couple of years and that marriage broke off for some different reasons (it's almost never one and the blame is almost never one sided), I think you need time to sit down and learn from the experience. Noone is putting time boundaries here, but I would say a good couple of months would be to just get in touch with yourself, try to find yourself again. People lose a part of their identity when a relationship ends and I think going for another one right away signals one of two things: you're either emotionally immature and are seeking to keep being in the "high feeling" that the novelty of a new person gives you or you're just unable to spend some time with yourself, "regroup", reorganize and then go for it when you're coming from a place of wanting a new experience, not needing it as a tool to try and get over your last one cause it never works anyways.

 

[Reykhel]

Define rebounding? I don't think there;s a need for that, we all know what that means.

It's not in my vocabulary, therefore for the sake of clear communication..............

Don't worry, no need.

Without trying to offend you (see the way I'm very kind to you by prefacing that for you......don't ask me to stick a smily face in though..) it would appear that you're operating from a feminine framework.