What do you guys do about female friends that seem to be avoiding you?

[Kal0051]

One of my female friends is doing this and hasn't told me why. It's starting to bug me, it's been over a month and I've spoken to her only once (down from 2-3 time per week). To be honest I haven't tried to contact her that much, maybe 4 times, mostly I'm surprised she never got back to me. I'm thinking about calling her once more but got no idea what message to leave if she doesn't answer. What would you do?

 

[KontrollerX]

I don't keep "female friends" but if I did and they started doing immature behavior such as avoiding me I'd take that as evidence they don't want to be my friend anymore and are just too immature to say it to my face and I'd consider them nexted as friends.

Now in that situation should they ever get the courage to come and tell me what the avoidance was all about like a mature adult I'd be all ears but until then they'd be nexted.

Guys out there need to know its better to kick all passive aggressives out of your life be they male or female friends.

Its hassle filled frustrating behavior that no one except a closet masochist or uninformed AFC enjoys dealing with.

 

[Kal0051]

I don't enjoy dealing with crap like that, I've gotten rid of 2 friends in the last 6 months because they were being disrespectful to me. But in this situation I don't know what her problem is so I'm trying to not jump to conclusions. And as to why I have female friends, well sometimes they help to hook me up with single girls.

 

[KontrollerX]

"I don't enjoy dealing with crap like that"

Well thats exactly what her behavior towards you is right now.

Its passive aggressive is what it is.

"I've gotten rid of 2 friends in the last 6 months because they were being disrespectful to me."

Nice.

The current girl is being just as disrespectful but going about it in a passive aggressive way.

"But in this situation I don't know what her problem is so I'm trying to not jump to conclusions."

Cool.

From here you just don't do anything.

Its her problem so when she's ready to become a mature adult and let you know what her problem is she will come to you.

No more you trying to contact her.

She's considered nexted until she makes her problem known.

"And as to why I have female friends, well sometimes they help to hook me up with single girls."

We all do things our own way and I wasn't knocking you for this just saying I don't personally have any desire for that or even having women help me hook up with other women.

I hold that mindset because I think if I were to depend on other women to help me hook up with chicks that would sooner or later serve to weaken my game and I'd become too dependent on their help and what happens if I suddenly lose that friends group?

See where I'm coming from??

Which is why I personally go it alone no wingmen, no girls setting me up on dates or getting me around other women etc but yeah not knocking your game at all dude.

Do what you gotta do.

 

[Kal0051]

We all do things our own way and I wasn't knocking you for this just saying I don't personally have any desire for that or even having women help me hook up with other women.

lol, it's not like their setting me up on dates or anything. But a couple of girls I know have introduced me to their friends. At that point it's my job to game that girl.

 

[Warrior74]

What would I do? Nothing. I wouldn't call again. My few female friends...I don't contact them..they contact me whenever they want to gripe and moan about their problems which I cut off. Unless they are calling to do something fun I'm not interested in hanging out with them anymore. Or if I need something I call them. Otherwise I don't do the female friend thing these days.

Hell she might have a new boyfriend and work and everything else.

 

[Kal0051]

well luckily she doesn't call me to gripe about her problems, she knows I'm not her girlfriend.

 

[horaholic]

One of my female friends is doing this and hasn't told me why. It's starting to bug me, it's been over a month and I've spoken to her only once (down from 2-3 time per week). To be honest I haven't tried to contact her that much, maybe 4 times, mostly I'm surprised she never got back to me. I'm thinking about calling her once more but got no idea what message to leave if she doesn't answer. What would you do?

Why is it that every one of your posts are about a 'female friend?' And.. usually they have a boyfriend. Is this just ONE chick, or several chick 'friends' with BF's that you have? I think it's just one.

Now... ask yourself this. Why the hell are you getting attached to female friends in the first place? The first rule of this game or whatever is to not do that. If you have oneitis for some chick 'friend," you need to cut all contact with her so it doesnt screw up your head and your game. Its not a real friendship anyway. She's using you for whatever, and you're manipulating her, cuz you're trying to bang her. And guess what else. Everyone that knows both of you can see right thought you, and are probably laughing at you behind your back.

You've got to knock this crap off, and be a man. I know, I've been there too. It is detrimental to your game, to put yourself through this. DO NOT be 'friends' with a girl if you have feelings for them. You need to go for girls you dont know that well. If this chick is avoiding you, she's probably on to your intentions, and thinks you're a creep for being a false friend, which you are, sorry to say. Its a good thing, trust me. ditch any of your chick 'friends' and hang out with dudes, and go pick up strange chicks.

As Rollo says, if you're not fvcking her, you're her girlfriend. And dont think everyone else doesnt notice it too! The reputation for being a chump, gets around, and will kill your game, so knock it off.

Good luck. Not trying to be a d1ck, just telling you like it is.

 

[Kal0051]

actually every female friend I have have boyfriends. Well, every girl I know has a boyfriend. And this one is just my friend, I'm not trying to bang her.

 

[horaholic]

Then why are you posting about her here? We dont post about our buddies not talking to us here, so I dont believe you. You need to read up on avoiding the friendzone, and when you ARE freindzoned, you move on, instead of trying to 'friend' your way into her pants. The only guys who have chick friends are gay guys, and mega AFC's. You gotta lose the denial, bro. You're friends with these chicks cuz you want them, but dont have enough game, so you hang out with them in hopes that they will some day come to their senses and realize what a great guy you are, and how you are meant to be together. Well, first of all, girls dont have that kind of sense. These chicks are getting railed by dudes, before going out to 'hang out' with you, and ruin any chances of you finding a girl of your own. Social proof is one thing, but thats not the case here. They get the best of both worlds. They get fuvcke dgood by some jerk, and have a sweet nice guy like you to cater to their emotional needs. You're getting the short end of the stick here, dude, but I wont say another word after this post. If this is what you want, by all means, go for it.

 

[Kal0051]

Then why are you posting about her here? We dont post about our buddies not talking to us here, so I dont believe you. You need to read up on avoiding the friendzone, and when you ARE freindzoned, you move on, instead of trying to 'friend' your way into her pants. The only guys who have chick friends are gay guys, and mega AFC's. You gotta lose the denial, bro. You're friends with these chicks cuz you want them, but dont have enough game, so you hang out with them in hopes that they will some day come to their senses and realize what a great guy you are, and how you are meant to be together. Well, first of all, girls dont have that kind of sense. These chicks are getting railed by dudes, before going out to 'hang out' with you, and ruin any chances of you finding a girl of your own. Social proof is one thing, but thats not the case here. They get the best of both worlds. They get fuvcke dgood by some jerk, and have a sweet nice guy like you to cater to their emotional needs. You're getting the short end of the stick here, dude, but I wont say another word after this post. If this is what you want, by all means, go for it.

well most of these friends I met when I was a huge AFC and I did want to sleep with most of them. And who says I'm catering to their emotional needs, I just hang out with them like they were guys. But I'm done with this girl, if she's gonna disrespect me by not telling me what's up then I'm not interested in being her friend anymore. If she calls me and acts mature than maybe I'll change my mind.

 

[Jitterbug]

Mate, having too many female friends is turning you into a girl. Who gives a sh!t if some chick you're not dating is avoiding you? I probably wouldn't even notice.

I've only ever heard of women b!tching about this sort of stuff (he/she isn't giving me enough attention!!! )

 

[DonJuan11]

- One of my female friends is doing this and hasn't told me why.

LOL. Come on dude, a girl would never tell a you why she is purposely ignoring you. "Hi Kal0051, just wanted to let you know if try to phone me 2-3 times a week from now on, I won't answer the phone as I may be having sex with my 6'1 hockey player boyfriend. But I appreciate you feeding my ego, best."

- It's starting to bug me, it's been over a month and I've spoken to her only once (down from 2-3 time per week).

No good. That means you like her more than a friend and that she has emotional control over you.

- To be honest I haven't tried to contact her that much, maybe 4 times.
- I'm thinking about calling her once more but got no idea what message to leave if she doesn't answer.

What would you do?

You listen to what Kontroller said and:

(1) Why are you friends with a female if you're not having sex with her? She won't help meet other girls and if she does, they will NOT be hot.

(2) You don't call her until she calls you. If you HAVE to call her for yourself, you politely say: "oh hey, haven't seen you a while. Would you have time for coffee this week to catch up? You keep it LIGHT and POSITIVE. You don't ask: Why are you ignoring me? Why are you not returning my calls? Where are you?

But again, I'm dumbfounded you are so upset that a female friend you've never kissed, who is getting great daily sex from her boyfriend, won't return your calls.

 

[WC2]

well most of these friends I met when I was a huge AFC and I did want to sleep with most of them. And who says I'm catering to their emotional needs, I just hang out with them like they were guys. But I'm done with this girl, if she's gonna disrespect me by not telling me what's up then I'm not interested in being her friend anymore. If she calls me and acts mature than maybe I'll change my mind.

Look, I've got a story about an old friend who like you, had female friends that he called daily.

We called my friend 'Johnny Boy' and old Johnny Boy was always desperate for pvssy.

While my friends and I were usually out pulling women, he sat idly, envious of us. It wasn't that he was a bad looking kid; he was actually not at all.

The thing about Johnny Boy was that he was such a pvssy. He couldn't make that paradigm shift from normal conversation, to playful, sexual conversation with a woman. There was something in his head that just would not let him do it.

Anyways, as time went on Johnny Boy got bitter. He couldn't understand what he was doing wrong. So he finally grabbed his balls and started talking to women.

He made a valiant effort at it for a few weeks, and we actually thought he was getting somewhere.

So one night I decided to wing it with Johnny Boy and see where he was. As I sat there and mingled with him, I listened to his words. Every word that came out of his mouth was as if he was talking to his mother. Completely serious, no fun stories, no funny remarks. Soon I was YAWNING. And you bet your ass this chick was too.

I left the conversation disappointed.

Instead of becoming ballsy, Johnny Boy had just decided to take a step further into the friendzone.

This went on for all of last year.

He chased girls that perceived him as friends.
He got in verbal fights out at the club with them cause they only wanted friendship.
He went into a state of self-depression.

And the kicker..

I banged 3 chicks he was trying to game.

One might say.. "Dude.. that's not cool."

No. What's not cool is men who are emotional tampons to women who can't grab ahold of their own masculinity. I never took Johnny Boy's girls, because they were never really his to begin with.

To be honest, the 3rd and final chick I banged her on purpose in the same room, just to prove a point to him.

To me, one of the lowest form of men I've come across are the ones ****bl0ck others cause they can't grab their own sack. While I laid pipe of 3 chicks Johnny Boy had been aiming at, there are at least 10 others who he would go to valiant efforts to deter me from them.

If you want to step up to the plate and play ball, fine.

But if you want to dance around the plate and ruin things for others due to your own insecurities, then sh!t on you.

Johnny Boy is really no longer a friend.

One might say "Well WC (call me rob), you're the one who's f*cked up. He should have told you to f*ck yourself!"

The thing is, Johnny Boy never admitted his own issues. Never asked for help. On several occasions, I would offer him help and he would deny it, stubbornly.

What he didn't realize that if just once, JUST ONCE, he asked me to back away from a woman he was gaming, I would have.

Instead, he played these ring around the rosie games and attempted to keep these women away from me.

All the while, I was trying to help him.

So no, I see Johnny Boy as more of a Johnny Girl now.

Now Kal I don't necessarily think you're like Johnny Boy, but any man who has multiple girl 'friends' which they call is either

A)Gay
or
B)Synonymous with the traits of Johnny Boy

or possibly you just have a lot of female friends and you DO get laid plenty; who knows.

However, where I come from, there's no need for multiple girl 'friends'. Sure, I have MANY female acquaintances, but I would NEVER call them unless I was sexually involved, or in need of something (not an emotional shoulder).

Moreover, if this girl is just a friend, why are you going to all this trouble to post your troubles online?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Of the literally thousands of threads I've read about a guy with "friend" problems with a girl there are universally two terms the guy will use:

She's just my friend, I'm not trying to bang her.

and

I just hang out with them like they were guys.

,...every time man, every time.


First off lets cover the common term "hang out." This is a catch-all term many AFCs use to justify their behaviors. "Me and my girl-friends hang out together all the time, what's the big deal?" So, what exactly are you doing when you're hanging out? More talking perhaps? You see 'hanging out' is a nice general term, but you've got to be doing something, right? What is it that you do? Is there a difference in what you do with your same sex friends? You see if I tell my wife "Honey, I'm taking my friend Alice to church on Sunday morning" that's a whole lot different than me saying "Honey, I meeting up with Alice for drinks on Friday night," the difference is in what we're doing.

Of course the next thing a prepared AFC will trot out is 'common interests'. Common interest means a mutuality of interest; in other words she's into what you are and you're into what she is. Thus if you're into pro wrestling and muscle cars she must also be. If she's into painting her toenails and talking about cute boys on her bed on a Thursday night you must be also. Now that's black & white, but it comes back to what exactly it is you're doing together - as friends. You see, when two guys are into doing the same thing it's called 'common interest', but when a man and a woman enjoy the same thing it's called 'compatibility'. This of course dovetails into how men will make concessions based on sex. How many guys suddenly have an epiphany about modern art because their female 'friend' does in comparison to if their male friend asked them to go along to the museum? Once again, friendship mitigated by gender differences.

Men and women cannot be friends, but let me qualify that. They cannot be friends in the same degree that most people perceive same sex friendship to be. Now the natural resoponse to this from a well conditioned AFC is "I have lots of female friends" or "what are you trying to say, I can't have female friends, they're all enemies?" Which of course is the standard binary (black or white, all or nothing) retort, and the well trained AFC thinks anyone suggesting that men and women's relations as friends could be anything less than equitable and fulfilling is just a neanderthal chauvinist thinking thawed out from cryogenic freeze in the 1950s. But you are incorrect - not because you wouldn't want to be a woman's friend, but because she cannot be yours. There are fundamental differences in the ways men and women view friendship within their own sex and the ways this transfers to the concept of intergender friendship.

Quite simply there are limitations on the degree to which a friendship can develop between men and women. The easy illustration of this is that at some point your female "friend" will become intimately involved with another male; at which point the quality of what you perceived as a legitimate friendship will decay. It must decay for her new intimate relationship to mature. For instance, I've been married for about 13 years now; were I to entertain a deep freindship with another female (particualrly an attractive female) other than my wife, despite my most platonic intentions, my interest in this woman automatically becomes suspect of infidelity - and of course the same holds true for women with man-friends.

It's not to say that you cannot have female aquaintances, or that you must necessarily be rude or ignore all women with contempt, that is binary thinking once again, but it is to say that the degree of friendship that you can experience with women (as a man) in comparison to same sex friendships will always be limited due to sexual differences. Most men will only ever engage in friendships with women that they find attractive and/or interesting which of course is colored by their attraction to that woman. Now I'm sure you'll play the "not in my case" card and attempt to tell me how much an exception to the rule you are, to which I'll say, even if you legitimately are, it makes no difference. Because the very nature of an intergender friendship is ALWAYS going to be limited by sexual differences.

Even the best, most asexual, platonic, male-female friendships will be subject to mitigation based on sex. The easy example is that I'm sure you'd be jealous and suspect of your girlfriend were she to be spending any "quality time" with another 'male-friend'. It's simply time spent with another male who isn't you and you'll always question her desire to do so in favor of spending time with you.

So get out of your head now that there even is a so called "friend zone" with any woman. You're either intimate with her or you're not. Women have boyfriends and girlfriends, if you're not ƒucking her, you're her girlfriend, simple as that. There is no friend zone - there is only the limbo between you being fooled that a girl is actually a friend on an equitable level to your same sex friends, and you understanding that as soon as she becomes intimate with another guy your attentions will become a liability to any relationship she might want to have with the new sexual interest and she puts you off, or you do the same when you become so involved with another girl.