What do you guys think of this?

[becker]

How do you guys feel about a girl who has been involved with a married man? She cut it off and it's been bothering her since, but she has likely learned her lesson. Despite this, do you feel that this is a reflection of her character or more so the character of the cheating spouse? She didn't know about the marriage at the beginning, but after she learned of it, it continued until she broke it off.

To me, it's always the cheater whose character is reflected the most, since anyone may be in that position if they don't know about the marriage. Furthermore, if you don't learn about this until you are involved too deep, you can't jump out of it easily, so it will likely take a while.

 

[sexual_intellectual]

Originally posted by becker
To me, it's always the cheater whose character is reflected the most, since anyone may be in that position if they don't know about the marriage. Furthermore, if you don't learn about this until you are involved too deep, you can't jump out of it easily, so it will likely take a while.

The way I read this, you're already loading the question and defending the woman with this paragraph, it doesn't really give us any extra info... You obviously wanna give the chick the chance. I say go for it, as long as you realise this is a calculated risk, and you're prepared to walk if you feel she's lying/being unfaithful to you.

Good luck.

 

[Jack McCrack]

I would have to agree with the above poster on that.

Take a chance, but know of the risk.

 

[flexion_]

Reality is that the best predictor of future performance is? .... ( you know the answer ).

So as others have said - its a risk but if you know it up front when you go after her.

 

[becker]

Re: Re: What do you guys think of this?

Originally posted by sexual_intellectual
The way I read this, you're already loading the question and defending the woman with this paragraph, it doesn't really give us any extra info... You obviously wanna give the chick the chance. I say go for it, as long as you realise this is a calculated risk, and you're prepared to walk if you feel she's lying/being unfaithful to you.

Good luck.

Well, good point there, sexual_intellectual, but I'm mainly giving my point of view given that I've been in similar situations myself where the girl didn't tell me she was involved with anyone until I was involved with her. Now, I wouldn't put myself in the wrong if I kept pursuing it with her for a while just because you don't give a crap when you're in it, because in the end, we all protect our own feelings. I'm not going to think of her boyfriend over myself, but at the same time, I don't want to be involved with a cheater, but until I get myself to slowly lose interest in her and not let myself be overcome by the whole emotional aspect of the situation, I can't just immediately walk away, as bad as that sounds. It's just the way it is, and for anyone who's been put in such a predicament, they'd probably relate.

 

[sexual_intellectual]

Re: Re: Re: What do you guys think of this?

Originally posted by becker
I'm not going to think of her boyfriend over myself, but at the same time, I don't want to be involved with a cheater, but until I get myself to slowly lose interest in her and not let myself be overcome by the whole emotional aspect of the situation, I can't just immediately walk away, as bad as that sounds. It's just the way it is, and for anyone who's been put in such a predicament, they'd probably relate.

I know what its like to be reluctant to walk away where feelings are involved, but understand this: you're walking into a risky situation, and whenever you do that it pays to have some kind of defence. Your only genuine defence here is your ability to walk away.

Why should you choose to be defenceless in this situation? Be ready to walk, or there's at least even odds she'll sniff you out and walk all over you.

 

[Bonhomme]

Everyone makes mistakes

Eh... looks like she was the one who got taken in that case, so I agree that it's not nearly so much a reflection on her as him. I personally wouldn't make much of it. If it was a recent thing and much more importantly, if she knew he was married when they got involved, then I'd see her as no more than an roll in the hay, at best.

But in this case, don't sweat it.

 

[Sart]

not a biggy

She finds out hes married but being a wman stays on the off chance he will get with her. Women are emotional. If shes over him and you have tapped her emotion, go for it. But, and the big but, what do you want anyway? Your post is about pursuing what? An LTR? How old are you? Why? Just give her a shot and have fun and see what happens. You know, it isnt the aim of a DJ to preclude women, it isnt his aim to find his other half. He is WHOLE!

No biggy dude, just have fun.

 

[Trance]

Its the man that makes the girl, not her past.

 

[becker]

Thanks guys for the tips, it really helps to hear other people's perspective on this.

To me, what happened to her is not a character flaw on her part, more that she was screwed over in the whole relationship.

This girl is a total keeper so far in my book. She is cautious though, and she has some defenses up, but is open minded at least to what may happen with us, which is all I ask for right now. Before she was telling me stuff like she has had a history of getting bored and losing interest and moving on, but at the same time, her actions seem to be speaking otherwise.

She's someone I'd want a LTR with, and the funny thing is, we started off as "friends", then started to hang out, I kept up the flirting, and before you know it, we were friends with benefits, and now dating. Sort of puts a real-life spin on the whole "friendszone" thing and confirms that you're not always in the hole if you're in the friendszone, but at the same time, watch for whether she's using the "friends" thing as a defense mechanism against rejection, or just using it to really put you in the "I won't sleep with you" category.

Anyways, that was a small tangent. This girl is exactly what I've been looking for for a long time, and I hope things work out for us.

 

[NatureGuy]

The fact that he/she is married doesn't necessarily mean much of anything about 'character'. They could be seperated for example or they could be legally married but have no relationship. There are several possiblities.

 

[AverageFC]

honestly I think she's just as bad as the cheater. She's tempting him to cheat on his wife, and following through.

If she doesnt know hes married thats kinda different.