What does it amount to?

[SoylentGreen]

Some cities have hundreds of thousands of women, some have thirty or forty women. I am in the latter type of city and I am getting discouraged.

I have been heeding the advice on here for a long time now, and I am doing very well - I now give proper eye contact, I've corrected my posture, I've learned to lightly "neg" girls in a fun way, I've been working out, practising guitar, quit smoking, and have learned to dress more interestingly. And you know what? You guys f**king rock! My life has gotten way better from not only reading but putting into practise the things I have read on this site. I may not post often but I am on here EVERY day, reading and reading and reading. I am a much better person because of this.

But...there are two hurdles that are in my way:
1.) people are accusing me of "changing" - which I am - but they seem to not be comfortable with it. For example, I was a "yes man" before, doing whatever it took to please others, always agreeing with them etc etc.
Now that I have changed I have been called a "jerk" "a--hole" "prick" and been accused of not being who I "really am". In everyones life there is a moment (or two) where they undergo a change or have an epiphany and this is MY time, but they (my friends, co-workers) can't understand this. I used to be soooo nice, girls were always "friends" to me and many thought I was gay.

Now, all the NEW people I meet are totally cool and accept me as I present myself but this leads to hurdle number two:

2.)there's barely any NEW people where I live. I know everyone, almost, and I am quite bored with most of them. In my city there are about four good jobs and barely any women. I have this great new attitude and my body is great now and I'm healthy and smart and good looking, but irregardless of this, I'm old news in this city and I`m bored at work as well. People have pre-conceived notions of who I am and are not interested in hanging out. I have already dated most of the girls I see around town (some as far back as high school) and no matter how much of an alpha male or don juan I become, I will always be to them what I was in their pasts which is: "the shy guy", "the guy who passed out on the dance floor", "the guy who was with Marsha" "the guy that worked at so-and-so" etc etc

So, should I give up on all your great advice on these posts since it is getting me nowhere except irritating those who have known me, or would you, in my case, seriously consider moving É ...because thats what I am leaning towards. But is it worth it to start over at 31 and make a whole NEW circle of friends and find a new job just to be able to find a woman or women that are going to appreciate what I have to offer É... It would be a complete lifestyle change

...Damnit, my question mark button is writing this wierd letter...ÉÉÉ why why why

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I can solve both your problems - move. Seriously, move.

When a woman calls you a Jerk, A-Hole or Prick, that's confirmation; it means you're doing it right. People, and particularly women, love a secure consistency in a person. A consistent chump is always preferable to a random chump. If you'd always been an A-Hole and went soft and AFC, they'd react to that inconsistency with words like 'wimp ' wuss' or 'chump'. Go the other way and you're a 'Jerk'.

Who you turn into is up to you, personality is not fixed, it is not static, it changes constantly even involuntarily. When people undergo a change it's the previous perception of others that causes them to rebel against that inconsistency and say "you're not being who you really are". In actuality, you're not being who they expect you to be. That change can be positive or negative, but when this is a threat to them or their concept of you, they attempt to force you through shame to go back into that old comfortable mold they've held you in for so long.

If you left your town for 4 years to serve in the military and came back to the same people as an A-Hole, they'd never question your transformation, because you've been absent. Leave for a new environment and no one will question whether you are "being the real you." You are who you decide you'll be, not anyone else.

 

[PokerStar]

hey soylentgreen, are you from toronto, canada?

 

[horaholic]

Fvck yeah you should move. I've done it several times, and I'm about to do it again. I just pick a destination, save a couple grand, rent a uhaul and go. Then I find the main hangout, for people like me, and network it up. You dont even have to know anyone there, but it helps. Im heading to Austin TX first opportunity I have. I have a few connections there, and I'll find them somehow. You have to start over in a way, but you're also starting a new life. Dont do it for the women, do it for yourself. If your in a dead end town, move the fvck out. Its scary, but exciting and fun, as well.

 

[sodbuster]

Look for the job,make the move. You'll never be more than the shy guy in your home town. Back home I was the skinny kid that was picked on in school. They will never really see me as a Dentist who could buy and sell most of them or the martial artist who could ruin their day[not to mention I grew up to be over 6' and 240]

 

[SoylentGreen]

Pokerstar: yes, about two hours north, why? Thats actually one of the cities on my list of possible places...

Rollo, Horaholic and Sodbuster: Thanks for the thoughts on my situation. All three of you have confirmed what I already thought would be the best decision in my situation. Sometimes its nice to have a second, third and fourth opinion, lol.

Actually, the thought of moving is making me excited. Its a chance to meet NEW women, get a BETTER job, and have new and exciting experiences. Overall, I can be accepted for the person I have become and not constantly reminded about who I used to be. Now let the savings begin. I'm going to try to get out of here by April/May...