What do you do when women just plain don't like you?

[Shawn241]

So I have a question. Say you're just a normal guy, decent looking and fit but not model attractive. You do your best to up your value and learn some gaming skills. You of course fail but keep learning and keep trying to up your game more but something is fundamentally flawed. No matter what you do, how your approach is, or how good you are at talking to women, they in large just do not like you like that, period. Not a AFC type of "i just wanna be friends" thing, they understand what you want, but they just *aren't interested* for no apparent reason?

That's pretty much the situation I am in right now and I'm seriously considering giving up on life. I admit I'm not the smoothest guy in the world and I will never be, but I do try to take advice from here and up my game and try to talk to a lot of women. No dice... I try both in real life and online, women just don't like me, period. I know lots of people who don't need to work half as hard as me, not as good looking as me, not as fun of a person to be around as me but they can get women every now and then. They can't pull a lot of women but they can at least pull some. Me? Zero. Hard to believe but I'm starting to believe that women, in general, for whatever reason refuse to accept my advances are like me in any way. What am I do to? Anybody in a situation like me?

 

[Moneytalks]

I'm none of those things apart from physically fit. So I wouldn't know.

 

[edger]

Shawn, I can relate to every word you've spoken here..I really can. I'm in the same boat. Above average-looking guy and while my game isn't superb, it's definitely up there, yet only once in a blue moon I'll get a hottie interested in hitting the bedroom with me. I get knocked by some for saying this, because people are too close-minded to consider this as a possibility, but sometimes it just isn't in our cards, no matter how good-looking you are or how good your game is. That's it. You know how long it's been since I pulled a hottie? April of 2007. I always say, at least I have the balls to admit that. Something a lot of guys here and in general, couldn't do.

So, just be prepared for a lot of these guys to point the fingers at you. It's a loosing battle.

 

[FairShake]

It means you probably won't get laid alot.

If you have friends, family, a job, and a life this won't be too big a deal.

But you will find someone. Everyone does. You might not have the same amount of choices that other guys have, but you will have some choices. Don't blow them by thinking you don't have a chance.

 

[Maxtro]

It's a combination of your personality, your masculine energy, your confidence and self-esteem, and how you carry yourself. Those things are how a woman determines if you are attractive.

Good luck changing them because I'm having an extremely difficult time. I know exactly what you are going through. Heck I just got LJBF by a girl that I've been hanging out with for months and she didn't even like me from the start.

I've been struggling with women for 14 years. I had planned to kill myself at 25 if I didn't have any success. I did up having some minor success, very minor that let me believe there is some hope. Now I see that I was wrong. I'm 27 now and if I don't have a woman in my life by the time I'm 30, then there just isn't any point.

I would really like to give some advice but I can't. This is a serious issue plaguing tons of men and there isn't a lot of stuff out there that properly addresses it.

 

[slaog]

I too can relate.


The big change happened for me when I realised that I used to always look for something off the women. I wanted them to make me happy and I believe people can sense this and it tells them you're lower value (because thats your mindset).


Now I don't look for anything off women and it's amazing how this little change in mindset can change peoples perceptions of you.


Another thing you should be conscious of is your body language. It's very powerful. You can tell alot about a person by the way they move.

 

[DonJuan11]

So I have a question. Say you're just a normal guy, decent looking and fit but not model attractive. You do your best to up your value and learn some gaming skills. You of course fail but keep learning and keep trying to up your game more but something is fundamentally flawed. No matter what you do, how your approach is, or how good you are at talking to women, they in large just do not like you like that, period. Not a AFC type of "i just wanna be friends" thing, they understand what you want, but they just *aren't interested* for no apparent reason?

They cannot just be "not interested" for no apparent reason. You don't not get the job "for no apparent reason", you don't lose your hair for "no apparent reason", you don't gain weight for "no apparent reason", you are doing something that makes them believe you don't want to sleep with them or are not sexually stepping up the game.

That's pretty much the situation I am in right now and I'm seriously considering giving up on life. I admit I'm not the smoothest guy in the world and I will never be, but I do try to take advice from here and up my game and try to talk to a lot of women. No dice... I try both in real life and online, women just don't like me, period.

You are doing something fundamentally wrong. We need examples in order to help you.

I know lots of people who don't need to work half as hard as me, not as good looking as me, not as fun of a person to be around as me but they can get women every now and then. They can't pull a lot of women but they can at least pull some. Me? Zero. Hard to believe but I'm starting to believe that women, in general, for whatever reason refuse to accept my advances are like me in any way. What am I do to? Anybody in a situation like me?

Again, you are doing something fundamentally wrong and you can't blame women for not responding to your advances, just like you can't blame the coach for not putting you on the high school basketball team.

We need specific examples of your interactions before we can help you.

 

[Furyguy]

sometimes it just isn't in our cards, no matter how good-looking you are or how good your game is.

FUCK that. This is the kind of mentality you do not need or want.

Don't fucking give in to that defeatist attitude bullsh!t. You're in control of your fate and your life. The only thing that keeps you from choosing your own fate is the belief that you can't.

Snap out of it man, are you going to be just another pussy with an excuse or are you going to stand up and make a change? I was where you were. It sucks. I hated life and I hated myself. I gave up, too. It was stupid, because as I now realize I had so much potential to fulfill, and all I had to do was figure out how to tap into that.

It will come to you, sooner or later, but don't just sit back and wait for it. You need to seek it out on your own, and the road to getting there is full of failure and depression.

To sum up and answer the main question of your point:
Just get out and get over it, but most of all DO NOT give up.

 

[Jaggs]

if I don't have a woman in my life by the time I'm 30, then there just isn't any point.

:nono:

Saying things like this is the reason why you do not have woman in your life. A woman will not solve your problems, in fact they will complicate it. This is a backwards idea, that a woman will come in and then life will be perfect. People can sense this neediness from miles away. A reliance on something external to make you internally happy will never work.
The only person who can solve it is you.

A lot of peoples problems on this board go far beyond just catchin' a girl. Don't mean to be negative, but it is just the truth.

 

[edger]

Snap out of it man, are you going to be just another pussy with an excuse or are you going to stand up and make a change?

Bro, I MADE that change a while ago. Let me tell ya, it hasn't done much. And ironically, I pulled more hot women when my game was actually weak, believe it or not. Now, I'm not saying it's standard to get hot women with weak game and by acting like an AFC, although there seems to be a lot of exceptions out there when it comes to this.

I was where you were. It sucks. I hated life and I hated myself. I gave up, too.

One thing I actually HAVEN'T done amidst all this, is given up. I'm out there playing the game every weekend.

 

[sorin]

Women do like you...

But they want you to be more dominant and confident and project more positive emotions and deeper emotions unto them...

 

[Furyguy]

Have you tried lifting? It's hard to not be both confident and attractive when you're huge and chiseled. Just a thought, if you've tried everything else and have nothing to lose by doing it.

 

[Maxtro]

Have you tried lifting? It's hard to not be both confident and attractive when you're huge and chiseled. Just a thought, if you've tried everything else and have nothing to lose by doing it.

Becoming huge and chiseled will not happen over night, it will take many months of hard work and eating right. Having an Ectomorph body type makes things harder but not impossible.

Saying things like this is the reason why you do not have woman in your life. A woman will not solve your problems, in fact they will complicate it. This is a backwards idea, that a woman will come in and then life will be perfect. People can sense this neediness from miles away. A reliance on something external to make you internally happy will never work.
The only person who can solve it is you.

A lot of peoples problems on this board go far beyond just catchin' a girl. Don't mean to be negative, but it is just the truth.

Actually I can't agree with you that the reason I don't have a woman is because I really want one. It's stupid to think that as soon as I give up on women, one will magically fall for me. Honestly I can't imagine ever giving up on women.

As for a woman not solving my problems. I'd say that 90% of my problems are caused by not having a woman in my life. I would have never become so depressed if I didn't have issues getting girls. My life is only missing two, very important things. Friends and a girl. I've had good friends all the way up to a few years ago but I was still depressed. A woman was the only thing I was missing.

So honestly I can't agree that a woman will not solve my problems. I know I'll instantly become happy when I'm having sex with a girl I like. I know that I can't become complacent or she might leave me so I will need to keep improving. But I will have a solid footing and a nice confidence boost that comes when you have accomplished an important goal.

Now I just need to figure out a way to get a woman without being very confident. It's like the saying, "It takes money to make money." Somehow I need to get a loan or something. Too bad I just can't ask my lady friends to sleep with me and giving them a logical argument as to why they should won't work either. Somehow I'll find a way to get laid this year, without having to pay for it.

 

[Freeman]

FUCK that. This is the kind of mentality you do not need or want.

Don't fucking give in to that defeatist attitude bullsh!t. You're in control of your fate and your life. The only thing that keeps you from choosing your own fate is the belief that you can't.

Snap out of it man, are you going to be just another pussy with an excuse or are you going to stand up and make a change? I was where you were. It sucks. I hated life and I hated myself. I gave up, too. It was stupid, because as I now realize I had so much potential to fulfill, and all I had to do was figure out how to tap into that.

It will come to you, sooner or later, but don't just sit back and wait for it. You need to seek it out on your own, and the road to getting there is full of failure and depression.

To sum up and answer the main question of your point:
Just get out and get over it, but most of all DO NOT give up.

Thats what Im talking about!!!! We all go through a rut-life is a game and you dont win all the time- and for the people who is on here giving this guy empathy needs to stop-ITS NOT HELPING HIM!!! This is the WRONG TIME TO RELATE TO HIM-its like listening to a sad song when you are sad.

 

[russell]

man fvck that. not a lot of girls like me. you know why? because i'm so god damn rare, i'm one of the greatest catches a woman will ever have, but most of the time they are too impatient to take the time to get past the surface me, and you know what? if they don't care to take the time or put in the effort to get to know how amazing i am then they are missing out, not me! because the women who do take the time to get to know me are awesome and it is worth it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

To the OP, it sounds like you are trying too hard and being results-oriented. You should structure your gaming of women so that you enjoy it regardless of the outcome. Chat up a girl, have a laugh, and if she's not into you, it's no big deal because you had a laugh with her and some fun for yourself.

Women sense that you are trying too hard and worried about failure. Try to just have fun and not worry about your results with each individual girl. You describe yourself as wanting to give up on life because of some silly girls. Your problem is your inner frame, not the girls. That's also what they "don't like" about you. It is not anything inherent about yourself that cannot be changed.

 

[playerone]

To the OP, it sounds like you are trying too hard and being results-oriented. You should structure your gaming of women so that you enjoy it regardless of the outcome. Chat up a girl, have a laugh, and if she's not into you, it's no big deal because you had a laugh with her and some fun for yourself.

Women sense that you are trying too hard and worried about failure. Try to just have fun and not worry about your results with each individual girl. You describe yourself as wanting to give up on life because of some silly girls. Your problem is your inner frame, not the girls. That's also what they "don't like" about you. It is not anything inherent about yourself that cannot be changed.

It's tough to accomplish that everytime. But that's definitely the way it should be. :yes:

 

[Microphone Fiend]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1402554&postcount=132

you keep trying. This is a lifestyle, not a hobby you get better at over a crazy weekend. You gotta keep pushing and your successes will become greater and greater

 

[Splendidostring]

Hey guys

As the other guy said *Russell* I think, if a girl doesn't take the time to go beneath the surface, they're not worth your time anyway.

I'll admit it is depressing though when you have nothing going on. Go out more, meet more people and that issue should be resolved in a few weeks.

Good luck with that,

 

[Luke Skywalker]

As for a woman not solving my problems. I'd say that 90% of my problems are caused by not having a woman in my life. I would have never become so depressed if I didn't have issues getting girls. My life is only missing two, very important things. Friends and a girl. I've had good friends all the way up to a few years ago but I was still depressed. A woman was the only thing I was missing.

Maxtro, I don't think you are really being very realistic with yourself. You've meet women from AFF -- you lost your virginity and/or had your fun so to speak. You had a friendship with a lady (now I know she rejected you, but that's besides the point) and other close friendships. So, it doesn't appear that bad as you seem to be portraying this.

So honestly I can't agree that a woman will not solve my problems. I know I'll instantly become happy when I'm having sex with a girl I like. I know that I can't become complacent or she might leave me so I will need to keep improving. But I will have a solid footing and a nice confidence boost that comes when you have accomplished an important goal.

Again, you had sex with women before that you meet from the net. You had a close friend. You can't really say you had nothing.

Now I just need to figure out a way to get a woman without being very confident. It's like the saying, "It takes money to make money." Somehow I need to get a loan or something.

But what is confidence? I'm getting the impression that the women are just not into you for whatever reason. If you were getting attention, etc... then of course you would be more confidence.

To me, confidence means that a woman wants to have sex with you more than you want to have sex with her and you know it. If you think only you are the pervert or creep because you have all the sexual desires and you can't have sex unless you pay for it or resort to some low means, then that is a state devoid of confidence. Just look at some of the player's threads like slickaz or stand or something like that -- it's easier to have confidence when you know that women want you.

I understand because I have the same issues that you do. That's why I'm going to go out with a funny looking girl at the end of this month or think I just cant get an attractive girl either.

Too bad I just can't ask my lady friends to sleep with me and giving them a logical argument as to why they should won't work either. Somehow I'll find a way to get laid this year, without having to pay for it.

Well, at least you have a positive attitude about it. I've just given up for now and I'm looking at porn.