What do you think about this article? & my situation

[Slickster]

While I do like the sound of Danger's plan I highly doubt the OP is going to have the balls or inner strength to pull it off.

She'll start crying and begging him back and it will be all over for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already tried this and it's backfired big time. We may never hear from him again out of shame.

DJ SO Steve, you are on a bad path buddy. Whether you do anything or not I think this one is going to end soon. The trip to Europe with the girls is a REALLY bad sign for this relationship. The wanting to lose weight part is a big red flag. (Why doesn't she lose weight for you? Or just for herself?) Don't be the least bit surprised if she cheats on you and comes home wanting some space. You'll drive yourself crazy wondering about it.

Man up and do it right.

Tell her that you are at a point in your life where you WON'T waste your time. Actions speak louder than words and her actions don't match what you see for your future. Call her out on her BS if need be. Tell her you need better and you're going to get it.

Don't pvssy foot around either. Be cold and be strong. It's what is best for BOTH of you. This relationships sounds like it has been over for a while already. You have just been going through the motions and wondering whether you should settle on something less than perfect. That is no way to live. Take control of your life and find somebody who better suits you.

 

[yoyoing]

This is really hard to read because it's so true. Every Friday she stays down town with her co workers and has a few too many drinks. I suggested 1 hour ago that we should be spending more time together she said "you know Friday's I do my own thing". I feel this is really wrong, and I know how she is there is no way of convincing her. Hearing myself type this right now I feel I am so dumb for doing this and letting it carry on this long.

But I know others have been in the same position. How have you ended things?

RED FLAGS

Impose some serious respect or get out of that relationship ASAP .

 

[Blargh]

**** or get off the pot.

Break up or marry her. If what is going on is not enough for you to leave, then marry her and succumb to her frame. Are are waiting for that smoking gun? To find another man in your bed or your accounts empty and credit cards maxed?

Stop focusing on kids, and focus on a family instead. Based on what you wrote, responsibility doesn't seem like her thing. You cannot assume popping out a kid will change that for her. It changes some, but not all. Don't bank on it.

You and her are at different points in your lives and have different priorities. You can't force her to change. You've suggested change, but she has declined. She is doing what she believes will bring her the greatest chance of pleasure and happiness. You should be doing the same for yourself.

It's going to be hell after the break up. Especially if she loses her weight and goes party in Europe. She'll be having a blast while you are wallowing in self-pity. But it will pass and you will be better for it. Focus on yourself. Hit the gym and/or do some cardio. Find an outlet. Pick up a hobby. Do the mid-life crisis thing and buy a motorcycle. Be productive. Read Pook's writings in the BJ Bible. Dodge the bullet. Maximize short term pleasure while growing expectations of long term happiness.

 

[Zunder]

Update?

She goes to Europe, gets fvkced hard in the poosy and butz by an englishman of caribbean descent with a huge Schlong that has "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day" tattooed on his Johnson.
She comes home, and our OP with no other options pops the question, they get married and two years later she says to him something like "I need space" or "I can't do this anymore" but adds "I am taking you for half your money".
OP loses half his money to the bytch whom promptly buys a one way ticket to Jamaica where she reunites with the guy with the tattooed Johnson who now runs a pub on Jamaica purchased from a series of robberies he got away with in London, though he did serve six months for assault and battery in an unrelated incident before he got deported back to the land of Gunga and Bob Marley.
OP sits at home in a fog wondering how this could happen to him? "I was so good to her", "I did nothing wrong, how could she do this to me".:kick:

 

[MatureDJ]

I'd like to have kids before I'm 40 and when we started dating she said she'd like to have kids in her mid 30's ...

Hopefully you won't wind up with trisomy kids.

 

[MatureDJ]

So she wants to to lose 10 lbs for a two week bachelorette party in Europe. Then she sends you that propaganda. Fvck that noise.

Red flags everywhere.

BTW: who has a two week bachelorette party in Europe? WTF is that all about?

Agreed. I think you need to tell her that you have come the conclusion that you just don't consider her wife material, and then wish her luck getting a husband when she is 35 and finally wants kids.

 

[quagland]

I've figure out if you have to come to a forum and ask about your relationship, 9 times out of 10 you already know it's over. You should aspire to have relationships with women who don't want to live with their parents. Bang em, sure, but not date them.

oh, and that article is crap...probably written by a woman pretending to be a man

 

[Slickster]

Update.....

I doubt it.

While I do like the sound of Danger's plan I highly doubt the OP is going to have the balls or inner strength to pull it off.

She'll start crying and begging him back and it will be all over for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already tried this and it's backfired big time. We may never hear from him again out of shame.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

I'm still here, just brought it up to her today actually. When we initially had the talk days after I had a talk to my best friend, she said she wants to buy a town house so I can rent out my place and stay at her place. I thought hmm okay, but a week later which is today I decided to talk to her exactly how she's going to do this if she quits her job. Everyone knows you need to have a full time job to get a mortgage and have been in that job for over a year having a track record.

She told me just now she wants to scrap that idea. So I told her if you quit your job you'll not be only setting yourself back but US back.

She then brought up my debt and how I need to pay that off, I just told her hey listen I'm paying that off but that has nothing to do with the decisions you're making.

I told her, you can choose either your friends or me, if you quit your job to go on a bachelorette party with your friend you are choosing your friends before our future.

I told her we'll continue the conversation tomorrow. She's going away in October, right now summer is ending, I'd rather have it ended sooner than wait until October. The decision is simple it shouldn't take longer than a day to decide.

She seems pretty upset.

 

[The_411]

This will only end badly. Never ever move into a woman's place.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

I told her this morning we will continue the conversation today after work. I'll update you guys on how it goes.

 

[Alvafe]

just end it with her no salvation from this, and stop caring for her, she sure don't care about you, you are just a wallet for her

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

just end it with her no salvation from this, and stop caring for her, she sure don't care about you, you are just a wallet for her

How am I a wallet if she makes her own money and pays for 50% of the things when we go out.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Not so fast...
I sense movement on her part... a slow realization that the clock is ticking, you may or may not be the guy for her, but the clock is ticking. She seems to be someone who has done whatever she wants all her life with no restraint or concept of real commitment. ..she's thinking it over.

Europe as you know are a bang fest. Many white American girls (I assume Canadian similar) dream from high school on of doing foreign guys in France, etc. Her friends are a little squirely. .that and the booze on Fridays are big no no's...means she's not comfortable where she's at in life. Think about that, she needs to drink to tolerate her life's stress of a job. How will she be with a 2 yr old AND a job? You need to discuss this. Sounds like some of her friends are a bit unsettled themselves. You learn a lot about people by who their friends are.

All that said, sounds like the light is starting to come on. She's thinking without knowing what to think. IF, big if, she can let go of the f*ck fest in Europe, keep her job, maybe move to a different career if so unhappy, and can do so with no resentment, and starts thinking about an "us" you might have someone who's growing up.

You need to tell her straight up you are at a different place in life, a place that takes commitment, team work, lots of work. You don't feel what she wants to do is in line with what you want. Stick to it. If she makes changes without resentment you can reassess.

Been my experience tho, when women want you, they show it. When they know they got a good deal going, a man worth keeping, they don't hold back. Sounds like she's starting to think, may change into that, but the question is, will she be there, what you need her to be for you, or the next guy after you separate?

After you separate, she will date, f**k etc, then probably realize you were a pretty good deal. At that point it's too late.

If you want a wife, think about the qualities you want. In my experience: integrity, dependability, a worker, cheery disposition, someone who is flexible and rolls with the punches, and loyal. Loyal as in supporting the "team"..stuff happens. If she isn't or can't, you know what must happen.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

OP, I think you've gotten some great responses here. I'd going add one more from Pook's 15 Lessons. Lesson 7, consider it the cherry on top.

Lesson Seven

This young man thought he had become successful with his desire. Boyfriend and girlfriend were they; the hard awkward early moments finally gone. All was good! Except…

“I am hungry,” (are they not always hungry!?). “Fetch me lunch.”

Poor young man! He had enough wisdom not to do this earlier, but now, he told himself, “She is my girlfriend. I must make her happy!”

He brought her lunch. After feeding her face, was she satisfied? NO! For she said, “I need to do this and this at work today. It would be wonderful if you would go get the supplies for me.”

And off the Nice Guy went! And when he returned, there was another task. Poor Nice Guy! On and on it went! More tasks, more chores, he became wrapped around her finger.

Then, it happened: “I think we should just be friends,” she said.

The Nice Guy was devastated. But also, he was puzzled. He did everything he could to please her, and this was the result?

“Ahh,” he realized. “By pleasing her whims, I lost track of mine. A servant you’ll be, a friend she’ll see. As…

“Respect is All.”

“But Pook, why!? Why would respect be so vital?”

“I’m not equipped to answer such a question. Let us ask a Great Philosopher.”

And then, out of nowhere, appeared Socrates!

“Attention Socrates! You have been summoned! Did you know that? Answer the question that is respect.”

And Socrates replied, “That’s an easy one, Pook. Where there is reverence there is fear, but there is not reverence everywhere that there is fear, because fear presumably has a wider extension than reverence.” Socrates then vanished in a whirl of bluish smoke.

“Oh wise sage! Salient soul! Respect is the realization of set boundaries. After all, how can reverence become without any sense of fear (of you walking away!)? For true passion with women can only come when the man can easily walk away; the Great Catch walking away is woman’s Great Fear.”

“Walk away?”

“Yes. Now let us ask a question to that opposite sex. Arise woman!”

The woman enters with flare and fire.

“Answer this riddle, why do men who are willing to walk away turn you on?”

And the woman laughs. “Didn’t everyone know this? A man that can walk away means that he has his pick of the litter and the woman can easily be replaced. You won’t find the lawyer or doctor or politician be entangled to a woman at first.”

“Away you go!” The woman melted in a blaze of fire and flame.

“So the Great Catch is always willing to walk away?”

“The Great Catch is respect. She is supposed to celebrate life with you, not use you as a peon. Be a man and respect attends to itself.”

 

[Blargh]

Have you ever read Harry Browne's "How I found Freedom on an unfree world"? Don't fall into the emotion trap. Make this decision with your head and not with your emotions.

Also make the list Prime_Beef mentioned in his last paragraph.

 

[The_411]

Here's the catch-22.

She got all excited to go to Europe hang out with her rich friends talked about losing weight for the trip (huge red flag imo as women only lose weight for one main reason to look for guys.)

You're are starting to shut her down and are exposing reason to her poorly thought out behavior.

However, in doing so, you are setting yourself up by building her resentment.

Understand that she will take this out on you at the first perceived slight and it will continue to build until her IL drops low enough that her night(s) out drinking will end up in her getting plowed because she's angry at you the relationship and she'll justify it because you robbed her of her youth and fun by stopping her from having fun with her friends.

You cannot negotiate respect in a relationship. A woman who respected/loved would you who never suggest such irresponsible behavior at her age given the circumstances of your relationship.

The problem is that you cannot keep trying to salvage the relationship by fixing as you go because eventually you either run of out hands/time/money etc.

Yes, I don't know the particulars and we don't know her, but believe me when I tell you I've seen this play many many times and while the people are different the behaviors almost always manifest the same way.

Anytime a girl that's involved says she wants to be free of responsibility take that as a cue a) you're not making her tingle b)that she wants to be able to bang other guys and may even have already started banging other guys.

She's pulling a u-turn because you're calling her out and challenging her, but as soon as you acquiesce you're done for ...

As always take what you will from this.

 

[G_Govan]

I sometimes get this feeling when I read stories like this or something similar from friends, that I would LOVE to switch places with them and run some serious game on these chicks just for fun. I'd almost pay money to do this for the entertainment factor.

You've received some top level advice in this thread and I hope it sinks in before you open yourself up to be taken advantage of.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

The fact that she wanted to lose weight for this trip with her friends but not for him....yeah, that alone speaks volumes.