What does this mean and how do I change?

[september_road]

when I'm in the moment of a party or hanging out with friends I am usually confident and pretty social. But whenever the party is over and I head back home I look in the mirror first thing and find imperfections with the way I look negating the fun time I had. Also, whenever I come back from a party/event I always constantly wonder how I came off to other people and what they thought of me. I don't feel that way when I'm caught up in the moment, it's just when it's over and done with I do too much thinking and criticizing. What's the best way to fix this?

 

[Alphamale1821]

It's simple your confidence is a fake act to make yourself feel good around people because deep down you still have that lack of self esteem and you feel like you need validation. Work on getting real confidence and quit overthinking shyt. It's all an act and while people may like to be around you once they see you crack under pressure or you start to go all AFC they will definitely think WTF. Girls especially once they see you lose your cool they try to do more of the same shyt to see what breaks you. Girls do this in forms of drama, shyt test, flaking and many other forms. They like the power they get from breaking this cool, calm confident guy. But once they realize your a fake they either slot you in the friend zone or rule you out as a phony who just is being what other people want him to be.

 

[dot]

**** I do the same thing I've noticed. I'll go back and be like "waittt was she really feelin me" and look for hella negative things. I think we just need to be more positive. We concern ourselves too much with the negative when if we were looking as hard as we could for the positive, we could find it. It's just we look harder for negative.

 

[Bonez]

"I'm in it for the experience"

You can tell yourself anything you want, you can be ubernoobish and be negative all you want. You just gotta tell yourself you learned from it though. Make the same mistake again, and see if you can pull it off, call yourself ugly one night to another girl, pause, and jokingly say, "but I know you think I'm sexy". Basically diss yourself, and make it seem like you've got confidence still.

 

[Kaptain]

whenever I come back from a party/event I always constantly wonder how I came off to other people and what they thought of me.

How do you feel about most people you met at the party? I bet you don't have any feelings about them at all. Do you think they feel differently about you........

No.

People are too wrapped up in their own lives to care about who we are or what we are doing, unless you are extraordinary in some way.

Remind yourself of this fact when you are betting yourself down.

 

[september_road]

How do you feel about most people you met at the party? I bet you don't have any feelings about them at all. Do you think they feel differently about you........

No.

People are too wrapped up in their own lives to care about who we are or what we are doing, unless you are extraordinary in some way.

Remind yourself of this fact when you are betting yourself down.

I'm not talking about random strangers. I'm talking about good friends I've been with. But either way when you first meet someone don't you usually have a first impression? Whether you think she's good looking, cool, fun to be with

 

[Sir Juanalot]

How much time do you spend analysing what your friends have said, worn, did etc? and does your opinion of them change because of this?

Take that in reverse and see that you are over analysing things and should really stop, and start believing in yourself more.

 

[Ryan69]

Don't think just react

Thinking is overrated

 

[Poonani Maker]

I think that thinking that I can go wherever I please and do whatever I please sets me apart from all the AFCs and wannabe Confident people.

 

[september_road]

How much time do you spend analysing what your friends have said, worn, did etc? and does your opinion of them change because of this?

Take that in reverse and see that you are over analysing things and should really stop, and start believing in yourself more.

true....but sometimes an action or conversation I have with someone does change the way I view them. Especially if there is a girl I like and she does something extremely slutty or just starts hitting on every single guy I tend to look down on her more.


I mean the thing is as much as I analyze things sometimes I'm usually pretty smooth and calm while I'm with people. It's just when I'm "alone" that I have these thoughts racing into my head

 

[BuckwildNYC]

It's because you were drunk at the party and wasn't thinking much, just doing. The next day is when you think about all the stuff you did and whether or not you embarrassed yourself. At least that's how it is for me...........

 

[Kaptain]

sometimes an action or conversation I have with someone does change the way I view them

This is called caring. It's a good thing.

whenever I come back from a party/event I always constantly wonder how I came off to other people and what they thought of me

This is called self reflection. It is a natural thing to do.

Its all a matter of scale. You can care too much.

Is your worrying getting in the way of you leading your life how you want to?

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Everybody has that problem.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

Self-reflection is a good thing to do, if done in a pragmatic matter. Don't get in the habit of bashing yourself and letting it ruin the good time you had. If you already had a good time, then the self-critique afterwards can't take that away. And don't analyze every little thing you said or did. Just focus on general things you could have done a bit better.

We don't always have 100% perfect interactions with people, it's what makes us human. But I doubt most of your imperfections in interactions are noticed by other people, so you shouldn't pay so much mind to them, either.

 

[september_road]

Self-reflection is a good thing to do, if done in a pragmatic matter. Don't get in the habit of bashing yourself and letting it ruin the good time you had. If you already had a good time, then the self-critique afterwards can't take that away. And don't analyze every little thing you said or did. Just focus on general things you could have done a bit better.

We don't always have 100% perfect interactions with people, it's what makes us human. But I doubt most of your imperfections in interactions are noticed by other people, so you shouldn't pay so much mind to them, either.

thanks for the posts everyone. It's good to hear other people experiencing self reflections also. I think the reason I'm hardest on myself in these self reflections is because I don't see these people that much anymore. I have a great time but then I don't know when I'm going to see them again. One of my good friends is already headed off to West Point in a couple of weeks and I guess just thinking about all the people going back to their respective colleges is sad. I just wish sometimes time could stop and I could just throw summer parties and hangout with all my high school friends worry free.

 

[september_road]

???:crazy:

 

[dap]

I don't really see this as too much of a problem, as long as you don't get too down about any of this. What matters is that you appear confident and having fun, and even if you don't really, eventually you will grow to fit this mold. Thoughts are hard to prevent, its your actions that matter most and it sounds like you are doing the right things as far as those go.