What do you think about this man's marital situation?

[MatureDJ]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/...th_her_close_work_friend_should_i_worry_.html

My wife is planning to attend a professional conference in a few months in a warm location while I stay at home with our two young boys. In years past I have gone with her, but this year one son is in school. As much as I'll be frazzled by five days alone with them, I'm happy that my wife is able to build her reputation. But she will be attending the conference with a guy I don't care for, because he acts like he's my wife's best friend. They worked together for several years, and he was essentially her "work husband"—lunches together, drinks after work with their co-workers, texts and calls at home, inside jokes, birthday presents. I've tried to explain my belief that a man should not be "buddies" with another man's wife, but my wife doesn't see it and says they’re just pals. At the conference my wife will essentially be "dating" this guy for five days. I do trust my wife completely. But this guy is single and would, I'm sure, like to get involved if the opportunity were available. I’m annoyed that I will be home with the boys while she is on vacation with another man. I can't ask her not to go, and I can't join her. What can I do?

I think this is a good reason why a woman should stay at home and the man go out and work.

 

[FairShake]

I think this is a good reason why a woman should stay at home and the man go out and work.

Men are failing too much for this. Besides it's the 21st century.

But he should probably get out while the getting's good. If he has a problem with lunches alone, texts and calls, birthday presents, and she doesn't get it...and she doesn't want to get it.

 

[betheman]

Would you hang out so much, spend so much tiem with a female colleague unless you wanted to b@ng her? he may be gay, but if he isnt, the first chance he gets, he is in...if he hasnt already, Id bet he has

 

[Nutz]

I think he should read this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=192180

 

[scrouds]

He should probably dna test the kids while she's gone.

 

[Nutz]

He should probably dna test the kids while she's gone.

Guys should be doing this by default anyway, so yeah.

 

[DJDamage]

Modern marriages you got to love it.

The man's wife is part of the problem. Instead of distancing herself from her coworker because it causes friction in her marriage, she doesn't heed her husband's concerns, dismiss it and flies off with that man.

This action by the woman already tells me that this woman has low interests in her husband that her husband is not the man of power in this relationship and therefore the potential of this marriage dissolving and his wife cheating on him with that coworker remains high.

 

[Findog]

I think part of being a good spouse is avoiding situations that merely look bad or hint of impropriety, even if there is no intention to cheat. I think it's a basic respect thing. Heterosexual men generally are not supposed to hang out one on one with married women. Even if she doesn't want to cheat with this "work husband," she is being dismissive of her real husband's very valid concerns. There's a lack of respect and empathy.

 

[Nutz]

I think part of being a good spouse is avoiding situations that merely look bad or hint of impropriety, even if there is no intention to cheat. I think it's a basic respect thing. Heterosexual men generally are not supposed to hang out one on one with married women. Even if she doesn't want to cheat with this "work husband," she is being dismissive of her real husband's very valid concerns. There's a lack of respect and empathy.

Exactly. That was what was at the heard of this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=192180

 

[speed dawg]

I can see this both ways.

1. I have to go to conferences with females too. My company books us hotel rooms right by each other. We go out together, attend conferences together. I mean, yes, we are around each other. In some cases, we ride to these things together. It happens. But we're professional about it. I text my female colleagues sometimes, and sometimes call them. But it's ALWAYS about work, they know that, so do it, and never after hours. They all know my wife, and I know their husbands. It's just life.

2. This chick has no respect for her husband by openly flaunting and hanging out with this guy in front of him. Birthday presents? WTF?

Well, the guy doesn't really have the evidence to go running for the hills (he probably wouldn't even if he did) but then again it's pretty obvious that she's acting disrespectfully. It's highly unlikely that his wife has not cheated on him, I mean, if they've worked together for years and still have this relationship it probably means they haven't gotten involved yet....just flirt for the ego trip or something, who knows. But the evidence of disrespect would be enough to make me leave. I'd be smart about it......I'd let the wife believe I was cool with it and then watch from afar, planning my next moves carefully.

This guy should have known what he was getting into by marrying this chick. Surely he saw this behavior up front and not just now. I sort of agree with this Prudie chick.

 

[In2theGame]

Once again, Prudence isn't prudent.

This guy is right. His wife shouldn't be "buddies" with another guy.

He should find a "work wife" and hang out with her in the same manner - see how his wife likes it.

I feel sorry for anyone who writes in to this woman expecting real help.

He should find a "work wife" and hang out with her in the same manner - see how his wife likes it.
He cant because then he would be cheating and how dare he be involved with another woman in such a way that isnt his wife.

She can do it because...... Its just a friend.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I went to law school with a guy I also went to high school with, so he was 30-ish like me. He had the school equivalent of "work spouse" in another 30ish girl. Both of them were married, to other people of course. They spent every second of school together and were never seen apart. They never openly dated in school, but I noticed a couple of years after graduation that they were 'facebook official,' and now they are married.

The wife's behavior as described in the original post above fits the definition of "emotional infidelity." Even if they haven't fvcked (yet), they share an inappropriate level of closeness. She wouldn't want to be so close with the coworker if her husband were meeting all of her emotional needs. The relationship is already broken.

 

[The Duke]

Some day this husband won't have to worry about whats happening. He won't be her husband anymore!

 

[Findog]

Exactly. That was what was at the heard of this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=192180

Four years ago I met this girl one night out a bar through mutual friends when hanging out. She was pretty cool, but within a couple hours of meeting her, she said she had a fiance who was working for the State Dept and living in Moscow, and he would be home in seven months and then they were getting married. I hung out with her one on one a few times over the next couple of months while I still pursued other girls. Hey, it was nice to have some company to do something like go watch a movie or whatever when I didn't otherwise have plans on a Friday or Saturday night. I never put any moves on her or anything like that because I respected the ring, but of course once her now-husband came back home we never hung out one on one again, just in groups.

 

[speed dawg]

Four years ago I met this girl one night out a bar through mutual friends when hanging out. She was pretty cool, but within a couple hours of meeting her, she said she had a fiance who was working for the State Dept and living in Moscow, and he would be home in seven months and then they were getting married. I hung out with her one on one a few times over the next couple of months while I still pursued other girls. Hey, it was nice to have some company to do something like go watch a movie or whatever when I didn't otherwise have plans on a Friday or Saturday night. I never put any moves on her or anything like that because I respected the ring, but of course once her now-husband came back home we never hung out one on one again, just in groups.

Out of sight out of mind I suppose. Relationships are constant things, if someone is gone for a prolonged period of time, the mind wanders. Just human nature. But I think if you are married you probably should have seen things coming (like long work trips, or military deployment, etc.) and SHOULD have prepared yourself for the long haul. This is why long distance relationships never work out unless they are temporary and an end is in sight.

Props to this girl for being loyal. However, had you put the moves on her, she may have strayed. 7 months is a long time. Can't blame her for going out, but one on one with another guy? Close to the line for sure.