What do you think about this article? & my situation

[DJ SO STEVE]

A little history first if I may....

So my girlfriend for 3 years is 29. We both went out for dinner last night. Had a long talk, she mentioned she wanted to quit her job to take a full month off so she can relax, work out to lose some weight (10 pounds). Then she'll be going to Europe for 2 weeks for her best friends bachelorette party. To make a long story short, we both aren't rich, but she feels strongly that she can land a better job that she has now after 2 months of not working.

Currently the only responsibility she has is paying for her car financing, car insurance and rent which she helps out her mom.

I have my own condo and live by myself, have a lot of responsibilities including a mortgage and there's absolutely no way I can take a month off to enjoy myself knowing I have a mortgage and other bills to pay on my own not to mention I have my own debt to pay.

I feel she hasn't grown much since I met her and she has the same mindset. I myself am 35, bought a condo 2 years ago and switched 2 jobs which improved my career. I feel I have made decent progress in my life but when looking at my girlfriend she had a sales job which she would work a few months then enjoy a few months doing this while saving money. She has no debt but she can't afford a down payment for a condo on her own. Her parents got divorced before she started university. Also seeing that her previous job didn't get her anywhere I got her a decent salary job of 40K + commission which she is working now.

I'd like to have kids before I'm 40 and when we started dating she said she'd like to have kids in her mid 30's but I'll be in my 40's which is not my plan. I've stretched it to 3 years to see what could change. I'm not sure much has changed.

So today just 1 hour ago I receive an email from her and the subject was "Good read"

http://www.vamshare.com/epic-marriage-advice-from-divorced-man/

Just wanted your opinion of my situation.
Your input is much appreciated :rockon:

 

[( . )( . )]

http://www.vamshare.com/epic-marriag...-divorced-man/

A Divorced Man Wrote These 20 Epic Marriage Advice He Wished He Could Have Had. A Must Read.

Well, that's me out.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

So she wants to to lose 10 lbs for a two week bachelorette party in Europe. Then she sends you that propaganda. Fvck that noise.

Red flags everywhere.

BTW: who has a two week bachelorette party in Europe? WTF is that all about?

 

[BetterCallSaul]

If she's not bringing enough to the table, then why keep it going? To me, I read this as if you're dating a divorced woman with kids who was a stay at home mom the entire time, etc. Plenty of women out there in that situation want a guy to "man up" and take responsibility as if all available men are somehow obligated to this modern form of indentured servitude.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Funny you mention that, ideally she'd like to be a stay at home mom where she won't have to work but I told her as long as I'm making under 100k that isn't possible. I don't want to waste her time and I won't want to waste mine either but I do really care for this girl. I don't want to be a HERO or anything, I do understand that her parents getting divorced has affected her judgement, and through the years she's gotten better but I also know you can't change the way a person thinks.

It's like a double edged sword. I know what to do but I don't do it because I care. It's hard when you are in the situation. You want to make things better to hope for the best, don't want to give up. I guess that's my emotional side. I know what to do but why haven't I done it?

Easier to give advice than take your own.
By the way she's on a 2 week trip because her friend is rich.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I'm sure she'd love nothing more than for her to go to Europe for a two week vacation with her friends, all while you stay at home making sure all the bills get paid, all the while being a good little boy and waiting upon her return with open arms. At the same time, make sure you study up on that article to make sure you're doing everything correctly, and that you're pleasing her good enough.

This chick runs you.

By the way she's on a 2 week trip because her friend is rich.

So, self entitled rich friend thinks it's perfectly acceptable for all her friends to take two weeks off from their lives and head to Europe to celebrate her bachelorette party. Are most of these chicks single? Or are all of their husbands/bf's emasculated?

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Other than the one getting engaged, two are in relationships, one is married, and one is engaged.

I actually suggested her moving in with me so she can understand what responsibility is, but she's not for it because she doesn't want to give up her bed she has at home and all her things she has as I live in a one bedroom 660 sqft condo.

She's the type of person that chooses not to stay home as it's boring and on Friday nights she has to drink and get drunk because she worked the whole week.
Sometimes I think she just doesn't want to grow up. She stays at my place on average 6 days per week which is almost every day.
I don't ask her to pay for any of the bills because I own the place, however sometimes she buys groceries.
When we go out I don't mind paying most of the time however she does pay as often as I do.

I always thought if you were with the right person you'd do anything to be with them and not fuss about leaving unimportant things behind.
If I were to move into a place with someone and they had a bed all I need is my PC and my clothes, everything else I can give 2 sh*ts about.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Steve,
Firstly the article is written by a Woman...who else would believe that crap....Your Woman is a train crash waiting to happen....She subtly drops this Feminist Article on to you,Her expectations...she is Lazy just wants to loaf around All Day on Holiday...When she norms she will be a Whale...Take care Will Robinson!

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

You know that feeling when you know what you have to do but HOW do you do it? damn.... I know what's right but why do I feel it's so difficult! damn...

 

[Black Widow Void]

You know that feeling when you know what you have to do but HOW do you do it? damn.... I know what's right but why do I feel it's so difficult! damn...

I think most of us have been down that path. It's never fun or easy, but it sure beats the continuation of something that is counter productive. If you re-read your postings and think of it as your best friend asking you for this same advice, it's pretty clear .... that you are better to leave it now than later. .

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

I know EXACTLY how you do it

she is going to continue to stay at your place she will have to start sharing costs 50/50. I am pretty sure that will do it.

I'm pretty sure she'll tell me to rent out my place and stay at my parents place.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

I think most of us have been down that path. It's never fun or easy, but it sure beats the continuation of something that is counter productive. If you re-read your postings and think of it as your best friend asking you for this same advice, it's pretty clear .... that you are better to leave it now than later. .

I totally agree it's just hard to do so. And I know the longer I take to do this the worse it will be.

What do you tell yourself if deep down you feel sorry that the person you are leaving that you cared so much for will be so hurt?

I am Pisces and she is as well. We are both born on the same day march 10 but we are 6 years apart.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I'm pretty sure she'll tell me to rent out my place and stay at my parents place.

Well, there you have it. You're more invested in this thing than she is. To her, you're just a place for her to park herself.

Her actions will tell you everything you need to know.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

This is really hard to read because it's so true. Every Friday she stays down town with her co workers and has a few too many drinks. I suggested 1 hour ago that we should be spending more time together she said "you know Friday's I do my own thing". I feel this is really wrong, and I know how she is there is no way of convincing her. Hearing myself type this right now I feel I am so dumb for doing this and letting it carry on this long.

But I know others have been in the same position. How have you ended things?

 

[Kailex]

Your roles are completely and absolutely reversed.

You are the one planning the marriage, the kids, the responsibilities and you've conjured up this image in your mind of a woman who ISN'T your girlfriend. Why don't you send her a red pill article just for kicks then?

Listen, you ALREADY KNOW what you should do but you are so complacent and comfortable with this parasite (YES, PARASITE), that you don't have the testicular fortitude to sack up and do what needs to be done. As someone who did the same thing you did for 6+ years, let me tell you something, I wish I had done the deed about 4 years sooner rather than wasting away my life. There is so much wrong with her that I am failing to see what's right about it.

She spends 6 days a week with you, except Fridays. But she won't move in nor stay over because she likes her own bed? That's BS. She doesn't want to help you pay anything and continue to live off of you... like a parasite.

Someone who wants to quit just for those reasons, is red flags all over...

I can't, I can't even analyze it even deeper because the level of transparency is so much, and here you are debating as to what you should do? Are you serious?

It's simple. In fact, you have the perfect opening to do what needs to be done. You let her quit her job, you let her take that trip and in that time... if she has keys to your place, change the locks. Change your phone number. Change any method of contact she might have with you. Take a box with her junk and leave it at her mom's house. She needs a harsh lesson in reality, but she lives in such a perfect bubble right now, that she is NEVER going to learn what real life is like.

You are planning for something, she isn't. What else do you need?

How did I go about it? I kept expecting her to change. I spoke to her. I scolded her. I gave her ultimatums. I threatened leaving. I kept asking what was wrong with her... until one day I realized, there was nothing wrong with her. That's who she was. That's who she would always be. And then we spoke and agreed we were both in different areas of our lives. Best decision I've ever made. All of my success in life has come right after that decision. Did it sting a little at first? Yes. Because we are creatures of habit, and that's all it is for you. You see her everyday except for the day she decides to get sloppy drunk with other people.

NEXT this parasite. Now. Before you regret it forever.
You two aren't even married and she's sending you that sack of garbage article. Get the blue hell out of here.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I believe this calls for the Amityville Horror strategy:


GET!

OUT!

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

I'm going to have a long talk with a buddy of mine tonight and figure out how I'm going to end this. Thanks for all the great advice.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Tell her that you read the article she sent you and that you found it very insightful. Unfortunately you also came to the realization that you are not the kind of guy who can give her all of these things which she so very much deserves.

There is no reason why she shouldn't have a man who can provide to her what she is entitled to and while it breaks your heart that you can't be the one to provide it to her, you don't want to keep her caged up from finding it.

Tell her that she will have a great time in Europe for the two weeks and it can be the start of a new chapter in her life where she finally starts to realize her dreams and captures them. You will always treasure your time together but this is best for the two of you.

I am serious about the above. Fill her with all of that, and she will backpedal in every way possible. Do not show anger but show that you are happy and thrilled for her and recognize what she deserves. She has essentially stated she deserves this, and it's your fault if you don't give it to her. Completely agree with her and let her go find it, she will go nuts. This is the best way to Fvk that hamster hard and walk away to find a far better prospect.

Thanks Danger, so far this looks like best way to let go.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Tell her that you read the article she sent you and that you found it very insightful. Unfortunately you also came to the realization that you are not the kind of guy who can give her all of these things which she so very much deserves.

There is no reason why she shouldn't have a man who can provide to her what she is entitled to and while it breaks your heart that you can't be the one to provide it to her, you don't want to keep her caged up from finding it.

Tell her that she will have a great time in Europe for the two weeks and it can be the start of a new chapter in her life where she finally starts to realize her dreams and captures them. You will always treasure your time together but this is best for the two of you.

I am serious about the above. Fill her with all of that, and she will backpedal in every way possible. Do not show anger but show that you are happy and thrilled for her and recognize what she deserves. She has essentially stated she deserves this, and it's your fault if you don't give it to her. Completely agree with her and let her go find it, she will go nuts. This is the best way to Fvk that hamster hard and walk away to find a far better prospect.

This plan is all sorts of awesome. OP you should use this and then just sit back and watch how things unfold for your viewing pleasure.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Danger again.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Thanks for the reminder I totally forgot about the reputation button