What do you do when women just plain don't like you?

[Bigg Boss]

I believe it's YOU. It doesn't make sense for you not to have any women if you are at least mildly attractive and have a decent personality. I don't know you at all but some helpful tips:
-Be a gentlemen. Be respectful (not just to hotties, everybody). DON'T CONFUSED THIS WITH BEING A 'NICE GUY'. You only get thrown in that category if you act like her *****. Show her that that's how you are, and you're not just doin it cuz you're infatuated with her.
-Don't talk too much. Only say something when you have something to say. Filler can hurt you.
-Stay well-groomed. Before you leave the house, make sure everythings perfect. Look good, smell good
-****iness isn't necessary. Actually, I'm against it. Try to keep the light on her. You'll get shine
-Get a life! Work hard! Do something to show that you have some kind of ambition. Shyt, that'll keep you mind off women. Hell, you might run into a good one while you're minding your own business
-WEIGHTROOM! If you're skinny, add some pounds, if you're chubby, burn that fat. If you aren't getting women, you need to work on perfecting everything about you.

 

[Maxtro]

Maxtro, I don't think you are really being very realistic with yourself. You've meet women from AFF -- you lost your virginity and/or had your fun so to speak. You had a friendship with a lady (now I know she rejected you, but that's besides the point) and other close friendships. So, it doesn't appear that bad as you seem to be portraying this.

Again, you had sex with women before that you meet from the net. You had a close friend. You can't really say you had nothing.

Almost every single encounter with a woman has left me feeling empty. The AFF and the hookers do not count as real girls. It was just my extreme desperation to get laid. I have never felt a connection with a woman I've slept with. I'm always left wanting more.

The close friend was cheating the game. I should not have spent that much time with her when she had no interest in me. I wanted so much more from her than she wanted to give me. So even with a was with her I still wasn't happy. I should have had her reject me months ago. I now I would be in a better state of mind now, had I done that.

But what is confidence? I'm getting the impression that the women are just not into you for whatever reason. If you were getting attention, etc... then of course you would be more confidence.it's easier to have confidence when you know that women want you.

I think confidence is a feeling that makes you feel good and strong. It is based on past successes. When you know you can do something because you've done it before, that is confidence. Another very important aspect is self-esteem which I'm not in the mood to define. I just know I greatly need to improve both.

I believe it's YOU. It doesn't make sense for you not to have any women if you are at least mildly attractive and have a decent personality. I don't know you at all but some helpful tips:
-Be a gentlemen. Be respectful (not just to hotties, everybody). DON'T CONFUSED THIS WITH BEING A 'NICE GUY'. You only get thrown in that category if you act like her *****. Show her that that's how you are, and you're not just doin it cuz you're infatuated with her.
-Don't talk too much. Only say something when you have something to say. Filler can hurt you.
-Stay well-groomed. Before you leave the house, make sure everythings perfect. Look good, smell good
-****iness isn't necessary. Actually, I'm against it. Try to keep the light on her. You'll get shine
-Get a life! Work hard! Do something to show that you have some kind of ambition. Shyt, that'll keep you mind off women. Hell, you might run into a good one while you're minding your own business
-WEIGHTROOM! If you're skinny, add some pounds, if you're chubby, burn that fat. If you aren't getting women, you need to work on perfecting everything about you.

I do/am every singe one of those things and it's not enough. There is more to it.

 

[slaog]

Actually I can't agree with you that the reason I don't have a woman is because I really want one. It's stupid to think that as soon as I give up on women, one will magically fall for me. Honestly I can't imagine ever giving up on women.

As for a woman not solving my problems. I'd say that 90% of my problems are caused by not having a woman in my life. I would have never become so depressed if I didn't have issues getting girls. My life is only missing two, very important things. Friends and a girl. I've had good friends all the way up to a few years ago but I was still depressed. A woman was the only thing I was missing.

Maxtro makes my point perfectly. He wants and needs something off women and they can sense this. They know he needs women to feel happy. When he finds a woman he'll still be unhappy because he'll end up pushing them away if he still has the same mindset.


He doesn't get it when he's told that he doesn't have a woman because he wants one. It doesn't make sense to him. To him women should like him being needy and desperate. He wonders why women are attracted to the guys who have fun with women and doesn't want or need anything off them. And I won't even talk about his limiting, negative beliefs.


By needing/wanting women badly you are sending them a clear message. You're telling them they'll constantly have to go out of their way to make you happy (high maintainence), you've got low value and you won't make them happy. It also tells them you're not much of a catch.


So never ever go after women so that they can make you happy.

 

[Maxtro]

Maxtro makes my point perfectly. He wants and needs something off women and they can sense this. They know he needs women to feel happy. When he finds a woman he'll still be unhappy because he'll end up pushing them away if he still has the same mindset.

I think you may be giving women too much credit. I don't think I'm giving off a needy/desperate vibe. If I was, no woman would want to be around me, even as friends, and that is obviously not the case.

In the one "relationship" I had I did push her away by being needy/desperate. I learned that lesson years ago and I won't make that mistake again. I am actually pretty much in control of that or else I wouldn't have had 3-4 months of close friendship with the girl I've been talking about recently. She would have ran off a long time ago.

He doesn't get it when he's told that he doesn't have a woman because he wants one. It doesn't make sense to him. To him women should like him being needy and desperate. He wonders why women are attracted to the guys who have fun with women and doesn't want or need anything off them. And I won't even talk about his limiting, negative beliefs.

Of course it doesn't make sense that I don't have something because I want it. You are out of your mind if you don't think that it's natural for men to want women. If men didn't want women and sex, the human race would be long extinct.

I do have fun with women. I love being with women. One of my favorite things to do is dance with girls. I'm actually not needy/desperate when I'm having fun with girls. It only comes out when I'm home alone.

By needing/wanting women badly you are sending them a clear message. You're telling them they'll constantly have to go out of their way to make you happy (high maintainence), you've got low value and you won't make them happy. It also tells them you're not much of a catch.

So never ever go after women so that they can make you happy.

I will admit that I'm not sending out the proper attraction vibes. High maintenance, what the hell are you smoking? Is wanting to spend a few days a week with a girl and also have sex with her high maintenance? I want nothing different from a woman then the average man.

Low value I'm sure I have, and that is a complicated thing to fix. I don't even know where to start for that one. I do know that if I was higher value, I'd be fucking my friend right now.

 

[slaog]

I think you may be giving women too much credit. I don't think I'm giving off a needy/desperate vibe. If I was, no woman would want to be around me, even as friends, and that is obviously not the case.

You said you need women to be happy. Do you think you're hiding this from them?

In the one "relationship" I had I did push her away by being needy/desperate. I learned that lesson years ago and I won't make that mistake again. I am actually pretty much in control of that or else I wouldn't have had 3-4 months of close friendship with the girl I've been talking about recently. She would have ran off a long time ago.

Good to see you've learnt that lesson. What do you mean by 'close friendship'?

Of course it doesn't make sense that I don't have something because I want it. You are out of your mind if you don't think that it's natural for men to want women. If men didn't want women and sex, the human race would be long extinct.

The difference is that you want them to make you happy. Most men as happy anyway and don't want women for this reason. It means that theres no pressure on the women in the relationship. If you chase women they'll run.

I do have fun with women. I love being with women. One of my favorite things to do is dance with girls. I'm actually not needy/desperate when I'm having fun with girls. It only comes out when I'm home alone.

Then why are you having problems with women? Maybe you're not needy with women you already know??

I will admit that I'm not sending out the proper attraction vibes. High maintenance, what the hell are you smoking? Is wanting to spend a few days a week with a girl and also have sex with her high maintenance? I want nothing different from a woman then the average man.

High maintenance meaning that you're constantly looking for something off them and they feel pressurised. If they were in a relationship with a DJ they wouldn't feel like they "need space".

Low value I'm sure I have, and that is a complicated thing to fix. I don't even know where to start for that one. I do know that if I was higher value, I'd be fucking my friend right now.

Start by knowing you're higher value. Its that simple. Have a high value mindset. Know you're good enough for any woman.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Almost every single encounter with a woman has left me feeling empty. The AFF and the hookers do not count as real girls. It was just my extreme desperation to get laid. I have never felt a connection with a woman I've slept with. I'm always left wanting more.

This must be the real reason I aborted an encounter a few years ago. While I blame it on my dad c0ckblocking me, the reality was, it seems like way more trouble than good, especially if you don't think it's a normal girl. It looked like I was more interested to see a woman was prepared to meet me to have sex with me than to actually have sex with a random stranger.

It's odd though. Some people report having a confidence change after having an encounter. However, for you, it was just useless to what you wanted. You still feel you can only have sex by resorting to the gutter - whether it is AFF, or a prostitute.

But, I disagree and think that AFF-girls are different to prostitutes and are more real -- as long as you are having sex for free, it is still real in my books.

I think people on this site will generally agree, if you pull a lady from AFF -- you've accomplished something. It may not be a conquest with a capital "C", but it's not a hooker. A hooker is not real period. If you have free sex from an encounter -- that is still real - but then again, some people are just never happy.

I think confidence is a feeling that makes you feel good and strong.

Than the opposite of confidence is a full blown depression. So you are either confident, or you are depressed then? Depression is when you are feeling bad and weak.

is based on past successes. When you know you can do something because you've done it before, that is confidence.

You have confidence you can at least get free sex from AFF doing whatever you did before. What is wrong with you? You can get laid if you really want to. That's not so bad.

I get a great connection with women I'm masturbating about or when I'm looking at porn. I guess I'm just gifted with an imagination or something. For example, when I masturbate on a porn pic, and I"m horney, then I'll look into the pics eyes and they actually change to squirming while I'm going inside of her or I feel some funny connection. Its sort of like when you are blind, you have other sences that can compensate for it to meet your needs. I feel my imagination compensates for what I can't get in real life and it appears I have a vivid imagination. But, even that is nothing compared to a real life conquest -- but you know -- I'm as depressed as you are -- and feel I can only resort to normal ugly women, but those hot girls are still out of reach.

Was the AFF girls hot at least?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Start by knowing you're higher value. Its that simple. Have a high value mindset. Know you're good enough for any woman.

That's really easy to say.

Do you have any ancedontal evidence (i.e. your own personal account) to back that up or are you just another KJ full of hot air rhetorical stuff that everyone knows?

Maxtro has serious issues and just telling him this, or me that, or anyone isn't going to work. There is just not even a 'grip' on things.

I don't know, it's like something is really fvcked up. You can't get a normal girl, they are not attracted to you in that way, and they just tolerate you as a friend if anything.

I wish there is some success story on here that people like Maxtro could relate to and feel inspired by it. But it looks like successful people on here are either already naturals that are on here for who knows what, or are desperate souls that are stuck in a rut with no way out. What is going on here?

I perfectly relate with Maxtro. I don't feel I'm a 33 year old virgin anymore -- if I resorted to a prostitute or to an AFF girl, I'd still feel the same way or worst feeling I had to resort to something if Maxtro felt that way. I too am looking for a normal girl not a 'piece on the side' girl or encounter like Maxtro has.

 

[Maxtro]

You said you need women to be happy. Do you think you're hiding this from them?

I actually think I am. Women can't sense that. As I said before I'm generally really happy around women and have a good time with them. A girl is not going to fallow me home and spy on me and see that I come down when I'm not around women.

Good to see you've learnt that lesson. What do you mean by 'close friendship'?

Being able to spend several days a week with her, able to talk about absolutely anything. Able to flirt, tease and kino her when ever I want. She was my best friend. The only reason that I say was, is because it was tearing up my heart when I was with her but when we were apart I felt it too. 10 points to anybody who gets it. The only reason she isn't over at my house right now playing with my Wii is because I don't want her to be. I don't understand, just why we can't be lovers. It would make things so much easier for the both of us.

The difference is that you want them to make you happy. Most men as happy anyway and don't want women for this reason. It means that theres no pressure on the women in the relationship. If you chase women they'll run.

I wonder if most men are happy because they already have a woman? I wonder how many single guys that want women are happy without them? What do you mean by no pressure on the woman?

Then why are you having problems with women? Maybe you're not needy with women you already know??

That's what I'd like to know. I don't think I'm putting out needy vibes at all, if anything I'm not sending out anything, certainly not attracive vibes. Then the girls respond with friendship if they don't ignore me.

High maintenance meaning that you're constantly looking for something off them and they feel pressurised. If they were in a relationship with a DJ they wouldn't feel like they "need space".

Then I'm certainly not high maintenance. I know much better than to make a girl feel pressured. My will power to hold back is quiet strong, possibly making me too reserved.

Start by knowing you're higher value. Its that simple. Have a high value mindset. Know you're good enough for any woman.

I'd love to, but somehow I need to "trick" myself into believing I am. I know it's a terrible thought. If I actually "conquered" a girl and had sex with her, then I'd instantly know I'm high value. Ugh I'm just going in circles.

This must be the real reason I aborted an encounter a few years ago. While I blame it on my dad c0ckblocking me, the reality was, it seems like way more trouble than good, especially if you don't think it's a normal girl. It looked like I was more interested to see a woman was prepared to meet me to have sex with me than to actually have sex with a random stranger.

It's odd though. Some people report having a confidence change after having an encounter. However, for you, it was just useless to what you wanted. You still feel you can only have sex by resorting to the gutter - whether it is AFF, or a prostitute.

Here's the deal. If you want to know what sex is like or just want to have it, that's what hookers are for. There is no sense of accomplishment at all.

Meeting a girl from AFF or craigslist can be a boost but it is dependent on several circumstances. For me, the woman I met on AFF was twice my age and I was not in control of the situation. I also couldn't meet with her whenever I wanted, heck I didn't even see her alone cause her boyfriend was there. While it was fun, it wasn't "real."

Also I was on AFF for a few months before I had that encounter and I only met one person from it. I was certainly not able to get sex whenever I wanted. I just got lucky.

BTW, ROFL you can't have a connection with somebody you've never met

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Meeting a girl from AFF or craigslist can be a boost but it is dependent on several circumstances. For me, the woman I met on AFF was twice my age and I was not in control of the situation. I also couldn't meet with her whenever I wanted, heck I didn't even see her alone cause her boyfriend was there. While it was fun, it wasn't "real."

Alright, I understand what you are saying. I had about five online connections and could have meet a few people on there in less than one month when I was on. I was crying virgin like crazy though.

Also I was on AFF for a few months before I had that encounter and I only met one person from it. I was certainly not able to get sex whenever I wanted. I just got lucky.

Ok, maybe I got lucky too to some extent, or felt so.

BTW, ROFL you can't have a connection with somebody you've never met

Connection with me is spiritual and mental -- if I meet someone online and they connect with how I'm expressing myself, then that's a connection -- if that seed is planted and they think of you then that's a connection.

Connection is also transient. A woman who may be my best friend one day or lover, can be an absolute stranger the next day, wierd I guess.

 

[slaog]

That's really easy to say.

Do you have any ancedontal evidence (i.e. your own personal account) to back that up or are you just another KJ full of hot air rhetorical stuff that everyone knows?

Maxtro has serious issues and just telling him this, or me that, or anyone isn't going to work. There is just not even a 'grip' on things.

I'm 29 now and have a nice girlfriend since 6 months ago. Before that I never had a girlfriend.


I dated a girl for a few weeks some years back. When I met her I was in a really good mood and she started talking to me. I wasn't that impressed but met her a few days later and we ended up dating. Then I started to change my mind about her and I went all AFC and she practically ran from me. I remember calling her phone one day and she didn't know who was calling because she deleted my number.


So yes I have been a big AFC but I have changed in less then 2 years. I'm an AFC no more and still improving. Anybody can improve if they believe they can. Maxtro and yourself don't believe you can. Thats the first step in changing. Forget about tactics and ways to improve for the time being. You two and the OP should concentrate on changing your beliefs.


To believe all you have to do is wake up to reality. Ask yourself whats so diferent about you that girls don't find you attractive. If it's height you can look at other men who are smaller and can attract women. If it's money look at all the guys who have no money but women love. All those guys believe they can get women. They know that they're worth it. And whos to say they are not!


Be more positive about it.

 

[slaog]

Being able to spend several days a week with her, able to talk about absolutely anything. Able to flirt, tease and kino her when ever I want. She was my best friend. The only reason that I say was, is because it was tearing up my heart when I was with her but when we were apart I felt it too. 10 points to anybody who gets it. The only reason she isn't over at my house right now playing with my Wii is because I don't want her to be. I don't understand, just why we can't be lovers. It would make things so much easier for the both of us.

I was in a similar situation. The girl was very nice and liked me as a friend but didn't like me in any other way. I was a big AFC at the time.

I wonder if most men are happy because they already have a woman? I wonder how many single guys that want women are happy without them? What do you mean by no pressure on the woman?

I mean that you let women come after you. You don't chase women. I mean that in the sense of how much you want a woman. The person with the power in a relationship is the person who needs/wants the other the least. Women are not attracted to men who need/want them more then they want the man.

That's what I'd like to know. I don't think I'm putting out needy vibes at all, if anything I'm not sending out anything, certainly not attracive vibes. Then the girls respond with friendship if they don't ignore me.

Haha that used to be me. I used to 'go into my shell' rather then risk being more open with people. I was too reserved too but I don't know why. What I do know is its not exactly being a confident person.

I'd love to, but somehow I need to "trick" myself into believing I am. I know it's a terrible thought. If I actually "conquered" a girl and had sex with her, then I'd instantly know I'm high value. Ugh I'm just going in circles.

This is where your beliefs are wrong. You need to be high value firstly to attract women and then you'll get sex.


I would suggest that you stop thinking that simply having a woman and getting sex makes you a better man. Theres no need to trick yourself or see it as a trick. You've actually tricked yourself into believing that you need women to have higher value. If a guy gets sex off a drunken women it doesn't mean he is now a better man.


Check out my 'give freely' thread. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1468271#post1468271

 

[TheChad-Ster]

Shawn, giving up is not the answer here. Why don't we start with a bit of truth.

What type of women are you approaching? If your approaching super hot babes only then yes you will face a high rejection rate if your only average looking.

I realize you guys on here are homophobic on the high end at times but can you post a pic for us to analyze in order to help your game?