What do you do when a girl is flaking on a date?

[davelmn2003]

Would you pretend nothing has happened and no contact her at all? I think that only works if she even has some interest for you, otherwise she'd just be glad that you don't even bother her...

If you do contact her, when? and what would you say? Be angry and tell her that you won't play her sick games? Or would you pretend to be cool about it but still ask her about her flaking?

Looking back to my earlier AFC experiences, this flaking girl sent me an e-mail to cancel the date and apologized. I was angry, but I replied in 4 days or so, saying that I don't think she's a horrible person (her language). Should I have gotten mad to make her take me seriously?

 

[uniassign]

I see flaking as a direct result of my failure to gain enough rapport with the girl.

You can try to talk her into meeting with you, but then you are venturing into damage control territory. I don't know how much experience you have, but if you are just starting out, then it is much quicker if you just start afresh.

You must work out where you went wrong. Did you not attract her enough? Did she have a boyfriend? Was it just a busy time for her?

This has been used very successfully:

HB: I have to cancel BLAH BLAH BLAH
U: Cool, I expected it
HB: What do you mean?
U: You know, I was having second thoughts myself. You know, we met at XXX under some unusual circumstances. We got chatting and I thought it was good at the time to continue this. Then I got thinking: what if she is a psycho? i mean I don't know you well enough, I don't know your motives, whether you are the same person as you were <when we met>, whether we have anything else in common.

But I thought to myself: that's how most people are when they first meet. They go through a whole process of getting to know each other. As long as we meet in public, there should be no trouble. That's how I met my best friend, and I was just thinking where I would be if I didn't take the chance to get to know him better. Then I thought about the possibility that could happen between us. That's why I wanted to meet with you.

hb: well ok

 

[TesuqueRed]

If you had 4 other possible dates you were working on, she wouldn't be an issue. There's a hint in there...

Some guys get mad and get short term results. More power to them... I don't bother since it usually means I lose control of the situation (as in, she has the upper hand and everything else...) with nothing but my dyck left in my hand. It seems some guys need to feel they can't be walked on and must demonstrate that to her and everyone listening, but I think it just shows evidence of an AFC struggling too hard to break out. Again, I'll admit I don't understand that method too well.

Don't bring it up. Distance yourself from her. Move on. She flaked, she's doesn't play nice with others. Next.

She showed you all you need to know about her (one of my favorite phrases, it removes the confusion and stops me dead in my tracks from pulling a mind-fvck on myself and overcomplicating things by wondering "but what if...?")

 

[gr8one]

Rape 'er....

LMAO...Just kidding..i mean next,...Find another girl to go out with...

 

[BrWnSugaMan]

uniassign said...

Was it just a busy time for her?

-Wrong. If a woman meets an awesome man, it does not matter how busy she is - she will always "find" time for him. For example, let us imagine that you had a really busy schedule, but Brittany Spears comes up to you and is like - "Hey, do you have time to go on a date with me?" - You would make time.

davelmn2003...

Here is what you should do in this situation. Unless she gave you a reason upfront without you having to ask for one and assuming that the reason for flaking was substantial (funeral, best friend getting married, etc), then set another date with her.

If a girl flakes and does not give a good reason, then you need to forget about her because this is what she is implying by her actions - "Yes, I know you and I planned a date and if it were as important to me as it is to you I would keep it, but something else came up that is MORE important than YOU and I getting to know each other better."

 

[htemorp]

This has been used very successfully:

HB: I have to cancel BLAH BLAH BLAH
U: Cool, I expected it
HB: What do you mean?
U: You know, I was having second thoughts myself. You know, we met at XXX under some unusual circumstances. We got chatting and I thought it was good at the time to continue this. Then I got thinking: what if she is a psycho? i mean I don't know you well enough, I don't know your motives, whether you are the same person as you were <when we met>, whether we have anything else in common.

But I thought to myself: that's how most people are when they first meet. They go through a whole process of getting to know each other. As long as we meet in public, there should be no trouble. That's how I met my best friend, and I was just thinking where I would be if I didn't take the chance to get to know him better. Then I thought about the possibility that could happen between us. That's why I wanted to meet with you.

hb: well ok

hb's thought to herself: stfu, I don't care about your stupid bullsh*t. Thanks for wasting my time and read those 2 paragraphs of nothing.

 

[uniassign]

hb's thought to herself: stfu, I don't care about your stupid bullsh*t. Thanks for wasting my time and read those 2 paragraphs of nothing.

Sorry for wasting your precious time. I am sure you have field tested my suggestion THOROUGHLY before dissing me.

 

[htemorp]

read the line dude, I am talking about what she would say. If she is ditching your ass, she wants it done and over with, obviously she doesn't have that much interests. But if you gonna give her a minute long (or even longer) lecture on how two people meet, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, WTF, she'll be like wtf is wrong with this guy.

Why do you lecture stupid shiet? That's like some AFC shiet dude.

 

[StuartScott x 2]

Don't say all that sappy b/s, you'll look like a chump. Do what Red says and just forget about it. If you don't even bring it up and you see her a lot, she'll be thinking about it and if it bothers her that much, she'll bring it up.

 

[violator]

Less is more. If you make a long speech after she flakes you come out looking like a whining sap which would place you even lower in her pecking order.

You should just say " Fine then, maybe I will call you someother time " and hang up the phone. If she has any interest in you, she will call you and try to make it up to you somehow.

In the meantime, do as Red says and move on and concentrate on other prospects.l

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by davelmn2003
Would you pretend nothing has happened and no contact her at all? I think that only works if she even has some interest for you, otherwise she'd just be glad that you don't even bother her...

If she's glad that you don't bother her, then there was nothing you could have done to rekindle her interest anyway. Not contacting her would be the best option in both cases.

You don't get angry. You should be cool and controlled. In some cases it may be necessary to show controlled anger, but that's rare, and never when you first start dating a girl. Acting like it doesn't bother you is much more effective. The girl will be confused and wonder why you aren't being either needy or mad. You should withdraw from her. If you exhibit the other DJ behaviors when you are with her, she will notice and probably try to contact you and make things right.

As far as the email, getting mad at her wouldn't make her like you more. Just tell her no big deal, then Next her.

 

[DJ Logic]

Some interesting feedback... but You are all wayyy off. When a girl flakes, you gotta CALL HER ON HER SH!T !!

Let her know you don´t put up with flaky behavior. Tell her how unimpressed you are. All should be done in a sincere and friendly manner. Don´t get angry, instead make it seem like SHE is the one who is missing out on a great time. She will either respect you for it or walk. Either way you have spoken your mind without fear and made a stand for yourself. I have done this many times and most girls eat up the fact that I am so straight up with them and have high standards.

You wanna see how a real DJ handles flakes? Read Mr. Fingers Epic Tale and scroll to the "Jerk" chapter. pure gold!

 

[OleRyder]

Hmmm.... my take on the situation (recent events):

Got stood up, waited for 15 minutes sharp and then hightailed the hell out of there. Called her after 5 days and had the following chat:

- Hi ***, this is ***, what's up?
- oh, hi, sorry I stood you up, I had *insert girly excuse here*
- That's Ok, actually, I'm calling just to find out how creative your excuses are going to be. Out of morbid curiosity, if you wish.
- Huh?
- Well, I get stood up ONCE - after that, it's over (OR comments: this is my general rule, for the last month or two, anyways). But since you didn't have my number, I'm going to cut you some slack. Let's meet for coffee tonight at ***.

I did get that coffee "date", but decided to end it afterwards: she wasn't anywhere near my league - intellectually, that it.