What Do You Guys Make of This? Real Interest or Not?

[Nu Vision]

I've written about this girl I've gone out with who I work with.

So she has a boyfriend who's more than ten years older than her, makes a ton of money but pays no attention to her and she feels undesired and neglected. They had some problems since over a year ago over her suspecting him seeing other women and things have gone south from there.

My mistake was I showed too much interest since the start. Told her verbally how much I liked her. Now I know I should have done that with actions, not words. She told me then she had a bf and was happy in the relationship.

We've kept texting daily for some time. After some reading here I've gone dark on her and not contacted but then she's chased and even called and left messages asking if I'm ok or if I'm mad at her. Bottom line is she keeps contacting me. I'm very attracted to her but she is still with the bf although they keep having problems. She contacts me when they fight and invites me out. But then we go out and she starts talking about her relationship which bothers me because it makes me feel like she just wants me as a friend.

Well something happend this weekend. I had a date with another girl Saturday and had a blast but I gotta say I'm not as attracted to her as I am to my co-worker. Maybe it's that thing about wanting what is not available or hard to get. Well she had a huge fight with the boyfriend and kicked him out even asked for his keys. They live together. She hit me up and wanted us to hang out. Said she felt like this was it and part of her was dying. She sounded very down. I said I had plans and couldn't cancel on my date. She got angry and said she couldn't believe I was choosing this other girl over her. Told her if it was up to me she would be my girl but she is in a relationship and have known of my interest for some time. She kept saying I should cancel the date and hang out with her saying it would be fun. She made it sound like this time it would be different and something could happen between us. She didn't say it. But that's what I thought.

Anyways, I decided to show her she doesn't have me in her hands like she thinks and went on the date, had fun.

Today she texted me saying she can't believe I chose the other girl over her and that she thought I really liked her and wanted to be with her. I told her I do and if she breaks up with the bf for real we could get together. She then said I can't have them both. I said it's an open competition and I would go with whoever had better skills with a wink. I thought I was being smooth and stuff lol. She didn't like this and said she didn't want sloppy seconds.

Has something like this happened to any of you and what advice do you give me.

It's like she needs attention and wants me as a friend and teases me about us being more but only when she needs someone to be there when she fights with the bf.

 

[Albatross953]

Run, don't walk. You're not her safety net.

 

[Nu Vision]

I hear you.

I've had problems slowing down contact with her because she is so persistent. The times I've took a day or a bunch of hrs to respond she's called and left messages even.

I can't just go stop contact because we work together. That would be weird. I guess I'll start by never being the first to text which I'm already doing and then be super slow to respond until she gets the hint.

She's even asked before if she should stop trying to Co tact me or if I'm avoiding her. She wants me to invite her to lunch all the time and stuff like that. Friends activities. F that.

 

[Julian]

drop that hoe. but to be honest i would have taken 1 final chance...when you thought as if that date was going to be different with her that time..you should have said F the new girl..cancelled and made a power move on the girl you like. it may have gotten you laid...but at the end of the day she's hung up on an alpha male and you are her beta cuckold emotional tampon. not a good title to have.

 

[Nu Vision]

drop that hoe. but to be honest i would have taken 1 final chance...when you thought as if that date was going to be different with her that time..you should have said F the new girl..cancelled and made a power move on the girl you like. it may have gotten you laid...but at the end of the day she's hung up on an alpha male and you are her beta cuckold emotional tampon. not a good title to have.

I let my ego get in the way. Wanted to show her I have other options. A few weeks back she tried to set a date with me but it was a tentative date. She had asked her bf ti take off work and if he wasn't going to be off she wanted to hang out with me. Ugh ... almost puked typing that.

 

[nismo-4]

Enter the judge.

I've written about this girl I've gone out with who I work with.

Never seen that post.

So she has a boyfriend who's more than ten years older than her, makes a ton of money but pays no attention to her and she feels undesired and neglected. They had some problems since over a year ago over her suspecting him seeing other women and things have gone south from there.

Why do you think she's working to keep him? He has lots of VALUE and is a jerk...win win for him, the alpha who is in control.

My mistake was I showed too much interest since the start. Told her verbally how much I liked her. Now I know I should have done that with actions, not words.

Worst. Move. Ever.

She told me then she had a bf and was happy in the relationship.

Gee, I wonder why?

We've kept texting daily for some time. After some reading here I've gone dark on her and not contacted but then she's chased and even called and left messages asking if I'm ok or if I'm mad at her. Bottom line is she keeps contacting me.

Texting daily like her girlfriend huh? Bad. When you went dark, you should've deleted her from all platforms. I would've done so when she brought up a boyfriend (low interest). Do you think she'd bring up a boyfriend if you were a NBA star? Hell no. And she is tossing out beta bait to get you as her friend (beta orbiter). Because you stopped paying attention. Now why the f**k would you give her attention at this point and you haven't had sex with her yet? Stop being so weak and caving in to women's ploys!

I'm very attracted to her but she is still with the bf although they keep having problems. She contacts me when they fight and invites me out. But then we go out and she starts talking about her relationship which bothers me because it makes me feel like she just wants me as a friend.

For all intents and purposes, a male that is a woman's friend is a beta orbiter, just giving attention, listening to her sob stories about other men she's banging, validating her, and not getting any sex. She has no sexual interest in you and you care too much. It's a lost cause. Oh yeah, talking about her relationship with her bf? Level 6 friendzone.

Well something happend this weekend. I had a date with another girl Saturday and had a blast but I gotta say I'm not as attracted to her as I am to my co-worker. Maybe it's that thing about wanting what is not available or hard to get.

Ever wondered why this current bf of hers keeps her chasing and working to keep him? He's hard to lock down, and his visible value (PUA tactics mimic these cues of guys who actually have tangible clout) really helps. So the thinks he must have a lot of options.

Well she had a huge fight with the boyfriend and kicked him out even asked for his keys. They live together. She hit me up and wanted us to hang out. Said she felt like this was it and part of her was dying. She sounded very down.

Because her alpha wouldn't be there to go down on her that night! A breakup for a woman is when an alpha walks out on her or, more commonly, a longtime beta orbiter who was steadily supplying attention and comfort. Of course part of her was dying! She cared more than the bf did, and thus he has power over her.

I said I had plans and couldn't cancel on my date. She got angry and said she couldn't believe I was choosing this other girl over her.

Of course because her favorite orbiter, like her boyfriend, went AWOL (unavailable)

Told her if it was up to me she would be my girl but she is in a relationship and have known of my interest for some time. She kept saying I should cancel the date and hang out with her saying it would be fun. She made it sound like this time it would be different and something could happen between us. She didn't say it. But that's what I thought.

I facepalmed myself. Why? Why the f**k did you go back? She disrespected you already and you went running back for more? You thought with the little head and your hamster was spinning mad! You got some learning to do. Like actions speak louder than words!

Anyways, I decided to show her she doesn't have me in her hands like she thinks and went on the date, had fun.

You had fun being her girlfriend huh? Cuz I know damn well you didn't bang her. That's the only fun I would've wanted and went for.

Today she texted me saying she can't believe I chose the other girl over her and that she thought I really liked her and wanted to be with her. I told her I do and if she breaks up with the bf for real we could get together. She then said I can't have them both. I said it's an open competition and I would go with whoever had better skills with a wink. I thought I was being smooth and stuff lol. She didn't like this and said she didn't want sloppy seconds.

Good for you on talking to other women, but you still care too much about this bytch, and she knows it. Of course she don't want sloppy seconds, she wants you as nothing more than a f**kin' emotional tampon. Losing you in this regard scares her.

Has something like this happened to any of you and what advice do you give me.

Yes, it's called erase and replace. That's what television networks do with their schedules all the time when shows end or suck. This is gonna be a commonly used tactic. That means erase her from every platform, and don't contact her.

It's like she needs attention and wants me as a friend and teases me about us being more but only when she needs someone to be there when she fights with the bf.

It took you all this time to figure this out sherlock? God damn.

Read between the lines. Judge nismo's review.

She's only interested in you as a nonsexual friend. That's bad, and my ruling. Do what you like.

Case closed. Exit the courtroom.:yawn:

 

[Zarky]

but I gotta say I'm not as attracted to her as I am to my co-worker.

God damn another thread where the OP is getting emotionally involved with co-workers! WTF :cuss:

Look up the term "emotional tampon." You are one to this girl.

Today she texted me saying she can't believe I chose the other girl over her and that she thought I really liked her and wanted to be with her.

No girl likes to lose her emotional tampon.

Good god man, you're a walking definition of the term. You are the quintessence of emotional tamponness. I couldn't write a fictional story and make up a character who displays more complete emotional tamponitude than you.

It's like she needs attention and wants me as a friend and teases me about us being more but only when she needs someone to be there when she fights with the bf.

My god it's starting to understand!

 

[Nu Vision]

Nismo,

I can't disagree with your assessment/ruling.

It's more complicated because we work together . That was my first mistake. Trying to get with someone I work. Lesson learned.

She already texted me this morning she feels so down and she sounds depressed. This surprises me since this girl looks very well put together and alpha from the outside but the mask came off. She has some issues for sure.

I'll go dark. She'll get the hint eventually.

 

[RangerMIke]

You are playing this right, and I believe your assessment of her is spot on. She always considered you her "back-up guy"... Look ALL women do this, they always have someone that has expressed interest in them in the past that they can turn to when whatever relationship they are in goes south. The funny thing is that you might not even know if she considers you her back-up, it's just a mental exercise all women go through. Your agreement to this situation is not relevant.

There is a woman I work with that I know considers me her 'back-up', I would NEVER agree to this, I don't spend any time with her and don't orbit. I've really given her no indication that I'm interested in her, but she knows I think she is attractive, and would bang her if she wasn't in a relationship... That's really all that needs to happen for her to think that IN HER MIND you are a back-up. I can always tell when she is having trouble with her boyfriend, because she gets flirty, and starts making comments like "relationships suck"... Don't get drawn into that. If she starts trying to talk about it, then ask her "Do you want advice, and do you just want to talk?" If she says she just wants to talk, then tell her to go talk to one of her girlfriends, if she says she wants advice, then listen and give her an honest assessment.

You obviously want this women, so go get her. Here is how you handle it.

First, show a little anger without being an @ss that she doesn't have any right to dictate your dating life. You were busy and could not go out with her.... end of story. The fact that you have other options makes you attractive.

Second, make a date. Make sure she understands that you consider it a DATE. You do this by offering to pick her up. This puts out a 'date' vibe ranther than a 'meet-up' vibe.

Third, on your date flirt with her a little and see if she flirts back. Then sometime during the date tell her that you want her, but you're not going to be a re-bound guy... that she needs to work through her emotions and that you want to give her time to do this, but you are not interested in being just friends. She will have respect for you if you do this. Tell her when she is ready she should let you know.

Forth, do not contact her, wait for her to contact you, when she does make another date and take it from there. Assume that when she reaches out to you that she wants something to happen.

If you DON'T want her then there is no reason to go dark on her. Go ahead and friendzone her, just don't expect anything to happen. You only use DJ principles on women you want.

 

[KingWizard]

Well, as everyone said earlier, don't be her emotional tampon and boy toy. I DO NOT have so much experience but its my opinion based on my life ;p Yea, take some comfy shadowy spot to let it go. She will get the point I think.

 

[Nu Vision]

Ranger Mike,

My interest has gone south. Her behavior this past weekend turned me off big time and now I'm starting to see she's more flawed than I thought. You are right. I don't have to go dark. I'll move on from her and keep seeing the other girl, go out and meet more chicks.

The problem is that she is just constantly texting. She needs too much attention. She's taking too much of my time. I don't mind being a friend as long as my time investment is not absurd. I'll have to retrain her.

 

[Nu Vision]

King Wizard,

That's the plan.

 

[RangerMIke]

Ranger Mike,

My interest has gone south. Her behavior this past weekend turned me off big time and now I'm starting to see she's more flawed than I thought. You are right. I don't have to go dark. I'll move on from her and keep seeing the other girl, go out and meet more chicks.

The problem is that she is just constantly texting. She needs too much attention. She's taking too much of my time. I don't mind being a friend as long as my time investment is not absurd. I'll have to retrain her.

Don't worry about her texting you... just put her in friendzone. You text back and forth to friends, just treat her like a friend, fart in front of her... eat like a pig... threat her like a cousin. Just don't get sexual with her. Offer to introduce her to one of your Beta male friends....

One of my best friends is a woman I used to sleep with, women do this to men all the time. Nothing wrong with having female friends.

 

[Nu Vision]

Don't worry about her texting you... just put her in friendzone. You text back and forth to friends, just treat her like a friend, fart in front of her... eat like a pig... threat her like a cousin. Just don't get sexual with her. Offer to introduce her to one of your Beta male friends....

One of my best friends is a woman I used to sleep with, women do this to men all the time. Nothing wrong with having female friends.

Thanks man.

This is good. It's a good learning experience. I knew women play games and will play with you if you let them but to experience it first hand has been eye opening. After I saw she wasn't interested I stopped the flirty texts and initiating contact. Then she was the one texting flirty things like how she had just had a wet dream or how it's too bad I wasn't going to see her baked because she looks so good naked blah blah blah.

I'll keep her as a friend. Thanks for the advice.

 

[christoff522]

I've written about this girl I've gone out with who I work with.

So she has a boyfriend who's more than ten years older than her, makes a ton of money but pays no attention to her and she feels undesired and neglected. They had some problems since over a year ago over her suspecting him seeing other women and things have gone south from there.

My mistake was I showed too much interest since the start. Told her verbally how much I liked her. Now I know I should have done that with actions, not words. She told me then she had a bf and was happy in the relationship.

We've kept texting daily for some time. After some reading here I've gone dark on her and not contacted but then she's chased and even called and left messages asking if I'm ok or if I'm mad at her. Bottom line is she keeps contacting me. I'm very attracted to her but she is still with the bf although they keep having problems. She contacts me when they fight and invites me out. But then we go out and she starts talking about her relationship which bothers me because it makes me feel like she just wants me as a friend.

Well something happend this weekend. I had a date with another girl Saturday and had a blast but I gotta say I'm not as attracted to her as I am to my co-worker. Maybe it's that thing about wanting what is not available or hard to get. Well she had a huge fight with the boyfriend and kicked him out even asked for his keys. They live together. She hit me up and wanted us to hang out. Said she felt like this was it and part of her was dying. She sounded very down. I said I had plans and couldn't cancel on my date. She got angry and said she couldn't believe I was choosing this other girl over her. Told her if it was up to me she would be my girl but she is in a relationship and have known of my interest for some time. She kept saying I should cancel the date and hang out with her saying it would be fun. She made it sound like this time it would be different and something could happen between us. She didn't say it. But that's what I thought.

Anyways, I decided to show her she doesn't have me in her hands like she thinks and went on the date, had fun.

Today she texted me saying she can't believe I chose the other girl over her and that she thought I really liked her and wanted to be with her. I told her I do and if she breaks up with the bf for real we could get together. She then said I can't have them both. I said it's an open competition and I would go with whoever had better skills with a wink. I thought I was being smooth and stuff lol. She didn't like this and said she didn't want sloppy seconds.

Has something like this happened to any of you and what advice do you give me.

It's like she needs attention and wants me as a friend and teases me about us being more but only when she needs someone to be there when she fights with the bf.

Dude she's being a hypocrite. She has a bf yet is telling you off for going on a date. Just tell her she should check herself and judge herself by her own standards and next her.

 

[Nu Vision]

Exactly Christoff. I couldn't believe she was getting all pissed and tried to guilt tripped me into Canceling my date. Selfish and hypocritical.

 

[Nu Vision]

She just texted me that she's cooking for her bf and now he is going to dinner with a coworker from London or some BS. Should I ignore this or flat out tell her I'm not interested in her bf stories or anything to do with him and her relationship with him.

She's ****ing clueless.

 

[Nu Vision]

This is the problem I have with this chick. She over doit. The telling me about her problems.

 

[nismo-4]

She just texted me that she's cooking for her bf and now he is going to dinner with a coworker from London or some BS. Should I ignore this or flat out tell her I'm not interested in her bf stories or anything to do with him and her relationship with him.

She's ****ing clueless.

Have you heard of call block motherf**ker? Use it!

 

[Greasy Pig]

Just say, "Ooh bummer! Bring me some for lunch tomorrow at work"
Or
"Ooh, that sucks. At least you'll have leftovers."
Or
Ignore.

I'd go with no.3.
If she gets pissy, tell her you were just busy. Her hamster will spin out of control wondering how many women you're fvcking.