What do you tell a 20 year old who is contemplating abortion?

[Razor Sharp]

And what if this person is someone in your family!

Logically I would advise her not to ruin her youth, and try to have kids at another time. But the family is super religious, Catholics at that *shudders*, so she's either gonna cave to her programming or keep a dark secret. I reckon keeping a big skeleton in your closet is worth living your youth... right?

When push comes to shove though, I don't know what to tell a female on this subject. I can't even imagine the whole process of pregnancy and birth - it totally escapes anything I can imagine, it's awe-striking really.

Sure she could just abort, but will she be haunted for the rest of her life? What are the statistics on this?

Of course the answer to these types of questions is always "it depends". But I'm curious where my fellow men stand on this issue:

What advice would you give a smart young woman who did something stupid and got knocked up by a complete loser?

 

[Rescue Mission]

What advice would you give a smart young woman who did something stupid and got knocked up by a complete loser?

Why is SHE a victim? She's the one who completely spit in the face of her religion by having pre-marital sex in the first place. Sounds like she is the complete loser who didn't use birth control.

And yes, abortion is fair game now....she wasn't religious enough to abstain from pre-marital sex, so religion-based excuses are out the window now. Abortion is the #1 best option, and that quickly needs to be followed up with proper taking of birth control.

 

[Razor Sharp]

I never said she was a victim - she just did some really dumb **** and now it looks like she's gonna get an abortion. Her dad just got out of AA and her stepmom is certified bipolar so I think this may be one she will have to keep under her hat.

I still cant believe kids dont use protection nowadays. At her age I was double baggin it!

 

[Bluntmaster]

I would giver her directions to the clinic.

 

[Quiksilver]

Well, I'm pro-choice so I say if she wants to have an abortion, let her.

Personally I'm against it, due to the bare realities of it (killing a life that is utterly dependent on her) and the fact that having an abortion triples her chance of breast cancer.

 

[f283000]

I would tell her KARMA IS A B|TCH!

The most high is going to get her in the end.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I know someone who did that.

Most importantly, she needs a dear ones close for support when doing the thingie. (good friends, maybe the boyfriend)

Lots of pain, bleeding, not allowed to lift heavy things afterwards, medication, someone close to her for comforting and she'll be good to shag again after a while.


If she'll be having tons of remorses (eg: religion induced) about it, it will probably be traumatic.
But here's a more powerful remorse: deliver the child when you're not ready emotionally, nor financially, and therefore set him up for a sub-mediocre life. If the father won't stay then the joy is even bigger, as you can imagine. Two ****ed up lives and many collaterals.


In my mind there's only one conceivable option and I am flabbergasted when I hear the pro-lifers' reasonings.

 

[CuriousGirl]

She's got a tough decision to make. I think you should talk to her, help her decide what to do by offering information, positive and negative, of either routes she could take.
Eg mention:
Does the father know and whether or not she wants him to know and if not whether or not he has a right to
Abortion - how far gone is she and which method of abortion and what its like, risks of abortion, emotional risks of abortion (ie could she live with it, would she regret it, how she feels abortion, if her religion is important to her in the decision), the plus side of keeping it secret etc
Keeping it - the responsibility, financial and living implications, how it could affect her study/career (but maybe also how it can be worked around), the reality of being young single mum and looking after new born baby, support groups out there, how to tackle being honest with family and how they might react, is she capable of supporting herself and baby and how much helo she'll need from family (will they support her? etc)


Basically you need to cover the practical and emotional sides, because if she screws up one it can screw up the other and the pros and cons of each option. The support her in whatever she decides. Some girls have abortions and are completely fine with it, some girls have abortions and it can have a really bad impact. The same goes with kids I suppose, but I think maybe the usual unconditional love that comes with a kid helps soften the blow when reality kicks in.

Personally, I'm pro-choice but I don't think I could go through with an abortion myself. I think because I couldn't live with the guilt and also my parents didn't abort me despite both being at university and stuff. My mum is amazingly fertile so I'm extra cautious with contraception and as soon as you mention you're against abortion to a guy he'll immediately stop persuading bareback.

 

[mpimpin]

I don't think you tell her anything, just lend support either way. This is a decision she has to come up with and deal with. Don't allow yourself to be blamed when regrets start arising

 

[Nygard]

I am pro choice, let people deal with their own problems.

 

[j0n24]

I agree let her do what she wants and why should you care what happens?

You say she is a "Smart," Young lady but then say she did something as stupid as having sex with a guy without making him put a rubber.
Contradiction much?


I also think its kind of funny how you already label the guy the loser even though she is the one that has to deal with the fallout haha.

Even if the girl was poor more then likely she will keep the baby just because women dont use logic to make their decisions. They would rather live with mommy and daddy their whole life with their new baby then do something with their life.

Knew a girl - she got raped - she got prego with rapist baby- cries to family and myself what to do about baby- says she's going for abortion- find out later she had the baby and is taking care of it....

Women are morons when it comes to these type of decisions.

 

[j0n24]

mmm

 

[LovelyLady]

and the fact that having an abortion triples her chance of breast cancer.

From the American Cancer Society: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/cri/c...tion_cause_or_contribute_to_breast_cancer.asp

Conclusion

... Breast cancer is the most common cancer, and is the second leading cancer killer in women (lung cancer is the first). Still, the public is not well-served by false alarms. At this time, the scientific evidence does not support the notion that abortion of any kind raises the risk of breast cancer.

 

[squirrels]

What would I tell her?

"Just stand right here at the top of these stairs and close your eyes..."


Seriously, though...I would not touch this one. That whole situation is a mess, from top to bottom. Not trying to dig on your family, but...damn.

 

[Razor Sharp]

Haha, that's messed up squirrels. Reps for making me laugh!

I been talking to her a bit and the more she tells me, the more I think she should just do it. She has a min-wage job. Her man still lives with his parents and invests every penny he makes into his tricked out car (yep, total douche). He is basically begging her to get it done. She really does want to keep it, but due to the circumstances I think she will end up aborting.

Normally I could care less either way. But these things tend to take on new significance when they hit close to home.

Thing is if it was me in her shoes, I'm not so sure I could do it. Maybe you dont get cancer from abortions, but man that regret has got to f*ck with your head the rest of your life.

Don't get me wrong, I see the logical side - she is preventing a child from having a ****ty upbringing, ruining two lives instead of one, etc. But when push comes to shove most girls arent aborting a "blob of cells". If you look at pictures of abortions you see arms, legs and fingers, and sometimes eyes!

I am definitely pro choice, no question - but if it was me I'd probably choose life, even if it wasn't the most practical decision.

You say she is a "Smart," Young lady but then say she did something as stupid as having sex with a guy without making him put a rubber.
Contradiction much?

Who among us is not a walking contradiction? I dont know anybody who is 100% consistent with their behavior. Smart people do stupid things, stupid people do smart things sometimes. Humans are imperfect and often unpredictable. If the case were otherwise we'd have a lot less relationship problems and this forum probably wouldn't exist.

 

[Trader]

Tell her to *own* it and hold herself accountable

 

[mrRuckus]

She's Catholic. That's easy. She can do whatever she wants and then go to a priest and tell him about it and then say like 7 hail marys and an our father and everything is cool again.

 

[FLGuy]

Can't she just carry the child to term and give it up for adoption?

 

[Quiksilver]

From the American Cancer Society: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/cri/co...ast_cancer.asp

Didn't realize I was pushing false info! Had a quick read and I guess I was wrong. Thank you

I still do not support abortion except in extreme circumstances (rape victim, miscarriage) ...

 

[Razor Sharp]

So she decided to keep the kid but didnt want to tell her parents just yet as they are going through some rough times right now. Yesterday her boyfriend went straight to her father and asked for a paternity test. The whole family is going berserk right now.

Now they are broken up and she is facing single-motherhood. Her folks kicked her out of the house and she is staying with friends.

What a mess!

Rant: Why are so many young people not protecting themselves? I been sporting rubbers since I was 16, only going bareback with my last GF who was tested and on the pill. Even then I would pull out. Why the f*ck are people so careless??

I never thought I'd say this, but kids these days