Buddha_Mind said:
Lol, I hear you man.
You're not putting me down.
I'm just saying not in every circumstance is a woman with a child a complete fvck up. Like what I'm saying is, maybe the MAN was a douche--or maybe HE cheated or beat her or something--I'm just saying there are probably some women with kids who had a bad marraige or something and it doesn't mean per say it was their fault.
I have absolutely no sympathy for a woman that procreated or married a douche or an abuser. Those are signs into her head that a smart man will pay attention to. Good women, from good families, raised well by 2 parents generally do not make that "bad marriage" mistake.
I have a buddy that 20 something years ago got bucked from a horse. Has epilepsy and issues, better now after brain surgery a few years ago. Guess what, fault doesn't matter. He just has to deal with it. The same way women that made bad choices have to deal with their situation.
Whether or not they did it themselves, whether or not it was god's misplaced fury that stuck an angel, doesn't matter. They are damaged goods. They have baggage. Whether they chose their course or life just dealt them shiity cards, doesn't matter. Doesn't change anything. It doesn't necessarily make them bad people.
..there are single dads on this forum, and I'm sure some of them did get fvcked over...does that mean they too are damaged goods?
Men and women are different. The situations are different. One cannot blindly apply the feminine to the masculine. Single women with children have impairments in the dating market (I don't like the term damaged goods), but that does not mean a single man with children has the exact same impairments. Men and women bring different things to a relationship. It may well be an impairment, but that will require thought and I think needs to be separated from the topic at hand.
I dont want to marry really anymore at all, or at least surely not a woman with a bunch of kids, but I'm just saying--if i met some awesome chick who we truly jived and she had a kid----------i dont know.....is that me settling? maybe it is IDK...but seems like a silly thing to push someone away from IF IF I was not wanting kids anyways and if I understood her circumstances
It is settling. There is nothing inherently wrong with settling, provided you feel you're getting a good deal. If you're dating you really should just consider the present. If a person is considering long term, one must weigh their future sexual market value in much the same way in economics we consider future value and net present values.
But it is not a silly thing to push her away because she has kids. If she wants to tote them with you, if she has to find a babysitter, has to cancel because of the kids, can't go on trips, tired, can't be spontaneous, can't sleep over (can be a good thing or bad depending on your view), that all affects you.
BUT I hear you bro. I just think of my uncle. He married a woman with two kids. She had a ****ty first marraige. So did he. They bonded over that. They've been together 25+ years and everytime I remember seeing them they are smiling and ****. I know he is happy with her and he used to be VERY VERY bitter about women...so I just see in my own life a guy who found a woman he really liked, and accepted her two kids (they were teens then). He was always a friend to them, never a father, but just tried to be a fun positive influence...weird sure...maybe he 'settled'...IDK...sometimes its like damn life is tough and **** happens but a woman with kids doesn't have to be damned to go through life w/o companionship anymore than a man who would bein the same situation...
Life is a balance. What's good for me is not good for you is not good for your uncle. We must all seek out what we want. There's a blondish-redhead at work in the area next to mine. Now I don't dip my pen in the company ink, but I will always enjoy a show. Now my buddy, the only other source of testosterone in the area I work at, was chatting with me when she pops around a corner and says hi to us. Now he starts saying how she's not that bad, but he'd take it if it was offered up. All I'm thinking is "damn, I want"
My point being that I see a single mommie, no matter the cause, as a big deal that will stop for me all but a casual fling. Others may have a different assessment. A lot will depend on age. I know a guy in his 60s, wife passed 15 years ago. He's now engaged to a nice woman around his age, both have numerous kids, all grown. I think he's made a good deal in the SMP, all things considered. He's just not going to be able to get a bikini model. Who cares if he's settling.
